Work Text:
Their eyes lock instantly just as he ducks into the cafe, bright hazel meeting liquid brown. She knows those eyes anywhere, that face is one she has committed to memory years ago. His hair is wet from the summer downpour, exposing the ears he tries to hide behind his long hair. It’s been four years since they’ve been in the same room, three since she last spoke to him directly, and over a year since their last text. But he looks nearly the same as he did the last time she saw him over video chat, and when he approaches her and says hello, his voice still has the deep timbre she always loved.
Rey wants to cry, to throw her arms around him and sob, and simultaneously punch him repeatedly in the face and scream at him. ‘You missed our birthday,’ she wants to say, or even worse, ‘I missed you’. Instead, she returns his greeting, her voice more breathy than she wanted. In return, Ben looks at her with bewilderment, as if he can’t believe she’s truly sitting in front of him. He stands looming over her table in the crowded cafe, Rey has yet to rise from her chair as she stares up at him, several long minutes pass with no further words.
“Why are you here?” Ben asks when he finally finds his voice again. She furrows her brow at his words. Somewhere within her anger starts to bubble up rapidly, she had every right to be in this cafe, in this city, he didn’t own the place. Luckily, Ben knew her well and immediately backtracked, “What I meant was what brings you to the city?”
Rey narrows her eyes at him, she decides she wants to be mad at him. He was the one who had severed their connection, it was his fault they didn’t speak on their birthday this year like they had done every year for the past seven years. She wants to be furious. But it’s Ben, and no matter how much he hurt her, she can’t sustain her anger. So she finally answers, her voice sounding frosty in her own ears, “I live here.”
“Since when?” he doesn’t miss a beat with his next question, still standing over her.
Rey shrugged, trying hard to be nonchalant though a storm raged within her, “About six months. I got a job here, so Finn and Rose offered me their spare room.” Ben looked askance, and then his eyes quickly hardened.
“You’ve been here six months and didn’t bother to tell me. And here I thought we were friends who told each other big life-changing things,” he huffed, crossing his arms over his broad chest.
Hell, if he was going to like that, then so was she, “We use to be, Ben. But we’ve barely talked for years and then you missed our birthday. So excuse me if I didn’t think to include you in my life anymore.” Rey knew she was close to yelling, and that she was drawing attention from her fellow patrons, but she didn’t care. Ben had a way of raising all kinds of emotions in her and she wasn’t going to keep anger and pain in check for the sake of propriety. At least Ben had the decency to look guilty. His eyes softened and then he averted his gaze as he let his arms loosen and fall to his side.
“I didn’t mean to forget. I just wasn’t thinking. May I sit with you?” he asked sheepishly, not making eye contact still. Rey steeled herself and told him he could.
“I get it, Ben, you don’t think about me anymore. It hurts, but I understand that you have your own life. I shouldn’t be upset, and I shouldn’t have been petty and just shot you a text that I was moving,” there, she knocked her pride down a peg to be civil. When she started speaking, Rey turned her eyes away from him, but as she turned back she realized his eyes were wide and sad.
Ben clutched at the strap of his bag across his chest, fidgeting as he chewed on his response. Finally, he settled on his words, “Rey, I have thought about you every day since you were nineteen, ever since that first birthday we celebrated together, and every birthday since.”
Birthday 19 / 28
Seven years previous on a cold January night, eighteen-year-old Rey sat in a back booth of the dive bar with her friends. It was a Saturday night towards the start of her second semester of her freshman year at college. Tomorrow was her birthday, but since it was a Sunday and she had tons of homework, they were out partying tonight.
The bar was crowded, a mix of locals and college students, most of the alternative crowd, and Rey was pretty sure she spotted her psych professor setting up with the band on the tiny stage. The Smiling Skull was one of the only places in the college town that didn’t bother to card, and the beer was cheap, which suited Rey just fine.
