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Logan knew his boyfriends deserved so much better than him. Patton was the cutest boy in school, he had every person interested in men after him. Virgil was the bad boy and those who didn't fear him bowed at his feet. Roman was a theater star and had all the suitors he could want.
Logan was just a nerd. He didn't even like sex. He knew the others would get bored of him eventually but he was still scared of when that would happen. He had heard it so many times. Everyone knew the other three were just dating him to get in his pants. That they seen the virgin as a challenge.
It hurt, it really did. Logan loved them, he didn't show emotion all that often but he truly loved them. To know that they could never love him broke his heart.
“Lolo!” Patton called, skipping up and wrapping his arms around the nerd. His nerd. Logan merely pushed his glasses up and pulled away.
“Salutations, Patton. How has your school day been?” Logan replied, adjusting his tie. Patton pried Logan's bag from his hands to hold it himself, just like Roman would. They were chivalrous and loud and so caring.
"It was great!" Patton said with a great amount of joy coloring his tone. Patton wasn't the brightest at school, the only subject he could pass was literature, but the boy loved to take notes so that his boyfriend could explain it to him. Logan often spent many nights helping his boyfriends with their work, Patton especially.
"I have such an interesting topic in Chemistry and I don't get it at all! But it sounds so cool! I'm sure you know all about it Lo," Patton grinned excitedly.
Logan's smile came easily. Patton could bring him joy more than any other could, except for his other two boyfriends, and Logan hated it. What would bring him joy when Patton got bored of him. Logan could never commit to the kind of intimacy that Patton deserved in a relationship.
"Lo?" Patton asked in a soft, worried, tone. Logan snapped out of his thoughts to offer a false smile to his love. "Logan, are you alright?"
Patton seen through his falsehood, of course. Patton could read other people like books. Logan didn't need to be around him right now, not when he could feel anxiety at their future together, or lack of future.
"Yes, Love, I'm okay. I just need to use the bathroom. Tell Roman and Virge that I'll be out in just a moment," Logan quickly explained.
Patton agreed but he didn't believe a word Logan said. The nerd never used nicknames to refer to his lovers, only their names. He watches Logan calmly speed walk away towards the nearest restroom before hurrying to where Virgil and Roman would be.
Logan entered the bathroom and stalked over to a sink. Dee, a friend of Virgil's, stood in the back of the room, a cigarette dangling from his lips. The two nodded at each other.
"How are you doing, Nerd?" Dee asked. There wasn't any bite to the nickname, there hadn't been since Logan had started dating Virgil. Dee was quick to accept whatever made his friend happy, and Logan did.
"I am quite adequate, thank you," Logan responded. He turned on the sink to freezing cold water. Dee raises an eyebrow.
"That is the most bullshit lie I've ever heard." The shorter boy pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning on and stubbed the cigarette out. "Virgil has told me all about the troubles going on in your little paradise."
Logan felt a wave of nausea hit him at those words. He swallowed hard and ran his hands under the water. "I am unaware of any issues." A lie, a bold faced lie.
Dee sighed heavily. "Nerd, listen. Virgil likes you and doesn't want to scare you so he isn't going to make the first move. The three of them are just waiting on you to get your virgin ass in the loop."
Logan looked at his face in the mirror. "Ah, I see." The words were stiff on his tongue. "Sexual intimacy is required now. Yes, I suppose I will… find that tolerable," Logan spoke with a deadpan tone. He quickly shut the tap off and moved to grab a paper towel.
"Uh," Dee started to correct Logan, "it's not a requirement. That's not what I meant." Dee hadn't meant to make Logan believe that he needed to have sex with the others, he just wanted to push him. He thought the nerd would be comfortable and was waiting on the others, now the rebel felt concern. The nerd better not do anything he didn't want to do.
"Not a requirement," Logan repeated as he threw the paper towel into the trash bin. "It is something that would be appreciated though."
Dee opened his mouth to argue but the nerd had already opened the door and disappeared. Dee frowned after him. That wasn't good.
