Chapter Text
changbin's chest aches with how much stress he's under.
now, in his defense, changbin doesn't overwork that much. admittedly sometimes he does stay past 2 am to work on a project or a track, and yes, maybe he forgets to eat on time sometimes-- but, to the very least, changbin knows his own limits. knows when he has to stop and give himself a break. it's not his fault that he has great stress tolerance.
but somehow, the recent events and circumstances seemed to have pushed him to his limit. first of all, there was the deadline for a big project he's currently working on. it's due in less than five days, yet he's not even halfway done through it. second, his chan-hyung's been bugging him to finish the lyrics for their new track. changbin chose to ignore it two weeks ago, saying something along the lines of "i'll send it to you on time, don't worry", but now all he can feel is regret as he tackles both his project and lyric-making.
the third reason was, well, to put it simply, hwang hyunjin.
he doesn't exactly understand why, but there's something about hyunjin that intrigues him.
the younger had enrolled in their university late, about three weeks into the first semester. at first sight it seemed like he and changbin's group of friends wouldn't get along--. hyunjin seemed a bit timid and shy, and changbin's group was anything but. until that impression was completely altered as felix introduced the boy to them a few days after his transfer. he got along with everyone well, and he wasn't timid at all. conversations with him weren't dull, and he had many stories to tell. so by popular demand, hyunjin was added into their little group.
changbin was one of the few that rarely talked to him. not that he disliked the boy or anything, it just so happened that their schedules always clashed. whenever changbin was free, hyunjin was busy, and vice versa. so despite his new addition into the group being a whole two months ago, changbin knows nothing of the younger. he's never even gotten into a solo conversation with him. all their interactions were initiated by another member of the group.
maybe that's why he's so intrigued.
changbin likes knowing a lot of information from his friends. he wants to know their quirks, their stories and mannerisms, and he prides himself in it. he's proud of the fact that he knows jisung used to suck his thumb in his sleep til' he was fourteen, and that minho-hyung talks in third person, or that felix has a collection of plushies in his room that he can't sleep without. (not that he's judging, he can't sleep without his munchlax plushie either.)
so knowing nothing about hyunjin kinda stresses him out a little too, he thinks.
he plans on changing that though, once he's done with his projects and tracks and everything else that's been fucking up his life as of the moment. maybe he'll sit beside the boy next time they have lunch, or maybe he'll invite everyone over to his house, hoping hyunjin would say yes. either way, he's determined to expand their friendship, not only because he feels like he's going insane, but because, in a way, changbin feels like hyunjin and him would click.
granted they don't have much in common but, changbin can dream, right?
the opportunity provides itself far earlier than changbin expected, though.
he's busy brainstorming lyrics whilst munching on a burger during lunch break when hyunjin walks in the room. of course, for some god awful reason, he's the first one to notice him, looking up from his notebook to see the young boy smile at him. he sits beside changbin (he tries hard not to do a happy dance on top of the table) because seungmin, jisung and felix have already occupied the other bench, (after changbin's proclamation of "i need space!" half an hour ago.)
everyone seems to be busy, seungmin's studying for something, a textbook open in front of him, jisung has his earphones plugged in, practicing his lines, and felix is half-asleep on the table. hyunjin visibly pouts at this, wondering who he can bother. and for some reason, he chooses changbin.
he leans toward the older, looking his notebook. "what'chu writing, hyung?"
"lyrics for our track." was changbin's reply. everyone, even hyunjin, is well aware of their online group persona as 3RACHA, and fortunately their supportive enough for the three.
"cool." hyunjin replies, nodding. "can i see?"
changbin pushes his notebook to hyunjin, allowing the younger to read. hyunjin takes the notebook and reads through the page with an immersed expression, after a while, he drops the notebook with an awed expression.
"it's really good!" hyunjin praises and changbin can't help the proud feeling in his chest.
"thanks," changbin begins, "i'm kinda stuck though."
"hm," hyunjin takes the notebook again, examining the words written on the page. "maybe you could cut this line in half? and use the full line after the chorus?"
changbin nods, letting hyunjin's words sink in. an idea pops in his head. "hey, that actually sounds like a good idea."
hyunjin gives him a sweet smile. "glad to be of help."
changbin follows hyunjin's advice and erases half of the line he's already written. soon enough he feels a spark of inspiration, his onslaught of ideas finally coming to him. after a good ten minutes later, changbin's finally finished.
he closes his notebook with a small sigh. "finally."
"finished?" hyunjin asks, changbin replies with a curt nod.