“I’m going to get another,” she said to her friends, shaking her empty beer glass to indicate her meaning. Her friends nodded and continued on with their conversation as Rey made her way to the bar. It was crowded near the bar, with loads of people waiting for their drinks or waiting to order. There were only two bartenders working, but they seemed to be moving at their own pace regardless of the demand.
Finally, Rey got her order in and was handed her beer. As she turned to return to her table, she ran straight into a hard mass. Beer sloshed out of the glass before Rey lost her grip completely and the glass crashed to the ground, spilling liquid and glass on her shoes. “Shit!” she cursed, looking down at the destruction.
At the same time, the mass she ran into also cursed. Rey looked up to see Ben, but that was before they were on a first name basis. “Looks like you owe me a drink,” Rey half yelled to be heard, though they were less than a foot away from each other.
Ben stared down at her, he had several inches on her, confusion colored his face. “You spilled your drink on me, why do I owe you a drink?” he shot back, schooling his features into a scowl.
Rey studied his face for a moment before recognition set in, “Hey, I think you were my English TA last semester. Solo, right?” She had found it hard to concentrate in class when he was leading her discussion group. There was something about his brooding stare, the timbre of his voice that just appealed to Rey. Too bad the whole package was spoiled by the fact that he was a total asshole to the undergraduates.
He raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, that’s correct. I teach a lot of undergrads, so don’t expect me to remember you.” Even in the loud bar, his haughty tone was distinguishable as if he was repulsed by the idea that someone dare talk to him in a public setting. But Rey was not to be deterred, she was getting her drink replaced, and that was mostly due to the fact that she really didn’t have much left in her carefully allocated drinking budget for the night.
“I’m Rey. And it’s my birthday, so you should definitely get me a replacement. Well, technically my birthday is in thirty minutes, but close enough,” she caught herself rambling at the end because she made the mistake of looking up into his eyes.
“So it’s not really your birthday yet,” he replied, his mouth still stuck in a frown, but his eyes started to lighten with amusement. “As it so happens, today actually is my birthday, for the next thirty minutes anyway. By your logic, you should be buying me a drink,” now he was definitely messing with her.
“Bullshit! Let me see your license,” Rey retorted, sticking out her hand to receive it. Ben humored her and pulled out his id from his wallet. And he wasn’t lying, it was his birthday and he was exactly nine years and one day older than Rey. She thrust the license back into his hands with a small huff. “Fine, you pass. Then how about we buy each other a drink to celebrate our birthdays? But keep it cheap, I don’t have a whole lot of money.”
This got an almost smirk from Ben, “Alright, deal. What are you having?”
Rey shrugged, “PBR is fine.”
Now Ben scoffed, “Figures. You kids are all the same, no taste.” He turned back to the bar and once he flagged down a bartender, ordered the drinks. Rey tried to get in front of him to pay, but Ben waved her off, laid a twenty on the bar and handed her a shot glass full of whiskey. He held his own shot in his right hand as he turned back to the bar and grabbed the glass of beer waiting there, and handed that off to her.
Rey lifted her shot glass in a toast, “Happy birthday, Solo,” she smiled.
“Happy birthday, Rey,” Ben smirked in response, clinking his glass with hers. She made a face as the alcohol hit the back of her throat, and Ben’s smirk widened into a full-blown grin. Taking a healthy chug of her beer, Rey washed the taste of the shot from her mouth.
She then looked up at Ben, “Well, I should get back to my friends. Would you like to join us?” she indicated her table with her head. Her friends, Finn and Rose stared back at the duo at the bar, then whispered something to each other.
“Nah, I should be getting home. I have papers to grade anyway,” Ben said, the smile now gone from his face, and his more serious grimace replacing it. “Thanks for the company, Rey,” he said, and then he was gone.
Rey stood at the bar a beat longer, watching him leave the bar alone. Then she walked back to her friends.
