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“Can I ask a favour?”
Phil jumps. The kitchen had been silent, save for the sound of his own crunching of cereal, so the suddenness of Dan’s voice startles him. “You can ask,” he says, looking up slowly from scrolling through Instagram on his phone.
Dan fidgets in the chair he’d plonked himself into across from Phil at the dining table, barely making eye contact.
“Well,” Dan pauses, obviously having trouble on how to word whatever it is he has to say. “My cousin’s getting married next month and I kind of checked the plus one box on the rcvp even though I have no one to go with ’cause I never go outside and you’re my only friend?” He finally blurts out, ending on an upward inflection.
Phil lets his brain process the words at a pace more suitable for the hour of the day, but still doesn’t say anything. Instead he waits for the inevitable question, though he has a pretty good idea what it’ll be.
Dan’s head is tilted down again, watching his tangle of fingers resting on the table. His eyes flit up toward Phil as he says apprehensively, “Will you be my plus one?”
Even though it’s the question Phil was expecting, he’s still a bit surprised. They’ve both been to weddings before obviously but they’ve never gone together. Even so, Phil doesn’t think it would be that strange for them to go to a family wedding together. “Sure.” He says, shrugging a shoulder.
Dan looks up properly then, mouth open like he was expecting more resistance, but he stays quiets. And he’s still fidgeting. Phil puts his spoon down and narrows his eyes at Dan suspiciously.
“There’s something else isn’t there? What is it?”
“I may also have told them that the plus one is my date… who I’ve been seeing for a couple months?” Dan mumbles.
“So you’re asking me to be your date to the wedding?”
Dan nods. Phil thinks over the pros and cons of the situation.
“What would we have to do?”
“Not much,” Dan assures him quickly. “Hold hands, dance a bit maybe. Just act generally coupley.”
Phil nods this time and his eyes drift down to Dan’s clasped hands. He’s not unfamiliar with how warm and comforting they always are and he doesn’t think it would be a great inconvenience to have to hold them for a night.
“Then you’ll tell them we’ve broken up?” He has already met most of Dan’s immediate family, actually sees Dan’s mum more than his own, but they’ll cross that bridge when they come to it.
“Of course,” Dan says.
“Okay, I’ll do it.”
Dan sighs in relief and gets up from the table to leave Phil to finish his breakfast. “Thank you, Phil, you’re the best.”
“I sure am.” Phil calls after him.
--
They wedding is sooner than Phil had been anticipating, and when he drags a few more details out of Dan at evening he finds out it’s in less than a month, which is fine. It means there’s less time for Phil to agonise over the whole thing. Being in a room full of relative strangers to him who he’ll inevitably have to make small talk with at some point, which is basically his worst nightmare. (He’ll have to dress up in uncomfortable, formal clothing, which is is second worst nightmare.) All while pretending to be Dan’s boyfriend. Except that part doesn’t give him nearly the same kind of squirming anxiety.
It’s not like he’s never thought about Dan like that before, especially near the start of their friendship, but Dan had never made kind of indication that those kinds of feelings were reciprocated. In fact, they’ve both had flings during the time they’ve known each other, but nothing ever stuck for more than a few months. So, Phil had pushed those thoughts away and decided to appreciate the friendship they do have. When their jobs both moved to London, it just made sense that they move in together. The flings stopped almost immediately, but that's just because they're both getting older, with busy jobs in a new city, they’d reasoned.
It isn't rare that they cuddle together under a blanket and fall asleep like that watching a movie. They have game nights with their friends, and go home with each other for birthdays. Phil is glad to have such an incredible person even just as a friend.
Phil almost backs out of the wedding a few times in the following weeks but then Dan begins to look almost as nervous as Phil feels. He’ll start biting his lip and telling Phil about another family member he hasn’t seen in how ever many years who he will want to avoid.
“At least we can be antisocial together, right?” He’ll say.
Phil smiles and agrees and he doesn’t have the heart.
One night, after Dan has taken a call from his Mum, he walks back into the living room where they’d both been watching The Office. He’s carrying his laptop and sits down on the sofa beside Phil, leaving very little room between them. They’re both in their pyjamas, which isn’t unusual for this point in the day.
There’s a shopping site up on Dan’s screen showing some, in Phil’s opinion, very fancy suits.
“You need to help me choose something to wear for the wedding.” Dan tells him.
They’re still looking several hours later, The Office forgotten, sat shoulder to shoulder now with a blanket over their legs and mugs of chocolate on the coffee table.
Phil has the suit he’d worn to a wedding a few years back but Dan’s only suit he’s had since school and has worn to every suit and tie event since. Phil doesn’t understand why he can’t just wear it now. When he says as much to Dan, Dan insists that he needs something new, something to reflect the him of today...
He points at one on the screen, a plain white suit with black lapels.
Phil shakes his head. “That’s way too fancy, Dan. You’re only a guest not the groom.”
Dan sighs, none too quietly. They’ve been through more shopping sites than Phil knew even existed for suits and at this point he’s paying more attention to the models the suits are on than the suits themselves.
“Can’t you just get plain one?” Phil asks, he points at a plain blue one. “How about that?”
“No,” Dan’s clearly frustrated and Phil just wishes he could be more helpful.
“Why is this so important to you, Dan?” He asks gently. “It’s just a suit and no one’s going to be looking at us anyway.”
