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I Wanted So Badly to Be Brave

Summary:

You weren't born my brother but you're gonna die that way

Rhett’s house was always Link’s safe space. No matter what time he showed up, Mr. and Mrs. McLaughlin always greeted Link with a warm hug and a smile. Even when they were sophomores in high-school and Link would call Rhett in the middle of the night with panicked whispers to come get him, they said nothing but that the boys needed to get some rest. Even when he laid awake on Rhett’s floor for hours listening to the boy snore and his parents whispering downstairs. Even when Rhett or Mrs. McLaughlin woke him up as he screamed through a nightmare, they were nothing but warm and loving.

Notes:

I've always wanted to write a fic from the line "You weren't born my brother but you're gonna die this way" and once I got this idea I just couldn't ignore it. This song has always meant a lot to me, and I hope it impacts some of you in the same way. Lyrics from I Wanted So Badly to Be Brave by The Wonder Years

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

They were about 14 years old when they made their blood oath. Young, naïve, full of hope, and standing in a cow pasture in the middle of nowhere North Carolina. They promised each other that they’d make something of themselves, that they’d make it out of Buies Creek.

They didn’t have a choice, Link thought as they walked home- it was either make something of themselves or die in Buies Creek.

 

Well, I cut open my palm and held it out to you
You did the same with your old army surplus blade
My blood's never as warm as I'd expect it
You grabbed my hand adorned in wildflower warpaint

You made yellows out of Marigolds
You made purples out of Camellias

 

From that moment in first grade, sitting inside coloring unicorns instead of being out playing with the rest of the kids, Rhett and Link were inseparable. Ask anyone in Buies Creek and they’d say the same thing “Oh those boys are always gettin’ up to somethin’”. From crashing Link’s truck (several times) to egging houses to swimming in the Cape Fear, the boys were always together and they were almost always up to something. “They’re such nice boys, though” everyone would go on to say. Well, almost everyone.

They were brothers-in-arms from a young age.

 

We charged headfirst into the woods with bows and arrows drawn
Crudley fashioned sticks and rubber bands and spray paint
We swore ourselves protectors from all the evil in the world
You weren't born my brother but you're gonna die that way

 

Rhett’s house was always Link’s safe space. No matter what time he showed up, Mr. and Mrs. McLaughlin always greeted Link with a warm hug and a smile. Even when they were sophomores in high-school and Link would call Rhett in the middle of the night with panicked whispers to come get him, they said nothing but that the boys needed to get some rest. Even when he laid awake on Rhett’s floor for hours listening to the boy snore and his parents whispering downstairs. Even when Rhett or Mrs. McLaughlin woke him up as he screamed through a nightmare, they were nothing but warm and loving.

 

You ran alone in the falling snow
Barefoot down Wickes road
I watched your bruises grow
Strangely beautiful, purple and yellow
You said "Don't take me home."

Your father came in angry like a thunderstorm
He tossed you room from room and I watched the color draining from your face
Fault lines started forming underneath all of your floorboards
We sat terrified, waiting on an earthquake

 

Rhett knew from a young age that Link’s dad hit him- knew not to ask about mysterious bruises, to accept Link’s odd habits as the boy fought desperately for some feeling of control over his life. He learned what his panic attacks looked like and how to calm him down from one; that the “I’m dead” move was more than just a way to beat Link at wrestling- that it was one of the only ways to calm him down as he started to spiral.

He also learned that despite Mrs. Neal being one of the sweetest people he had ever met, her husband was a mean, violent man. Mrs. Neal tried to protect Link- even Rhett on some occasions- but there was nothing she could do.

 

I watched you put on a brave face
I wanted so badly to be brave

They kicked you out to teach you what a man is
I don't think I'll ever know what that means
They'll put a gun into your hand and call you weak until you're violent
Don't believe it

 

The day they found out they were accepted into the North Carolina State engineering program they cried. They sat next to each other at the McLaughlin kitchen table, Rhett’s parents armed with a video camera and huge smiles as the boys anxiously grasped their envelopes. They tore open the letters in unison, yelling and jumping up to hug each other as they read their responses. Link couldn’t help but cry as he thought about what it meant, what his future would hold, but he wasn’t ashamed. As he looked across the table, he saw Mrs. McLaughlin dabbing at her eyes, and even Mr. McLaughlin looked a little teary eyed.

 


They're hateful because they're empty
We've got a chance to break the cycle
We could be the heroes that we always said we'd be
But don't take me home

 

 

23 years later, Link couldn’t help but reflect on his life as he sat in the setting California sun watching the crew of the company he helped found celebrate and have a good time. A content grin adorned his face, and he absently rubbed the spot on his palm where a scar had once existed.

He’d made it through college, into fame on the internet, into Los Angeles and helped create an incredibly successful company. All of it with Rhett by his side, and a group of people who would always love him.

His strange habits stayed (much to the amusement of the internet), but the bruises were long faded and that’s what mattered. He’d never have a hand lifted against him again.

Link was startled out of his reverie as Rhett sat beside him.

“Whatcha thinkin’?”

Link turned and looked at him, a small smile still on his face.

“We made it. We actually made it.”

A soft smile grew on Rhett’s face as he wrapped an arm around Link’s shoulders and pulled him closer.

“Yeah we did bo, yeah we did.”

Rhett pressed a small kiss to Link’s hair as they sat overlooking everything they had created, warmth in their hearts.

They made it out of Buies Creek, away from all the judgements, away from everything that they spent their childhoods outrunning.

They made it.

Notes:

The Wonder Years are one of my all time favorite bands and this song has always punched me in the gut from the moment I first listened to it. I had to write a fic to it, get some of these feelings out.
As always, I hope you enjoyed it and please don't be afraid to comment.
Love ya