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“Okay, this is it.” Conner declares as he turns the engine off.
Tim, Bart and Cassie all turn around and look at their surroundings. Since it was night time, it was dark out and that made it difficult to actually see any details. All they really could see was nothing but tall trees, the main road they had just pulled off from and the driveway that Conner has parked them in front of.
Bart turns to Conner and gives him an incredulous look. “It’s up the creepy looking driveway isn’t it?”
Conner grins at him, “Yep.”
Cassie simply frowns as she stares at the driveway that disappears into the trees in front of them. “So what’s the story behind this place again? Also why you’re at it, can you tell us why you wanted to come here anyway.”
Tim turns his attention to his boyfriend as he starts telling the story of the ‘haunted farm’ just outside of Smallville. According to Conner, the farm they’ve parked outside of was abandoned and when he was in high school there was a rumour going around that it was haunted by the farmer who used to live there before he died.
Being the rebellious teenagers that they were, Conner and his football mates all drove here one night and went inside the place to check it out. Predictably there wasn’t anything to see in the abandoned farm house and they all went back, however when they want back to school they apparently told fake stories of what happened when they were at the house and how ghosts had tried to kill them.
“The worst thing about it was that people actually believed us so of course that motivated us to come up with even more ridiculous stories. One girl actually had nightmares because of the imagery we were telling. It all ended though when we got told off by the teachers though.” Conner looks at the drive way with a fond smile, “I haven’t been here since then. I thought it’d be fun to come back with you guys and check it out if you’re up for it. Afterwards we can head for the farm since it’s only a couple hours away now.”
Cassie and Bart both shrug, “I’m not bothered. Quite a coincidence that we arrive here at night though huh. Almost horror a movie cliché right now.”
Bart laughs, “I wonder which one of us will be killed first.”
While the three of them all ramble on about terrible horror movie clichés, Tim stares out of the window at the driveway as an uneasy feeling settles over him. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was, whether it was the idea of going to an abandoned farm house or because it was dark out or if it was something else entirely.
“Tim?”
Tim attention goes back to his friends as his name was called.
“You coming?”
Shaking off the uneasiness Tim nods and climbs out of the car along with the others. They grab their flashlights and phones and together start making their way up the drive. As they walk Conner excitedly tells them all about the time when he came here as a teen and what kind of mischief they had gotten up to. However as they walk up the drive and get closer to the abandoned house, the uneasiness Tim had been pushing away only grows stronger.
It wasn’t until they were stood just outside of the farm house, their flashlight beams hitting the side of the house to reveal rotting wood, overgrown weeds and vines, broken windows and pitch black holes into the building, that Tim realises what his uneasiness was all about.
And that realisation scared the living shit out of him. His stomach drops and he suddenly feels sick. This place was stirring up old memories, ones which he thought he had buried deep long ago.
Next to him Conner was grinning. He turns to them saying, “Obviously coming here at night has that super creepy effect and adds atmosphere don’t you think?” He was completely oblivious to Tim’s discomfort and his attempts at keeping his breathing even and level. “So who wants to go in first?”
There was a pause between them all as they look at one another. Eventually Cassie was throwing her arms up in exasperation and rolling her eyes and huffs out, “I’ll go first then shall I?” Without further words she starts towards the steps that leads up to the porch of the old rotting house.
The boys watch her go for a minute and it wasn’t until she was at the steps that Cassie turns back and shouts at them. “Let’s go you big babies!”
That snaps both Bart and Conner into motion, Conner shoving Bart forward with a snicker. Tim tries to follow them. He tries to get his feet to move so he could walk alongside them but they just wouldn’t move. It was like they were glued in place and he could not unstick them.
It wasn’t until the other two were at the steps, Cassie now peering through one of the broken windows upon the porch, that they realise Tim wasn’t behind them. Conner stops moving and frowns at him, “Hey dude you coming?”
Tim opens his mouth to respond but no noise comes out. He tries to move his feet again but they’re still stuck in place. That’s when Conner moves over to him, his boyfriend grabs his hand and pulls him towards the house with a grin, “Come on Tim, it’s really not that scary.”
