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The old house, with its wildly overgrown garden, was silent and secretive. Atsushi stopped, blinked and swallowed the fear away. It remained settled in his stomach, but even so, he passed the threshold and walked to the door. He knocked firmly, making himself stand a little taller, a little bigger. Whoever was behind the door, he was stronger.
In the time he talked courage into himself, he also realized that no one came to answer him. He knocked again, a little harder. The wood was old and worn, if Atsushi knocked any harder, he’d definitely break the door. A beat. Another beat. No answer, so Atsushi opted for pushing lightly at the door. It opened easily, albeit screeching and groaning.
Atsushi winced. He hoped he wasn’t trespassing. Kunikida would kill him for sure if that came to light, not to mention the possible resident in the house. He really thought there’d be someone home… it was what they had told him. He needed to talk someone regarding a string of unexplainable murders. Well, Ranpo could probably explain them. Unfortunately, their best detective was out for the time being.
Spider threads caught in his face, a sign that no one had been there for quite some time. Hissing, not unlike a cat, he batted the strings away. Atsushi looked around and stepped out to the living room, purposefully keeping the door open. Sunshine peaked through dirt-caked windows, appearing as golden specks on the wooden floor. It seemed like a normal house, a little empty and a little abandoned, but otherwise normal. Decorated in a mixture of western styles and Japanese styles, somewhat similar to the Armed Detective Agency’s office. Oh, what he wouldn’t do to be back in the office…
A thick layer of dust had gathered all over the place, and with every movement Atsushi made, pieces of dust flew around. Okay, abandoned house that wasn’t exactly supposed to be abandoned. Totally not creepy. Maybe he had the wrong address? With a quick check on his phone, that was countered. Everything was right, and yet there was something not right. Something on the tip of his tongue that Atsushi just couldn’t place his finger on.
The place was eerily silent, except for the squeaks under Atsushi feet and the one time he bumped out against a table. Atsushi made a mental promise that if anything remotely supernatural occurred, he would get out of the place faster than his feet could carry. He may possess the toughness of a tigress, but don’t make the mistake of believing Atsushi always calls for it.
“Boo!”
The sound was sudden and in great contrast to what Atsushi’s seen before. He whirled around and jumped right into the culprit, a scream on his lips that came out strangled. The whatever-it-was had two hands that kept him steady, pressing Atsushi’s chest against its own, nearly humanoid one. He tried to get away, hitting and all, but to no avail. The arms wrapped around his waist, tighter and tighter. It was warm and familiar and yet so very foreign. And as Atsushi looked up—expected a horribly disfigured face of a monster that will first squeeze him to death and then gobble him up as a snack—he’s merely greeted by the face of the one only Dazai.
“Boo!” Dazai whispered again, but this time Atsushi was not scared.
“Oh,” he said, feeling his cheeks flush in embarrassment. His heart beat frantically against his ribcage. Dazai stood there, in all his glory, grinning down at him with satisfaction. Atsushi was still trapped in Dazai’s grip, wondering how he could’ve mistaken Dazai for a big, slimy monster. “D-Dazai-san, so it’s you,” Atsushi greeted, trying to maintain the impression he had any dignity left. Which he didn’t, because Dazai was still holding him not unlike lovers do.
But that was an absurd concept—he and Dazai, lovers? It was more unlikely than one could think. Besides, he didn’t harbour any non-platonic feelings towards Dazai, and vice versa.
It was quiet. Atsushi stared at Dazai, and Dazai looked back, still grinning dumbly. Atsushi averted his gaze, avoided looking at perfect eyelashes and gleaming eyes. He dug his nails in the fabric of Dazai’s coat, on the shoulders where he had his hands rested. The scent of crab meat filled Atsushi’s nostrils. “So,” he began, clearing his throat, “was it necessary to scare me like that?”
“Atsushi-kun,” Dazai sighed dramatically, “I just couldn’t help myself. You were here all alone, so timid, so small. How could I have resisted?”
Atsushi didn’t have the answer to that question, nor did he have an answer to the question to why is Dazai still holding him? A shiver crawled up his spine, and he had the feeling it was in a good way. Atsushi cleared his throat, hoping it will help him shake the sensations away; they didn’t. “Maybe you should’ve at least tried resisting me,” Atsushi said.