Birthday 20 / 29
“Pause it, I have to pee,” Rey said, halfway out of the room already. Ben paused the movie with a disgruntled look on his face.
“Again?! I swear, you’ve added an extra hour just with bathroom breaks,” he grumbled. The two of them had been watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy, extended addition since noon, and it was now eleven at night and they were not even two hours into Return of the King. At this rate, it would be after one by the time they finished and both had class in the morning. But this was what Ben wanted to do for his birthday, so he and Rey spent all day at his apartment watching the movies and ordering food throughout the day.
Rey padded back into the room, adjusting her simple t-shirt, both of them wore lounge clothes for a day of movies. “I’m starving, let’s order calzones,” she said, sitting back down on the couch beside Ben as he unpaused the movie.
“I just watched you put away a whole bag of chips like an hour ago. Where do you put all this food?” he gapped, giving her flat stomach a friendly poke. She squirmed away from his touch and laughed, pulling out her phone to order the food.
“You wouldn’t understand, you didn’t grow up going hungry most of the time,” she laughed, she always brought her past up so flippantly but Ben knew deep down there was hurt. So when he frowned in response, she punched his arm. “Stop it, I can hear you thinking. Now, do you want your usual?” she went back to tapping the order on her phone. Ben nodded, and Rey made a face, “You’re such a weirdo, who likes black olives in a calzone. I need to find a new best friend, you’re a defective model.”
A throw pillow hit her in the face and she sputtered, picking up her phone that had fallen on the couch during the impact. She glared at Ben, “I’m adding sardines to yours now, just to ruin it.”
“Joke’s on you, kid, I like sardines,” Ben laughed in response.
Rey made a gagging noise, “God, you would, you freak.” She finished the order and they focused back on the movie. Two hours later, the calzone boxes lay empty on the floor. Rey was fast asleep, her head resting in Ben’s lap as the credits rolled. He gently shook her arm and waited for her to rouse.
“Happy birthday, Rey,” he whispered as she slowly opened her eyes. Rey sat up slowly and mumbled a thank you. “Movie’s over, let me get my keys and I’ll take you home,” he said getting up from the couch to fetch his car keys while Rey shook herself awake.
The drive to the apartment Rey shared with Finn was only ten minutes away and Rey spent nearly that whole time grumbling about how tired she was. At last, they arrived in front of the building. Rey opened the door but stopped before shutting it, instead ducking her head back in. “We’re still good for lunch tomorrow, your treat?” she asked.
Ben grinned, “Of course, kid. See you at one after your calc class.” Rey smiled sleepily in return, then shut the car door. Ben stayed outside until she was safely through the complex doors, and then a few moments longer just in case she was locked out again. Satisfied that she was safely inside, he sped off towards home.
Birthday 21 / 30
“This is pretty low key for a twenty-first birthday,” Ben said gazing through the large window that looked into the restaurant’s bar area.
“That’s because this is just for us. Finn and Rose are throwing me a real rager this weekend. I’m not getting hammered on a Tuesday night when I have a 9 am lab tomorrow. What time is it?” Rey asked.
Ben checked the watch on his wrist, “12:01 exactly.” Rey grabbed his arm suddenly and dragged him into the restaurant. Only the bar side was open this late, so just through the door, a burly guy sat on a stool to check ids. Rey thrust hers into the bouncer’s hand. He studied it, shooting her a glance as he did so.
“Cutting it close, aren’t we?” he laughed after consulting the clock next to him. She only smiled in return while she waited for him to check Ben’s id. Once at the bar she ordered them two shots and a chaser for herself.
“First round on me, Solo,” she handed him the shot glass. “Happy birthday, old man. You are basically a senior citizen now,” Rey laughed as Ben glared at her, clinking his glass against hers. As she tipped back her drink, Rey made a face. She never developed the taste for whiskey, but it was Ben’s favorite so she endured, downing half her beer immediately.