Being forced to move finally snaps Tim out of the haze he had fallen into and before Conner could get him to move no more than five steps Tim is resisting against him and yanking his hand free from the other’s grip. He takes a few steps back and shakes his head.
“I’m not going in there.” He states firmly and thank god he sounds stronger than what he’s feeling.
Conner looks shocked and confused at his actions. “What? Why not? There really isn’t anything in there man, there’s no need to be scared.”
Being scared wasn’t the problem, not even close.
He shakes his head again, “I’m not scared, I just don’t want to go in there alright. You guys go on ahead, I’ll wait in the car.”
Tim notices the way the man seems to hesitate at that. He looks torn between wanting to be with Tim and finding out what’s wrong and wanting to go with Cassie and Bart into the house and to relive some teenage memories.
Tim forces a smile and waves Conner off, he certainly ignores the way his hand was shaking as he does so, and tells him, “Go. I’ll be fine alright.” Then without for a response Tim quickly turns around and starts walking back down the drive.
Behind him, he hears the others speaking.
“Tim not coming?”
“No.”
“Why what’s wrong?”
“I’m not sure, he just doesn’t want to come in and is heading back to the car.”
“He okay?”
“I don’t know, I’ll talk to him later, but for now come on. If I remember correctly there’s this one room where…”
Their voices trail off as he disappears down the drive and as they enter the house. By the time he makes it back to the car he’s a shaking mess. Now having nothing else to distract him, he’s noticing all of the symptoms.
His hands were shaking so much, his chest feels tight, his breathing has become short and rapid and he finds himself struggling to focus on anything.
He slumps against the car’s side, unable to keep himself from standing up straight and tries to remember his breathing exercises for moments like this. In through the nose and out through the mouth. In through the nose and out through the mouth.
It’s no use. The memories are there, right at the front of his mind. He clenches his eyes shut as he starts hearing chaotic laughter, he hisses and flinches as he feels a knife run along his skin, he couldn’t help the distressed noise he lets out as he feels rope burning the skin on his wrists.
Tim shakes his head. No! He’s not there anymore! They’re just memories, it’s not really happening! In through the nose and out through the mouth. In through the nose and out through the mouth. It doesn’t help, the laughter in his ears only increases in volume and the knife trailing along his skin digs that little bit deeper.
He lets out a whimper in distress as everything comes back to him. Even with his eyes clenched shut he could see the rotting wood of the warehouse he was trapped in, he sees white pale skin and a blood red smile, he feels the way his skin slices open at the blade of the knife, the way the rope rubs his skin red raw and he certainly feels the way his throat hurts as he screams in pain and fear.
“Tim. Timmy? I need you to breath buddy okay. Come on breathe with me. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Listen to my voice alright, you’re not there anymore, you got away and you’re safe. In through the nose out through the mouth nice and slow okay. Do it with me Timmy.”
Somehow he manages to do it. He somehow manages to listen to the voice and the instructions it was giving him and slowly starts to control his breathing. As he does so the memories start slipping away, the laughing grows fainter by the second, the touches on his skin become phantom like and almost non-existent. Very slowly he comes back to himself, the voice he’s hearing is calming him down and bringing him back to reality.
“One more time Timmy, you’re doing brilliant bud okay. In through the nose and out through the mouth.”
Once it seems like he has full control of himself once again he swallows thickly, cringing as he tastes blood and bile go down his throat. He gradually blinks his eyes open and takes in his surroundings. He’s a bit baffled to find himself in the car and on the back seat. His knees were tucked up against his chest, one hand was clutching his phone while the other was clamped onto his leg.
He works on uncramping his fingers first, loosening the grip he has on his leg he stretches those fingers out and gives them a wiggle to let the blood flow through them once again. Once that hand was done he transfers the phone to that one and does the same with his other hand.
“Tim you there?”
Tim blinks as he hears the voice again. Right, the voice is coming through the phone. Now being more aware of himself and his surroundings Tim glances at the caller ID to find Dick’s name lit up on the screen. At some point he had managed to call his brother up, his brother had been the one to talk him through that episode.
