Chapter Text
GIGA SHARK ATTACK
A SHITTY SCREENPLAY
by
LEE “DAVE” SOOMAN
SCENE 1: 10:20 am, 1,5 km away from the coast of San Diego
Three marine biologists stand on the deck of a boat, they look at the ocean together. The sky is overcast in the late morning and all three of them frown at the calm surface.
MINSEOK
(leaning against the rail)
Do you really think we're going to find an answer out here?
JONGDAE
(beside MINSEOK)
I don't know, but it's our best shot I guess. We have to check if something weird happened that caused all the trackers to malfunction.
MINSEOK
I have a bad feeling about this.
BAEKHYUN
(walking up to MINSEOK and patting him on the shoulder)
No need to get your panties in a twist, Obi-Wan. Nothing bad's gonna happen. It was probably the battery or something like that.
JONGDAE
Why would they all break at the same time? Some of them were years older than others so it doesn't make sense.
BAEKHYUN
How would I know? But driving out here and looking at the water isn't going to tell us what happened. Probably.
The wind picks up, MINSEOK turns his back to the sea and looks at his two companions. BAEKHYUN and JONGDAE turn their heads and lean on the rail with their arms crossed.
BAEKHYUN
We're not going to find anything out here, Jongdae. There's no use in wasting our time here if we could get to work on our project instead.
JONGDAE
Are you not suspicious that all the trackers just vanished overnight. The shark research is the biggest deal at the institute and the government is going to cut our funds if we don't have enough data to research on. Don't you get it?
BAEKHYUN
I get it, Dae, but what are we going to find out in the middle of the ocean. You wanna take a dive and search for the trackers yourself?
MINSEOK
(steps between JONGDAE and BAEKHYUN)
Fighting won't get back the trackers. We have to find out what happened but us yelling at each other isn't going to bring them back.
BAEKHYUN huffs and walks into the cabin to take over the wheel again. MINSEOK and JONGDAE share a concerned look.
MINSEOK
Do you really think this will help us get the data?
JONGDAE
I don't know. It's worth a try. I mean, something happened that either destroyed all the trackers or killed a whole bunch of sharks.
MINSEOK
You think something exterminated the entire shark population near the coast overnight?
JONGDAE
(shakes his head)
I don't know.
BAEKHYUN
(yelling from the inside)
Guys, we've got a signal. You need to see this.
MINSEOK and JONGDAE rush to BAEKHYUN and they all look at the screen showing the tracker signals.
BAEKHYUN
This is fucking crazy, look at this.
BAEKHYUN points at the collection of dots moving towards them on the screen.
BAEKHYUN
They are all moving together. I don't understand, how is this even possible?
JONGDAE
(leaning forward to look at the screen)
What the- this can't be real, there's no way. They have never collected in groups larger than three or four individuals.
MINSEOK
It seems like they are. All 24 that had been missing are together and swimming toward us.
BAEKHYUN
Why would they group up like that? There have been no records of fish swarms by the coast. This is insane.
MINSEOK
(looking up and at the other two men)
What shall we do now? Do you think they're going to come closer or shall we had back and look if there was anything that could have made them gather like that.
JONGDAE
We should stay and wait. Look, they're still moving in our direction, so I'd say we shut off the engine and wait. Maybe we can see them, it's not like their deep divers or anything.
BAEKHYUN nods and turns off the boat. The three men stare at the dots moving closer and closer. MINSEOK frowns at the screen.
MINSEOK
Maybe we should head back. This all seems odd and I really don't want to be out here.
BAEKHYUN
But this is our chance, Minnie. We can find out what happened and maybe even observe their behaviour. I've never read about Great White sharks grouping up like this, so we could be making groundbreaking discoveries today.
JONGDAE
Isn't this why you became a marine biologist? To explore the depths of the ocean and learn all about its inhabitants.
MINSEOK
(takes a step back from the screen)
I just, something isn't right about this. I don't know, I got this feeling that something terrible is going to happen if we don't head back.
BAEKHYUN
It's gonna be fine, Minnie. This is gonna skyrocket our careers!
JONGDAE looks at the screen and his eyes widen.
JONGDAE
What was the fastest speed that we've ever recorded for them?