Logan met with the other three at Roman's truck, a forced smile in place. He was wrong and a freak and it was causing his lovers stress. He truly did love them. He needed to show it, to prove he could love them, to prove he deserved their love.
He didn't have to be comfortable, he just had to make them happy. He smiled softly at Patton and Roman in the front seat, the two were talking animatedly about a new cartoon series. Virgil was next to him, headphones in his ears with his head rested on the window.
Logan internally debated whether this idea was the correct course of action, his love for the others quickly won out over his condition. Logan slipped his hand onto Virgil's upper thigh, thumb running soft patterns into the skinny jeans.
Virgil jerked his head up from the window and looked at the hand with wide eyes. He trailed the arm up to Logan's face with shock and lust painted his expression.
Logan's face was still as stone. He didn't know how to act like he wanted more when he was barely comfortable with the contact he was making already.
Virgil caught the discomfort in his lover's eyes. He swallowed back the lust and the want and took Logan's hand in his own. He ran his thumb over the knuckles and kissed them softly. "I love you, Logan." The words were softly whispered before Virgil rested his head lightly on the other's shoulder. When Logan didn't pull away he full relaxed so that he was cuddling with the nerdy boy.
Logan hesitated. He enjoyed this contact. Soft, full of love, cuddling. He could do this more often, perhaps put off the more intimate touches with simple physical contact. He ran his hand through Virgil's hair and kissed his forehead. It wasn't the first time he had kissed one of them, but usually they were kissing him in return.
This felt more intimate. Intimate in a way that Logan adored. Virgil was smiling widely and looking up at him through half-lidded eyes. The list Logan had spotted earlier was gone, replaced by a gentle love that made Logan's heart flutter.
Patton and Roman silently fangirled at the sight of their two anti-touch lovers cuddling together.
When they pulled into the driveway of Roman's house they noticed Logan's car was the only one there meaning that the house was empty. Roman's parents must have gone out. It would be perfect for Logan to make his move. If only he wanted to.
The four boys piled into the house, Roman playfully roughhousing with Virgil while Patton giggled and encouraged his two lovers. Logan just watched them, a fond expression gracing his features. He thought for a moment and then walked up behind Patton, placing his arms lightly around the smaller boy's hips, he placed a soft kiss on his hair.
Patton sent a beaming smile up at Logan. He stretched up to press a kiss on his boyfriend's cheek. "I love you, Logan." The voice held such a serious warmth in it that Logan couldn't resist melting into the couch with Patton on his lap. The smaller boy happily cuddled closer, glancing up to make sure Logan wasn't against the physical affection.
When Virgil and Roman had entered Logan had been staring thoughtfully down at Patton. Patton was content, eyes closed and a smile across his face. "Mi hermoso chico," Roman said softly.
He sat beside Logan and Patton causing the two to look at them. Virgil raised an eyebrow with a smirk. "Was that singular? Were you only talking to Logan?" Patton fake pouted.
Logan frowned before letting it slip away. "I'm sure he was talking to you, after all, you are the most beautiful person on the earth." Surprise passed over his boyfriends' faces at the attempt at flirting. Logan wasn't normally like that. It both delighted and worried his lovers.
Patton thank Logan and went to plant another kiss on his cheek but Logan caught the kiss with his lips. Three pairs of eyes widened in shock but it didn't stop Patton from kissing back, letting his eyes flutter closed.
Virgil watched the two on the couch as Patton passionately leaned into the kiss, trying to deepen the kiss and show Logan how much he loved him. Roman had leaned over to plant a kiss on both of their cheeks. It was a sweet moment, or it would be.
Roman and and Patton may have been absorbed by their desires but Virgil hadn't been lured into the trap yet. Logan was not enjoying himself, his posture was stiff and his eyes were wide open and troubled. He was tenderly running his hands through Roman's hair and kissing back with the same intensity.
But Virgil could tell he didn't want to be.