"fucking finally." he runs a hand through his hair. "i actually thought i would never finish that thing."
hyunjin chuckles a little and that ends their conversation, his attention being captured by something on his phone. everyone else is still busy so changbin takes a deep breath and relaxes.
for a second he realizes that his sudden spark of inspiration might have been caused by hyunjin. he mentally shakes this thought, forcing himself to believe that it was just coincidental.
thankfully, the bell rings not soon later, which causes felix to jolt as his precious sleep has been disrupted. the boys stand up and head to their next classes.
changbin meets hyunjin a good three days later.
he's finally finished his fucking project and he feels so incredibly tired that he could actually collapse in his bed and sleep for a good twenty days.
before he could, though, his roommate jisung barges into the room like he owns the fucking place. he sits up, ready to scold the boy when he realizes he has company.
and that company so happens to be hyunjin.
fucking hell.
of course jisung would invite him on the one time changbin looked like literal hell.
"hey hyung." "hi binnie-hyung."
he replies with a grunt before he collapses back into bed, facing against the wall because he doesn't want any of them to question the warmth in his cheeks.
a few minutes later, changbin's already teetering on the edge of slumber when sudddenly he's disrupted by two teenage boys cackling. he grunts and faces the two, who are sat in jisung's bed, snacking on some chips and laughing at something jisung's phone.
"ya." he grunts. "be quiet."
jisung rolls his eyes, "yeah yeah."
hyunjin looks apologetic, though, "sorry hyung."
changbin then decides to lie on his back, facing the ceiling. he's sleepy, but the sound of plastic crinkling and chips munching kind of keeps him awake. he doesn't scold to two though, he figures he'll fall asleep sooner or later.
"oh shit." he hears jisung curse. "chan hyung wants me to run to his place real quick."
"oh." he hears hyunjin this time.
"i'll be quick, you can stay here, yeah?"
"what about changbin-hyung?"
"don't worry about him, just let him sleep." and he hears the door shut not long after.
the following silence feels deafening to him, so he rolls over to his other side to see hyunjin laying on jisung's bed, scrolling through his phone. there's bags of chips all over the bed and changbin cringes at the mess. (hey he's a clean kid, what can he do?)
hyunjin glances at him and a shocked expression can be seen on his face. "oh, you're awake hyung."
"yeah." changbin pretends that he's just woken up, even rubbing his eyes for effect. "where's sung?"
"went to chan-hyung. he said he'll be quick." hyunjin says.
awkward silence fills the air afterwards, and changbin only worsens it by letting out a fake cough. hyunjin returns to his phone though, so changbin is left with no ideas on what to do.
"so," he starts "how've you.. been?"
wow, amazing social skills, seo. he scolds himself mentally. hyunjin doesn't seem to fazed by his awkwardness though.
"i've been well! a little pressured because i have to choreograph something for a project." hyunjin says.
"bet you'll do really well though." changbin doesn't lie, he's seen hyunjin's dancing skills about three times and he's quite amazed every time.
"thanks." there he goes with his beautiful smile again, fuck--. "how about you, hyung?"
"i'm good." he says, before he adds, "just finished my project."
"that's good." hyunjin's grin doesn't waver, and it makes changbin re-think his life choices.
they talk for a bit more, mostly hyunjin asking things about the group, like how 3RACHA was formed. changbin answers him in full detail, happy that he's finally got his 'solo time' with hyunjin.
"so woojinie hyung and chan hyung are dating?" hyunjin asks.
"mhm. so are minho and jisung." changbin says.
"yeah i kinda got that already." hyunjin chuckles, and hyunjin does too. minho and jisung's pda gets worse as days go by.
"how 'bout you, hyung?" hyunjin asks, "you dating anyone?"
"nah. i kinda like someone though."
shitting fuck--. changbin mentally punches himself for not having his brain-to-mouth filter on. this is amazing changbin you're so great you fucking loser.
"oh, who?" the dancer's expression is a mix of curiosity and excitement, changbin almost fucking cooes.
unfortunately (or fortunately for changbin), the door swings open mid-conversation, and jisung walks inside the room.
"hey, sorry i left." he meets changbin's eyes as he takes off his shoes. "oh hey bin hyung."
"hey sung." changbin fights the happy noise on the back of his throat. he didn't really want to answer hyunjin. "what'd chan-hyung say?"
"just asked me stuff about the track. he messaged you as well but i told him you were dead asleep."
"mh." he nods.
soon hyunjin and jisung fall into another conversation. changbin zones out, eyes stuck on hyunjin. he knew the younger was attractive, if the constant squeals from girls and the love letters the younger always had wasn't enough of a reminder, then his face definitely was. but only know did his visuals sink into changbin's brain that he can't take his eyes off, oogling his lips and eyes and oh my god his jawline looks so good from this angle--
"hyung? you ok?" changbin turns to jisung so fast he thinks he got a whiplash. the squirrel-looking teen has a small smirk in his face, and changbin glares at him. hyunjin looks oblivious though (or changbin hopes he is.)