The next round, Ben ordered something more to Rey’s taste, amaretto sours. “Happy birthday, kid. Now you can drink overpriced drinks legally,” Ben laughed. After taking a drink, his face turned more serious. “Rey, you know this will probably be the last birthday we get to spend together. I’m defending my dissertation in the spring and…” he was cut off by Rey before he could finish.
“Nope, we’re not talking about that. That’s for future Rey and Ben to deal with. Let’s enjoy this,” she pleaded, and Ben knew to immediately drop it. She was right, it was for their future selves to deal with, and that was still months away.
“So this rager this weekend, am I invited?” Ben asked, giving Rey a side glance. She gave his arm a playful shove.
“Nobody invites you because you’ll just show up anyway, nerd,” she laughed, her distress from a moment ago completely gone. “Just remember that it will be nothing but us youngins. Can you keep up with us, granddad?” her smile turned mischievous.
Ben scoffed, “Please, I’ve been raging since you were still in elementary school.”
“That was a long time ago, old man. You sure you can still keep up?” Rey laughed, finishing her drink.
“Bring it on, kid,” Ben responded.
Sunday afternoon
Rey sat on the edge of her bed with a glass of water in one hand and a couple of Tylenol in the other. The lump tangled in her blankets groaned loudly.
“Hey granddad, I have some meds for you,” Rey said, nudging the lump with the hand holding the pills. The lump groaned again and moved slightly, a large hand moved out of the blankets, palm up. Rey placed the pills into the hand and it disappeared once more into the lump of blankets.
“Why are you yelling,” the lump asked in Ben’s voice, as the hand snaked out again for the glass of water. It too disappeared into the lump as soon as Rey placed it in the hand. She tried to lift one edge of the blanket up to peer inside the lump but was met with another loud groan and the edge was torn from her hand and tucked firmly back in with the rest of the bunched up blankets.
“You going to stay in there all day? I thought you said you could party.” Rey asked, trying to keep the laughter from her voice.
“Partying is not the problem, I can do that just fine. It’s the hangover that’s become the bitch,” Ben said, tossing the blankets from his face. He hissed as the light hit his eyes, and pulled the blankets back over his head. Rey patted the lump in sympathy.
“Okay, Solo. You can stay as long as you like, but I want my bed back tonight. You sleep like a rock and I had like two inches of bed last night,” she laughed, standing up and walking to the door. “Get some sleep, old man. Love you,” she started to close the door.
“Love you too, kid,” she heard him mumble before the door clicked shut behind her.
Birthday 22 / 31
“I should probably go soon, I really need to work on my capstone project or I’m never going to graduate,” Rey whined. She had said this two times already over the course of their nearly two hour Skype call, but so far neither had really made a move to end the conversation.
Ben was in New York now, having been offered an adjunct professor position at some small private college. He liked the job so far, though he constantly complained about the freshman classes he was forced to teach. Meanwhile, Rey was finishing up her final year of undergrad, and mostly freaking out about her final engineering capstone project.
Over the last few months, their video chats over Skype had been getting less frequent and short, but since it was Ben’s birthday, they made sure to plan a large block of time to chat and catch up and of course share a drink together.
“Heard back from any grad schools yet?” Ben asked, taking a sip of the whiskey on the rocks he was drinking. Rey starred long and hard into her own drink, a simple bottle of PBR since she was still a broke college student. One shoulder came up in a shrug.
“It’s still early, most haven’t even closed their admissions yet. So we’ll see,” she couldn’t hide the anxiety in her voice, so she covered it up with a long swing from the bottle.
“Don’t worry, kid. You’re going to get it to the perfect school, I know it. Maybe you’ll even decide to stick around and get your Ph.D., it’s loads of fun, I swear,” Ben tried to sound optimistic for her, and ended with a noted of good-natured sarcasm. The corners of Rey’s lips tugged up a bit in a smile.