Virgil gently sat in between Roman and the other two, prying them apart. He carefully hooked an arm around Patton's waist, he didn't have to pull for Patton to understand.
The two oblivious boys both looked to Virgil to confirm he was comfortable and switched their attention to Logan. The boy seemed to stiffen more, now Patton could feel how tense his body was. Logan didn't notice the way all of the gazes his way were full of concern.
"I'm sorry, my love," Roman spoke and gently ran a hand down Logan's face, careful to be sure the contact wouldn't alarm him.
"I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries and make you uncomfortable," Patton said softly. He slid off of Logan's lap and onto Virgil. "I'm sorry."
Logan couldn't bare the apologies. It didn't make sense. He had initiated the activities and now the others were supposed to be enjoying themselves. He was trying to be a good boyfriend!
"There was no need for apologies," Logan spoke up. "I initiated intimacy knowing what it entailed."
Patton and Roman frowned, clearly lost. It was obvious the nerd wasn't ready for the direction he was leading them. Neither of the two knew how to respond.
"Lo," Virgil started, "it's pretty noticeable that you aren't comfortable. We don't want you to be tense and scared."
Logan worried his lip for a minute of awkward patience. "It is evident that I've been given… conflicting information centering around this topic. I was told that sexual intercourse was expected in relationships and that I was required to be involved."
Roman and Virgil exchanged troubled glances. Patton however let out a loud exclamation of, "oh, Logie," while moving to kneel in front of the confused boy.
"You are never required to be involved in sex! It's a choice Logan," Patton said softly. He grabbed Logan's hand to stroke the knuckles. "You get to decide when you're ready Logan, not us, not anyone else. Just. You."
Logan shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid that I will never feel desire the same way normal people do. I wish to make you happy but I diverge from your desires." Logan paused for a moment and all three of his lovers went to speak, but Logan continued before they could. "I'm not a good boyfriend. You deserve someone normal, someone who isn't debilitated."
When they were sure Logan was finished speaking Virgil softly spoke up, eyeing the others for reassurance. "Logan, I-I don't know much about relationships. It's true I've always been more interested in sex than in love but… n-not with you guys. I love you all, I love you Logan. It isn't about when, or even if, we have sex. I didn't fall in love with your body, I fell in love with every part of you."
Logan watched Virgil intently, looking for any sign that he was lying, any sign that this is a cruel joke. "But you could leave me and find another boyfriend who would be open to showering you with physical affection."
"My Love," Roman reached over Virgil to take Logan's other hand. "No one can compare to you. Perhaps someone else will be able to make out with us or cuddle for hours at a time but no one will be you. No one will have that perfect half-grin. No one will be able to tell us the history of the stars while laying under the night sky, will get annoyed with Patton's puns like you do, will sit and practice breathing exercises when Virgil is in the midst of a panic attack, will simply roll their eyes and hide their smile when I belt out show tunes too late into the night."
"You're made for us, Lolo," Patton explained. "We love everything about you. I don't know how you think we could leave you but I love you so much Lo."
Logan felt the stinging of tears behind his closed eyelids. He opened his eyes and looked at each of his lovers, all staring at him with genuine and heartfelt expressions.
Love. Love painted across their faces in the form of soft laugh lines, adoring smiles, sincere eyes. Love. Love bursting through Logan like a wave, breaking through the dam and leaking from his eyes.
As Logan cried Patton hushed him gently, placing a soft, tender kiss to his knuckles. Logan kissed Patton on the cheek, salt stinging the lips he chewed raw. Patton pulled away with an happy smirk and water building up in his own eyes.
Virgil shifted, uncomfortable with the show of emotions, and drew Logan's attention to him. Logan leaned his head into Virgil's shoulder and Virgil froze for a single moment before he rested his head on a sniffling Logan's. Logan spoke softly, his head never leaving Virgil's shoulder, hand never leaving Patton's grip and eyes holding Roman's own.
"I love you."