Dazai stilled, the grip on the younger strengthening. Atsushi froze, rewinded the previous few seconds and explodes in shades of red. It was like choosing the wrong dialogue option in a simulator—or maybe the right one in a dating simulator. But this wasn’t a simulator or fake, it was real life and actually happening.
“I-I-I didn’t mean it like that!” Atsushi stammered, and if Dazai didn’t have his arms wrapped around him, he would’ve surely flailed, “I meant that you need to resist bullying me again.” He swallowed, peering at Dazai’s face. The tips of his ears were dusted red, peeking out from his hair.
Dazai inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and smiling as if he was savouring the moment. “No can do,” Dazai answered. When he reopened his eyes and Atsushi was met with those pools of brown once more, there was a crinkle by his eyes, softening his face. “You’re just too cute not to tease,” he murmured, and for the content of the sentence, his tone was far too gentle, too loving.
Atsushi feels like he was on the verge of having a heart attack. It was too much for him, from being alone in a creepy house to being in such close proximity to his mentor. A revelation hit Atsushi, and he bit his lip. “Dazai-san?” He spoke up a few moments later, and Dazai hums. They had even begun swaying a little bit. It made Atsushi’s heart race as much as it soothed him, like the only thing missing in this was a lullaby to lure them into sleep. And yet Atsushi felt more energetic than ever, as if he could run a marathon in a jiffy. As if he could take on the world.
“Why are you holding me like this?” Atsushi asked carefully. He hoped Dazai wouldn’t see the flush on his face and make a connection of a sort. But who was he kidding, this was Dazai. He knew practically everything, and if he didn’t, he’d nag you until he does.
“Oh, that? Because I know otherwise, you’d be scared, of course!” Dazai replied nonchalantly, “can’t have you jumping all around the place like a scaredy cat.”
“I’m not a scaredy cat!” Atsushi protested, and to proof this, he stepped out of Dazai’s hold. Instantly, it was colder, and he had the inexplicable urge to step right back in. The scent of crab meat that clung to Dazai seemed more far away than ever. He resisted this however and spread his arms to showcase himself. “See, I’m not a scared.”
“There’s a spider behind you, by the way,” Dazai mentioned, his eyebrows furrowing in apprehension. He took a step backwards and curled his lip in disgust—goodness, how could someone still look beautiful even then?
But Atsushi wouldn’t fall for it this time. He shook his head in disapproval, clicked his tongue and put a hand on his hip. “You won’t trick me this time, Dazai-san. Honestly, you’re being cliché right now.”
Dazai stared at a spot on the floor behind Atsushi, and only briefly flashed his eyes back to Atsushi. “I’m not kidding, there’s a big, fat spider behind you,” he informed quietly. And when Atsushi turned around, he found that Dazai was right all along. His scream cut through the entire neighbourhood for sure, and in order to get away, he staggered right back into Dazai’s arms. Dazai seemed all too happy to wrap his arms around his subordinate again.
“Told you,” Dazai grinned, but something soft around the edges, “my cute little scaredy cat.”
Fresh heat crawled up Atsushi’s neck. Maybe this was worth being a scaredy cat, just a little.
Atsushi tossed and turned in his futon. No position seemed to be able to lure him into sleep. Atsushi inhaled and exhaled, hoping that a steady breath would help him. Something about himself felt strange, new, foreign. But nice. So very, very nice. This feeling was better than being engulfed in cotton candy and be met with a thirty bowls of Chazuke. Okay, maybe not Chazuke. Nothing beat Chazuke. Very close, though.
New emotions intruded Atsushi’s head; ones he could barely place a finger on. It reminded him a little of what the protagonists of romantic novels he and Kyouka had once read out of curiosity. Romance? Huh, could he harbour romantic feelings for Dazai…?
Nah.
Atsushi nearly began laughing, but quickly realized he had to be quiet for Kyouka. He wasn’t in love with Dazai—such a concept, it was utterly ridiculous. Dazai was a very dear person to him, his mentor, the person who had saved him and given him a space to live. A person who was always there for him.
He put the idea of the romance out of his mind and began dissecting his emotions until he fell asleep. A short sleep, as a result of thinking about questions he did not get any answers of.