"yeah." changbin lets out a cough. "i'm gonna go.. shower. bye."
he didn't even wait for a reply as he ran into the bathroom and locked the door.
hyunjin doesn't leave changbin's mind for weeks.
it's a serious hindrance to changbin, as his everyday thoughts get replaced with where is hyunjin what is hyunjin doing has hyunjin eaten yet would hyunjin like this hyunjin hyunjin hyunjin--
and plus, their only interactions were fleeting glances in the hallway and rushed hellos as changbin sits for lunch and hyunjin stands for his next class.
changbin thinks he's going insane, and apparently he's not the only one.
the topic comes up at a shared lunch break with the others, excluding jeongin, woojin, and-- thank god, hyunjin.
of course, jisung is the one to initiate. "hey, did you guys know that changbin has a crush on hyunjin?"
"shut up, i do not!" changbin defends, but the blush in his cheeks (since when did he blush?) is a dead giveaway.
"yeah you do, hyung. i've seen you stare at him a million times." beside him, felix teases and he elbows the younger.
"i do not have a crush on him." he proclaims, but he only gets sarcastic hums as a reply.
thankfully they leave the topic after a while, and minho begins rambling about something changbin didn't quite catch. his thoughts are filled with hyunjin, thinking about the boy has become routine now, and it's seriously bothering him, but he can't stop.
"--she looked terribly pale and ill, then she started coughing up flowers, carnation, i think, during our exams. there were so many it was insane. she was sent to the hospital soon after."
"wait, wait, who?" minho's sentence catches changbin's attention.
"choi yena. she was in my class." minho says.
"wait, so it was legit flowers? it wasn't like, fake or anything?" felix asks in a curious tone.
"no, it was real carnation."
changbin is shocked at the statement. he's heard of this condition before, hanahaki, he thinks. it's quite a rare condition where people who experience unrequited love grew flowers in their chest, and if they start growing too much the person would have no choice but to cough them out. currently there's no cure for the disease, which explains the sad aura between the boys.
"i hope she gets better." chan hums.
"i doubt it," seungmin says, earning a reprimand from chan. "what? i'm just saying. statistically there's only a 95% chance of survival of patients with hanahaki disease."
"you mean there's really no cure?" jisung asks.
seungmin ponders for a bit. "well, there is one. but it's rare. there's only a 5% chance that it'll work."
"what is it?"
"true love."
the boys burst out laughing, even changbin. seungmin sounded honest for a second.
"why are you laughing? it's the truth! hanahaki is caused by unrequited love. but if the person they love starts to reciprocate their feelings, that might cure them." seungmin explains.
"so the illness just magically disappears?" minho asks with an eyebrow raised, not believing seungmin for a second.
"i don't know, i'm not a doctor!" seungmin pouts, arms crossed. the others begin to coo at the younger boy, but changbin is too distracted.
he's scared for a second, as his thoughts drift on to hyunjin, but then he shakes his head.
i'm not in love with hyunjin. he tells himself. and besides, even if i was, hanahaki is rare. i probably won't catch it.
changbin hangs on to these words for a long time.
changbin dislikes parties.
they're always too loud and the cheap liquor provided is usually not up to changbin's taste. the only reason he's tagged along is because jisung threatened to lock him out their dorm if he didn't, but jokes on him because now he has to deal with a grumpy, sober changbin.
the others(minus jeongin, and also seungmin who decided to accompany the youngest) are having fun dancing and drinking, and changbin's left on a couch in the back of the room, scrolling through his phone. jisung's left to make out with minho, and changbin doesn't really want to tag along for that. he'd rather stay alone and bitter on this gross couch, thank you.
he is surprised though, when someone settles beside him. he glances to see hyunjin sat beside him. his brain short-circuits for a second because oh my god what the fuck hyunjin looks impeccable. he's wearing a tight shirt tucked into his black jeans, a belt and a leather jacket to match. he's got a few rings adorning his fingers and changbin's never noticed before but hyunjin's wearing a few piercings on both ears. his eyes finally meet hyunjin's and whatever intellectual phrase or sentence he had gets stuck on the back of his throat like a hairball because is hyunjin wearing eyeliner oh god he looks so good i'm--
"--hyung, hey, you ok?" hyunjin waves a hand on his face, making changbin focus again.
"y-yeah, yeah sorry, just a little dizzy. there's a.. lot of people here." changbin lies. he's nowhere near claustrophobic, and he feels sorry for lying, but he's not about to say, 'no i was staring at your eyes because they seem to hold the universe' is he?
