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There were only five days until The Big Day. Five days till Iruka was making an honest man out of Kakashi, well, honest in the eyes of the law that was. Kakashi would be no blushing bride that was for sure. Kakashi felt he should be scared or have the jitters or something along those lines but to know you were marrying your soul mate was helped to calm his nerves. They were meant to be after all.
And miraculously, despite all the chaos of being superheroes and living in space, Sakura had managed to have everything done; the catering, the venue, the cake and, of course, Kakashi's dress. He'd had his last fitting just two days ago and it was now hanging in a clothing bag in the back of Kurenai's closet. Everything was ready, except for the flowers and the flower arrangements.
Kakashi had actually found Sakura with her head down a hatch and butt in the air making very colourful threats about fire and furry tails. She had been openly ignored. But! Kakashi was not going to let that interfere with his giddy mood. So, he had planned a lavish drink and bonfire party where they would burn every single bridal and wedding magazine. Luckily enough The Snake Brigade had been quiet so they could enjoy the downtime and just get poor pissed drunk.
Kakashi had been enjoying himself, especially because he'd coaxed Iruka out from his wire tunnels, leaning his head against Iruka's soft ears giggling like a teenager every time they moved. The bonfire on the desk was burning hot through his mask and the alcohol in his blood made everyone around him soft edged.
Until the whole assembly room had burst into a sickly green light.
-x-
"I don't think that was meant to happen."
Asuma looked incredulously at Kurenai. "Two of our team members just disappeared in a green flash, one of them being the reason we are floating in fuck cold space. I'll say that was exactly what was meant to happen!"
"No, I'm agreeing with Kurenai," Sakura said. She was still looking at the empty seats where Kakashi and Iruka sat just five minutes ago. "Orochimaru looked horrified."
Kotetsu and Izumo nodded gravely.
"And what does that mean?" Asuma took a deep drag of his smoke and ignored his shaking hands.
"I don't think Kakashi was meant to disappear."
"What? No! That can't…" Asuma spluttered and looked at the crazy he called team mates.
They all looked back at him, eyes round and serious.
"Oh, you gotta be kidding me!"
-x-
Kakashi woke up to a bony toe prodding him in the ribs. He grunted in discomfort. "G'way" he mumbled with a lazy attempt to push Iruka's bare foot away from him.
"Get up, Kakashi."
Kakashi just flipped over onto his belly and buried his head in the thick luscious grass and took a deep inhale. It smelled of morning dew and hot spices wrapped in candy floss and, oddly enough, a touch of Iruka. "Come snuggle with me, kitty."
The hard smack to his right butt cheek caught him by surprise and an embarrassingly high squawk left his lips.
"Open your eyes and get up or I will let the pixies eat your alabaster skin!"
Kakashi got up quickly albeit a little unsteady and…
"We're not on Earth."
Iruka snorted, "No, you don't say."
"Shut up," Kakashi said and let his eyes adjust to the unfamiliar light around him. No, they were definitely not on Earth. The thing he thought was grass did indeed look like grass but with the wrong colour, it was deep teal with a white underside.
They were surrounded by big gnarly trees that twisted their way high above. The leaves weren't green, like on earth, but a sort of translucent pearl that shimmered in a multiple of different colours. There were other kinds of plants, flowers and shrubberies around them in various colours Kakashi didn't have a name for. But overall he was clever enough to deduce they were in a forest.
Two suns and what looked to be a moon hung in a triangular shape in the sky providing a soft mixture of pink and orange light. It was like looking through the same kind of filter they used in South Korean talk shows or quiz games, when they were shooting the food porn.
Kakashi thought the fake ohs and ahs in the background would work just fine here and he almost understood Iruka's strange fixation on food phrases… almost.
A normal person would have gaped or fainted or something equally stupid but Kakashi was a Superhero. He had done and seen some pretty weird shit over the years and he was marrying an alien in five days, hopefully.
"So, what do we do now?" Kakashi asked Iruka, who was gazing into the foliage very intently. His fluffy, brown ears twitched and turned.
"I would start by killing the pixies."
Kakashi frowned and looked around, "What pixi…
-x-
"How do we get them back?"
"Maybe we should start by finding out where they are in the first place."
"How do we do that then?"
"I don't know!"
"You're all goddamn useless."