Tim opens his mouth to respond but has to close it again. He tries several more times and it wasn’t until he swallowed thickly and took a deep breath that he was finally able to speak, when he does it’s extremely croaky and shaky. “Yeah, I’m here Dick.” He takes another deep breath and begins to stretch his legs out, wincing as he does so.
“Just take your time Tim, wanna tell me what happened bud?”
Taking another breath Tim says, “I don’t know. I just – they came from nowhere. It just hit me Dick. I’m sorry… I just – I don’t know…” he trails off, finding himself unable to talk to about it. He still feels a little disorientated, the memories were still there at the back of his mind but he has some control over them now unlike before.
“Hey there’s no need to apologise and don’t worry if you can’t talk right now then I’m not going to force you alright. Are the others there with you right now?”
Tim shakes his head before remembering that Dick couldn’t see him. “Uh no. They’ve gone inside an abandoned house, I didn’t go because it made me feel uneasy, that’s – that’s when the memories hit.”
“Okay, so where are you now?”
“I’m in the car waiting for them.”
“Okay, I’m going to stay on the phone with you until they get back just so you’re not on your own.”
Tim takes another breath and wipes his eyes, he starts to protest, “You don’t have to, I’ll be fine, they -”
“No.” Dick firmly cuts him off. “I’m not leaving you on your own after you’ve just had an episode Tim. It’s been a long time since you’ve had one that bad and being on your own isn’t a good idea right now.”
Tim nods, slightly grateful for his brother’s support. He looks around the car to find that it’s still dark out, how long it had been since the others went into the house he wasn’t sure but he does wish that they’d hurry it up, the sooner he gets away from this place the better he’ll be.
“Tim? Timmy?”
Tim turns his attention on his brother through the phone, “Sorry I phased out.”
Dick chuckles over the line, “See? This is why I’m staying on the phone with you. Anyway, where you heading off too next? Last time we spoke you were in Central and thinking about going to Kanas.”
Knowing what his brother was doing Tim welcomes the distraction, it stops him from thinking about what had happened too much. “Yeah, we’re heading to Kanas now, to a town called Smallville, we’ll be stopping by Conner’s grandparents farm tomorrow and spending some time with them.”
“That sounds nice, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Oh! Remember to take pictures of the animals they have, Damian will be so jealous of you.”
Despite the crappy feeling Tim smiles at that. “I will Dick,” he promises, “You know I’d do anything to annoy Damian.”
As they talk Tim starts feeling himself relax and calm down a bit. He’s still slightly shaky and has got a bit of a headache but he feels more at ease than before. Listening to Dick talk is certainly helping, having a familiar voice rambling to him after an episode has always helped and this time is no different.
Between them they talk about anything they could think off and Tim looses track of time. He’s brought out of his conversation with Dick when there was a sudden bang next to him. Tim jumps and lets out a scream, as he does so his heart starts to race inside his chest once again and it takes a moment to realise that there was laughter outside of the car.
He starts struggling to breathe as that laughter turns into the psychotic manic laughter that plagues his nightmares. He’s back, but he can’t be…
“Tim buddy, breathe with me, just like before. In through the nose and out through the mouth. He isn’t there, you’re safe alright. Just breathe Timmy.”
He calms down a lot quicker this time, and once he has breathing under control he looks up out of the car to find the others all staring at him with concern. He forces a weak smile as he looks at them, “I’m fine, you just scared me that’s all.”
They didn’t look convinced.
“Tim, it’s clearly a lot more than that isn’t it?” Conner asks bluntly.
“Yeah dude, you practically had a panic attack then.” Bart adds from behind Conner.
Tim swallows and shakes his head, “It’s nothing, I’m fine. We ready to go?”
The others all share a look but nod. Before they all climb into the car Conner turns to Bart, “You okay driving to the farm from here? I know I’m supposed to be driving but…”
He didn’t have to finish that sentence because Bart was already smiling in understanding. “That’s fine, just point me where to go when we get closer, I vaguely remember the route.”
They finally all climb in the car, Conner was sat at the back with Tim while Bart and Cassie are together up front.
“Timmy?”
Tim blinks in surprise and looks down at his phone to find Dick still on call. He had completely forgotten he was even speaking to his brother. “I’m here Dick.” He responds, acutely aware that the others in the car could hear his side of the conversation.