“I just want to look good.” Dan tells him after a moment.
“You’d good in all of these,” Phil insists, then follows up quickly. “I mean all of these suits are nice, any of them would be okay.”
“If I look good,” Dan explains. “Then I’ll feel good, I’ll feel more confident and not want to just.. I don’t know, run away the entire night.”
Phil can’t claim to understand the way Dan feels about his family, it’s so far away from the relationship Phil has with his own, but he does understand the way a good outfit can make you feel.
They scroll through a few more pages before Phil points his finger to a black suit with lightly stitched vertical lines.
“What about that one?”
Dan stops scrolling and clicks on it, then flicks through the various photos from different angles. The model looks a little like Dan, the same curly hair and dark eyes. Phil thinks this might be the best one yet, he can just imagine how great it would look on Dan.
Dan hums, considering. “I kinda like it.”
“Yeah?” Phil says, hopeful but trying not to push.
“Yeah,” Dan says, slowly. He’s scrolled through all the different angles at least three times now. “I like it.”
“Are you going to get it?”
Dan adds it to his basket and checks out before he can change his mind.
--
It’s a fairly short train to journey to Dan’s family home, where they’ll be staying for a few nights before the actual day at his mum’s insistence. They set off after lunch, the suits folded into a third suitcase, still in their bags.
“Dan, my boy!” Karen says as she opens the door to them and immediately brings him into an embrace.
“And Phil!” She exclaims as she sees him over Dan’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me it was Phil?” She says, swatting Dan gently on the arm as she moves passed him to hug Phil too.
“Dan didn’t mention-?”
“Wanted it to be a surprise,” Dan interrupts. Phil looks at him questioningly, but Dan is avoiding eye contact.
“Well, I’m certainly surprised,” she says. “Though I don’t know why, you two were inevitable really.” Phil frowns and opens his mouth to say something. Surely Dan’s Mum knows that they aren’t actually together, that this all pretend.
Dan had agreed to tell her the truth when Phil had asked, because a break up, however pretend, would be much more complicated to explain to her.
But then Dan is by his side, laughing and wrapping an arm around Phil’s waist.
“Yeah, don’t know what took us so long really.” Now Phil really is confused.
They accept an offer for drinks; Colin sniffs around their ankles as they walk through the house to the kitchen. Phil gives him a tickle behind the ear and runs his fingers through his thick, white fur, before Colin resides back to his bed from where he can observe his humans.
Dan stands close by Phil, closer than normal, as they all chat and Phil quickly realises Dan’s Mum wholeheartedly believes the lie.
--
“Why didn’t you tell your Mum we’re not actually together?” Phil says as soon as he’s closed the bedroom door behind them.
Dan turns around to face him and, for his credit, does look guilty. “Guess it never really came up?”
“Really?” Phil says, disbelieving. “She knew you were bringing ‘a date’ and never once asked about it?” Phil does air-quotes around the word ‘date’ and Dan finds it hard to remain looking guilty.
Dan sighs. “Ok, I was going to tell her but then she found out I was bringing a date and she just sounded so happy for me. Then she asked me who it was and…” He relaxes his tensed up shoulders and drops down onto the side of the bed, looking at Phil in desperation. “I said she’d have to met them on the day. I’m sorry, Phil, I should have told you.”
Phil sits down next him. “We’ll just have to have a very civil break up.”
Dan huffs a laugh and flops onto his back. Phil lays back too.
“I can set up the spare room if you want, so we don’t have to share? Tell Mum I snore or something,” Dan says, turning his head to face Phil.
“I don’t mind sharing.”
“Thank you.” Phil turns to face Dan as well and the look of sincerity that meets him catches him off guard. Dan seems to study Phil’s face, like he’s looking for an answer to a question Phil isn’t even aware had been asked. Phil feels insecure at the scrutiny, but he doesn’t move. Then the corner of Dan’s mouth is curling into a smile. “Boyfriend.” Dan says, grinning now. He prods Phil in the side and Phil, who flinches away laughing, doesn’t know if Dan had found what he was looking for.
Dan keeps prodding at Phil, his waist, his arms, his stomach. Phil holds his hands up as a shield, but they’re both laughing properly now. He takes a swipe at Dan but Dan catches him, grabbing hold of Phil’s wrist and holding it above their heads against the bed while using his other hand to keep jabbing and tickling Phil.
“Truce! Truce!” Phil shouts eventually, just as there’s a knock on the door and Karen is popping her head around the corner.
“Sorry lads, just came to tell you dinner’s ready.” She says, winks at Dan then leaves.
Dan is still holding Phil’s arm by the wrist, but now he has one of Phil’s legs held between his knees, and Phil is gripping Dan’s other arm, having abandoned the defensive and gone on the offensive. And they’ve both wriggled about so much they’re practically nose to nose.
They let go of each other and sit up, the last of their giggles still bubbling to the surface.
--
Phil wakes up with something tickling the inside of his nose and when he opens his eyes he’s confronted with a curly mop of brown hair barely two inches from his face. He moves backwards slowly, trying not to wake Dan and reaches an arm out to grab his glasses from the bedside table. There’s bright orange light creeping in around the edges of the curtain and his phone tells him its barely 5:30 which means he’s got at least a couple more hours of sleep left but now his body has caught up and is telling him he needs to pee.
