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“I have just about had it up to here with the two of you!”
Allura’s hands gestured wildly onscreen. Keith assumed that she was trying to indicate just how high she’d had it up to with him and Lance. He sighed impatiently and crossed his arms. Next to him, Lance scrunched up his face and opened his mouth to explain, but Allura cut him off. The worst part was that Lance somehow managed to still look somewhat attractive, slack jawed and finger partway in the air. Keith could guess what he’d been about to say. Blah blah Keith’s a hothead. He’s probably gonna shoot first and ask questions later and then they won’t be able to answer those questions because their pokémon will have fainted and they’ll be racing off to the nearest center. Even Keith could admit, (alone, to himself), that the criticisms weren’t without merit, but it wasn’t like Lance didn’t have his own failings. Hadn’t he told Allura he couldn’t work with the guy? Gone into her office and explained how it wasn’t going to happen? She was the boss, sure, but it wasn’t his fault that she hadn’t listened.
“This was a simple mission! All you had to do was defend the Rocket base. Just stop any intruders! Both of you have done quite well on much more complicated missions in the past, both defensive and extraction. What the bloody hell happened? How did that trainer manage to get past both of your teams?”
Keith coughed uneasily. Normally full of bullshit, Lance stubbornly remained silent.
“Look, we couldn’t fight them off because all of our teams were either fainted or close to it.”
Allura leaned closer to the camera, suddenly much larger on their screen. Her voice was dangerously soft.
“And why was that?”
“B-because we’d battled each other earlier.”
Lance cleared his throat and rocked back and forth on his feet awkwardly. Keith may have warned Allura about their incompatibility as partners beforehand, but even he felt some shame. It was completely unprofessional, no matter how Lance pressed his buttons in all the wrong ways. They were supposed to be working together for a common goal and they’d totally fucked it up. Lance mentally berated himself for his enthusiasm a few weeks prior about working with the new guy. He’d been so damn happy to volunteer for it; would have volunteered to do anything to make Allura smile at him like that. He should have known that it’d only land him in hot water with her. He knew this was their biggest fuck up. The past few had warranted lectures about being part of Team Rocket and needing to maintain professional integrity or something about it building character. But the past few jobs were still small, the usual fare for a team with a newbie. This was their first big assignment and they’d utterly blown it. Lance exhaled and squared his shoulders, unwilling to shrink away from punishment.
“I’m sure you’re both aware that this is unacceptable. Keith, you came highly recommended by one of our best operatives. I saw the work you did for your previous security company and you passed our exams with flying colors. Lance, you’ve worked for us for years and have been one of the most successful agents in your division. What I simply cannot understand is why the second you’re around each other you devolve into squabbling spearows. I thought that it was normal, healthy competition at first. Then I thought that Lance might have taken his pathetic crush on me too far and be jealous of Keith-“
Lance grit his teeth and clenched his fists at his side. Even Keith flinched a bit. He might think Lance was annoying as all hell get out, but that was painful to hear.
“-but now I don’t know what to make of it. Even if Lance is immature enough to spark a rivalry with a stranger, I had thought that you, Keith, would shut it down. Instead, you seem to be just as eager to constantly challenge him back. The higher-ups have found it amusing, but I seriously doubt they will find this humorous in any way.”
Both men swallowed at the implications. Team Rocket wasn’t known for their leniency with its operatives; not since the Jessie and James debacle.
“Shiro will likely lobby for you to be reassigned, Keith. He does seem to have a lot of pull with upper management. Lance, though, I’m afraid you have no one in your court. I am done sticking up for you.”
All of the blood drained from Lance’s face. They weren’t going to…let him go? Just because he didn’t partner well with Keith? No way!
“That’s not fair! Allura-“
“No, Lance, it isn’t fair that we have a top secret facility that a mere child was able to infiltrate because you decided it was more important to have a pissing contest with your partner. It isn’t fair that we wasted time and effort on an employee who turned out to have no respect for our company.”
“One more chance.”
Keith’s gruff voice interrupted them. Lance breathed rapidly, willing himself not to do something more embarrassing like begging or crying. Keith’s shoulders were up around his ears and he fidgeted with his belt. It wasn’t like he hated Lance, the dude was just insufferable. He hadn’t meant to get into a huge fight with him that morning and he certainly didn’t think Lance would lose his job over it. He refused to feel guilty, per se, but he wasn’t ready to give up entirely. The words were out of his mouth before he could think.
“Excuse me?”
