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Vanessa isn't stressed - she’s sure she could be if she tried, but maybe she’s just a little tired of trying. She can hear the rain bouncing off the roof of the studio, a rare moment of silence in between the hustle of the competition. It soothes her soul, like hugs and Brooke Lynn Hytes (hugs from Brooke are their own kind of medicine). She’s in the bottom and she knows it, can feel the dread pounding in her veins, chased by the adrenaline that’s coursing through her body. But she’s not stressed. Brooke on the other hand - pressed like a panini.
He’s taken every pressure that she can no longer bare and is carrying it like a sack of bricks, the weight curving his shoulders every so slightly and she hates it.
They move through the backstage area quickly and efficiently, not stopping until they reach the warm, inviting comfort of the sofas. Brooke sinks into it, letting his body relax a little but Vanessa stays standing. She needs to pace. She sits down maybe five minutes later when the cocktail has hit her system and her brain is a little less on fire. finds comfort in the support that her legs can no longer give her as she tunes back into the conversation. She zones back in on a rehashing of the mainstage ‘fight.’ Akeria is trying to explain something but she doesn’t really listen until Brooke chimes in. “I could see it in her,” he says, calmly and quietly and she is endeared by how he could read her that well. "She had the fist," he continues and she hesitates to smile at that. She knows she is an open book but the fact he still knows her well enough to read her body makes her heart flutter a little. She makes a comically shocked expression for Brooke's benefit but her eyes gleam with warm happiness. "I was fine," she mutters under her breath - she was not fine and he knows it but she might as well keep up the joke.
A'keria retells the fight until she is certain they have nothing more to discuss and god Vanessa wishes she has more to drink. Once that is all cleared up though, Brooke speaks again.
"Vanj, I've never seen you show emotion," comes the slightly sarcastic voice. She's almost offended at the notion that she's not emotional, gets indignant until he reiterates himself. "Yeah but I've never seen you get emotional like that so what brought it on?" and she understands completely. She broke on that runway, every cross she had to bare, burned in her arms as she cried over disappointing Ru. She explains herself as well as she can and it's convoluted at best but she just can't quite convey how much it hurt to know she'd failed. There are two (three with Brooke) people that she cares about the opinions of - RuPaul and Alexis - and at that moment she'd felt like she'd disappointed all three of them, personally.
"It was sweet though, I liked seeing that." And even though she can't see Silky's face she knows damn well what she's doing. The vaguely piqued "Don't look at me like that Silky!" confirms her beliefs as Brooke squirms a little under his friends gaze. "I don't usually cry" she responds, maybe a justification, maybe just a point she was trying to make. "And it was sweet, I liked that," responds Brooke again, unwavering in his beliefs. It melts Vanessa a little, makes her gooey under the thick layers of makeup as she hears her man talk like that. It's uncharted territory maybe - she knows that they've been reserved before but maybe they just don't care that much anymore. All the judges probably know, RuPaul sure does - they don't need to care, they just like each other. "I thought it was sweet baby," comes the final straw - the last piece of the puzzle that has Vanessa just about ready to marry that man in her alcohol and anger fuelled haze. She may be resigned to whatever fate she gets but she is headstrong with this.
They see the video screen and her heart catches in her throat. "Hi Brooke Lynn it's mom," calls through the speaker and she's never seen someone fall apart so quickly. they are happy tears but she still doesn't like them. She gets up to sit next to him about halfway through, can't stand not being there for him in this moment. Her hand goes straight to his back, rubbing soft circles into the fabric as she feels his body heaving beneath her. Sure she's seen him cry but he's never looked this - she'd hesitate to say broken but - broken before. Everyone is sobbing and for her own good, she needs to get him a tissue before he sparks Niagara Falls in her eyes.
He dabs at tears the rest of untucked but she never quite cries. She becomes a steely fortress of emotion, lets the soft hum of her thoughts wash over her until she gets told she has to lipsync. She lipsyncs for Brooke, lets everything she's bottled up flood out of her. She lipsyncs because she loves him and needs to stay. No one can take this away from her.
She is not happy when Shuga leaves, but hearing “Shantay you stay” gives her back just a little sliver of hope. They kiss on the mainstage - the night is a night worth celebrating.