Pulling the duvet back off his legs, he watches behind him for any signs of movement and lifts himself off the bed before creeping down the hallway to the bathroom.
When he returns, Dan has rolled over. Phil climbs back in and lays down on his side, now facing Dan. Dan’s got the one hand under his pillow and the other curled against his chest in a way that’s definitely going to ache in the morning. His hair’s a mess and his face is relaxed, drooping against his pillow. It’s the most peaceful Phil has ever seen him. Phil takes off his glasses again and drops them back on to the table. He manages to drift off again quickly.
The next time he opens his eyes, Dan is sat up with his head bowed down at his phone screen.
“Stop frowning or you’ll get wrinkles.” Phil says, morning voice croakey. Dan’s face is too far away to know for sure, but he knows Dan, and he frowns when he’s concentrating.
“Wasn’t frowning,” Dan mumbles.
“Mhmm, sure bub,” Phil says, sitting up and stretching his limbs.
“Wasn’t. Did you get up in the night?” Dan asks.
“Yeah, had to pee.”
“Can’t even make it through the night anymore, old man?” Dan quips.
“Shut up.”
They sit in comfortable silence for a little while. Phil sits with his head leant against the wall behind them, watching Dan scroll through twitter on his phone. Every now and again they’ll coo over a cute dog video or comment on a tweet from one of their friends.
“What’s on the agenda for today?” Phil asks eventually.
“Today’s the rehearsal I think, but we don’t need to go to that so we should have the day to ourselves. Mum’ll probably ask us to walk Colin later though since we’re
here.” Phil’s eye light up at that. Dan laughs. “Ok, we’ll take him up the lake after lunch.”
--
Phil’s pouring himself a bowl of cereal in the kitchen, making small talk with Karen and Dan’s brother, who also had to make a special trip home for the wedding and had arrived several hours after themselves. Phil hears Dan come down the stairs as he’s pouring in the milk and just before he takes his first spoonful, Dan walks straight up to him, places a hand on his chest and kisses him lightly on the temple.
“Morning, babe.” He says as he does so, completely naturally, as if he’s done it a hundred times before, and reaches for the same cereal box.
Phil forces himself to get over his shock quickly to say good morning back. He glances quickly at Dan’s Mum who’s watching them and smiling, while his brother fervently has his head down. Phil tries to get his heart rate under control and act like nothing out of the ordinary just happened.
--
“You’re really going all in on this whole pretend relationship thing aren’t you?” Phil asks Dan once they’re alone again in the bedroom.
Dan has his back turned, but Phil can see him shrug as he says “Gotta make it believable.”
“We weren’t believable before?”
“Before?” Dan asks, back still turned, taking frankly far too long to pick a shirt from his suitcase.
“Before you kissed me?” Phil says, lowering his voice.
“It was a peck,” Dan says, standing up with the exact same shirt he’d worn yesterday in his hand. “Wasn’t even on the lips, don’t know what the big deal is.”
“S’not a big deal, I was just surprised. Could’ve given me a warning or something.”
“Pretty sure actual couples don’t give their partner a warning when they’re about to give them a peck.” Dan replies. Phil turns aways as Dan changes his shirt but it’s still rucked up around the waist as he passes Phil to leave the room. Phil steps in front of him to stop him and reaches out to pull it down properly. His knuckles graze against the skin of Dan’s waist. They’re both silent, watching the action.
Dan looks up at him. “Sorry,” he says, quietly. “I won’t do it again.”
Phil lets his arm drop, “I didn’t say you couldn’t do it again, just, give me some warning next time, so I can prepare myself.”
Dan laughs and rolls his eyes at Phil before carrying on out of the room.
--
They’re wrapped up warm in scarfs and big coats, watching Colin as he gallops about in the damp grass, long white fur already half caked and tinged brown. He definitely won’t be allowed in the front door when they get back. His favourite tennis ball sits soggy at the bottom of Dan’s coat pocket, abandoned not 10 minutes in.
“So, why did you tick plus one for the wedding, then say you were in a relationship when you aren’t?” Phil asks.
Dan sighs a resigned sigh. “Guess I was just sick of being the disappointment. Having to explain how, no, making videos for the internet doesn’t mean I make pornos. Have you tried explaining that to your 85 year old grandma over Christmas dinner, Phil? And I was sick of always having to say no whenever they asked if I’d found someone yet. I wanted to be able to give them an answer they understood for once. I really am sorry I dragged you into this though Phil.”
Phil shakes his head. “You don’t have to keep apologising Dan. Besides I’m having a great time. I get a holiday out of it and a dog to play with, and I get to see some more of where my favourite person grew up.” He says, giving Dan a cheeky grin.
Dan laughs and bumps his shoulder into Phil’s as they walk.
“But I get what you mean. My family support me, but I don’t think they really understand what it is they are supporting. I swear, the look of disappointment on my Mum’s face every time I tell her I’m still single. We can be messes together. ” Phil says, bump Dan’s shoulder back. Then stops suddenly. “Wait, where’s Colin gone?”
Dan stops and looks around as well. Suddenly they both hear a loud splash and a wet brown dog comes running towards them at full speed, a stick twice his size held in his jaw.