“Just give us one more chance. Another mission. Whatever you want. And if we complete it then we don’t get reprimanded or fired or whatever and we’ll figure something out for the future,” Fired was an optimistic term for Team Rocket policies when someone left their employ, but Keith was feeling optimistic. Lance leveled him with a strange look that Keith staunchly ignored, keeping his focus on the woman on the screen. Allura pursed her lips.
“Let me consult with someone. Give me a moment.”
The screen changed to a soft pink color to signal that they’d been put on hold. Keith sighed in relief.
“Why are you doing this for me?” Lance sounded more hostile than Keith had ever heard. He narrowed his eyes, but refused to meet Lance’s gaze. “You’ve got friends in high places. You’ll be fine. I don’t need your pity, you know.”
“I’m not offering it. I just don’t feel like having something like this on my file. It doesn’t look good to have a footnote saying this guy is so bad at working with others that he got his last partner fired. Doesn’t matter how much people respect Shiro; I’ll never be more than a grunt with that kind of record.”
Lance snorted.
“Oh, ambitious are we?”
Keith rounded on him and got very close.
“Damn right I am. Mostly it’s fine, but Team Rocket’s doing some fucked up shit thanks to Giovanni. I’m gonna end it.”
Lance’s eyes bulged and he reeled back. He’d never seen Keith so intense before. He glanced at the screen to make sure Allura hadn’t tuned back in before whispering:
“That’s really dangerous! Basically treason. I mean, ho-o-ly shit man.” Lance paused. “Wait, how do you know what Giovanni is up to? That information’s beyond classified.”
“Sources. I’m not lying Lance.”
“Uh, okay, well I don’t doubt you, or, well, I guess I sort of do, but it’s not exactly shocking, right? The big boss is a pretty bad dude. But, seriously, you can’t just go around telling other members that you’re planning a coup d’etat.”
“I don’t. You’re the only one I’ve told.”
“O-oh.”
Before Lance could come up with more to say, though, Allura reappeared onscreen. She gave them both a look of grim amusement. Lance shuddered.
“We’ve determined that you may have your one last chance. But, be warned, it is your last chance. If you’re not successful, you can expect full repercussions for your repeated failures to land squarely on your heads. You will receive no outside help from anyone, Shiro included,” She gave Keith a pointed look. “Hunk and Pidge will also be advised to refuse any communications from you.” She cut a similar look at Lance.
“Fine. What’s the mission?”
“In Celadon City, at drop point number four, you’ll both find enough potions and revives to bring your pokémon to full health. After that, proceed down Route 16. As you might expect, the roads connecting Celadon to Fuchsia City are important and, currently, there is a large obstacle blocking the path. Remove the obstacle however you deem necessary.”
“Manual labor? That’s how we redeem ourselves?”
“Well, questioning orders is certainly not the road to redemption, I can tell you that much.”
Lance blushed and broke her gaze, staring intently at a nearby tree. He kicked his shoe in the dirt like a toddler. Allura ignored him and continued.
“I suggest that you two get your bikes and get on your way. No need to check in each day; we’ll be monitoring your progress remotely. The mission may prove more difficult than you’re anticipating and, if your behavior thus far is any indication, you’ll need plenty of extra time to argue.”
With that, the transmission cut out, leaving their communicator screen blinking on the large R that was their company logo. Silently, they retrieved their bikes from where they’d hidden them and made their way to Celadon. Keith could tell that Lance was thinking hard about something; he didn’t question Keith riding in front of him or pester him about taking short-cuts. Normally, Lance was full of ideas about short-cuts and why was Keith taking them the long way around. The first time, Keith tried to explain that Lance’s short-cuts would take longer since they weren’t real roads and the probability of getting lost was high, but by now he knew that Lance just didn’t want to take orders from him. Which was how he knew that Lance was totally out of it when he followed Keith without a word on the whole ride to Celadon.
Drop point four was also a safe house and they’d lost most of the day with the incident in the morning and then the ride itself. They could have pushed on to Route 16, but Keith thought they might as well rest in proper beds for once. Lance didn’t even bother arguing, simply nodding and methodically healing each pokémon on his team. It wasn’t particularly diverse, although Keith wasn’t one to throw stones in that department. Lance’s starter was a wartortle, but he’d stuck heavily with the water and ice theme while collecting. Even Keith could admit that having a lapras as a ride around lakes was pretty cool, but the second Lance was up against grass or electric types, he was usually a goner. Not to mention the fact that his beloved glaceon was weak to fighting, rock, steel, and fire types. Hardly seemed like a pokémon a trainer could really depend on in battle, but Lance cherished his team with a fervor that Keith couldn’t help but admire.