“Most engineers don’t bother with a Ph.D., and I can recall you complaining nonstop while getting yours. Or was is that another Ben Solo I’m thinking off,” now she really laughed, tension easing from her shoulders.
A knock came from Ben’s end of the call, and he turned away from the screen to look over his shoulder.
“That Vanessa?” Rey asked, eyebrows raised in questioning. Ben turned back to the screen.
“Probably, but she’s way early. I’m pretty sure I told her nine,” he set the glass down and pushed away from his desk. “Well, I should probably go then. Happy birthday, kid. Love you,” he said.
“Wait, don’t I get to meet her? At least virtually? You guys have been together months now,” Rey whined.
“Nope, not going to happen,” Ben said, standing up, but then bending down to smirk at the camera. Rey made a disgruntled noise on her end, as the knock came again at Ben’s door.
“Fine, hide your girlfriend from your best friend, see if I care. Happy birthday, old man. Love you, too,” she stuck her tongue out and then ended the call. Ben hastily closed his laptop and went off to answer the door.
He didn’t tell Rey that he invited Vanessa over to break up with her. They had only been dating around six months, but Ben knew it wasn’t going to last, she wasn’t Rey. And no matter how much he told himself that he and Rey were just friends and that’s all they would ever be, he couldn’t quite convince his heart otherwise. So there he was, about to break up a perfectly fine relationship because she wasn’t the young woman who had taken root in his heart three years ago.
Birthday 23 / 32
Rey to Ben, January 18, 7:28 pm:
HAPPY BDAY OLD MAN! Try not to break a hip when u go out to celebrate
Ben to Rey, January 19, 12:13 am:
Hips intact. Happy birthday, kid. Hope you have an amazing day. Don’t do anything too stupid, you’re getting up there in years.
Ben smiled at her text, laughing quietly to himself. It was the first time he looked at his phone in hours since Poe had devoted the entire night to dragging Ben from trendy bar to trendy bar in the hopes of showing his colleague a good time. It was working out well for Poe who already had a bouquet of phone numbers, but Ben mostly just sat quietly and sipped his whiskey, annoyed that Poe had swiped his phone at the first bar when Ben paid more attention to his screen than Poe’s attempts at entertaining.
He texted Rey back the minute his phone was in his hands, he didn’t want her to think he was ignoring her, not that she would text back, probably. They really hadn’t spoken much in the last few months. Ben rationalized it was because she had started grad school and was just super busy, but there was still a niggling feeling in his heart that they were drifting away from each other.
Birthday 24 / 33
Ben to Rey, January 19, 2:06 pm:
Happy birthday, kid. Make smart choices tonight. Let’s catch up sometime, it’s been a while.
Rey to Ben, January 19, 10:42 pm:
Thanks. Hope u had a great bday 2. Super busy all the time, ttyl in feb sumtime
Imma make bad choices now
But Rey never texted back and Ben knew they weren’t going to catch up anytime soon. February passed without further communication from her, and he was too much of a coward to text her instead. So he did what he had to just to get through, he pushed Rey to the back of his mind and threw himself into his classes instead, not that his students really appreciated that.
Birthday 25/ 34
Rey to Ben, January 18, 8:21 am:
Yr old man! Happy bday n junk. Hope that aarp card comes in the mail tday
Ben to Rey, January 18: 6:04 pm:
Got that last year. Yours will probably come tomorrow, kid.
Ben tossed his phone away from him once he sent the text, he knew she wouldn’t text him again. Instead, he put on the Fellowship of the Ring on his television and thought of a day years ago when she sat next to him watching the same film.
Birthday 26 / 35
Rey set her phone to vibrate and threw it into her bag. Her head still hurt slightly from the hangover she woke up with that morning. Finn and Rose had insisted on taking her out on her birthday yesterday, and at the time she didn’t care that she had work at 9 am. But it turns out there are a lot fewer repercussions to drinking all day at 21 than there are at 26. The coffee she carried with her helped, as did the sunglass on her face though it was very grey out and snowing lightly.