“Oh no.” Dan groans. Phil just bursts out laughing and screams, jumping out of the way, as Colin all but takes them out with his new toy, leaving a spray of muddy water in his wake.
--
They’re tasked with bathing Colin as punishment for letting him swim in the lake when they get back. It’s not a job for two, but they manage to make such a meal of it anybody would think it needs a whole team. Phil holds the shower head, as Dan lathers Colin up in doggy shampoo. He squeals as he gets simultaneously sprayed with soaping water from the front when Colin shakes, as well as from the back as Phil, while shielding himself from the same fate, inadvertently directs the shower head at Dan. Phil gets banished from the room after that as Dan finishes Colin’s bath by myself, making sure Phil can still hear his complaining through the wall.
Finally he finishes and lifts Colin out of the bathtub, who promptly shakes again, soaking Dan for the third time. He can hear Phil’s howls of laughter the other side of the closed door and after drying Colin down as best he can with a towel opens the it to let him out. Colin goes flying out of the room and down the stairs two at a time then proceeds to tare around the house in a mad rush as he always does after a bath.
Phil, who’s still laughing at Dan, follows him back to the bedroom where Dan pulls his sodden shirt off over his head. This takes Phil by surprise, though he’s not sure what other reason he’d expected Dan to have for coming in here and he’s also not sure why exactly he’d followed.
Dan uses the shirt to dry off the still wet patches on his skin before pulling a fresh one from his suitcase. Phil finds himself watching, he’s stopped laughing and it doesn’t even occur to him to turn around.
Even after years of living together, somehow they’ve managed to avoid accidentally catching each other in any state of undress more than a few times.
Still, Phil finds himself mesmerised by the ripple of muscles on Dan’s back as he moves, the shape of his shoulder blades, the bumps of his spine. Phil appreciates the male form, always has, and is no stranger to it. But Dan on the other hand, Dan has a splattering of freckles across his back which Phil has never seen before. Phil draws an invisible image on Dan’s back as he joins them up with his eyes.
Then Dan drops a clean shirt over his head and turns around to face Phil. Phil doesn’t move and Dan locks eyes with him, a hint of curiosity on his face.
“All good?” Phil asks, but the first word gets caught in his throat.
Dan still nods. “Yeah,” he says, and they both turn, wordlessly, out the door.
--
They lay in bed, a respectable distance between them, the lights are off and they’ve already said goodnight. Phil’s laid on his back with his eyes closed and he can feel sleep already creeping in around the edges of his consciousness. If he tried he could almost persuade himself he’s back home, in their flat in London, in his own bed in his own bedroom. He’s almost forgotten Dan is even there until he a quiet, tired voice breaks the silence.
“Thanks for doing this Phil.”
Phil opens his eyes and reaches an arm out to the side in the darkness.
“Shh,” he says, dropping his hand over what he hopes is Dan’s mouth. “Sleepytime.” He misses, instead effectively covering Dan’s entire face with his hand, but he thinks Dan gets the message. “You’ve thanked me like a dozen times now.”
Dan lifts Phil’s hand from his face and turns his head on the pillow to face him. “Well I mean it a dozen times.” He insists. He keeps hold of Phil’s hand and brings it back down to where his mouth actually is to press a soft kiss to its palm.
Phil hopes it’s dark enough that Dan doesn’t see the blush that creeps up his cheeks. Dan keeps Phil’s palm pressed to his lips for several seconds before letting go enough for Phil to pull it back.
Silence returns, but sleep is now a distant concept for Phil as he lays with his eyes open, clenching his fist under the covers around the spot where he can still feel Dan’s lips on his skin.
It’s not long before he hears soft little snores from his best friend and a warmth starts to invade Phil’s chest that he’s only felt a handful of times in his life.
--
They’d met at a work do hosted for the various departments under the same video production company across London, although they’d been peripherally aware of each other’s existence, as one so often is in their line of work, for several years prior.
Dan had just hosted an anti-cyberbullying panel campaign, a subject particularly close to Phil’s heart, with a bunch of internet personalities popular with the young teen target demographic.
So when Phil saw familiar curly hair sat at the bar, he’d downed the remnants of his cocktail, excused himself from his group, and had worked his way across the room.
When he arrived, Dan jumped as Phil tapped him on the shoulder, making the woman he was talking to double over in hysterics, clutching Dan’s arm in her enthusiasm. They were both very clearly tipsy, although Phil wasn’t completely sober himself, probably the reason he’d walked over here in the first place.
He laughed along with them then stuck out his hand to Dan.
“Hi!” Phil half-shouted over the too-loud music and already-drunk co-workers. “I’m Phil.”
Dan nodded politely and returned the handshake. “Dan.” He said.
“I know,” Phil replied. Then when Dan tilted his head to the side in surprised curiosity, added, “I mean I saw your panel for that anti-cyberbullying campaign the other day...” It was then he realised he actually hadn’t planned anything to say once he’d got there; the alcohol had magnified his confidence and sent his body on a mission to walk over and introduce himself properly but hadn’t given his brain any instructions for after that. Now, he’d accomplished that mission his confidence was shrinking and he was still had Dan’s hand grasped in his own. He let go and finished sheepishly, “and I wanted to say I thought you said some really great things.”