“You okay, what just happened? You screamed and almost hyperventilated.”
“it’s fine, the others returned and just made me jump that’s all.” Tim tells him, he really doesn’t want to admit that them scaring him almost made him have another episode. He was aware that he was still slightly shaking and was certainly feeling off but he tried to keep it from showing because the others might see.
“If they’re back could you put Conner on the phone please, I would like to talk with him.”
Tim frowns at the request, “Why? What do you want to say to him?”
On the other side Dick sighs, “Just pop him on the phone Timmy.”
Still frowning Tim holds the phone out to his boyfriend. Conner raises his eyebrows in question. “My brother wants to talk to you.”
His eyes go wide as he takes the phone from Tim and holds it up to his ear. Tim watches him carefully as Dick talks to him about who knows what. Conner occasionally hums which gives absolutely nothing away.
“Okay yeah, I didn’t realise. No he hasn’t said anything to us about it. Yeah alright, well we’re on our way to my grandparent’s farm now, is that an okay place? Yeah? Okay good. I’ll do what I can from this end and make sure he’s comfortable. Okay, I’ll call you if I need help, no it’s okay I can manage. Thanks Dick, I’ll speak to him about it later on. Thanks, bye.” Conner finishes his conversation with Dick and hands the phone back to him. “He wants to speak to you again.”
Almost snatching the phone from his hand Tim scowls as he speaks. “Dick, what did you say to him?” He demands instantly, he already has an idea on what his brother had spoken to his boyfriend about but he wants it confirmed.
Within the car we watches as Conner leans forward and whispers something to the others. Tim was too focused on Dick’s voice to hear what they were saying but he certainly doesn’t miss the concerned glances they send him over their shoulders.
“I just outlined what happened and briefly why.” Dick tells him calmly.
“What!” Tim exclaims. “Why would you do that? There’s a reason on why I never told them about it.”
If Dick was in front of him Tim knew he would be getting glared at right now. “Because they should know Tim. You need to tell them, especially after what happened earlier.”
“But Dick…” he whines pathetically.
“No Tim. You need to tell them, maybe not now because you need some time to calm down but eventually because they need to know what to do if you have another episode. I know that you don’t want to but it’d be for the best if you did.”
Tim knows that his brother is right of course, especially after just now because they’ll be curious and would like to know what’s going on. He’s really not looking forward to sharing his story with them but he knows that he needs to. He sighs and slumps down in his seat defeated.
“Yeah okay, I’ll tell them. Not now but eventually.”
“That’s good to hear Timmy. Anyway since the others are now with you I’m going to go alright. You going to be okay?”
Tim swallows and nods, he feels more at ease now than before though not fully back to normally but is at least heading in the right direction. “I will be.” Tim tells him truthfully.
“Awesome, I’ll check in with you tomorrow, talk you later Tim.”
“Bye Dick, catch you later.” Tim hangs up and looks out of the car window, refusing to look at the others, and finds that they’re back on the main road again now. “I know that you all want to know what’s going on and probably have a million questions but I’ll tell you later on okay,” he pauses to take a deep breath and lets it out, “I just can’t talk about it right now.”
No one says anything and Tim takes that as their acceptance to his wishes, he appreciates it. From there the car is completely silent with the expectation of the radio which was quietly playing some indie song.
Tim leans his head against the window suddenly feeling drained. He hates having an episode, they’re never fun and always leave him feeling emotionally vulnerable and weak. He hasn’t had one in almost a year so that was good but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
With his head against the window Tim stares at the passing scenery trying to think about anything other than what had happened and what will happen in the future.
They arrive at Kent farm just over two hours later. Tim looks out of the window and looks at the farm house they’re quickly approaching, the morning sun is covering the place with an orange glow giving it a warm feel, there are cornfields everywhere, a couple of tractors are parked on the drive way along with an old beat up truck. It definitely has a warm and friendly feel to it (so much more compared to the other one) and Tim just wishes that he felt better to appreciate it more.