-x-
Iruka was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. He moved fast and graciously through the air cutting heads off the small animals buzzing in the air around him. They were all bony bodies with stretched peach pink skin and exposed teeth.
Their wings were mosquito like and the whole glade was humming with the noise. The simple white T-shirt and tight dark jeans didn't hinder Iruka's incredible moves and the fabric showed off the muscles in his arms and thighs. His tail swished around helping him keeping the balance on the spongy forest floor.
Kakashi had tried to help but his lightning had only made tiny flamingo pink sparks shaped like cotton balls, which bounced right off the creatures without doing any harm.
Kakashi had ended back on the ground when Iruka pushed him out of the way of claws and teeth.
"My hero," Kakashi whispered in awe and blushed unabashedly under his blue mask.
The last head fell to the ground and Iruka struck a battle pose, knife in his right hand, T-shirt spattered with green blood and eyes blazing.
"We need to have otherworldly sex, like, right now." Kakashi declared, watching Iruka as he pranced back to him and reached out his left hand.
"There's no time," he said and pulled Kakashi up off the ground, "I know where we need to go."
"How do you know that?" Kakashi asked while he dusted off dirt from his grey skinny jeans. He did an awkward shuffle trying to see if he had dirt on his butt and didn't see Iruka walking to the edge of the glade.
"Because this is Kath Gofod, my home planet."
"Your what?"
"Come along now, sugar cookie, we have a way to go."
Iruka didn't even look back at Kakashi as he disappeared amongst the shadows of the trees and Kakashi had no choice but to stumble after him.
-x-
The metal plate floor around the HQ's teleporter was overflowing with wires, all kinds of small diodes, lasers and one frustrated Superhero.
"So if I plug this thingy," Kotetsu said and waved the end of a thick wire over his head, "into that thingy." He pointed at another wire that looked exactly the same, "we'll create magic?"
Izumo threw a screw at Kotetsu's head without looking away from one of the big screens.
"We need Iruka," Kurenai exclaimed, who was perching on a table flipping through a bridal magazine with scorched edges.
"Asuma, please tell your broad Iruka is not here at the moment." Kotetsu snapped as he plugged the two wires together. He yelled in surprise when one of the smaller wires slithered around his throat.
"There's natural material in wires, too, you asshat!" Kurenai hissed.
"Hey, can you all shut up!" Yelled Izumo as his fingers flew across the keyboard, "I know Iruka left some kind of instructional manual behind. I just have to find it."
"You said that a day ago." Sakura piped up from her place at the teleporter's foot panel.
"The wedding is in three days." Kurenai muttered sadly.
Sakura agreed with a small sniffle, "all that hard work."
Asuma puffed away on his smoke, ignoring everybody, because they were all insane and everybody ignored Kotetsu's croaked pleas for help on the floor.
-x-
Considering Iruka's mastery of technology Kakashi believed he came from a planet of skyscrapers not a forest planet.
They had been walking for what felt like hours on paths only Iruka could see. They didn't talk much but Iruka had taken Kakashi's hand, when he caught up to him, and hadn't let go since. Kakashi trusted Iruka and all the questions swarming his brain would be answered once everything was a little more settled.
"There's no popsicles here," Iruka said suddenly.
"Well, then it's good we'll go home, right?"
Iruka smiled and clasped Kakashi's hand a little tighter.
"There's a city behind that archway," Iruka said and pointed at a tree up ahead. There where stairs leading up to a big three, the sky peeking through the hole that was cut through the stem. Intricate symbols decorated the sides and hundreds of chimes hang from the branches. The sound was unlike anything Kakashi had ever heard before.
They could easily walk side by side through the stem and the sight, when they reached the other side, took Kakashi's breath away.
-x-
Izumo made a cry of triumph, "I've found the manual."
"Oh, thank heavens!" Sakura muttered from the floor. They were all exhausted after two sleepless night of trying to figure out how to work the teleporter.
"There's a problem though."
"What?"
"It only says: stay away from my master piece, you fermented soy bean."
"I'm gonna strangle that alien, I swear." Asuma grumbled and opened his tenth pack of smokes in two days. It was a personal record.
-x-
The city Iruka led them to was sculpted into the cliff walls of a narrow canyon. The two walls where connected by three big stone bridges; one at the top, one in the middle and one at the bottom, just above the glittering river that flowed beneath. There were smaller bridges here and there made out of wood.
