Chapter Text
Jason Todd came to him like a dream- he had the bad boy look down pat, from the brushed up hair to the leather jacket to the biker boots. He was even casually holding a bottle of beer, because of course, and even before Jason had said a word to him Dick knew he was a lost cause. In all his life he doesn’t remember falling so fast and so hard for anyone else, and he was no blushing virgin. He was tall and broad and had a wicked grin, the kind that promises a lot of trouble in the future, and oh, was that ever so true. Dick knew he didn’t look half-bad, and shot Jason his most charming smile. It worked, because it got Jason to saunter up to him from across the bar.
“Sure you want to be smiling like that?”
Jason opened, arrogant as hell, and it worked. He knew it worked. It made Dick smile wider and that showed off his dimples. Dick felt electricity going through his veins as they bantered as if they’ve known each other forever. They had a couple of more drinks and then Jason asks him to go somewhere, Dick can’t remember to where, but he remembers biting his lip and hesitating until Jason had gone and said,
“C’mon, don’t even pretend there’s anyone else here you’re gonna go home with.”
And that clinched it. Dick can’t remember where Jason was inviting him to because they never got there, instead they crashed at Jason’s place and did it until morning came and they both were sober. That started years of dating the most arrogant bastard Dick ever came across. When it was good, it was better than good. Fucking transcendent. It still brings a smile to his face whenever he remembered the little things Jason would do for him out of the blue during their relationship. When they both felt good. And the sex- gods the sex. He’d be grinning all day, just remembering all the hot sex they had.
But then things weren’t always great was it, or else they’d still be together. Dick had his own issues, but Jason had demons. It wasn’t so bad in the first years, but when they’d move in together that was when Dick truly realized how bad it could get. And then- then he couldn’t really pinpoint the exact reason when he was done. Truly done- not just a big argument that was quickly forgotten through some amazing makeup sex afterwards, no. Maybe it was the mix of Dick’s insecurities and Jason’s jealous streak, or the increased alcohol intake, or maybe it was the gap in their ages- it wasn’t that big a gap but the difference in maturity was marked.
Probably the reason Dick had been able to be with Jason for so long was that he himself was immature for his age. But getting to his early thirties, he could no longer afford to act like he wasn’t. Their five year gap meant Jason was still in his late twenties, and very much dedicated to not stop partying. Maybe it was just growing up and moving on. Maybe he got tired of screaming matches in the early morning when Jason came home drunk vehemently angry about some person Dick was contractually required to interact with in his job. Not that Dick didn’t stay up being eaten from the inside out with worry about his fucking gorgeous boyfriend in a bar crawling with other gorgeous people looking to hookup for the night. After all, that’s how they started right? Not that either of them ever cheated on the other, to his knowledge. But they both had hangups, lord knows.
Neither of them were saints, and for a while that worked out well until it didn’t. For a while the fact that the both of them were a little fucked up was something that made the relationship work until it made the relationship fall apart. Dick never did find out what was behind Jason’s demons. In the years they were together he had tried in futility to get the other man to open up, to be vulnerable in an emotional way. Maybe that was it. Maybe Dick just got tired of always having to understand for reasons he never knew. And so they parted, in spectacularly shitty fashion, with lots of recriminations from both sides, and Dick swore he’d never even so much as glance at Jason’s shadow, and Jason had laughed at that, a cruel smile on his face, swearing Dick would be back, he always came back. It took moving out and blocking several numbers and social media and several weeks before Jason finally accepted that this time, it was for real.
“Why you smiling like that?” Donna asked him, eyebrow raised and playfully mocking.
He had been smiling wistfully. They were in a bar, the very same bar where he met Jason, that fateful night all those years ago.
“You’re not thinking about you-know-who are you? We’re actually here so you can get over him and go find someone to be in another years long agonizing relationship with.” Wally joked over the glass of wine he was sipping. These days him and his friends were all about sipping wine in a measured pace, rather than drinking like there’s no tomorrow. They all know what a tomorrow would look like after that- killer hangovers and feeling like shit for the rest of the day courtesy of their traitorous, late thirties bodies. Dick just laughed and waved a flippant hand.
“I just remembered... well its not important.” And both Donna and Wally groaned. Donna was the first to start. “Really, Richard. It’s been like, four years since you broke up with-”
“Him who must not be named.” Wally intercut, which earned him a look from Donna.
“Yes, he can be named, this isn’t Harry Potter.”
“I just don’t want to dredge up even more memories by invoking his name, is all.”