Then it was Dan’s turn to be embarrassed as he fixed Phil with a bashful smile and a rosy patch grew bright on his jaw along with a dimply, which Phil definitely didn’t get a sudden urge to press a finger into. “Actually, it was Em here who organised that event.” Dan said, indicating towards the woman beside him. “It wouldn’t have happened without her, I just do what I’m told.”
“And it wouldn’t have been nearly as superb as it was without you, Daniel.” The woman, Em, said, hopping down from her stool.
Phil put his hand out to shake hers as well, but she ignored it, instead took him by the shoulders and reached up to kiss him on each cheek. “Emilé Bonnaire.” She gestured to another stool. “Please, join us.”
They graciously chatted with Phil for a while and Phil soon relaxed in their company, which was rare for him. Phil had to concentrate to understand Emilé through her thick French accent, especially with the noise and both their inebriated states, but he found her witty and engaging and he would later come to call her a good friend. Eventually though she excused herself, kissing them both on each cheek again and telling Dan she’d be in touch in the next few days with some more work, leaving Phil alone at the bar with Dan.
They talked for a while longer. Phil found out that they’d both made their early beginnings on YouTube, Dan starting just as Phil was leaving. They exchanged numbers and twitter handles. Dan was verified and had over three times the followers Phil had, which followed because even though they both worked in the online video aspect of the company, Dan still made occasional work in front of the camera while Phil had changed to a more permanent behind the scenes role.
Not too long later, someone from Phil’s work group came over and said they were moving on to the next bar since they’d all decided to make the night into a bar crawl. Phil said goodbye to Dan and moved on with them. He was slightly disappointed, he and Dan had been talking for a good hour now and conversation was still flowing freely between them.
So it was several hours later when Phil returned, or more stumbled, back to that bar. He was ID’d at the door and did his best impression of a sober person to get passed the bouncer who, fortunately, was distracted by commotion in the smoking area to be bothered too much by Phil.
He wasn’t too sure how or why he had abandoned his friends to come back here. But when he saw those brown curls still sat at the same corner table they’d moved to earlier, he made a beeline in that direction, bumping into a several shoulders on the way.
Dan seemed very much surprised to see Phil when he all but fell into the seat next to him, but Phil hadn’t stopped thinking about their interaction since they’d parted. He’d never met anyone he’d clicked with so easily and so quickly with for as long as he could remember. Dan had felt natural, like he wasn’t putting on his stage face which in their professional circuit that was hard to come by, where every interaction outside of your small circle of trusted friends felt forced and self preservation was key.
“Are you drunk?” Dan asked, voice almost directly in Phil’s ear as Phil pressed his shoulder into Dan’s, as much for balance as anyone else. Dan had been sat by himself when Phil had joined him, clutching a still half full pint in his hands.
Phil grinned at him ear to ear. “I might be.”
Dan laughed. “Where are you friends? Do they know you’re here?”
“Left them,” Phil replied with a shrug.
“Why don’t you call them so they can take you home?”
“Lost my phone.”
Dan sighed and slid out of his seat holding out a hand to help Phil up. “Come on, you still remember your address right?”
Phil took his hand and allowed himself to be dragged out of the door and on to the street to find a taxi. Phil leant against Dan nearly the whole ride to his apartment. When they arrived, Phil had to lean against his front door as he dug through his pockets for his keys.
“You can leave now, if you want.” He told Dan, not that he wanted to.
He’d sobered up a fair bit since they’d left the bar, the cool night air had cleared the fog in his brain somewhat but the taxi ride had done nothing for the churning sensation in his stomach. The pair of brown eyes in front of him was the only steady point in a world spinning at a million miles an hour around him.
“I want to make sure you actually make it to your bed. There are still a number of unknowns between here and there and I don’t want to be responsible for your death.” Dan said, still fixing him with his stare.
Phil’s hand touched against a hard smooth object in his pocket, he pulled it out and held in front of both their faces.
“Oops,” he said, giggling, before repocketing his phone and pulling out his keys. Dan rolled his eyes as Phil turned to unlock the door.
Dan watched in amusement as Phil missed the keyhole no less than half a dozen times before the door finally swung open, pulling Phil along with it until a strong, sturdy arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him back upright. Phil took an unsteady step forward before finding his feet again. The arm still holding him let go and reluctantly Phil moved away, towards his bedroom.
Dan followed at a distance, and when he saw Phil make it safely into his room, he stopped in the doorway and said “You get changed while I go get you a glass of water, ok?.”
Phil nodded and pulled off his shirt before Dan even had a chance to leave. When he came back, Phil was tucked up under his covers so Dan placed the glass down on the bedside table beside him.
“Get some sleep, yeah?” Dan said, “and I’ll text you in the morning to make sure you’re okay.”
Phil nodded, the softness of the sheets suddenly making sleep much more appealing than it had been a few minutes ago. He heard his front door shut softly and the latch close as Dan left and he slid down further into the cocoon of warmth growing around him.
True to his word Dan did text him the day, which only served as a reminder of the previous night. He groaned into his pillow at the embarrassment.
He also had several texts and missed calls from the friends he’s ditched asking him where he was. He replied to them first, apologising for leaving them and that he’d made it home safe. He didn’t mention how he’d made it home.
Soon he was groaning for a different reason though, a headache quickly approaching and the light from his phone screen only speeding up the process. He close his eyes and threw an arm over his face.
His phone buzzed again in his hand.