After leaving the abandoned farm house Tim had somehow managed to nod off, however he wasn’t asleep for very long. Within half an hour he had woken up screaming, the sudden action and sound had even made Bart swerve on the road from where he had jumped. Kon was at his side in an instant and helped him to calm down. After getting himself together Tim apologised to the others and completely gave up on sleeping all together.
Despite getting over his episode earlier the memories still lingered around enough to cause him to have nightmares over them. After waking up from that nightmare he refused to go back to sleep knowing that only another one was waiting for him if he did.
They pull up into the drive of Kent Farm and Bart parks next to the truck. Next to him Conner was grinning widely and Tim could see him practically vibrating with excitement. Cassie had a look of awe on her face, taking everything surrounding them in and Bart was simply smiling happily from the drivers seat.
The front door to the farm house opens and an elderly couple walk through it onto the porch and down the steps. Conner was up and out of the car before any of them could blink. The three of them watch as Conner embraces the woman with a large hug and a kiss on the cheek and then as he embraces the man with a hug and an affectionate pat on the back.
The three Kent’s all talk together and Tim watches as Conner’s face lights up enthusiastically as he tells them something. Moments later Kon was pointing to the car and begins to motion for them to go over to him.
From the driver’s seat Bart laughs, “Well that’s obviously our cue then,” he unbuckles his seat belt and opens the door, before leaving the vehicle he says, “His grandparents are the greatest by the way, they’re super kind and caring so don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried.” Cassie comments as she climbs out of the car. Tim follows suit but opts to stay quiet.
The three of them make their way over to the Kent’s and stand just a few feet away. Conner turns to them, still smiling, and says, “Ma, Pa, you already know Bart of course.”
The elderly couple smile politely and Bart moves forward to give the woman a hug and the man a handshake. “My, my, my, Bart haven’t you certainly changed since we last saw you!”
Bart shrugs, grinning as he responds, “I haven’t changed that much Mrs Kent.”
“Well you certainly have grown since last time dear.” She says fondly.
Mr Kent reaches out and runs a hand through Bart’s hair. “What’s going on with your hair boy? You trying to replicate a birds nest or something, I wouldn’t be surprised if we find some eggs already in there!”
Bart grins, “Mr Kent you should know by now that my hair cannot be tamed! Plus I like it, it’s free and easy going.”
“Any you young man should know by now to call us Ma and Pa.” Mrs Kent says putting her hands on her hips wearing a fake scowl. Bart blushes and laughs in response.
The Kent’s attention moves away from Bart and over to Cassie. “This must be the lovely Cassandra we’ve been hearing all about.”
Cassie blushes lightly, smiling at them she holds her hand out and shakes both of theirs. “Cassie is just fine with me. It’s nice to meet you both, Conner hasn’t shut up about coming here for weeks.”
The elderly both laugh. “He may not admit it dear but he really is a country boy deep down,” she says sending Kon a teasing smirk.
“Ma…..” He whines, though the smiling he’s wearing tells everyone that he really wasn’t offended by the comment.
Next to him Mr Kent nudges Conner’s arm, gesturing at Cassie he says with a grin, “She’s a lot prettier in person than in the pictures which is hard to beat huh son?”
“Oh definitely.” Conner agrees smirking, he sends a wink at Cassie who just rolls her eyes at him.
They all share a laugh at that and despite his down mood Tim even manages to crack a smile at that. After all the laughter has died down Conner walks over to his side, making eye contact as he does so. Tim sends him a small smile as if to say ‘I’m okay,’ his boyfriend smiles back and carefully puts his arm around Tim and tucks him into his side. Tim allows the contact and relaxes against him.
“And finally Ma, Pa, we have my boyfriend, Tim.”
Kon’s grandparents turn to him and he forces a smile. He knows that he looks like crap, especially after everything that’s just happened but he wants to at least try to make a good first impression. He holds out his hand, grateful that for a moment that it’s steady and not shaking, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kon’s told me a lot about you.”
They both smile back in return, as they shake his hand, “It’s our pleasure Tim, we’ve been looking forward to meeting the young man that Conner’s been so smitten over these past couple of months. We’ve heard a lot about you.”