It was interesting, how comfortable he was in Dazai’s presence; how much he liked to be with him. The way Atsushi’s head spun when Dazai was in a good angle. The manner in which Dazai walked and talked. How giddy he got whenever they’d meet. And when he left, Atsushi would feel a little sad. And yet, it was obvious that Dazai got on his nerves all the time. Such as now, when Atsushi was just trying to his (and Dazai’s) paperwork, when there was a pressing weight resting against his back. Dazai had obviously decided that Atsushi was his new ‘leaning pole’, as the man himself had so eloquently put it.
“Dazai-san, don’t you think it’s time to get off me?” Atsushi pleaded, but Dazai merely pressed down harder.
“No,” he whined, “you’re so comfortable. So unlike Kunikida-kun, who’s super uncomfortable and is always mean to me.” Kunikida grumbled something about it being his own fault, and Atsushi couldn’t help but to agree.
“Can’t you find a pillow or something? Be creative, for goodness’ sake,” Atsushi huffed. More than that, he couldn’t bring himself to say, he was overcome by exhaustion due to lack of sleep.
“Meh. Too much effort, and you’re right here. Isn’t that creative, using you?”
“Be creative, but without bothering other people,” Atsushi corrected through gritted teeth. He sighed immediately after, relaxing his tense muscles to retain whatever strength he had left.
“Now, where’s the fun in that? ‘Bothering’ is my middle name, after all,” Dazai replied, and Atsushi could practically feel him laughing. Could feel his chest vibrating and slightly shifting against Atsushi’s back. He hoped Dazai couldn’t feel his heart beating rapidly in his ribcage. How could his body waste resources like that when he was already incredibly tired?
“I believe that,” Kunikida muttered, filling in the silence when Atsushi’s mouth was too dry to retort.
“Thank you for your faith in me, Kunikida-kun,” Dazai replied smugly, “I shall try my best to live it up.”
Kunikida’s eye twitched. “Dazai, you don’t even need to try your best to bother people, really,” Ranpo spoke up, in the process of munching on a cupcake.
“Thank everyone for their faith in me,” Dazai said, fake-swooning over their non-existent trust in him, “I shall remember this when I’m dying, hopefully soon.”
Atsushi, who had been in the process of accepting his fate as Dazai’s living cushion, had started pushing Dazai away again. It ended up in Dazai relocating his attention to him and pushing back harder. Back against back, Beast Beneath the Moonlight against No Longer Human. Dazai’s nullification ability won and Atsushi ended up being flattened against his desk, his cheek on the keyboard. That would result in the biggest keysmash ever in his half-finished report about a bunch of lost kittens being rescued (Fukuzawa insisted they accepted this case).
“Dazai-san,” Atsushi wheezed, desperately trying to up again. He clenched and unclenched his fists, seeing which one could give him the most support. Atsushi swore that Dazai enjoyed pestering him far too much. One day he would have his revenge, when he got out in the first place. Anger bubbled in his stomach, momentarily replacing the pleasant buzzing from before. “Let me go,” he groaned, but because his cheek was mushed against his laptop’s keyboard, it came out muffled. It wasn’t as if it hurt that much, it was just annoying.
Dazai hands travelled to his sides. The tickling sensation was faint, but still obvious. Atsushi was suddenly met with a surge of energy, enough to push up against Dazai and free himself from the hold. He stood up and the chair was shoved back with an ear-splitting creak. With a glowing face, Atsushi pointed his fingers towards Dazai. “You,” Atsushi hissed, waggling his finger in an accusatory manner, “I’ve told you a thousand times before, that you need to stop annoying me because I’m busy!” He snapped.
A beat. The clock ticked. Another beat. Dazai truly seemed quietened by his outburst. He opened his mouth, however, and that’s when Atsushi realized it was to no avail. “You didn’t tell me a thousand times before though,” he pointed out.
The sudden rush of energy that Atsushi had felt began ebbing away. He was overcome with an aching hurt in his skull. He pressed two fingers to his temples and began massaging himself there. “Okay, okay,” Atsushi repeated, trying to calm himself down. “That’s okay. What did I even expect from you?” Atsushi persisted, “I mean, you can barely take anything seriously, after all.”
“Oi, kid, are you good?” Kunikida asked, but Atsushi ignored that, and he ignored the people starting to glance at him.