BAEKHYUN
40kmh. Why are you asking?
JONGDAE
Because the signals are moving at around 75kmh right now.
MINSEOK and BAEKHYUN freeze and look at JONGDAE with disbelief.
MINSEOK
Now's not the time for dumb jokes.
JONGDAE
It's not a joke, look for yourself.
MINSEOK steps towards the screen and studies the moving dots.
MINSEOK
Start the engine, we're getting out of here.
BAEKHYUN
What do you mean, this is fantastic. We can take the world stage with this data.
MINSEOK
We have to get out of here. This can't be Great Whites, something is wrong and I don't think whatever this is will be friendly.
JONGDAE
Maybe he's right. We have enough data to show to the board and we can operate better with a larger team.
BAEKHYUN
You too, Jongdae? C'mon this is the chance of our lives.
JONGDAE
Weren't you the one complaining about coming here in the first place?
BAEKHYUN
Alright, Dae, I salute you for forcing us to come here, you were right. And now that we're here you wanna turn around and leave? This could be the turning point for us.
MINSEOK
Maybe, but it could also cost us our lives.
BAEKHYUN
Fine, do whatever you want to but don't come crying to me if you wasted the opportunity to become the next Cousteau.
BAEKHYUN leaves for the deck in a hurry. JONGDAE starts the engine and begins to drive back to the coast.
JONGDAE
I get why you're a little nervous but don't you think you're overreacting? You really spooked Baek.
MINSEOK
(staring down at the screen)
I just got this feeling that something is going to happen. I'll talk to him.
MINSEOK leaves JONGDAE and walks towards BAEKHYUN who is standing by the railing and stares at the water.
MINSEOK
Hey.
BAEKHYUN
What do you want now?
MINSEOK
I get that you are upset but please trust me on this. I don't want to risk our lives for some maybe relevant data.
BAEKHYUN
We're not risking our lives any more than we do everyday. Why are you so scared all of sudden? We've done this hundreds of times and nothing has ever gone wrong.
MINSEOK
Except for that one time you almost went overboard into a swarm of sharks in a feeding frenzy.
BAEKHYUN
I told you that it was all calculated.
MINSEOK
Calculated my ass, Baek, you almost freaking died. So bare with me if I'm a little on edge at times. I just, don't want any of us to get hurt.
BAEKHYUN
Both Jongdae and me are grown men and we can take care of ourselves even if it doesn't seem that way sometimes.
MINSEOK
I know but I can't help but worry.
MINSEOK turns away from BAEKHYUN and looks towards the back of the boat.
MINSEOK
(looking behind BAEKHYUN)
What is this?
BAEKHYUN
What is what?
MINSEOK points towards a fin breaking the surface in the distance.
BAEKHYUN
Holy shit.
MINSEOK
It's gonna be at least seven or eight meters long.
BAEKHYUN
No, this is way bigger. What the fuck is this?
SHOT SHOWING A GIANT SHARK, EYES GLOWING BLACK AS IT OPENS ITS JAW AND SHOWS OFF ITS GIANT WHITE TEETH. IT PREPARES TO ATTACK THE BOAT.
It’s best you leave the cinematography to the director. This transition feels a little too rushed.
BAEKHYUN
(yelling)
Dae, we gotta go faster. There is a shark or something chasing us.
JONGDAE
(yelling back)
I'm doing what I can but this is maximum speed.
BAEKHYUN
(yelling back)
This fucking thing is going to eat us if we don't hurry up.
GIGA SHARK GETS CLOSER, NOSE ABOVE THE WATER AS ITS EYES FIX BAEKHYUN AND MINSEOK. IT’S ABOUT 150 METERS AWAY FROM THE BOAT.
MINSEOK
We're all gonna die.
BAEKHYUN
(grabbing MINSEOk by the shoulders)
No, we're not. We're gonna get out of here and back to the coast, alright? You can't freak out now, Minnie.
MINSEOK
I...ok. Let's go inside and see how Jongdae is doing.
BAEKHYUN and MINSEOK step inside and flank JONGDAE who stands at the steering wheel. All three are tense as the dots on the screen catch up to them.
JONGDAE
(in front of the steering wheel)
What is this thing? It's like right out of one of these shitty movies.