Tim lets out a nervous laugh and feels Conner squeeze him lightly, “Well I’m sure what you’ve heard from him is greatly exaggerated.”
“Nonsense lad, now come on, you all must be starving from your driving. We’ve already got breakfast cooking.”
“That was amazing.” Bart sighs pleasantly as he stretches his limbs with a dopey grin. “Thank you Ma and Pa Kent for that luxurious breakfast spread.”
Tim, Cassie and Conner all say their thanks soon afterwards. Bart wasn’t wrong, it had been a terrific breakfast spread. Tim was quite surprised with himself with how much he had eaten, he hadn’t realised how hungry he had been after everything that had happened hours before.
After cleaning all of the breakfast dishes and putting them away they all sit around the table and talk, simply getting to know one another. As they do so Tim feels himself relaxing and becoming more at ease. Being in a house that feels friendly and somewhat safe certainly has helped calm his mind down. Of course he still feels on edge, he knows that he needs to talk about what had happened but right now he’s trying to not think about it, he’s just trying to enjoy the time with his boyfriend’s grandparents.
They talk for several hours until late morning when Mr Kent announces that there are still farm chores to be done. It was then that the elderly couple offer the use of their shower so they all could clean up. Tim, Bart and Cassie appreciatively accept the offer while Kon decides to help his Pa with the farm chores.
It’s a couple hours later, when they’ve all had a wash and are in clean clothes that they find themselves tucked away in Conner’s loft inside of the barn. Apparently when Conner was a young teen, shortly after moving in with his grandparents, he wanted his own space other than his bedroom, so in the end he converted the loft of the barn into his own den. There was a sofa bed, a bean bag, a TV, mini fridge, an old games console with several different games and a small desk tucked away in the corner.
The four of them somehow had managed to squeeze themselves all onto the sofa bed once it was pulled out and made up. Tim and Kon were sat on one side leaning against the back of it while cassie and Bart sat opposite them between their stretched out legs.
As they sat there in silence Tim could feel his heart starting to beat a lot faster and his breathing getting quicker as the anxiety starts building up inside of him. He doesn’t know if he’s going to be able to tell them. They deserve to know but actually telling them what happened? Tim doesn’t know if he can do it.
Conner must have picked his nervousness up, or maybe it’s because of how much his hand was shaking as it plays with the hem of his t-shirt, because his boyfriend was suddenly reaching over and forcing his hand off his t-shirt to lace their fingers together.
“You don’t have to tell if you don’t want to Tim. We’d understand.”
Tim shakes his head and swallows the lump that’s formed in his throat. “No. you deserve to know, I – I want you to know, it’s just…” he makes a weird gesture with his free hand with a frown, “Complicated.”
He feels a hand come on his leg and as it gives him a squeeze. “Dude take your time, there’s no rush.” Bart tells him looking earnest.
Tim doesn’t respond to him, he’s still trying to work out the best way to tell them. Once again Conner makes a move and grabs both of his hands this time and holds them both. “Why don’t you start from the beginning?” He prompts him gently.
Tim nods his head in agreement. The beginning. Right. He could that. It’d be a good place to start at least. He takes a deep breath before letting it out shakily.
“Right, the beginning… I guess that would be when I was 15. When I was 15 I was kidnapped.” He tells them. He has to keep reminding himself to breath as he talks. He doesn’t look at any of them either, he simply keeps his eyes downcast at his and Conner’s laced fingers. “I was taken by a man nicked named the Joker. I don’t know how much you guys know about him, but this man was a psycho, an absolute psychotic monster of a human being. Anyway, I was taken by this man when I was on my way home from a charity gala I attended with my family, I happened to be stupidly walking on my own because I got in a pissy and stormed out.”
Tim shakes his head at the memory, it had been such a petty thing that he got worked up over but at the time it really was a major thing to his teenage-self.
“The man held me hostage for days maybe a week, but uh…” he has to take a deep breath to try and control himself as he says this next part, “Uh… while he had me he practically tortured me. He cut me, burned me, beat me and laughed as I screamed in agony. It was this hysterical, manic laughter as I cried from what he was doing to me. He had restrained me, gagged me and everything, I couldn’t get away.”
