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"It's not fair"
Huaisang's hands paused, barely noticeable, as they smoothed down his elaborate robes in front of the mirror. "Life is rarely fair, Jiang Wanyin", he answered, proud that there was no hitch in his voice, no crack in his mask, no chip in his armour.
"Bullshit", returned the knight forcefully, abandoning his place in the doorway, taking heavy steps towards Nie Huaisang. "There's life being unfair, and then there's your family giving you away for some stupid addition to their land they don't even need. They are giving you away, Huaisang, you'll be some king's spouse and you won't - they won't appreciate you." They won't cherish you the way I do, is what Jiang Cheng does not say, but what Nie Huaisang clearly hears.
Huaisang sighs. He knows Wanyin is upset, has been prepared for his first knight to be upset since his father gave him the news of the contract two months ago - the contract that exchanged the king's youngest son's hand in marriage for expanded southern territory and trade agreements. It had been a challenge at times to keep the secret, but it had been worth it to experience a few last, unburdened weeks with his knight at his side. He tucked the warmth of those weeks into the safest corner of his heart, to hold onto it for the rest of his life.
It was all he was going to get.
Contrary to what Wanyin had said, the territory, and especially the trade, was direly needed. The southern regions had been struggling for years now, droughts resulting in poverty resulting in skirmishes and rebellions and crime, with barely a hope for change. Territory that included plentiful rivers and lakes, as well as a supply of goods available for commerce, would help stabilise the region.
Huaisang knew, since he was little, that he would not be a leader. That honour and burden fell on his brother's broader shoulders, who bore it with grace and determination. Huaisang was, however, prepared to serve his country -his people- in any capacity he might have. If that meant being trapped in a loveless marriage, he would not hesitate to agree.
Even if his heart was in tatters at the thought of Jiang Wanyin, his lion-hearted A-Cheng, being replaced by a foreign king's guards; even if he wanted to rage and cry and hide himself away in his A-Cheng's strong, safe arms; even if he felt the world grow so much colder without the promise of A-Cheng by his side - he would not fail his people. He would do his duty with the dignity expected of a royal. And nobody expected anything else from him - no one expected him to be smart, or strong, or anything at all, really.
And that had suited him just fine. Every single person had looked at him and seen his headshaker façade, and their gazes moved past him. The only one who had ever bothered to take a second look was Jiang Wanyin. And then he had taken a third look, and a fourth, and a fifth, and kept staying at his side, steadfast eyes always, always trained on him, and eventually he was appointed Huaisang's personal knight.
"Why do you do this?", Jiang Cheng had asked once, when they were both younger. "Do what?", Huaisang retorted, flipping open his fan with a practised shake of his wrist and bringing it closer to his face. Jiang Cheng gestures at him. "That. The hiding. You're brilliant - no, stop shaking your head, I know you are. You are the best damn strategist in this entire castle and no one even knows it. I know you've been leaving anonymous hints with the city guards for years now, because you are more competent than them at their job. Why not take credit?"
Huaisang sighed. Trust the man people talked about for his ferocious temper and non-existant patience to be the only one able to look through Huaisang's carefully cultivated image. It was maddening. It was thrilling. Being known, truly known, was by turns the most terrifying and the most wonderful feeling in the world. But even so, Jiang Cheng did not know what it was like to be a prince - sure, he had to uphold his family's legacy of knighthood which was an entirely different set of expectations to deal with, but royalty was a beast of its own.
He chose his next words carefully. He was always candid with Jiang Cheng, any formalities between them long discarded when they were in private, but this was important. This was something he needed Jiang Cheng to understand, as well and as completely as he understood the rest of Huaisang.
"I don't need them to think I am competent". Jiang Cheng raised his eyebrows. "No, really. The court is more ruthless, more cutthroat than you think. Quite frankly, as long as people think I'm a useless little coward, I am safe." Before Jiang Cheng could protest that it was his job to keep Huaisang safe, he continued "I mean safe in that they won't plot against me. Not necessarily assassinations, but if someone wields power obviously and effortlessly, there will be those who covet it. My father and brother, they can't help it. They cannot operate hidden, behind the scenes. I, however, can, and I will use that to my advantage - to keep my family safe, and to keep my people safe. I don't need recognition beyond seeing my plans succeed." He smiled mischievously. "Well, and maybe a kiss from you."
Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes, but Huaisang could tell he understood. His knight leaned in to obey his prince's request, and Nie Huaisang gratefully, greedily accepted.
Back in the present, the clock struck twelve, midday, bells in the nearby church's belltower chiming to let Nie Huaisang know his time was up.
