Work Text:
After the events that had transpired that day, everybody was exhausted. Dean dropped Sam and Kevin off at a motel, saying that he was going to the bar. With a final reminder to watch out for Kevin, the elder Winchester drove off in the Impala. Sam felt a twinge of disappointment, realizing that Dean was probably trying to avoid him. He pushed the feeling aside, knowing that drinking was his brother’s way of coping with the hurt Sam had caused him. Maybe he would even get laid and release some of the frustration he was feeling. It was nothing new for Dean - the one time he went a week without a hookup, Sam accused him of being a shifter and lunged at him with a silver knife. Nevertheless, the thought of Dean wanting to spend his first few nights back with a nameless skank instead of Sam made the latter’s insides twist.
SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN
An awkward silence had fallen over the motel room. In the hour Dean had been gone (or was it two?), Sam and Kevin barely spoke to each other, consumed in their own thoughts. The brothers had decided to get a room where one of the beds was in the main room, and the other two were separated from the main room by a door. Sure, they could’ve gotten separate rooms for themselves and Kevin, but they wanted to be close in case something happened - more often than not, their lives were unpredictable. Thankfully, there was a separate entrance from outside to the second bedroom, so the men could give Kevin - and admittedly themselves - some privacy at night.
As soon as they stepped into the room, however, Sam had flopped directly onto the bed in the main room, too tired to even care that it was supposed to be Kevin’s bed, that the room he and Dean were sharing was only a few steps away. Kevin didn’t seem to mind, so Sam continued to lie on the bed, just staring at the moldy ceiling and thinking. Every time he remembered that Dean was back, that he wasn’t alone any more, his mind brutally reminded him that his brother hated him, and any traces of happiness quickly disappeared. Of course, he wasn’t totally alone - he’d had Amelia - but there was always this gap in his heart that only Dean could fill, an unsettling weight in his stomach familiar from his time at Stanford. He really hadn’t meant to abandon Dean, but when he hit that dog, he felt a sense of responsibility for it. The poor thing probably would’ve died if it he had left it there, and he just couldn’t let the dog down - he’d already let too many people down. Things with Amelia just escalated from there. Sam sighed heavily, prompting Kevin to glance over at him from his seat at the corner table. “You alright, Sam?” he asked tentatively.
Sam looked over at the young prophet. “It’s nothing” he said, sounding much weaker than he had meant to.
“Well, I’m here if you want to talk” the boy replied.
“Thanks Kevin, I appreciate it.” With that, a silence fell over the room once more, though more comfortable than it had been the first time. After a few minutes, Kevin decided to speak up, albeit hesitantly. “It’s about Dean, isn’t it? That’s what’s bothering you?”
Sam snorted. Was it that obvious? Of course it was. The tension between him and his brother on the drive here had been thick enough to cut with a knife. Sam decided to just give in and spill his emotions to the poor boy who was unfortunate enough to be stuck in this room with him. He wasn’t used to sharing feelings, courtesy of Dean’s aversion to chick-flick moments, but he would do anything to lift just a fraction of the weight off his heart.
“Dean hates me” he stated bluntly.
“I doubt he hates you, Sam. I haven’t known you two that long, but I can tell Dean cares a lot about you. Whatever it is, you’ll work it out.”
“That’s just it, Kevin.” Sam sat up on the bed. “We can’t work it out. Not this time. I betrayed Dean’s trust again, and there are no more chances. He hates me, and he always will. As soon as all this God business is over, he’ll probably cut ties with me for good. I’ll just have to accept that.”
Meanwhile, Dean stepped out of the car
and headed to the door leading to his and Sam’s room instead of the main room, as to not rouse Kevin if he was asleep. He’d had a couple drinks at the bar, but not enough to get him drunk. He mostly just sat at the counter mulling over everything that happened since he got out of Purgatory, and found that he just wasn’t in the mood to pick up a chick. He even rejected the advances of a hot blonde who had been coming on to him, making some excuse about being unavailable. As he stepped into the room, Dean noticed that Sam wasn’t there, but he could hear voices drifting through the half-open door from the main room. He was just about to pull the door open enough to walk through, but what he heard froze him in his tracks.