His own team was hardly neglected. They just weren’t as pampered as Lance’s. All of the brushing and cooing just wasn’t their style. Keith loved them fiercely in his own way. For one thing, Keith only had five. He was still waiting for his sixth, no matter how much Lance teased him about being one pokémon short of a full team. Besides, he hadn’t had a problem so far. Sure, his combusken and rapidash didn’t hold up well against Lance’s team, but his cubone and lycanroc helped against the ice ones and makuhita was an all around good guy to have on back up. Keith managed to hold his own through sheer force of will. And he knew how much all of them loved Lance’s secret recipe pokéblocks so, no matter what he thought about Lance at the time, he looked the other way when his team snuck some of the treats. Lance had a soft spot for every non-human creature, so he was always happy to share. When Keith wasn’t watching, of course. After they’d finished showering and Lance had applied his precious face mask, he cautiously broached the subject from earlier.
“So, uh, I guess I owe you some thanks.”
“For wha?”
Keith leaned out of the bathroom, eyebrows raised as he stopped brushing his teeth to respond. Lance rolled his eyes, careful not to disturb the goop on his face.
“For giving us another chance. To, you know, work together. I do appreciate it, even if your reasoning is a little…” Lance made a tilting motion with his palm. When Keith didn’t say anything, he coughed. “Well, most people don’t join an organization because they got ahold of classified information that is definitely above our pay grade about the boss’s activities and want to put an end to it. I mean, Team Rocket does a lot of illegal shit, but that’s pretty expected right?”
“Most people can’t sit idly by when an elite team of scientists are in the process of torturing and killing pokémon and human test subjects alike.” Keith spat his toothpaste in disgust. While he rinsed, he took a perverse pleasure in the grotesque reaction of horror on Lance. Coupled with the face mask, it wasn’t a good look.
“What’re you talking about? We don’t really…uh, you mean like enemies? Spies from rival organizations or gangs? I don’t like it and there’s research that says torture is less likely to get true information from people, but pokémon? That doesn’t even make any sense, man!”
Lance bit his lip and stared at Keith uneasily. Keith shook his head as he came back into the room where they’d be sleeping for the night. Operatives always traveled in teams of two so every safe house had bunk beds. Keith hesitated before climbing the ladder to the top bunk though.
“That’s not-they’re not torturing them for information. They’re performing experiments on them. Haven’t you heard about Mewtwo? Didn’t you wonder how that happened? That weird thing when those labs blew up? Giovanni wants to-“
“Uh-puh-puh-puh! I’m gonna stop you there! I don’t want to know. Whatever it is that you’re about to tell me is for sure not stuff I’m supposed to know. We just need to complete this mission and we can go our separate ways and you can rise through the ranks like a big hero and redo the science division because you hate experiments. Got it?”
“I don’t hate experiments in general, Lance. Just Giovanni’s. And I won’t tell you more about it if you’re so scared.”
Keith’s tone was challenging, but Lance scoffed. “Uh, sure buddy. Didn’t peg you as an anti-research kind of guy, but hey! And yeah, fine, I’m a big scaredy cat because I have a healthy fear of the biggest crime organization in the world.”
“Whatever, Lance. Go to sleep.”
Lance huffed and tucked himself in, rolling around to find a comfortable spot on the lumpy mattress. One side of it smelled sort of musty, like the last pair here had gotten more intimate than most. Lance wrinkled his nose and kept his eyes stubbornly closed, rearranging his sleep mask to block every speck of light. He tried to focus on sleep, but thoughts of cruel scientists doing unspeakable things haunted his dreams. Despite the face mask and sleeping in a real bed, Lance had dark circles under his eyes in the morning. He’d woken up briefly, sweating hard and muttering something about Mewtwo, but Keith had the courtesy to not mention it. After bringing their pokémon to full health, they mounted their bikes and left the city limits, riding with the wind in their hair along Route 16. Lance’s mouth twisted and he hesitantly struck up some conversation.
“I always wanted to be a pilot.”
“Okay?”
“No just-that’s what I wanted to be when I grew up. Like if you asked me as a kid, I always said I wanted to fly planes. I went to school for it too, The Garrison.”
“Why aren’t you flying planes then?”
Lance paused and when he replied his voice was so soft, Keith had to strain to hear it.
“I wasn’t good enough.”
He didn’t say anything else. Keith tried to wait for him to continue or add more, but when he didn’t, Keith lost his patience.
“Why’re you telling me this?”