MINSEOK
Jongdae now is not the time for dumb jokes!
JONGDAE
I believe you said so already.
BAEKHYUN stares at the screen and gasps.
BAEKHYUN
Guys do you know what this means?
JONGDAE
What?
BAEKHYUN
This giant whatever thing ate all the Great Whites in the area. And it ate the tracker's too. That's why all of them are in one place.
MINSEOK
This makes sense. But what creature could hunt over twenty adult sharks in one night? This is crazy.
JONGDAE
And how did all the trackers survive this?
BAEKHYUN
They're MacGuffin trackers, pretty sturdy and long-living.
JONGDAE
One could think you're trying to strike a brand deal.
Don't make the characters too self-aware. It will make the movie less credible. Or is this supposed to be the trashy kind of movie?
MINSEOK
(standing in front of the screen, hands pressed on the edge of it)
It's almost here. Hurry!
JONGDAE
I'm trying, but we can't go any faster.
BAEKHYUN
I wanna go out and take some pictures of this thing.
BAEKHYUN grabs a camera and leaves MINSEOK and JONGDAE.
MINSEOK
(yelling)
Baekhyun, this is the worst idea you've ever had. Get back inside or this thing is gonna take a giant chomp on you.
JONGDAE
Jesus, I've never seen you this worked up, Min.
MINSEOK
There is a huge fucking shark on our asses who wants us as second breakfast. I have every right to lose my shit right now.
JONGDAE
Yeah, you do. Still, angry you is pretty cute.
MINSEOK
Not now, Jongdae.
BAEKHYUN runs back inside with a bright grin on his face.
BAEKHYUN
(waving the camera beside his face)
I got this baby on camera.
MINSEOK
Thank fuck, I wouldn't want to fish your limbs out of the water to put them in your casket.
BAEKHYUN
I thought you were past that emo-phase, Minnie. Anyways, look at this.
BAEKHYUN shows Minseok the shaky picture on the camera screen. The shark is dark grey with black eyes and yellow teeth. MINSEOK shudders when he sees the giant teeth in relation to the waves caused by its fin.
BAEKHYUN
It's gotta be 30 meters at least, judging from the jaw size.
JONGDAE
Wow, thanks Baek, now I at least know how big the shark was that ate me.
MINSEOK
How far away was it from the boat? Did it slow down?
BAEKHYUN
It wasn't far and it didn't seem to like the flash of the camera. Didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon.
ANOTHER SHOT OF THE GIGA SHARK APPROACHING THE BOAT. IT CLOSES ITS MOUTH AND GOES FOR A HEADBUTT INSTEAD.
The boat shakes and BAEKHYUN, JONGDAE and MINSEOK hold onto the walls to not fall. The engine stutters before giving up and the boat slows down.
JONGDAE
(staggering away from the wheel and into BAEKHYUN)
Oh fuck, no, no way.
BAEKHYUN
It killed the engine, and now we're stuck out here.
MINSEOK
It's toying with us.
JONGDAE
I don't want to die like this.
BAEKHYUN
(arms around JONGDAE)
Me neither. I'm still young and there's so much I wanna do in my life.
MINSEOK
We're all too young to die.
All three huddle together and wait for the shark to sink the boat and eat them.
Fade out of the picture and onto the next scene.
SCENE 2: 11:30 am, on a yacht 500m away from the coast of San Diego
KYUNGSOO lies on a sun lounger on the deck of a yacht. He had fallen asleep some time ago and but didn't catch a sunburn because the sun wasn't shining.
SEHUN
Kyungsoo, get up man. I wanna drive around a bit and maybe see some chicks on the 'Bikini Girls drink Champagne and swim' boat tour. I know where they're gonna be when they take a dive.
'Bikini Girls drink Champagne and swim'? I’m not sure whether this is a good idea.
KYUNGSOO wakes up and looks around in confusion.
KYUNGSOO
What- where am I?
SEHUN
C'mon dude, I wanna see this.
KYUNGSOO
What the fuck are you talking about?
SEHUN
Oh, I forgot how cranky you get when I wake you up. Sorry to interrupt your nap grandpa but I wanna go see something.