"oh, you wanna go somewhere quieter, then?" hyunjin asks and changbin curses. why is this boy so nice? it wouldn't hurt for him to be a little mean, just enough to drag changbin back to earth so he doesn't have to keep thinking about how hyunjin's fingers would look so nice interlaced with his.
"okay." he replies. then they're both up, walking outside to the backyard.
surprisingly no one's outside. they sit in one of the benches next to the coolers, and only then does changbin realize how much people were inside and his chest tightens a little. again, he's usually not claustrophobic but he ignores it, at least because of this his lie is a little bit more believable.
"not a fan of parties?" hyunjin asks and changbin fights the urge to look at him again. looking at him would either mean getting lost in his eyes or having another unpredictable urge that he probably can't fight. maybe the urge to kiss him, or something else.
"never liked them." changbin says.
hyunjin hums in agreement. "me too. but felix dragged me, so."
changbin nods. hyunjin opens one of the coolers, fishing out a beer and handing it to changbin. changbin may drink rarely, but he's no lightweight (unlike jisung.) so he accepts it and opens the tab, takes a swig and gulps down the cheap taste of beer.
hyunjin takes a swig as well, and changbin can't help but smirk. "never pictured you to be a drinker."
the younger chuckles. "i don't usually drink, but i can loosen up sometimes."
changbin can't help but chuckle as well as he takes another swig. he huffs after, grunting.
"what beer is this?" he checks the label. "tastes weird." there's a weird feeling in his chest that he can only blame the beer for.
"tastes okay to me." hyunjin shrugs. "you alright?"
changbin sucks in a breathe. "yeah." he drops the can beside him. "i think i'll stay sober tonight."
hyunjin nods and they both fall into comfortable silence. changbin's chest still feels a little tight, but suddenly all his inhibitions disappear once he feels hyunjin lean on his shoulder. the younger is warm, and he fears he's only doing this because he's tipsy, but he decides, fuck it, when will this ever happen again? he wraps an arm around the younger's waist, pulling him close so that his back is flush against his chest. his cheeks feel warm from their position, but honestly changbin feels too giddy that he thinks he might have actually drank too much without realizing.
"i like this better." hyunjin says. "parties are always too hectic."
changbin hums. "mh."
then, hyunjin is giggling, confirming changbin's earlier thoughts. "if only felix didn't drag me."
"sungie dragged me here too. threatened me, even." changbin laughs. "that brat should be thankful that i didn't whoop his ass."
hyunjin laughs, and changbin makes a decision that it's the best thing he's ever heard so far, and that should say something because he's a music major.
"lix should be thankful too." there's a slight slur in his words, but it's nothing too intense. changbin finds it endearing. "he should be thankful i like him."
.
oh.
"you.. you like him?" changbin fights the unexplainable feeling in chest, but thoughts are running faster than his mouth and he can't stop the sound of disappointment laced in his voice.
"yeah." hyunjin nods, serious for a moment. "he was the one who introduced me to you guys, remember? he's so nice. i-i think i've fallen for him, hyung."
"oh." changbin feels his head throbbing. "that's nice.. then."
someone comes running out to the backyard, it's felix. "there you guys are! c'mon, we're playing truth or dare!"
changbin fights the urge to cry tight there. he gets up, gently pushing hyunjin off of him. "i think i should head home. tell jisung i've gone."
his steps are hurried as he walks out, choosing to walk around the house and into the sidewalk.
he doesn't dare look back.
the next day, changbin felt hungover despite having two gulps of beer last night.
he feels like shit, to say it shortly. his everything hurts and he groans in pain as he gets out of bed. jisung's asleep in his own bed, and changbin doesn't even spend a second to think of the time the younger went home.
he's rushing to the bathroom, begging for a good shower when he notices his reflection in the mirror. not only does he feel sick he looks sick. he's as pale as snow and his eyes look unfocused. as if on cue, his chest starts aching and a cough rises up on his throat. he lets it out, and another out, and another, until he's having a full on coughing fit. but unlike normal coughs, these hurt. it feels as if something's stuck in his throat that he can't get out.
he kneels beside the toilet, thinking he's about to vomit. he coughs and coughs until finally, whatever was in his throat finally comes out.
only, it isn't bile.
it's a lone, white petal, placed on his palm. the petal's covered in blood, and in shock, changbin can't help but feel actual bile come up his throat, so he leans on the toilet to vomit it all out.
"hyung, wha..?" he turns around to see jisung, confusion stricken on his face. "why are you crying?"
changbin didn't even realize, but now that he's made a move to wipe his tears, he bursts out sobbing, curling against himself.
"hyung..?" jisung's quick to sit beside him, rubbing his back.
jisung notices the blood in changbin's hand. "what happened, hyung?"
changbin unclenches his fist to show the flower.
"oh, hyung.."
oh hyung indeed, jisung.