“Quid pro quo.”
“What?”
“And people think I’m the dumb one,” Lance grumbled. “Because you told me stuff about you and why you joined Team Rocket. Now I’m telling you why I joined.”
“Because you couldn’t be a pilot?” Keith tried to be more sympathetic. Unfortunately, the only thing he’d ever learned about sympathy involved leaning closer and making eye contact and it was impossible to do that while riding a bike.
“School was expensive and you still have to pay tuition even if you’re no good. I started making runs for Team Rocket to help make ends meet. Small things; basic runs or gently reminding people about debts they owe. Facilitating a few controlled pokémon trades. That sort of thing. You gotta understand, I wasn’t bad at flying. But when you have a special school full of the best and brightest in the field, you have to be the best. I wasn’t, but I was pretty damn good at helping Team Rocket. Originally, the jobs were just to cover school, but even grunts make decent money. Enough to get along.”
Lance cleared his throat. Keith didn’t know what to say. Lance rarely talked about his past or anything serious, really. In fact, the more Keith thought about it, the more it seemed like Lance talked quite a lot about nothing at all. He hardly knew him. “Ah, but they will have to give me a raise if they want me to keep partnering with you.”
Keith sped up and cut off Lance’s path, tires squealing.
“Why the fuck do you have such a problem with me?” Lance reeled back from the sudden anger radiating from Keith, but he wasn’t finished. He leaned over his handlebars to make sure Lance could see exactly how pissed he was. “We disagree on strategy and are pretty different people, but I have never done anything to you. What is your problem, Lance?”
Lance swallowed and broke eye contact. He fiddled with one of his pedals nervously. When it became clear that Keith wasn’t going to let them continue until Lance gave him an answer, he sighed. Keith sat back and crossed his arms defensively.
“It’s not you, uh, more like what you represent,” Lance paused, but Keith didn’t seem satisfied so he barreled on, tripping over his words. “I don’t have a problem with Keith the person, but your achievements, I guess? I mean, well, Allura is sort of right. About the jealousy. I think I’m really jealous of you and resentful. That’s not all of it; sometimes I really just get frustrated with how you charge into shit without having a plan or thinking at all. And even you have to admit, you’re kind of a smug bastard.”
“I don’t waste time being humble, if that’s what you mean. Why should I diminish my own skills? I worked hard for them.”
“Yeah, but you have to admit it’s not all hard work. Some of it is just luck.”
Keith stared at him incredulously.
“Y-you think I’m lucky? Are you insane?”
Lance threw his hands up in exasperation. “Well, what do I know? You basically show up out of nowhere and within days everyone is raving about how great a trainer you are. You didn’t have to go through the levels; you were automatically admitted to our division. I had to work for Team Rocket for years before I got here. This is the final step before getting out of ‘grunt’ level. You’re super close with Takashi Shirogane, who is, like, my hero, and with only a few missions you’ve blown everyone away with your ‘superior skill’, or ‘dedication’ and ‘Lance, why can’t you be more like Keith’?”
Lance gripped his hair as he ranted, getting more and more worked up. He practically shouted the last bit and a few other bikers gave them strange looks as they passed. “You’re a natural at everything and no one ever passes up an opportunity to remind me that I’m basically a charity case.” His final words were quiet, bitter. Keith felt a pang of sympathy, but suppressed it, sure that it wasn’t what Lance wanted.
“I’m sorry people say that. I doubt that it’s true. When we’re not fighting, you’re really capable. They wouldn’t keep you on if you didn’t contribute,” Lance chuckled mirthlessly and Keith kept talking. “They’re wrong, too. I’m not a natural at everything. There’s lots of things I’m pretty shitty at.”
“Like what?”
“Making friends. Dealing with other people. Before Team Rocket, I was a petty criminal on my own. I’m good with pokémon and I train a lot, but that’s it. I lack, uh, charisma.”
“I see.”
“Um. So, should we?” Keith jerked his thumb in the direction of Route 16. Lance nodded mutely. They mounted back up and kept cycling. After a few minutes of rumination, Keith spoke up again. “I was thinking that after we clear up the obstacle, we keep going. I’ve been to the safe house in Fuchsia City and it’s fine. There’s a beach south of there, uh, Route 19, I think. Your pokémon would probably like going to the beach right?”
Lance snorted. “Yeah, they would. Your pokémon won’t be too happy about it though. Why would you want to go down there?”