“What makes you think that Dean could ever hate you, his own brother? You made a mistake, and he’ll forgive you. That’s what family is all about.”
Dean couldn’t see Kevin, but he distinctly recognized the kid’s voice. Sammy thinks I hate him? He may have been disappointed with Sam, pissed even, but he wouldn’t go as far as to say he hated his brother. Dean didn’t think anything in the world could make him hate Sam, his sweet little Sammy. What he heard next broke his heart.
“But we’re not really family, at least not anymore. Not after...” Sam’s voice trailed off, beginning to waver, as if he were going to cry.
Dean knew what he was talking about. The demon blood. Ruby. Freeing Lucifer. But Sam had made up for that, hadn’t he? At least in Dean’s eyes. Of course he was still hurt by Sam’s betrayal; some wounds fade, but never fully heal. Still, he had forgiven Sam for that a long time ago, and he thought Sam forgave himself, too. He couldn’t believe his baby brother was still blaming himself.
“For what, Sam?” Kevin asked. “Actually, scratch that. It doesn’t matter what happened. At the end of the day, you and Dean are family, and always will be.”
Dean was glad that Sam at least had Kevin to confide in. He knew Sam had been hurting, but he just felt too betrayed to move past this so soon. It may be unhealthy, but his dad had raised him to push emotions deep down and never let them show.
“You don’t understand,” Sam said softly. “I... here.” Dean could hear him pull something out of his pocket. He stood there confused for a moment, until he heard a computerized voice speak up.
“One voicemail message, from Dean... May 14, 2009...” And then it was his own gruff voice coming through the phone.
“Listen to me, you bloodsucking freak. Dad always said I'd either have to save you or kill you. Well, I'm giving you fair warning. I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster, Sam - a vampire. You're not you anymore. And there's no going back.” The message cuts off with a loud beep, and all is silent for a minute. Dean can’t believe what he just heard. May 14th... the day Sam killed Lilith and let Lucifer out. He doesn’t remember the exact details of the day, but he knows he never said that to Sammy. The message must have been manipulated by angels or demons or some other monster, because he couldn’t have said that. He would never try to kill Sam, and he never hated him. His heart sank when he realized that wasn’t what Sam thought. Dean decided he was done being passive-aggressive; he had to go fix this, had to make sure Sam knew the truth right now.
Sam and Kevin both jumped as Dean threw the door open and barged into the main room. His brother’s eyes widened. “De-Dean?” Sam’s words came out in a shaky breath.
Dean wasn’t wasting any time with an explanation. “I never said that, Sam. The voicemail was manipulated by some creepy-crawly or feathered asshole because I would never say that to you, Sammy. I know I don’t say it often, but you’re my brother and...” Dean sighed, calming slightly now that the truth was out. “I... I love you, man. Not to be a girl or anything but it’s true. I promise I’ll prove it to you as soon as I know how. I’ll get my hands on one of Chuck’s books, and show you the message I really left for you. The one where I tell you we’re family, no matter what. It still hurts that you didn’t look for me when I was in Purgatory, but... I’ll forgive you. I always will.”
Kevin quietly stood and left the room, not wanting to intrude on the brothers’ personal moment.
Sam had stared at the floor throughout Dean’s speech, but looked up at his brother when he was done talking. Dean felt a pang in his heart seeing his brother’s beautiful hazel eyes red-rimmed and stained with tears. “Oh, De.” Sam choked on a sob. Dean strode forward and wrapped his little brother in his arms. It was an awkward position, given that Sam was still sitting on the bed, but neither of them cared. Sam melted into Dean’s embrace. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I -“
“Shh,” Dean gently shushed his brother, rubbing his back soothingly. “We can talk about it later.”
Sam nodded into Dean’s shoulder, relieved. They were together again, and it finally felt like everything was right in the world.