“You drive me insane, Dazai-san, but I just don’t know why, and I would do anything to figure it out,” Atsushi babbled, “whenever I see you, I’m overcome by all these feelings and it’s so irritating! Like, I can’t sleep, so I’m exhausted. But do I get any peace in the office? No! Because you keep inconveniencing me to no ends.”
Dazai stuffed his hands into the pockets of his pants. “Sorry, I guess. I didn’t mean it like that.” By the time, everyone is unashamedly listening in to their conversation.
Atsushi’s nostrils flare when he inhales, exhales. “Yeah, sure, whatever. I’m just really tired. And last week, in that abandoned house, when you…” Atsushi gestured vaguely. “Ever since you’ve been… You know? Can you just stop doing all that? It’s nice feeling giddy whenever I see you—it’s very brief though—but my energy is running out. It’s also kind of weird and confusing. And if you could also stop making my heart beat like crazy whenever you get close, that’d be cool too.”
“Atsushi-kun?” Dazai called, sounding a little breathless.
Atsushi blinked, taken aback by the people staring at him. They carried themselves tensely, just as all the frustration was leaking out of Atsushi. “Huh? Yes?”
“For how long, have I made you feel like that?” His voice is a little rough, a little desperate. Dazai’s arms reach out to him, but then they pull back as if it burned. “Are you even listening? Since last week, I said,” Atsushi replied, wondering what said that was so shocking to them.
“What’s so interesting about this? Atsushi’s in love with Dazai. Who cares?” Ranpo said from where he was seated. He had moved on from cupcakes to sugary candies. Yosano hissed his name in a reprimanding manner, but it was too late. The damage was already done. No taking back now.
Intense heat rippled through Atsushi’s face, from the tip of his toes to the top of his head. “Oh—oh my goodness,” Atsushi sputtered, and he shook his head violently. Then, he looked at Dazai, his mouth agape like a dying fish and eyes as big as saucers. He tore his gaze away from Dazai, without truly seeing the expression on his face. He couldn’t. He couldn’t focus and he couldn’t bear to look at Dazai now because he was in love with said person. “I’m—oh my goodness—this can’t be so, I’m in love—? How could this have happened?” He was beginning to sound hysteric, bouncing up and down on one foot restlessly.
A lightbulb had switched on in his brain. How could he have not known that? Now it all made perfect sense.
And then he had declared that—technically Ranpo had—to the entirety of the Armed Detective Agency. It was like someone had poured a bucket filled with ice-cold water on him, and then lit him on fire. While he was naked. It sure felt like he was naked, with all those eyes on him. It was as uncomfortable—as awkward as one could imagine—and the embarrassment of all it made Atsushi want to melt into a puddle and sink through the floor. Preferably, he’d love to be carried through the sewers. And if he could be greedy, he’d like to be swallowed by the sea as well, where he would drift and drift until not even Ranpo’s deducing abilities could locate him.
Maybe he’d end up in some far continent, where he would change his name and begin a business in Chazuke. And then, after many, many years, a man will enter his store. Atsushi, in the process of cleaning up the counter, would look up and be met with Dazai’s beautiful brown eyes. They would stop and stare at each other, while other people in his shop continue to chit-chat while enjoying their food. Incredulously, Dazai would say his name, and Atsushi would say Dazai’s. Sparks are flying all over—
Atsushi’s eyes flew open and with a gasp he sat up. He had a terrible dream—in which Dazai was being overly annoying again. Then, Atsushi flipped, and had started ranting about his feelings. Then, it turned out that all along he was in love with Dazai, which Ranpo had pointed that out in front of all their co-workers. It ended in dreaming of owning a little restaurant, where after a long time, he and Dazai would reunite, since Atsushi had left with the sea.
“Atsushi-kun? You’re finally awake!” Speaking of the devil, on the seat next to the bed with white sheets, Dazai sat. Dazai seemed happy to see him awake and grinned at him, leaning forward and running his hand through his hair. A shiver jolted up his spine. “Are you okay? We rushed you up to Yosano’s office when you fainted. She’s out by the way, she’ll probably come in to check later.”