Keith fidgeted slightly, shoulders hunched up. “Look, I told you that I’m looking for other things besides my next mission. If we’re successful at whatever this mission is, I don’t think Allura would begrudge us a few days off. To collect our heads. We can tell her we’re bonding or something like that.”
“What are you hoping to find?”
“I’ve heard some stuff about Cinnabar Island. It’s a win-win, right? Your team get to play in the water and I can, you know,” Lance’s blank expression suggested that he didn’t know. Keith coughed. “Investigate.” It was a pretty cagey explanation, but, for once, Lance decided not to question his good luck. For now.
“Yeeeeeeeeah. Okay. I gotta admit, man, I’m sort of surprised that you want to spend more time with me than absolutely necessary, after everything I just said, but sure. We can do that. My team will be happy to play in the waves. But, like, we’re being monitored right? That’s what Allura said. So, won’t someone realize what we’re doing? I don’t wanna get in trouble because you need to check out an old science lab.”
“So you do know what’s on Cinnabar Island!”
“N-no! Not really,” Lance sheepishly admitted. “I’ve heard rumors, but it’s just the normal ooh spooky, haunted old lab type things. Nothing concrete and nothing real.”
Keith made a skeptical noise and Lance let the conversation drop, focusing on the path. They rode for another 30 minutes in silence before making a sharp turn and coming to a very large something blocking the road.
“A snorlax?” Lance squawked indignantly. “Allura sent us on a mission to move a goddamn snorlax?"
Keith sighed. So much for a decent redemption mission. He rubbed a hand through his hair, tousling it in frustration. Neither of them had the means to wake up a sleeping snorlax and he had a feeling that Allura wasn’t going to wait around for the month in between a snorlax’s normal sleep cycles when it would wake up in a rage and eat everything in sight. Shit.
“Allura knew she was sending us here and gave us potions, but not a pokéflute? What kind of sadist is she?” Keith grumbled to himself. He walked over to the snorlax, stowing his bike on the side of the road. He smack the snorlax’s side as hard as he could. The enormous body wobbled under the force of his hand, but the snoring continued, unabated. “Maybe if we just attack it enough? Surely it’ll wake up if it’s hit points get low enough…” He turned back to Lance, hoping the other man might have a better idea. He’d do it, but the idea of randomly beating up a sleeping, defenseless pokémon didn’t sit well with him. Lance was busy rooting through his bag, pulling out the containers of pokéblocks he’d made for their trip.
“What…are you doing?”
“Keith! Help me collect as much food as possible.”
“You’re hungry? Now?”
“No, idiot. I think we can get snorlax to wake up early if we gather enough food and leave it by its face. To entice it. We don’t know exactly when it last ate, but it must have been here for at least a week. I saw signs before this route about using an alternate way, which means Officers Jenny have had time to come out here, see the snorlax, and start warning civvies. You know they don’t often leave cities so there must have been a few complaints from locals or other trainers.”
That…surprisingly made perfect sense. Keith’s eyes widened and he realized that Lance had actually come up with a pretty good plan. His own bag didn’t have much beyond basic supplies for himself. They’d come to the tentative, unspoken agreement of Lance also feeding his pokémon treats so Keith wasn’t carrying any. After piling up all of their stores, (meager compared to a snorlax’s typical 900 pounds of food in a day fare), near its head, they left Keith’s combusken to guard it and split up. Lance went back to Celadon to buy more food and Keith stayed in the general area, collecting as much as possible from the trees and tall grasses. Theoretically, snorlax ate just about everything that wasn’t metal or plastic, (though he’d heard some horror stories about that too). He added leaves, vines, and even climbed some of the trees to look for stray fruits. He found some questionable things and winced when he noticed that some muk had recently been in the area, but no snorlax had ever had food poisoning so Keith figured it was probably fine. Finally, he hit the motherlode. A hollowed out tree with a giant combee hive inside. Carefully stepping towards the hive, Keith quietly released his team.
“Okay everyone. We’re going to try and smoke ‘em to sleep. Everyone knows that combees go straight to sleep when there’s a lot of smoke. It hasn’t rained in awhile so all of the foliage here is pretty dry. That means it will catch fire fast and make a lot of smoke. We just need to be careful not to set anything else on fire, right? We don’t want to hurt the combees, just get their honey. Combusken, you set the foliage on fire. Everyone else, help me fan the smoke into the tree. Except for you, Rapidash. You watch the flames. If they start getting out of control or when the combees are all asleep, use Stomp and put them out. Okay?”