On top of the hangover, she was feeling depressed. Her birthday came and went and she didn’t receive so much as a text from Ben. In her mind, it was his turn to text the birthday message since she texted last year, but nothing came from his end. She shouldn’t be surprised, the last two years they hadn’t spoken at all except to exchange birthday messages. But that was part of getting older, right? Friends move on to other things and grow apart. Life gets in the way.
Rey didn’t text Ben on his birthday since she was in the lab nearly all day. With Rose and Finn’s plans for her on Sunday already known, she made the decision to get some work done on Saturday. She really had meant to text him, but all thoughts of Ben flew out of her mind as soon as she got to her lab.
Rationally, Rey knew she shouldn’t be upset. But it felt like something was ending with finality, and it was a shitty ending. Ben had been her best friend for years, but once he left, nothing was the same again. She had been in the city a whole two weeks and she hadn’t texted him even then to tell him they were in the same city again. He just didn’t feel a part of her life anymore, and she had been too afraid to continue texting when he didn’t respond further to her texts. She hated how much of a coward she was when it came to Ben. They had been best friends, but now they weren’t really anything. Yes, it was part of getting older, but it still hurt like hell.
***
Ben stared at his phone for what felt like half a day, deciding if he was going to text her or not. In the end, he chickened out. Somehow he managed to convince himself that she didn’t want to hear from him anyway, so he threw his phone into his sock drawer and left it there all weekend while he locked himself in his office and worked on the manuscript that had been his focus for the better part of eight months.
Present
They sat staring each other for several minutes, both too afraid to be the one to break the silence again, but neither wanting to be the first to break eye contact. It was finally Rey who could no longer stand the silence. “So, how have you been?” she asked sheepishly, tearing her eyes away from his, her hands clutching the coffee in front of her that had already gone cold.
Ben too looked away and set his bag on the floor next to his chair. “Been good, classes are out for the summer so I’m working on a few projects until the fall,” he mumbled back.
Rey nodded her head and continued, “And how’s your mom, still saving democracy?” Ben fidgeted uncomfortably at the mention of his mom, the two had a tenuous relationship.
“She’s good. She talked about retiring soon, but I think she decided instead to run for president. You know Leia, she never slows down,” Ben’s response was monotone, politics was the exact reason why the relationship was strained since Leia seemed more devoted to being a lifelong politician than a mother.
“She would run for president. How’s Ha…” she started, but Ben cut her off.
“I missed you,” he said, “I missed you so fucking much.” He looked directly at her now, his eyes pleading for something that Rey couldn’t quite figure out. Maybe for her to say she missed him too.
Rey moved her left hand off the coffee cup and slide it over the table. Instinctively, Ben brought his hands up to the table from where they rested on his lap, and Rey slipped her hand into his upturned palm and squeezed. “I missed you, too. It killed me not to talk to you for so long. I was being a stubborn ass and expected you to come to me when I should have reached out to you. I know how you are, Ben,” all her emotions came rushing out, and she gripped his hand tighter as if letting him go would mean he would be out of her life again. But he squeezed her hand in return and held firm.
“We’re both too stubborn for our own good. Rey, there’s something I should have done years ago,” he let go of her hand and stood. He was around to her side of the table in a blink. Rey turned to him, but felt rooted to her chair, not knowing what was going to happen next. Ben crouched beside her chair, just enough that his face was level with Rey’s, and then he kissed her. Her hand came up between them to rest on his chest, either to push him away or pull him closer, she hadn’t decided. But when he rested one of his large hands against her cheek, she made her decision and grasped his shirt to pull him closer and kissed him back.
When they broke apart, both breathless, he rested his forehead against hers. “Have dinner with me tonight?” he managed, not moving from her. Rey laughed lightly against his cheek.
“Okay, but you’re buying, old man,” she said, smiling at Ben before he kissed her again.