“I fainted?” Atsushi echoed incredulously. He glanced around; he was indeed in Yosano’s office. He seemed to be one of the patients, unfortunately. But he hadn’t felt sick at all, nor was he injured. It was true that he had been very tired the last few days due to lack of sleep and other things, but nothing he couldn’t catch up to. Had Dazai stayed with him the whole time? Well, if Yosano had ‘treated’ him in somehow, he was glad he didn’t remember it.
In fact, considering his strange dream, it made perfect sense that he had fainted. He must’ve come to office, fallen asleep, have that dreadful dream and wake up in Yosano’s office. “Oh, haha, oops,” he laughed, “I’m sorry for worrying you guys like that. Next time I won’t faint or something,” he added, a little more serious.
“I believe that, Atsushi-kun, but—”
“Did you stay with me all this time?” Atsushi cuts in, keen for the answer. His heart beat harder at the prospect of Dazai staying with him all this time. In a good way.
Dazai blinked and tilted his head slightly. “Yeah, I did.” Dazai took a deep breath. “And about that, I really need to talk to you.”
“Sure,” Atsushi said. He was feeling too giddy to really think about the depth of his words. He frowned, however. “Is Kunikida-san upset with me because I didn’t finish my paperwork? I promise I’ll do it at home.”
“No, no, not that. Who cares about paperwork,” Dazai replied absently, waving his hand. “We need to talk about your accidental love confession to me. Because I didn’t really get the opportunity to answer properly.”
Atsushi stilled. Blood thudded in his brain and he swallowed uneasily. “What are you talking about?” He choked out. Upon seeing Dazai’s expression, his stomach dropped. He paled and hid his face in his hands. “Oh, my goodness. No way…! I-I guess wasn’t a bad dream after all,” he whispered. He was fixed in between two points. One wanted nothing more to sink through the floor and pursue the idea of being a restaurant owner. The other really wanted to bounce all over the room and possibly destroy the whole building in order to get rid of his feelings.
(There was another, the quiet, small part of him that hoped that maybe Dazai would return his feelings. That they could maybe hold hands or something. Kiss if he was feeling brave. Oh, his traitorous heart.)
Dazai slapped his hands on his thighs, catching Atsushi’s attention again. “If you ask me, it’s not surprising at all. And I don’t want you to feel upset about this at all. Because it’s completely understandable that you’ve fallen in love with me. I mean, my looks alone are irresistible, let alone my charms,” Dazai sighs, and places his hand on his forehead. “I figured you would also fall victim to this horrendous curse that is loving me, considering how much time you spend with me.”
“I sure fell victim,” Atsushi confirmed, grimacing at Dazai’s bragging, “to the size of your ego.”
Dazai placed his hand over his heart and swooned, feigning hurt. “How could you, Atsushi-kun? I am incredibly humble, and you know that better than most.” To top that off, Dazai winked at him, which really wasn’t good for Atsushi’s health. He flushed and averted his gaze, gripping the sheets of the bed until his hands were white.
“D-Dazai-san,” Atsushi began, cringing at how weak his voice sounded. But he needed to get this over with, or the weight that was pressing down on his shoulders would suffocate him. “About my feelings for you, I-I-I need you to do it.”
“Do what?” Dazai asked quietly.
Atsushi could feel his eyes trapping him, but he couldn’t muster up the courage to look back at him. “Just, get it over with. I’m really grateful that you’re trying to lighten the mood, but I know what your answer is going to be. So, please, just say it already.”
Atsushi squeezed his eyes shut, where tears prickled. He waited, and waited, but no words came from Dazai. Instead, the man reached out and grabbed one of Atsushi’s hands. He peeled the fingers from where Atsushi was clasping the sheets and intertwined them with his own. “Okay,” he said softly, and brought Atsushi’s hands to his lips. He pressed a kiss to Atsushi’s index finger. The younger man stiffened, peering at Dazai with glassy eyes.
“I like you too, Atsushi Nakajima,” he mumbled against Atsushi’s hands.
“Oh,” Atsushi breathed. Unlike all the other times, realization washed over him steadily. Nothing hit him harshly this time, it was just the calm, steady recognition that Dazai was returning his sentiments. Well, that was his brain. His heart exploded into a thousand lilies, tickling Atsushi’s stomach until he felt like laughing madly, dancing in an open field, and being under a starry night filled with fireworks. “Oh.”