His rapidash pawed the ground impatiently and Keith smiled. He had no idea how much pokémon understood of human speech, but good trainers always managed to communicate what they were feeling with ease. He’d always been proud of the good communication with his pokémon. Confident that they both knew the plan, Keith carefully constructed a large pile of dead vegetation at the base of the hollow tree. Combusken didn’t hesitate to set it aflame and his lycanroc, makuhita, and cubone flapped their hands or blew on the smoke to direct it towards the hive. Rapidash stared intently, darting her eyes between the growing flames and Keith’s face, waiting for orders. Eventually, coughing and tearing up, they managed to get most of the smoke into the hive and the tell-tale buzzing of the combees stopped completely. Rapidash stamped out the fire and Keith surveyed the area, satisfied that they hadn’t caused undue damage. His pokémon helped him harvest a lot of the honey, (although not all of it, he wasn’t heartless), and pile it by the snorlax. It was sticky work and when Lance came back, sweating from the heat of the day and the exertion of riding with a heavy pack and bike basket, he found Keith and most of his team covered in ash and honey.
“Uh…”
Keith raised an eyebrow and cocked his hip, daring Lance to say something. Even panting and red in the face, Lance was still annoyingly good looking and Keith had the vague idea that he’d like to trace the line of sweat that dipped and pooled around Lance’s collarbones. He cleared his throat, flush rising up his cheeks.
“Well, it looks like we’ve both been pretty busy, huh? I got a lot of fruit and veggies in town, but, I also had another fantastic idea. I know, I’m brilliant.” He waved his hand and Keith gritted his teeth, all attraction gone. Usually, Lance just needed to talk and Keith lost all interest. “I also got some meat. I know snorlax eats anything and we need it to know there’s a bunch of tasty stuff ready and waiting so I thought, smell! You’ve got lots of firepower so we just get a good roast up going on and up he sits!” Lance eyed Keith’s appearance again. “Unless you’ve already been doing that…?”
“Smoked some combees to sleep. It’s honey.”
Lance whistled, impressed. Combees could be pretty nasty little fuckers when angry. He’d have thought twice before trying to steal their honey and he was no coward. Keith seemed pretty pleased with himself, though, and Lance couldn’t have that. He sent out Wartortle and gave Keith a hose down, washing away the residual smoke and honey. At first he spluttered and raised his hands in defense, but when he saw Lance snickering, he opened his arms and embraced it. Whatever. It felt better to be clean and it was a hot day. “My buddy here will be on duty to keep the flames from getting out of hand. Otherwise, this is your game, my man.”
Keith spit out the last bit of water that the cheeky wartortle had spit in his face and frowned at the pokémon. Wartortle flashed him a pair of finger guns.
“What do you mean my game?”
“You roast the meat, wake up the snorlax, and then catch the sucker!”
“Catch it?” Keith scoffed. “What do I need a snorlax for?”
“It’ll round out your team. You got two pure fire guys, one ground, one rock, and one fighting. If you’re not going to keep your focus on one or two related types then you ought to have a wide spread of types for a good team. You don’t have to stick with the snorlax if you don’t want to, but since it’s normal type it’s super versatile. And it’s better to have options, right?”
“It sounds like you’re just saying this so your team doesn’t have to fight it…”
“No way!”
“Fine. But don’t do that backseat battling you’re so fond of. I know my own team and I know how to fight. You just distract them.”
“My lips are sealed.” Lance mimed a zipping motion over his mouth and threw away the imaginary key. Keith grumbled and readied his makuhita’s ball while Combusken started searing the food Lance added to the pile. If only it were always that easy to make Lance shut up. Not to mention how good the food smelled. Keith really should have eaten more.
Before he had much time to appreciate the blessed silence and lovely smells, the snorlax ceased snoring and began to shift. It rolled on its side and they scrambled out of the way. Lance recalled Wartortle and Keith signaled to Combusken over to his side. It took the snorlax a minute before it decided that the food was worth waking up for, but eventually it sat up, eyes fixed on the pile of food. Keith stepped forward, impeding the path.
“Not so much fun now, huh? When someone else is blocking your path?”
Keith gave Lance a withering glare. Lance stopped talking, but seemed unrepentant for his jibe. The snorlax, on the other hand, took the comment very seriously, standing to its full height, almost 12 feet tall. Keith held his ground and sent out Makuhita. Unsurprisingly, the snorlax’s first move was to headbutt. Makuhita stood its ground, but still took some damage. Keith decided his best bet was to deal some big damage at the beginning and then bring it down low enough to reasonably catch the snorlax.
“Vital Throw!”