KYUNGSOO
(sitting up)
Why are we on a boat? And where the fuck are we?
SEHUN
Dude, did the sun fry your brain? We're on Mr. Lee's yacht so you can have a bit of a break after everything that's been going on.
KYUNGSOO
And where are we?
SEHUN
Near San Diego. I thought it would be a great trip for just the two of us.
KYUNGSOO
But why are you here? I don't even like you.
SEHUN
Awww, likewise.
KYUNGSOO
And why don't I remember anything about this trip or what happened before?
SEHUN
Y'know that your brain sometimes forgets stuff you can't deal with.
KYUNGSOO
So my brain hates spending time with you even more than I do. Interesting.
SEHUN
Rude.
SEHUN looks away for a second with a forced smile.
KYUNGSOO gets up and walks towards the front of the boat. He can't see the coast line but stares off anyways.
SEHUN
Alright, hold on tight, I'm gonna drive us over to where the interesting stuff is.
SEHUN steps inside and the boat starts moving after a few moments.
KYUNGSOO
(shaking his head)
I don't even know. This is crazy. This can't be...
KYUNGSOO follows after SEHUN.
KYUNGSOO
Why are we here?
SEHUN
I told you, so you can take a break.
KYUNGSOO
A break from what? And why don't I get to take a break alone?
SEHUN
Listen Kyungsoo, everybody's worried about you after the incident so I wanted to go with you and make sure you don't do stupid things.
KYUNGSOO
Thanks, but I'd rather be alone after whatever incident you're talking about.
SEHUN
Alright, alright, how about you go back to sunbathing or take a nap while I drive us somewhere nicer?
KYUNGSOO
Only if you tell me what this ominous incident was.
SEHUN
Are you sure? I mean, I can but I don't want you to relapse or something.
KYUNGSOO
Just tell me.
SEHUN
Y'know it's the, lawn mower incident.
KYUNGSOO
(eyebrows raised)
Lawn mower incident?
SEHUN
It's...difficult to talk about, I'm sorry.
SEHUN puts a hand over his mouth and takes a deep breath.
KYUNGSOO
Christ, since when are you so damn whiny?
SEHUN
But Kyungsoo, it was terrible. There was blood everywhere and you wouldn't talk to anyone for a week. We're worried about you.
KYUNGSOO
I have no idea what you're talking about. Like, did someone get hurt by a lawn mower. Is that it?
SEHUN
Kyungsoo...I'm so sorry.
KYUNGSOO
About what?
SEHUN
About your brother. He had a terrible accident with the lawn mower and you were the one to find him and you freaked out and then wouldn't say anything.
KYUNGSOO
Sehun, I don't have a brother. What the fuck is going on here?
SEHUN
Yeah, you don't, not anymore.
SEHUN tries to pull KYUNGSOO into a hug but KYUNGSOO pushes him away. SEHUN looks at him for a beat before he turns towards the steering wheel to compose himself.
SEHUN
(voice still wavering)
We'll be there in like 5 minutes or so. Do whatever you want to.
KYUNGSOO
When will we head back to the city. I'm starving.
Crackling erupts from the radio set. A tinny voice is disrupted by static.
VOICE ON THE RADIO
Hello? Is there anybody? We need help. Our boat sunk and my friend is hurt. Our coordinates are 32°40'11.7"N 117°15'14.9"W. I repeat: 32°40'11.7"N 117°15'14.9"W, over.
SEHUN
That's not far away. We should go help them.
KYUNGSOO
Yeah. Let me try to reach them via radio.
KYUNGSOO grabs the radio micro and tweaks the setting a bit.
KYUNGSOO
Hello, are you there?
VOICE ON THE RADIO
Yes, yes we can hear you. Oh, thank god.
KYUNGSOO
We're on our way to pick you up. We'll be there in a few minutes.
SEHUN
15 at most.
VOICE ON THE RADIO
Thank you, oh god thank you. We're on our life raft and one of my friends is unconscious right now. Hit his head when it hit the boat.
KYUNGSOO
Alright, we're on our way so uh, stay put and we'll be there in a bit.
KYUNGSOO puts down the microphone.
SEHUN
Very smooth, Soo.