Jiang Cheng's eyes widened and snapped back to Nie Huaisang. Huaisang gave up his pretense at composure and threw himself into Jiang Cheng's embrace. "Not yet", he whispered, hands clawing at the supple purple fabric of Jiang Cheng's robe. "No, please, please, not yet!"
Jiang Cheng let out a wounded noise, and clutched Nie Huaisang closer. Pressing feverish kisses to the crown of his head, he frantically murmered "It's okay, it's okay, you will be fine - you'll see, you will forget me in a few days and you will be happy. Please be happy. Promise me you'll be happy."
His tone had turned to begging in the end.
He felt Nie Huaisang shake his head where it was pressed against his chest. "Take me away, A-Cheng", he cried. It was selfish, and if they were caught it would mean certain death for Jiang Cheng, but just for a moment he allowed himself the childish fantasy. A fantasy where he was not a prince, and Jiang Cheng was not his knight. A fantasy where they ran away, so far people didn't even know the name of their kingdom. Living their days together in simple peace, an honest life without court secrets and without society's rules keeping them apart.
"If that's what you want, I will", Jiang Cheng whispered. They parted, still holding onto each other but looking at each other's face. Heart breaking, Nie Huaisang shook his head. "I can't", he said, helplessly. "I want to, A-Cheng, you know I want to, but I can't."
Jiang Cheng nodded, eyes filled with tears he didn't let fall, his gaze warm. "You wouldn't be you if you could", he said.
Taking a step back, he sank to his knees, clasping his hands and stretching them out towards Huaisang. "I promise on my faith that I will in the future be faithful to his Highness, never cause him harm, and will observe my homage to him completely against all persons in good faith and without deceit. I swear to dedicate my life to his Highness, and upon violation of my vow, my life will be forfeit."
It was a repetition of Jiang Cheng's oath of fealty he had sworn upon becoming Huaisang's knight, but when his words sounded strong the first time, his voice was now trembling and catching on the words, like they were too big, too important to say. But Jiang Cheng was not done yet.
"By the life that courses within my blood and the love that resides within my heart, I take thee to my hand, my heart, and my spirit, to be my chosen one." Huaisang's breath caught in his chest. Wedding vows, he thought numbly. Witnessed only by the two of them, the still tolling bells their music, Jiang Cheng was reciting wedding vows, with his voice trembling, but no fear in his eyes.
"To desire thee and be desired by thee, to possess thee, and be possessed by thee, without sin or shame, for naught can exist in the purity of my love for thee. I promise to love thee wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond, where we shall meet, remember, and love again." Jiang Cheng's deep, dark eyes were burning.
"I shall not seek to change thee in any way. I shall respect thee, thy beliefs, thy people, and thy ways as I respect myself. This I swear to thee." Nie Huaisang fell to his knees in front of Jiang Cheng, caught his face in his hands, and kissed him. Jiang Cheng surged against him, kissing back with everything he had, putting every ounce of devotion he felt into it, willing Nie Huaisang to understand the depth of his love.
Nie Huaisang, as ever, understood him perfectly.
They parted, breathing hard, and Nie Huaisang gasped out "Yes, yes, A-Cheng, I- of course, I- By the life that courses within my blood and the love that resides within my heart, I take thee to my hand-" and as the bells fell silent, so did Huaisang, their completed wedding vows hanging in the air around them.
Kneeling in front of each other, Jiang Cheng lost the battle against his tears, and Huaisang wiped them away gently as he got up.
"I have to go", he said softly. Jiang Cheng nodded, very fast, and got up resolutely. They both stopped in front of the door, hands clutched tight, savouring their very last moment together. "I love you", Jiang Cheng said softly. "Today, tomorrow, forever. Be well, my love, be well."
Nie Huaisang pressed one last kiss to Jiang Cheng's lips, gentle and lingering and achingly sweet. "We will meet again, one day." With that, he stepped back, looked at Jiang Cheng, committing his face to memory, and stepped out of the door, closing it quietly behind him.
Jiang Cheng stayed in the room, tears tracking down his face but his heart light, as he watched from the window until Nie Huaisang's carriage was out of view. The cornflower blue sky made the world seem wide and endless, but Jiang Cheng knew where his heart was. No matter where, they would always be under the same skies. One last glance, and he turned around, exited the room and closed the door gently behind him, just as Huaisang had a mere half-hour prior. His hand lingered on the handle, almost feeling Huaisang's soft fingers gripping it.
Then, he let go, and walked down the corridor to return to his duties, his head held high, his back straight, and his heart full and aching.
One day, he repeated in his mind.
One day.