Makuhita barreled up to the snorlax and used its enormous strength to heave the snorlax to the ground, dealing an immense amount of damage since it was a fighting type move. Keith exhaled and Makuhita dug its heels in, bracing for the snorlax’s next attack. To the surprise of trainer and pokémon alike, the snorlax laid down and used rest. It regained all of the hit points lost. Keith sighed in frustration. Fine. If that’s the way it wanted it, Keith was happy to oblige.
“Wake Up Slap!”
Makuhita yelled and delivered a mighty slap to snorlax’s face, leaving behind a quickly reddening handprint. Keith smirked. Double damage because it was a fighting type move and another double because Snorlax was asleep. The force of the slap woke the sleeping beast, before it had a chance to do whatever snore or other move while asleep. It took the snorlax’s hit points dangerously low and he heard Lance yelp a bit from where he stood back from the battle. Keith grit his teeth, willing the snorlax not to rest again. Naturally, it did. The second time, it didn’t heal fully and considering the damage, Keith couldn’t risk another Wake Up Slap. It became a tedious back and forth between the snorlax regaining hit points and Makuhita bringing them back down through less powerful attacks. By the time Keith felt comfortable trying to capture it, he was sick of the entire battle. He ended up wasting a few great balls, but did manage to subdue the snorlax. He scoffed at the ball when he stooped to retrieve it by the exhausted Makuhita.
“You’d better be worth it…”
“I think he will be. He put up a really good fight. That’s something, at least. But, uh, Keith?” Keith grunted in response while he squinted at Snorlax’s ball. “Maybe you should let it out again to eat all this food we collected?”
“I get first crack.”
Lance watched in bemusement as Keith gorged himself on some of the food Lance bought from the store before finally allowing his new snorlax to finish up the rest of it. The snorlax nearly inhaled the substantial remainder and promptly returned to sleep. It had scoured the designated food area so thoroughly that no trace remained when it had finished.
“Why didn’t you eat breakfast with me this morning? I offered you some spearow eggs! Hunk taught me how to fry them up pretty nice and you know he’s the best cook.”
Keith made a face. Lance wasn’t wrong about Hunk’s culinary skills, but he doubted that Hunk often foraged for his ingredients from anywhere more exotic than the grocery stores of the Alola Region. “I saw you grab those out of a tree. I don’t trust you to know what you can eat or not. This isn’t some kind of wilderness reality show. There’s towns and cities usually within a day or two’s travel everywhere we go. It’s not my fault you think you’re some kind of Bear Grylls.”
“Um, excuse me, Mullet. It’s not my fault you refuse the bountiful gifts that nature has given us!”
Keith crossed his arms and raised a skeptical eyebrow at Lance's ability to distinguish the ‘bountiful gifts’ from the rest of nature.
“What about that time you got sick from those weird mushroom things? Or the time when an oddish attacked you because you grabbed it by the spout, swearing that you were getting some basil or some shit?”
Lance shook his head rapidly. “Nope, nuh uh, don't remember. Didn’t happen.”
If Keith rolled his eyes any harder, they’d fall out.
“Fine. Well what are we supposed to do with the rest of this mess? Snorlax didn’t eat everything. Just leave it?”
“Nah, I think our own teams wouldn't mind eating some of these fine pokéblocks. I just spent good money on them, after all.” Lance turned out to be correct. He hadn't known the snorlax’s preferences, or if a snorlax even had food preferences, so he’d bought pokéblocks and treats in all flavors. It meant that all of the pokémon were able to find something they liked and Lance found out that his staryu really liked honey. He rocked back on his heels while the pokémon ate their fill. “What should we do now? Tell Allura I guess?”
“Well, yeah obviously.”
“See you say obviously, but I'm just wondering what exactly we are obviously supposed to say to her. Like, hey Allura, we just finished that mission to save our jobs, but now we plan to take a quick detour down to Cinnabar Island to do some research on the less savory aspects of Team Rocket that are totally classified and we definitely should not be looking into. That sound cool to you?”
A lesser man might have been intimidated by the force of the glare Keith leveled at him. Lance continued to stare, unimpressed. Finally, Keith closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, something that conveyed both extreme frustration as well as helplessness.
“No. We can’t say that. We just tell her that we caught the snorlax, the road is unblocked, and we’d like to take some time to sort ourselves out. To make sure we’re a better team and do some bonding training together.”
“Bonding training?” Lance scoffed. “That’s not a real thing!”
“Yes it is! People have to train to work as a team and get to know each other better.”
“Even if it is a thing, the question is: will Allura buy it?”