10:34 Dan: hi its dan. just making sure you’re still alive
10:40 Dan: and if you are take some painkillers and drink more water!
--
Phil wakes up first on the day of the wedding and pretty quickly too, so he quietly gets out of bed to take the opportunity of an empty bathroom to shower. But when he gets out he realises that in his attempt at staying quiet, he’d forgotten to bring clothes with him to the bathroom. He wraps the towel around his waist and pokes his head around the door to make sure the coast is clear. It is, so he quickly scuttles back down the hall and into their bedroom. Dan hasn’t moved from where he was laid on his side and his eyes are still closed so Phil drops his towel and quickly puts on some underwear.
When he’s finished getting dressed he starts to head out the door to get breakfast, but as soon as he’s turned around, he sees those brown eyes fixed on him. They widen and flick up to meet his. Dan doesn’t move a muscle and suddenly all those feelings from last night come rushing back to Phil. He touches a finger to the ghost of Dan’s lips on his palm.
“Morning,” Phil says, trying not to sound as flustered as he feels. “M’gonna go get breakfast. Do you want me to bring you something.”
Dan shakes his head and bites his lip, “I’ll be down in a bit.”
“Okay, I’ll see you down there.” Phil says, and forces his body to work properly and move forward and out the door.
--
They walk Colin again before breakfast, this time only up the road so there’s no risk of enticing muddy rivers and when they get back there’s already a buzz in the air.
Phil pulls their suits he’d hung up out of the wardrobe and lays them out onto the foot of the bed. He unzips them and pushes open the edges.
Dan is sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, slurping at the remnants of his bowl of cereal. He wrinkles his nose at the sight of them.
Phil pulls his own suit out of the bag and drapes it over his arm to go and change in to the bathroom. When he returns saying the door’s locked and that he’ll try again in a few minutes Dan just shrugs and says, very casually, “Just change here.”
Phil hesitates. Dan still needs to change too and he’s not sure how long until the bathroom will be empty but then he’s reminded of a couple of hours ago. He’s still not sure how much Dan had seen.
He lays the suit back down on top of it’s bag and begins to undress. First he pulls his shirt off over his head and chucks it at Dan, he misses and it lands on the pillow behind him.
“Shouldn’t you be getting changed too?” Phil says.
Dan nods, scrapping around his bowl for the last drops of milk. “But I’m lazy, and enjoying the show.” He looks up at Phil without any form of hesitation before putting the spoon into his mouth, sucking it, and pulling it back out slowly.
Phil watches, and Dan watches Phil watch him. Phil pulls himself together and tears his eyes away, pulling the suit shirt off its hanger. Dan has the spoon hanging loosely in his mouth again when he looks back up, and is casually watching Phil as he does up the buttons on his shirt. Phil rolls his eyes at Dan’s foolishness and pulls his trousers off and throws them at Dan again, this time they lands on his head.
“Hey!” Dan squarks.
“Come on, I mean it.” Phil says, aiming for sternly. “You need to get ready.”
It’s a few minutes before they need to meet at the car and they’re both stood opposite the small mirror in the bedroom, straightening their collars and tying their ties. Phil runs a hand against his now gelled up hair, pushing any stray bits into place. He’s beginning to get nervous.
When he says as much to Dan, he looks back at him through the mirror and smiles. Phil expects some trademark Dan humour that would somehow brush off Phil’s worries in an attempt to make him feel better. But Dan’s sincere when he speaks.
“So am I, but we’ll have each other, so it won’t be terrible. And I’ll never leave you on your own or make you talk to anyone you don’t have to.” He leans over to bump his shoulder into Phil’s.
“Thanks, Dan.” Phil says. The knot in his stomach loosens somewhat at Dan’s reassurances, but there must still be some tension on his face because Dan is turning to face him.
“I mean it, Phil,” he says. They’re facing each other now, and standing quite close. Dan must have sprayed his hair with something because when the light catches it, it looks like tiny flakes of glitter are sprinkled throughout.
“I know,” Phil replies, quietly.
Dan reaches up and straightens Phil’s tie, letting it run through his hand then swing back to land in place against Phil’s chest. “We can leave whenever you want.”
“Your Mum’s driving.” Phil says.
“Then we’ll sit in the car until it’s all over.”
There’s movement outside the door and Dan takes a step backwards, away from Phil.
“Ready?”
Phil nods, “Yeah. Are you?”
Dan huffs a laugh. “As I’ll ever be.”
They wait by the front door for Karen and and his Grandma, Darcy. His brother is leant against the wall beside them, looking just as thrilled to be there as they feel.
Karen is wearing a wrap around dress in varying shades of blue while Darcy has a simple pink dress by the time they’ve made it down the stairs, both with hats to match their outfits.
Only a few minutes late and they’re all finally piling into the car.
--
There are already many people at the venue when they arrive. They had gotten lost once on the way, had missed a turn and had to take a detour adding an extra 10 minutes to their journey.
Once they’re out of the car, Phil feels a hand brush against his then Dan is loosely hooking a few fingers around Phil’s. Phil looks down at their hands then across at Dan, and squeezes Dan’s fingers gently.