Windows, columns paths and stairs in all designs flowed into each other seamlessly and mimicked the stems of the trees in the forest they had just left.
"Is this your city?" Kakashi asked Iruka quietly.
"No, but it does resemble it a lot."
There was a distant look in his eyes so Kakashi distracted him with a cloth covered kiss on the cheek and thankfully it earn him a grin of white teeth.
-x-
"What about dragging Orochimaru back here and make him undo what he did?"
"Then you're the one telling Iruka we willingly harboured the über villain at his space station," Asuma said hoarsely.
Sakura paled.
-x-
For once Kakashi was the odd one out. Him, missing a tail and fluffy ears, had caused some snickering behind hands and some were bold enough to try to peek down the back of his pants. It was all worth it, though, to see Iruka laugh and that adorable scar across his nose scrunch up in amusement. There was excited gibberish all around him as they were guided down one beautiful crafted tunnel after the other and Kakashi understood why Iruka rarely left his own tunnels at the space station.
It hadn't been difficult for Iruka to find the people they needed for whatever he was planning and Kakashi, being the alien for once, had attracted a big following.
He didn't mind their pinching or prodding and he even made a few sparking pink cotton balls for the smaller children but when someone had tried to tug on the blue bandana covering his eye Iruka had slapped the hand away harshly.
Kakashi felt like swooning.
When there was a pause in Iruka's rant with an older looking man with greying ears and tail Kakashi finally asked, "Where are we going?"
"They have a teleporter like the one back at HQ. I should be able to tune into its frequency, easily."
"Oh," Kakashi sighed happily. "That's nice."
"I'm a genius like that, you know," Iruka said haughtily but the shining laughter in his brown eyes took away the bite of the words and Kakashi chuckled.
"But I feel like this has been way too easy." Kakashi frowned.
Iruka rolled his eyes and yanked Kakashi along when he stopped moving. "It's not some bad sci-fi novel."
"I hope it's been as easy back home."
After that he stopped talking. They had reached the end of the tunnel and a teleporter looking like Iruka's only five times bigger appeared in front of him.
Kakashi wanted to go home; he really did but still… "Iruka, do we have to go home right now?"
Iruka turned around and looked at Kakashi questionably with his soft brown ears lying flat on his head.
"You're my hero. I should repay you with otherworldly sex." Kakashi said as low and deep as he could, making sure his soul mate could see the lust in his eye. Iruka's answering grin was absolutely feral.
-x-
They had tried anything except from smashing the blasted thing apart and the last day had consisted of full out battles against each other.
Asuma could still hear Sakura's howling winds in his ears even though Kurenai had stopped it hours ago, by stuffing the young Superhero's head down the soil of one of her potted plants until she passed out.
"We're useless." Kotetsu whispered gloomily from his place on the floor. His eyes were wide and blank and Asuma swore he hadn't blinked for the past twenty minutes.
"The wedding is today." Sakura sighed. She was still plucking small roots out of her hair.
"We have to cancel." It took a lot of strength for Kurenai to say those words and she clung to Asuma's arm, her long sharp nail digging into his flesh. Sakura dropped her head and started sobbing wetly. Izumo had started playing Minecraft yesterday. So far, he hadn't won a single game.
"Look," Asuma spoke up carefully, "they're soul mates. It's not like them not having a wedding is gonna split them up. We'll focus on getting them back and when they do we can have a wedding."
Sakura sobbed harder and Kurenai wiped her nose on his shoulder.
"Come on, guys. Let's just…"
The teleporter crackled. Blue sparks of electricity suddenly ran along the thick wires on the floor and up under the ceiling. The big room hummed with raw energy. Then there was a flash of a white blinding light. Asuma quickly covered both his and Kurenai's eyes.
"Hello, team mates." A cheery and very familiar voice bellowed. Asuma opened his eyes and blinked away the white spots.
Iruka and Kakashi stood in the middle of the teleporter. They weren't wearing the same clothes as the day they disappeared but they seemed happy and relaxed. Kakashi had an arm around Iruka's shoulder and were beaming at them under a tight grey mask. Iruka's tail was wrapped around Kakashi's waist and he didn't even start a bitch fit when he surveyed the carnage in front of him.
"We come bearing souvenirs." Kakashi proudly proclaimed and held out a simple leather bag.
Asuma needed to find his lighter, light up a new smoke and then he was going to kill them, slowly and bloody and painfully.
END