“If she doesn’t it’s not that big of a deal. They’ll be hesitant to assign us another mission after our screw up, even if we cleared out the road block. We probably won’t get anything for at least a week. There’s no point in just sitting at headquarters waiting.”
“Sure, but they’ll expect us to go there anyway.”
“Look, if you want to go back and be a good boy with your thumbs up your ass, fine, but I’m not missing this opportunity.”
“Woah, hey, easy there. Cool your jets. I didn’t say I wouldn’t come with you. I’m planning to, obviously, that’s why we need to get our stories straight.”
“Obviously,” Keith replied dryly. Lance winked at him. Keith struggled not to blush and cleared his throat. “Then what should we tell her?”
“Well. The whole thing sounds to me like a romantic trip. Yeah, like two people in their relationship’s honeymoon phase. All sailing off to a nearby island, you know, the wind in our hair, watching the sunset together over the water, dipping our toes in the sand…relaxing on a tropical island? Way more like that.”
He’d gotten excited spitballing, (and maybe somewhat wistful), the words tumbling faster and faster out of his mouth. Lance had always dreamed about love; his own personal whirlwind romance. Not that he’d dreamed about it with Keith, per se. But once he’d realized what he’d said, Lance immediately wanted to take the words back. He couldn’t believe he’d said that shit out loud! To his rival! His own expression must have mirrored Keith’s, blushing and horrified. “Or, you know, like a bromance. Is what I meant. Totally. The beginning of a beautiful friendship?”
Keith hardly seemed able to respond. It was excruciatingly awkward, but on the other hand, Keith’s face was priceless. As long as he’d made the faux pas, maybe he ought to lean into it? He bit his lip, waiting for Keith to fucking say something. He knew if he tried to open his mouth again, he’d just spew more word vomit. But, was this the hill he wanted to die on?
“What-what would we say exactly? There’s no way she’d believe that w-we’re dating!”
“Uh, well, it’s simple. We would say all of our issues, the fighting and arguing was just, you know, sexual tension. And when we finally worked together to solve the snorlax problem, we realized how we actually felt. That it stemmed from a lot of jealousy, but that was really just misplaced admiration and we could take pride in each other’s achievements instead of undermining them constantly!”
The longer he spoke, the more baffled Keith’s face became.
“Really? You just came up with that on the spot?”
“What are you accusing me of?”
“It’s just, that sounds pretty well thought out. Like you’ve been thinking about this for a long time.”
They both blushed and looked away. Lance ignored the comment, and its possible accuracy, and dug his mental heels in.
“So, can you handle it? We have to be convincing enough for Allura.”
“And you think it’s worth it?”
“Uh, it’s way better than the idea you threw out. And she’s not exactly going to want to send visual check ups on us, no matter how suspicious of a location we pick. Not if we’re one of those disgusting couples all cutesy and lovey dovey.”
Keith couldn’t argue with that. He finally agreed to the charade, stubbornly unwilling to back down from a potentially good plan just because he maybe wished that he and Lance could be together for real. They practiced briefly, but were strangely adept at letting their shoulders brush and biting their lips seductively at each other. During the call, they explained the situation to an increasingly incredulous Allura and her equally skeptical Jigglypuff bobbing in and out of frame. The acting…wasn’t as hard as they’d been worried. After some time, Allura was either so relieved that they’d learned to get along or that she wouldn’t have to fire them that she didn’t ask too many questions. At one point, Keith snuck a glance over when he thought Lance wasn’t looking and their eyes met. He felt his face heat and he immediately turned away. Allura snorted loudly.
The whole thing was surprisingly natural. Lance couldn’t shake the fear that whatever they were about to investigate on Cinnabar Island would change their lives, and not in a good way, but he was equally excited for the prospect. And maybe, the romance with Keith didn’t have to just be a cover for Team Rocket. When Keith eventually managed to get Allura off of the phone, Lance turned to him and took him firmly by the shoulders. Keith’s mouth opened slightly in bewilderment and Lance resisted the sudden urge to kiss him.
“I think you aren’t so bad after all.”
Keith blinked himself out of the daze he’d fallen into, thinking Lance about to smooch him. “Thanks?” Lance grinned cheekily and recalled his pokémon, turning to head down the path towards the ocean and their (fake?) romantic holiday.
“Get a move on Mr. Mullet! I bet your hair will look a lot better when it’s soaked and the ocean is calling my name!”
Keith scoffed. He didn’t bother rushing to catch up, but he did think more about Lance’s words. Yeah. Maybe they weren’t so bad.