Work Text:
I was brought up in a line
All his life he’s been hearing about girls. How lovely they were, how they seemed to behave themselves differently from boys. He never really understood girls, but every grown up in his life kept on pushing how much of a gentleman he was, and how he was going to get all the girls when he grew up.
but I seem to walk in circles.
He first understood something was wrong when he was seven. There was a new boy in class, and he was very much more interested in him than the other kids. The way his dark brown hair curled towards the end, how his dark skin glowed in the sun. Despite losing his parents, he’s never felt happier. They were best friends from that day on.
It’s getting hard to navigate,
when every map was never made for me.
When he was ten, his teachers taught them about sex. They said that when they would grow up, and they would want to start having sex. No one would want unexpected pregnancies, so they would need to use protection. He found himself waiting for them to describe how sex between two boys worked, but they never did. He kept that to himself.
and I thought it would feel good,
to understand why i was different.
He wanted to know why he was feeling like he was, and he thought that maybe he would feel better if he knew. Typing frantically, he found an answer, but he wasn’t liking it.
but my title just talks over me,
I never even asked to be this way.
It didn’t feel right. It wasn’t him. Why was he different? Was did he do differently from the other kids?
I didn’t think it fair,
I was not to be trusted.
The news lady told him that there had been an assault at a bar. He wasn’t supposed to be watching it, as it was past his bedtime, but his uncle just left for the bodega and his aunt was fast asleep on the couch, so he turned up the volume and listened tight.
The man was hit unconscious, for kissing his boyfriend goodnight as they were about to part ways. The man they arrested said it was unnatural and bad, and that all gays would go to hell. Turning down the volume, he found himself getting angry. It wasn’t fair that someone was beat up for just for kissing the one he loved.
how can I be proud
of what a million people shout at me I’m not?
He must’ve looked at his friend weirdly or something, because the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was another fist and the first this he heard was “What fag, gross”. He didn’t mean to make him uncomfortable, but he was just going over his homework. He didn’t get to explain himself before the nurse came.
so please step inside my soul
I’d love to watch you gasp.
While the nurse patched him up, mostly his chin and knee, he asked her if it was alright. She didn’t answer, and sent him to the school counselor right when she finished.
He told her how wrong he was feeling. She listened immensely.
you’d understand in minutes,
and I like to think you’d miss it.
She told him to talk to his aunt, and that everything would make sense then. She smiled at him, and told him that everything was going to be fine.
cause so would I.
“May?” Peter asked. “I think I’m gay.”
Peter had never seen his aunt move faster. She leapt up from the sofa and pulled him into a hug, running a hand through his hair and telling him how proud she was, how everything was going to be alright. He hadn’t noticed the tears down his face before she pulled away.
Then it was telling Mr. Stark, who had been there for him through everything. He had turned to dust in his arms, how hard could it be to tell him?
Turns out it was hard. He couldn’t stand the thought of Mr. Stark thinking of him any differently than before.
“Hey Pete?”
He looked up from his project. “Hmm?” He asked with sleepy eyes.
“You want some food? Pepper will kill me if I don’t eat and you have the appetite of a whale, so…?”
Peter smiled. “Yeah, sure”.
While they were chomping down on half cold soup dumplings and black bean noodles, Peter took initiative.
“What do you say to someone if you really like them?”
Tony almost choked on his dumpling, but ate up and tried to answer the question. “I don’t know, really, Pepper and I just kinda happened, but I guess you ask them out?” He said. Peter nodded. “Why? Is there a lucky girl?”
There it was, girl. Lucky girl. All he’d ever known was girl.
“Uh, no, actually.”, and before he could answer, Mr. Stark filled in for him. “Oh my god, is it Ned? I knew it was Ned”
Peter laughed. He didn’t have to be so afraid after all.
“...yeah. It is. What do i say?”
While Mr. Stark rambled on about how Ned was very cute and plotting an extreme plan on how to ‘woo’ him, Peter couldn’t help but smile.
He was going to be alright.
but to say that I’m a rainbow,
to tell me that I’m bright,
when I’m so used to feeling wrong,
well, it makes me feel alright.