Work Text:
Hold
Hold on
Hold on to me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Hold
Hold on
Hold on to me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady..
One. Two. Four. Eight. Numbers adding up over and over. The thoughts. The comments. The not being enough. The depression. The self harm. The hating yourself. The not being able to understand how your boyfriend loves you. The not being worthy of life..
Sixteen. Thirty-two. Sixty-four. Cuts adding up again and again. Blood gushing all over the sink. The beautiful wine red against the white marble tile. The satisfaction of being in control of the pain. The pain physical blocking the mental, even for a second. The pain being actually bearable.
Mama, come here
Approach, appear
Daddy, I'm alone
'Cause this house don't feel like home
If you love me, don't let go
Eyes getting dark. The feeling of hatred to yourself back again. Looking in the mirror. Can't see anything. Black, pitch black. Scary. Terrors. Horror-terrors gliding past. The sound of screaming. Is that you? No. Dave. He must've come home. You can't open your eyes. Your hearing barely working. But you hear him call someone. You feel yourself starting to get cold. As if a breeze had came through. As if death is finally coming to get you. Death?? Wait. Wait no! Dave!! Help!!! I'm not ready, I don't want to leave you!! Please, I'm scared!! Don't leave me!! Hold my hand!! I'm scared.. Please... You completely black out....
If you love me, don't let go
Your name is Dave Strider. And the only thing you can feel is loneliness and pain right now. And it may be the only thing you will ever feel again. Your boyfriend and love of your life tried to take his life. You came home and looked everywhere for him till you got to your shared bathroom.. Blood, lots of blood. Across Karkat, on the floor, in the sink is puddles of the wine like liquid. And you boyfriend drops. You scream. 'Karkat please!! Wake up!! Baby!! Sweetheart please!! I need you!' Begs go seemingly unheard. The phone is ringing against your ear before you know it, calling for help.
Hold
Hold on
Hold on to me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
The ambulance rushes to the hospital, you in the back. Holding his hand. You cry silently and tone out the paramedics trying to save him. Only looking at his face, truly looking. The dried tears that ran down his face just a short time ago are wiped away with your hoodie sleeve. The hoodie he liked to steal and wear even if it was a couple sizes to big. Memories of that one time you tried to take it back from the cutie, came rushing in, tears sliding down your face a little faster. Blood smudging on the sleeve most liking from him wiping his own tears back in the now haunted bathroom that you will never be able to step foot in. You sniffle and beg to every deity that could even think to exist that he would be okay..
Hold
Hold on
Hold on to me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
When at the hospital he's rushed to surgery, leaving behind a broken soul. Someone who would just sit and cry in a corner, wondering why this happened. Begging to the universe to take him instead, to leave his sweet angry kitten alone. Then the doctor came out with a sorrowful look in his eyes. Dave broke down in to choked sobs.
Mother, I know
That you're tired of being alone
Darkness is all you feel. You can't think, nor hear, or see, anything. Just darkness. Is this what death feels like?
Dad, I know you're trying
To fight when you feel like flying
The doctor says that they saved him. But he will be in a coma for the rest of his life, they estimate. Dave's mind goes blank, and so do his feelings. What about the promise of never letting each other go? Of being there for each other. A part of him is angry that he is being left, another part is praising the universe, for his boyfriend isn't dead. But it's almost as if he is. Dave is now feeling one thing. Alone.
If you love me, don't let go
If you love me, don't let go
Hold
Hold on
Hold on to me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Darkness. And the feeling of a being sitting next to you. A soul you know. A soul you love and care for. Dave. Hold my hand. I don't know where I am. Please Dave, I'm scared. I feel so alone... Save me my prince...
Hold
Hold on
Hold on to me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
They let you see him. The empty body of the man you love and were gonna marry and have a life with. A future. That future is gone now. And so is his whole life. Numbness is the feeling of what he is now. No alone. No sadness. Or anger. Just numb. Forevermore. You kiss the hand of your boyfriend and slip on the ring, the ring you were gonna use to ask his to be with you forever and ever with in a few nights. On their anniversary. Ten is a big number after all. You kiss the lukewarm cheek of your was soon to be fiance and feel tears running down your face, dropping onto his, you wipe them off gently with the pad of your thumb. Then collapse onto the floor in a heaping mess of tears and brokenness. Wishing someone would hold you. The person in the hospital bed, to hold you. The love of your life and your whole universe, to hold you. Just one more word, one more kiss, one more I love you, even one more goodbye... Please... But it will never be given to you....
Hold
Hold on
Hold on to me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
You gather yourself enough to whisper something into his ear. I love you Karkat Vantas-Strider. Forever I will. But I hope if you can hear anything I say, hear this... "I do.. "