Tim could feel tears running down his face as he talked, when they had started he had no idea but he freed one of his hands from Conner’s solid grip and wiped his eyes. Still refusing to look at the others he carried on talking, his voice now sounding thick with emotions as he tried to control them.
“Soon enough the police found me and freed me. I was admitted to the hospital straight away and treated.” Tim couldn’t help but laugh bitterly as he says, “Of course that isn’t the end of the story. That would be too simple right? Because once I was free soon followed the trauma, so nightmares, flashbacks, freak-outs, panic attacks, paranoia and insomnia. It really fucked me getting kidnapped and tortured. My family were a massive help, I wouldn’t have made it through without them.”
He pauses to take in another deep breath and lets it out. He stares intensely at his and Conner’s hands as he remembers that horrible time in his life, as he remembers all the details of everything he had gone through. He tries to not let it overwhelm him which was difficult but after doing his breathing exercises for a minute he finds himself calming down. It wasn’t until Conner squeezes his hands in silent support that he starts talking again.
“Like I said, what happened fucked me up. Even though it happened over 9 nine years I still get affected by it. Occasionally I have, what me and my family call, an episode. An episode is basically me having a flash back to when I was held captive and it’s like I’m living in that moment all over again. I don’t get them very often anymore, maybe one every 9 to 12 months. Obviously when I was 15 and 16 I was having them all the time but as I started to recover, started to mentally heal, they became less often as time went by. They’re pretty rare now.”
“Nowadays what causes me to have an episode is for something to trigger my memories. The reason I had one earlier is because that abandoned farm house reminded me of the warehouse I was trapped in when I was held hostage. It just triggered the episode. I felt uneasy when we were at the bottom of the drive but it hit me when we went up to the house.”
Next to him, Tim hears Conner make a pained noise and he knows that his boyfriend is now probably feeling guilty for unintentionally triggering him off. Tim squeezes his hand back, trying to offer his own comfort to the man.
“To help me come out of the episodes,” he continues, “I do simple breathing exercises to help try and calm myself down and because they help to focus my mind on something else. Having someone talking me through it really helps too. Like earlier, I somehow managed to call Dick up and he helped me through this one. I can recover from an episode quite quickly now as I’ve had my time to heal and I know how to deal with it but when I was 16 it was awful. It took hours sometimes even days for me to recover from one but now it’s not so bad. I can deal with it.”
Once he’s finished talking his words hang in the air surrounding them. It’s silent and tense in the room as his friends digest everything he’s told them. Tim allows them to think it over because it is a lot to take in and he knows it’s not always easy to understand it all either.
The silence continues and Tim becomes uncomfortable with it. To break the unsettling silence he speaks up, “The man who kidnapped me died years ago. Turns out he had a brain tumour and cancer. In a messed up way I was happy to see him go, it even sort of helped me recover because then I knew it was never going to happen again. It’s a horrible way to go don’t get me wrong but at the time I wasn’t even thinking about it.”
Tim finally looks up from his and Conner’s hands to the others and was surprised at what he saw. Cassie had tears in her eyes, her hands were clenched tightly in her lap. Bart was frowning and he had one arm slung over Cassie’s shoulder’s in a comforting way. Next to him Kon had a mixture of anger, guilt and sadness crossing his expression, his hand was still holding onto Tim’s tightly while the other was clenched into a fist.
Tim takes another breath and lets it out. “I don’t want your sympathy or any kind of condolence. That’s not what I’m after, I told you this because you all deserve to know. At least if I have another episode you all know what’s going on and how you could probably help. But it’s okay, what happened, happened years ago, I’m dealing with it and that’s what matters. I don’t want to put a downer on the mood while we’re here so let’s just move on and enjoy Kent farm.”
He forces a smile on his face as he talks, hoping to convince them all that he’s doing alright and how he wants them all to carry on like nothing ever happened
Conner squeezes his hand, “Thank you for telling us Tim. It must have been hard but we appreciate it.”
Opposite them Bart lets out a laugh, “And when you think you know a guy they just simply drop a bomb like that straight on to ya.”
“Bart!” both Cassie and Conner scold him. Tim doesn’t feel offended by the comment, he simply snorts at his words.