KYUNGSOO
Shut it. And don't call me Soo, that's not my name.
SEHUN
Yeah, yeah whatever.
KYUNGSOO
I'll get the first aid kit.
KYUNGSOO leaves for his cabin to get it.
Cut to the rescue island all alone in the ocean.
SCENE 3: 11:45 am, 1,5 km from the coast of San Diego
BAEKHYUN, JONGDAE and MINSEOK are on the bright orange life raft. JONGDAE is currently unconscious, his head lying in MINSEOK'S lap while BAEKHYUN grips the radio headset tighter as he looks at JONGDAE.
BAEKHYUN
Is he still bleeding?
MINSEOK
No, it stopped but I don't want to move him too much.
MINSEOK dabs the piece of clothing against JONGDAE's forehead. It's red but there is no new blood coming out of the laceration.
MINSEOK
He'll be fine. It looks worse than it is. We just need to get him to the hospital as soon as we can.
BAEKHYUN
First we gotta make it out of here alive.
MINSEOK
They should be here any moment. Did they say anything else over the radio?
BAEKHYUN
No, the guy just asked how bad the injury was and how many people we were.
MINSEOK
Maybe try to reach them again. Tell them what's up.
BAEKHYUN
I don't know what that's gonna do. They're on their way already.
MINSEOK studies JONGDAE's face and dabs the cloth on his forehead again. BAEKHYUN looks out for their rescuers. A streamlined yacht appears on the horizon and moves towards them.
BAEKHYUN
It's them. Minnie, they're almost here.
MINSEOK looks in the direction of the boat and he sacks into himself. He cradles JONGDAE closer and smiles a little.
MINSEOK
I didn't think we'd make it out of this alive.
BAEKHYUN
(sighing)
Me neither. I don't understand why the shark just rammed our boat and then left. Why didn't it attack us?
MINSEOK
I don't know but I'm glad that it didn't.
BAEKHYUN waves at the approaching boat as it comes closer. The yacht stops a few meters away from them and SEHUN throws a rope to their life raft. After a few minutes of tugging and climbing all three men are on board of the yacht.
How did they do that? Is there a ladder? What about the unconscious guy. Did they just tie him up and pull him up or what?
KYUNGSOO
We should lie him down and have a look at his head. I've got the first aid kit ready.
KYUNGSOO gestures towards JONGDAE. MINSEOK and BAEKHYUN nod.
MINSEOK
Yeah, sure.
KYUNGSOO
I'll take his legs, you take his shoulders. I set up some blankets on the sun lounge.
MINSEOK
(picking up JONGDAE)
Alright. Thank you for all of this.
KYUNGSOO
(carrying JONGDAE)
No need to thank me. We haven't done much yet.
SEHUN and BAEKHYUN watch as the two men transport JONGDAE to the deck and tend to him.
SEHUN
(turns towards BAEKHYUN)
So, what brought you out here that made your boat sink in the middle of nowhere?
BAEKHYUN
We're marine biologists and when we got to work this morning all of our tracker signals were gone. So we wanted to find out and headed to where the last signals came from.
SEHUN
(shrugs)
Sounds rough.
BAEKHYUN
You tell me. Turns out that some giant shark thing ate all of the Great White Sharks in the area and ingested the trackers. It came for us and sunk our boat.
SEHUN
Just like that? Man, how big was this thing?
BAEKHYUN
30 meters at least. I took some pictures but my camera sunk with the boat. It rammed into us and killed the engine. Punched a hole into it and then left.
SEHUN
Weird.
BAEKHYUN
Yeah…
SEHUN and BAEKHYUN look towards MINSEOK, KYUNGSOO and JONGDAE. JONGDAE is propped up on the sun lounge while MINSEOK fiddles a bandage around his head.
SEHUN
I gotta get back to the wheel. Wouldn't want us to go off course.
BAEKHYUN
Alright.
SEHUN moves inside and the yacht starts moving. It's much faster than the research boat. BAEKHYUN joins MINSEOK and the other two on the sun deck.
BAEKHYUN
How is he doing?
MINSEOK
(looking up at BAEKHYUN)
Better now. He's still out but he should wake up in a bit.
JONGDAE groans and his eyes flutter open. He turns his head and spots BAEKHYUN and MINSEOK.