As soon as they walk through the doors, they’re directed to seats in one of the backs rows. There are definitely over 100 people in attendance and most are already seated which means Phil won’t have a great view of the front of the isle but he isn’t overly disappointed about it. Dan lets go of his hand once they’re seated and Phil finds he’s already gotten used to the comfort of it.
They’re sat in a large converted barn with exposed brick and a high, beamed ceiling. It’s pretty, Phil thinks, as he looks around. It’s the kind of wedding he could see himself having. Except with far less people.
He wonders how many other people here are in a similar position to himself. Not the exact same obviously, that’s highly unlikely, but guests that were only here because they know someone and have never once met the bride or groom. Phil doesn’t think that’s the kind of wedding he’d want.
There’s a small band at the back, playing something soft and pretty that can only barely be heard over the rumble of voices in the room. The program Phil had found in his seat tells him the ceremony is due to start in only a few minutes. The groom is already waiting at the front of the isle, decked in finest suit Phil has ever seen, talking to a group of men similarly dressed who he assumes to be the groomsmen. They’re all laughing about something but the groom is still shuffling from foot to foot, clearly trying to hide his nerves.
True to word, a few minutes later the music changes, which the audience takes the cue to stand. The room falls silent as all heads to turn to watch double doors at the back of the room open.
--
Once the ceremony is over, everyone is lead to a different room providing refreshments on a long table. Phil looks across at Dan who has a look on his face suggesting they’re both having the same thought.
Karen and Darcy find them still stood at the food table a short while later.
“Thought we might find you here,” Karen says.
Dan grins, popping a cheese block on a cocktail stick into his mouth. “What? It’s the only reason I came.”
Karen rolls her eyes and tuts, before picking one up for herself.
“The wedding was beautiful, don’t you think so Mum?” She says, turning around to Dan’s Grandma who’s sat down on one of the chairs dotted around the sides of the room.
She nods in response, “I didn’t hear very much of what they said, but it all looked lovely,” she says. “And they certainly looked very happy.”
“Yes,” Karen says, thoughtfully. “I didn’t think it was very fair sitting you at the back.”
“I’m glad we were at the back,” Dan saying under his breath to Phil but Karen hears him anyway.
She turns around to glare at him as if he was a child. “Oh hush.” She says.
Dan turns around to Phil, sheepishly, and Phil silently mocks him for being told off by his Mum like the school children they are.
--
Many hours in and more food has been eaten and many more speeches had. Phil had smiled and laughed along to the stories told of and by the strangers around him, no doubt full of inside jokes he is not privy to. The people he’s sharing a table with seemed to enjoy them though, they laugh along in all the right places, even Dan seems to genuinely laugh at a few.
They’re sat in an even larger room than the previous two. One half is full of round tables, each occupied with a handful of guests and at the other, a large dance floor with a DJ deck. There are people at this dinner that Phil doesn’t remember seeing at the ceremony, though there are so many people he doesn’t suppose that counts for much anyway. Phil didn’t know it was possible to know as many people as he’d seen here today, and to want to invite them all to your wedding. It is not in Phil’s nature to be cynical, but he supposes that days like today are just as much for the guests as it is the bride and groom.
Then cheering erupts from one side of the room and spreads across to the other. Phil peers around to see two waiters carrying a very large, lavishly decorated, multi-tiered cake towards the head table. Phil claps along, his only hope that he’ll get a piece.
--
Times passes both quickly and slowly, long periods of nothing then suddenly another hour has passed by.
Most of the guests have gone home now, the rest are on the dancefloor. Their table is one of the closest and Phil watches from his seat while half joining in with the conversation between Dan and his mum.
He’s currently watching a very drunk man dad-dancing in the middle of the floor with a tie wrapped around his head while several other similarly aged men cheer him on when Karen says:
“You lads should join them.”
Phil immediately turns back and sees a look of shock on Dan’s face to match his own.
“No, thanks.” Phil says. “I’m a terrible dancer.”
“That isn’t stopping them.” She says nodding towards the group Phil had been watching.
All of a sudden Dan is grabbing him by the hand and pulling him up off the chair. Phil lets him until he realises he’s being dragged towards the dance floor and starts to pull in the opposite direction, heart already hammering preemptively at the mortification that is sure to happen if he lets this continue.
Dan keeps a tight hold of his hand through Phil’s protests and when they reach the edge of the floor he turns back around to face Phil. Phil’s still complaining as Dan grabs Phil’s other hand and starts moving them, pulling and pushing Phil’s arm in a way that makes his body move to matches Dan’s. It’s a very minimal effort at what could be called dancing, but it’s still the most either of them have done probably since university. They remain in that one spot on the edge of the dance floor, ignored by the rest of the crowd. Phil’s cringing the entire time but somehow he’s still smiling. Dan sings along to some of the lyrics and keeps a hold of Phil’s hands, occasionally spinning Phil under his arm. Sometimes he’ll do a move that makes Phil laugh, proper head thrown back laughter, Dan’s inner performer coming out just to make Phil laugh and Phil realises he’s enjoying himself. He’s forgotten about the other people on the dance floor, the people in their seats probably silently judging them in the same way Phil had been not long ago, and Phil doesn’t care.
He feels looser than he has in longer than he can remember. They’re both laughing and Dan hasn’t taken his eyes off Phil the entire time. There’s a grin on his face and a wrinkles around his eyes and something warm settles in Phil’s chest.