Bart grins and holds his hands up in surrender. “I know, I know, I’m only joking. But seriously Tim, you can always come to us if you want to get something off your chest.”
Tim nods appreciatively, “Same goes to you.”
“Exactly what they said Tim,” Cassie joins in giving him a soft look, “We’re all here for one another.”
“As sweet as this is I think that we should all get some rest, it’s been a long day and we’re all going to be exhausted if we don’t get any rest soon.” Conner says with a grin. The rest of them share that smile and nod in agreement.
Bart and Cassie get off the bed first and Kon follows behind them, not letting go of Tim’s hand he hulls him up to his feet straight off the bed. Tim yelps at the sudden action but manages to keep his balance steady.
“Right, so Cassie, Bart, you’ll both be staying in the guest bedroom while you’re here if you didn’t know that already.” Conner tells them as they all make their way out of the loft and back to the house. “I’ll be in my room and Tim, you’re sleeping with the cows.”
Tim playfully smacks him for that. They get to the house and tell Kon’s grandparents that they’re all going to get some rest after a long day and then part their separate ways.
They go about getting ready for bed despite it still being late afternoon and it wasn’t until Tim settles down on the mattress that he realises how exhausted he felt. It’s been a long and emotional night and day and Tim is more than ready to call it and go to sleep (hopefully without nightmares waking him up this time.)
“Hey.”
Tim looks up from the bed and finds Conner walking into the bedroom and closing the door behind him as he does so. His boyfriend walks straight over to the bed and lies down on it with an exaggerated groan, Tim couldn’t help shake his head at the ridiculousness of it.
A moment later the mattress underneath was shifting and then strong arms were wrapping around him and dragging him backwards across the bed. He allows Conner to manhandle him around so they’re lying side by side facing each other. His boyfriend’s hand reaches up to cup the side of his face and Tim immediately covers it with his own and laces their fingers together
“How are you?” The other man asks looking at him with concern.
Tim shrugs, “I’m okay, just tired. It’s been a long day.”
Conner makes a humming sound in agreement, “It has been yeah.” He pauses and Tim sees him press his lips together in the way that tells him he wants to say more but doesn’t know how to word it.
“Hey, what’s on your mind Kon?” Tim gently prompts him.
Conner swallows and suddenly looks guilt ridden. “I’m sorry to hear what you had to go through as a teenager. If I knew I wouldn’t have taken us to the abandoned farm house. I didn’t mean to cause you to have an episode.”
Tim sighs sadly and unhooks their fingers in order to hold Conner’s face with his own hands instead. “Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t know, you can’t blame yourself for not knowing something.” Tim tells him firmly. “Like I said earlier, what happened to me happened a long time ago, I’ve had my time to heal and while I still get occasionally affected by it I have an amazing family who I can talk to about it as well as incredible group of friends.”
“it shouldn’t have happened though, you shouldn’t have to have gone through all that. It’s not fair.” He mutters miserably.
Tim snorts, “Well life ain’t fair Conner, we just have to keep on going and keep on fighting.”
“I guess.”
Tim leans forwards and presses a kiss to his lips. Kon hums appreciatively and kisses him back. When they break apart Tim shuffles closer to Kon and tucks his head under the man’s chin and settles against his chest. Instantly he feels an arm being wrapped around him and as Kon presses himself even closer.
His boyfriend presses a kiss on the top of his head. “I’m proud of you by the way. It must have been hard to open up to us about what happened, I’m proud of you doing that. I’m also kind of thankful because now I know I can help you and know how to do it.”
Tim hums thoughtfully, hearing Kon say that means so much he doesn’t even realise. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, I just didn’t really think about it or didn’t really want to tell you but now I’m glad you know.”
He gets another kiss on the head as the two of them fall into silence. It wasn’t long until he could feel his exhaustion catch up on him and drags him into sleep. Hopefully he’ll rest easier tonight as he’s tucked up in the safety of Conner’s arms, the man beside him certainly offers warmth and a sense of security. Fully relaxing in his boyfriend’s arms Tim attempts to clear his mind for a final time and eventually drifts off to sleep.