JONGDAE
Hi.
BAEKHYUN
You're awake.
BAEKHYUN moves closer and hugs JONGDAE.
JONGDAE
(smiling slightly)
Easy there.
MINSEOK
Don't move too much, you bumped your head pretty hard out there.
JONGDAE
Did I? Oh, yeah I remember. This can't be real though.
BAEKHYUN
You mean that a giant shark rammed us and sunk our boat. And we all thought we'd be his snacks?
JONGDAE stares at BAEKHYUN for a beat before closing his eyes and leaning his head back.
JONGDAE
This is real?
MINSEOK
Yeah, it is. And you really scared us.
JONGDAE
Sorry, didn't mean to.
KYUNGSOO looks at the three men and leaves without drawing attention to himself.
MINSEOK
What are we going to do now?
JONGDAE
(sitting up)
Get to the coast and to our institute first. We need to look at the data and see if there's anything we can do with it.
BAEKHYUN
You think the board is gonna believe us if we tell them that we were attacked by a giant mutant-shark? We don't have the pictures anymore.
MINSEOK
I doubt it. But our boat sunk so they can't just tell us we imagined things.
JONGDAE
I don't know if they'll hear us out. And if we go to them and tell them the boat is gone we might end up in more trouble.
MINSEOK
But we have to do something about this giant shark. It's only a matter of time until it starts killing people.
BAEKHYUN
We gotta take it into our own hands.
MINSEOK
Are you serious, Baek? We almost died, Jongdae needs to go to the hospital and there's no way we can deal with this on our own.
JONGDAE
We don't have a choice.
MINSEOK
(angry)
Of course we have, we can tell people and let them get rid of the problem without getting into any more danger.
BAEKHYUN
So you want other people to put their lives at risk just so we three will live happily ever after.
MINSEOK
No, that's not what I said.
BAEKHYUN
But you mean it, don't you? You don't want us to go out and do something about this because your afraid we'll get hurt but we have to take this risk.
JONGDAE
Baekhyun-
MINSEOK gets up and leaves, JONGDAE and BAEKHYUN look after him for a moment.
JONGDAE
(putting a hand on BAEKHYUN’s shoulder)
He's just worried, cut him some slack.
BAEKHYUN
I won't let him get in the way of us getting rid of this shark.
JONGDAE
Baekhyun, I don't know how you want to do this but keep in mind that it's only us three. And I'm not in the condition to fight anything right now.
BAEKHYUN
(glaring at the ground)
I know. I just, can't sit still and wait until this thing makes its next move. We have to do something.
JONGDAE
We should go to the institute first and look at the data we have and try to make sense of this. Then we can plan our move.
BAEKHYUN
Yeah, I know, Dae.
BAEKHYUN sighs and leans against JONGDAE.
SCENE 3.5: between 11:45 and 12:30, 1km away from the coast of San Diego
You can't just introduce weird half scenes. Scripts don’t work like that.
KYUNGSOO sits on the bed in his cabin, alone. They will arrive at the coast in a few minutes.
KYUNGSOO
I mean, this can't be. This is too fucking stupid to be real. You gotta be kidding me.
He stands up and paces back and forth, muttering to himself.
KYUNGSOO
There's gotta be some kind of other explanation. Calm down, Kyungsoo. There's no way you're stuck in a goddamn trash movie. This isn't real.
KYUNGSOO closes his eyes and counts to ten in his head before he opens them again.
KYUNGSOO
God damnit. Why did this happen to me?
KYUNGSOO sits down on the bed and buries his face in his hands.
KYUNGSOO
How do I get out of here? I mean, this gotta end somehow, right? Right?
KYUNGSOO heaves a deep sigh and falls back onto the mattress.
KYUNGSOO
Anyways, dying isn't an option. So I kinda sorta have to bear with the entire plot and try to not disturb it so everything happens like in the original movie. Doesn't sound too difficult, actually, just standing in the sidelines and letting my plot armor take all the hits.
Smooth explanation of character motivation. NOT.
KYUNGSOO sits up again.
KYUNGSOO
This could be fun, if it weren't for all the unnecessary drama and nonsensical plot.
Fade out