“In fact, I was trying to hint it to you all this time,” Dazai elaborated, and his expression shifted to amused. “In that abandoned house last week, for example. Other instances as well. I took on that case about lost kittens as well, because I hoped it would catch your eye.”
“You were trying to flirt me?” Atsushi questioned, tilting his head to the side and raising an eyebrow. “And they did catch my eye, by the way! But I see not in the way you expected me to.”
“Sort of. Note for later then, ‘be more straightforward with Atsushi-kun’.”
Atsushi cringed, because Dazai being more straightforward could mean plenty of embarrassing situations. Nonetheless, he nodded. “If you want to get your point across, that would help me greatly, yeah.”
Dazai grinned, pressing another kiss to Atsushi’s knuckles. Atsushi bit his lip and averted his gaze, but for other reasons than before. A warm blush adorned his face, but he wasn’t the only one who had a red face. The tips of Dazai’s ears were also tinted pink. “So, to be frank already,” Dazai spoke up, breaking the silence after his confession. He cleared his throat and rubbed his free hand up and down his thigh, a self-conscious move. “Can I kiss you?”
Atsushi blinked, but with a grin, he leaned forward and grabbed Dazai by his front of his tie and pulled him towards himself. Dazai made a small, surprised noise when Atsushi’s mouth enclosed over his own. Within a matter of seconds though, his hand crept up to cup the younger man’s face and kiss him back fervently.
It ended far too soon in Dazai’s opinion. Atsushi pulled back and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve never really kissed anyone before, so I hope that was okay.”
“More than okay, and don’t worry about it. If you want to practise, I’m your guy,” Dazai replied, leaning forward to steal another kiss from Atsushi. The boy, in response, was getting redder than a tomato and let out an embarrassed squeak.
“Sorry for yelling you in the office before, by the way,” Atsushi apologized, frowning in worry.
“Doesn’t matter, it let to this anyway,” Dazai said, shrugging. He plopped down and rested his head on Atsushi’s lap, wiggling a little bit to make himself comfortable. “Speaking of offices, let’s pretend you’re still feeling sick, so I don’t have to go to up to work. It’s boring without you anyway, and if I harass Kunikida-kun, he might faint too.”
“So, you finally acknowledge that you do harass people,” Atsushi commented dryly, placing his hand on Dazai’s head and drawing circles in his hair.
Dazai hummed. “You call it harassing, I call it helping people train their focus.”
“And that’s the story of how Atsushi-kun and I became a couple! Interesting, huh?” Dazai clapped his hands together, smiling broadly at the three cats situated before him. The cats, one entirely black, the other entirely white, and the last one striped like a tiger stared up at him with a distant gaze.
“Meow,” they said.
“I wholeheartedly agree. It’s truly a magnificent love story!” Dazai laughed, he petted them each on their tiny heads.
“Are you telling the cats stories again, Osamu-san?” Atsushi remarked, entering the room with his hands stuffed in his pockets. When Dazai glanced at his husband, wearing one of his shirts again, he whistled. Atsushi rolled his eyes, but the older still noticed his flustered smile.
“Of course,” Dazai admitted smoothly, “they need to be updated on whatever shenanigans we did. It’s important that they know this,” he said.
“They don’t understand you,” Atsushi pointed out, shaking his head at Dazai’s antics.
“Yes, they do,” Dazai countered stubbornly, “I convinced Fukuzawa to teach me how to speak cat. I daresay I’m mastered in the art of it, but not as much as the master himself, of course. Besides, I can talk to you too, right?”
Atsushi groaned, placing a hand on his forehead. “I’m not a cat, Osamu-san, I’m a tiger. But forget about that, I came here to say that dinner’s ready.”
Dazai perked up, in tune with their three cats, who looked far more interested now. “Crab?” He asked eagerly. Atsushi nodded, allowing himself to smile at his husband’s glee expression. Dazai stood up and kissed both Atsushi’s cheeks. “I love Atsushi-kun, and Atsushi-kun only,” he swore, “you are the best spouse I’ve ever had.”
“Thanks—wait a second, I’m your first and only spouse.” Atsushi narrowed his eyes. “Right?”
“Of course, love, is that not what I said?”
“But you implied that—oh nevermind. Let’s go eat before the food becomes cold.”