Suddenly, the song changes from something upbeat to something very slow, the lights change from flashing disco ball to low and romantic. Phil starts to pull away, back to the table, but Dan keeps hold, rooted to the spot and pulls gently on Phil’s arms, pulling him much closer than they were previously. The smile has gone from his face and he’s looking at Phil more intensely, watching for any hesitation but Phil goes easily. He places his arms around Phil waist and pulls him into his chest.
“To be believable, yeah?” Dan says into Phil’s ear.
Phil nearly says that there’s no need to keep being convincing, it’s nearly the end of the night and in a couple of hours it won’t matter anyway. But he doesn’t say that. Instead he drapes in arms around Dan’s neck and rests in chin on Dan’s shoulder. They sway side to side to the music, turning slowly on the spot, and by some miracle nobody steps on the others toes.
They hug like normal friends do, and cuddle on the sofa probably more than normal friends do, but never like this in such an inherently romantic setting.
It feels nice and Phil finds himself relaxing into it, leaning gently against Dan. Phil reminds himself that it’s only like Dan said; to be believable. Phil catches Karen and Darcy watching them from their table.
They do another half turn, before Dan pulls back a little ways so they’re face to face.
“They’re watching us.” He says.
“I know.”
“Should we kiss?”
“What?”
“I mean that’s what people do when they slow dance, right?”
For all the reasons Phil can think of to say no, he says “Okay.” He doesn’t think he imagines the way Dan looks when his eyes flick down to Phil’s mouth and it makes Phil feel a certain way.
“Okay,” Dan says. “I’m going to kiss you now, so prepare yourself.”
And all the nerves Phil was feeling evaporate instantly and he’s grinning when Dan presses his lips to Phil’s. It’s the briefest moment, barely a kiss at all, but it makes Phil’s lips tingle and his cheeks go heat up in a way he hopes the lights are low enough to hide. He ducks his head back onto Dan’s shoulder and when the song changes they break apart and head back to the table. Phil’s head is spinning and he can only nod when Karen suggests they all head to car.
Was that all pretend? It had certainly felt real to Phil. He hopes it was real.
--
It’s properly dark out now, and Phil rests his head back on the car headrest and watches out the window as the streetlights pass them in a blur. All he can think about is how soft the lips are of the man next to him. The man who he’s pretty sure is asleep. Phil sneaks a glance across at him and Dan’s head is leant back and his eyes closed. Dan’s brother is in the furthest seat, watching something on his phone.
They turn a corner and Dan’s head lolls to the side and lands on Phil’s shoulder. Normally Phil would shrug him off, maybe even wake him up, but he doesn’t, just lets Dan rest there.
Phil can still feel that tingling when they arrive back at the house. Everybody pretty much heads straight for bed. Phil heads for the bedroom while Dan goes to brush his teeth. As soon as he’s opened the door he pulls of his tie and chucks it in the general direction of their suitcases and flops backwards on the bed, which is a mistake because he’s eyes immediately start drooping. The next thing he knows he’s being startled awake by Dan as he enters the room. He kicks out aimlessly towards Phil’s swinging legs.
“You know you could also get in the bed?” Dan says, while simultaneously laying down beside Phil.
“But the effort.” Phil says, draping an arm over his eyes. The fatigue from a long day has settled into his bones now his body has had a taste of what it wants, and the effort of even getting up to change and crawl into bed seems impossible.
Dan sighs a long sigh. Phil lifts his arm from his face just enough to see that Dan has his eyes closed. The second thing he notices are those soft pink lips. He squeezes his eyes shut a moment before opening them again and nudging Dan in the chest with his elbow.
“Why don’t you just get in the bed?” Mocking Dan’s tone of a moment ago.
“Shhh,” Dan says, but otherwise not moving.
Phil rests his arm back down on the bed between them but doesn’t take his eyes off Dan’s face. There’s a few minutes of silence before he says,
“I had fun today.” He thinks for a second that Dan might have fallen asleep again but then he’s opening his eyes and turning to face Phil.
“So did I.”
Phil feels a finger wrap around his pinky. He turns his hand over so it’s palm up, then all of those fingers are on top of his own, then in between them. Phil closes his fingers around them properly and squeezes. Neither of them move.
“Can I kiss you again?” It’s the faintest whisper that Phil would not heard had it not already been so quiet.
Phil’s head is nodding ‘yes’ before he’s even given it permission to.
And again, Dan is moving closer. Phil feels his heart rate speed up and it feels like his breathing has stopped. This time the press of Dan’s lips is firmer and lasts longer and Phil is pushing back against him. This time, the tingling isn’t just in his lips but his whole face, his whole body down to his toes and his stomach is squirming and that warmth in his chest is back and it’s so much. All too soon they’re breaking apart but it doesn’t matter because Dan is moving straight back in. This time Dan brings his other hand up to cup the side of Phil’s face and Phil rests his free hand on Dan’s hip, slides it round to pull him closer.
When they finally break apart they remain close, Dan’s hand stays resting on Phil’s cheek, his thumb stroking gently. They’re both breathing a little heavier. Dan leans his head forward so their foreheads touch.
Phil’s feeling a million emotions; he’s tired and confused and the arm beneath him is starting to go numb. He has no idea what’s supposed to happen next, this wasn’t how he expected this day to go but he couldn’t be happier that it did.