“Guys guys please!” Dick interceded before an argument began between his two best friends. “Jason. Yes, I was thinking of him but!” He held up two hands as both Donna and Wally opened their mouths to start talking. “Just that this was the very same bar that we met. And that’s all. Nothing... no more dramatics coming from me I assure you. Made some headway about that with my therapist. You know this already guys come on. I’ve made peace with all that.”
Donna leveled him another look and Wally looked skeptical. And then, Donna’s face became carefully neutral and Wally looked up at the ceiling.
“What?” Dick asked, laughing a bit to show that he really was okay with just remembering Jason.
“You’ve made peace have you?” Donna asked, tone impartial.
“Yes?”
“So, he doesn’t affect you at all anymore?”
“Well, yeah. I mean it was an important relationship that spanned like five years of my life but I mean I can just look back now at the good and forgive the bad.”
“Mm-hmm. Okay.”
“Why, what’s... there’s something going on isn’t there?” Dick asked, finally picking up on the weird vibe his friends were suddenly in.
“Because Jason Todd just entered this bar!” Wally burst out in a whisper-shout. Donna honest to god hissed at him, and Wally shrugged. “I mean he’s going to see him eventually!”
“What happened to not naming the guy?” Donna angrily asked.
But his friends’ argument was like white noise to Dick as he turned around in his seat and then saw, there, leaning on the bar, talking to the bartender, was Jason Todd. And, oh, he looked like a dream- still tall and broad and in a well-tailored suit that showed it off. He had his hair slicked back and was that a streak of white mixed in? Oh god, Dick thought, he looks good. He hadn’t realized he was staring until Jason turned his head to look around and then their eyes met. Dick panicked and hurriedly turned back to his friends.
“Guys, I think he saw me.”
“You think?” Wally whisper-shouted again. “You were staring so long! Of course he’d see you! Probably felt your stare with how hard you were looking!”
“Hey, it’s okay, right? I mean you said, you’re all zen about this now, right?” Donna asked in a calm manner but there was a hint of nervousness in her voice. Dick closed his eyes and took a deep breath and shook his head to clear his mind. “Yeah, yeah of course. Zen. I’m zen. Calm as a rock.”
“Good ‘coz he’s walking towards us now.”
“I’m fuckin’ zen.” Dick muttered through gritted teeth as he mentally checked how he looked. He was just about to ask his friends about it when he felt a hand on his back. He looked up to see Jason’s face, whose unsure look quickly turned to genuine delight.
“I knew it was you!” Jason exclaimed, and opened his arms in an inviting gesture for a hug. Dick couldn’t help but stand up and accept the hug. He still uses the same cologne, Dick thought. Jason kept a hand on Dick’s shoulder even after parting, and then looked to Donna (silently seething) and Wally (awkwardly nervous) and nodded at them. “Donna, Wally, nice to see you two.” Then he turned back to Dick, who gave a small smile. Jason grinned that roguish grin, and a little bit of Dick melted inside.
“You look great, Dickie.”
“Oh, well, um. Same. Same to you.” Dick awkwardly replied, nodding, knowing absolutely well he was being awkward. He gestured at Jason’s suit and hair and said, “different, but good.”
Jason laughed, and some more of Dick’s insides melted, and he felt the hand on his shoulder squeeze him. “Yeah, stuff happened. Time, mostly.” Jason turned to Donna and Wally again and continued, “Well, I gotta see a man about some work. Again, nice to see you guys.” He leaned in and squeezed Dick’s shoulder again and looked him in the eyes, “Especially you.” And then Jason was off, leaving without looking back and heading towards the back tables where the man from work was presumably waiting.
“Hey, you okay?” Wally asked as Donna alternated between giving Dick a critical look and following Jason’s retreating form with a stink eye.
Dick let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and then fell back on his chair, his legs suddenly jelly. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay.” He said. His gaze fell on his half-filled glass, then he took it and drained it in one go. “I think I’m gonna call it a night.”
“Good instinct.” Donna said, and drained her own glass of wine. Then they both looked at Wally, who looked a little miserable but followed suit anyway.
The three parted ways by the subway station and Dick made his way home with his thoughts filled with nothing but Jason. How he looked older, calmer, but still had the same smile. How he smelled good like always did. How he seemed like in a better place in life than when they were dating. How he seemed like he had moved on, just like Dick claims for himself. When he got home he headed straight to his room and pulled out a red hoodie from the back of his closet. It was the only thing of Jason’s that survived the purging Donna and Wally instigated after the breakup. He held it up and buried his face into it. He could remember distinctly how Jason smelled from their hug earlier, and imagined the scent onto the fabric. He closed his eyes. He’s fine, he thought. This is fine.