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English
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Published:
2019-06-06
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1,540
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1/1
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just leave me your stardust (to remember you by)

Summary:

He can see the stars— so bright and distant, so beautiful and out of his reach— moving in the night sky.

He extends his arm out and—

He knows he won’t be able to touch them.

Notes:

i wrote this fic back in 2017 when season 3 was airing, but i love this ship so much that i wanted to translate and post it here. also i'm still a little bit salty for the way the star crew treated tom and the ship itself in the show and i didn't really like the final episode either so maybe i'll write a post-canon tomstar one-short someday or maybe a tomstarco one, idk.

title comes from Boats and Birds from Gregory & The Hawk, because i love that song and it has strong tomstar vibes to me.

Work Text:

He can see the stars— so bright and distant, so beautiful and out of his reach— moving in the night sky.

He extends his arm out and—

He knows he won’t be able to touch them.

1.

The thing here is:

Star Butterfly has stardust hair and a Milky Way smile, eyes of asteroids and skin made of sugar flowers. She always outstands in one way or another, with her brightness of midnight star and her eternal spring-like laugh.

Sometimes Tom thinks that he may end up blind by staring at her, but then he comes to realize that that is a risk that he is willing to take.

2.

Tom often misses her a lot.

And is that it was Star who used to take his hand and smile to him with a sweet blush on her heart-shaped cheeks, she was the one who made him laugh and who held him in her arms at difficult times, uttering the most comforting words that she could come with just for him, guiding him with her light—

Until she ended up getting tired of his problems, of all his unjustified anger and to have to deal with it— And then she left, tired of all the arguments and screams that, while they weren’t directed to her —never to her—, they still bothered and frustrated her, pushing her to her limits.

Because in the end they were nothing more than young people (almost children), lacking any romantic experience, just living their first love. Neither of them knew what to do or how to act about it.

She left, leaving him alone, with the pieces of his broken heart still beating for her between his demon claws.

3.

It takes time for him to understand it and to accept it, but he knows that he can’t force her to be with him again— to love him again— even if he tries to do so.

And he does try to.

Because even after everything that happened, even after all the pain he felt after their breakup, Tom still loves her in a way that he never thought he could love somebody else —he adores her like the luminary that she always was for him among his personal demons—. He couldn’t just get over it so easily, even if he was asked to. It isn’t so easy to forget it— to forget her.

But he knows that he must let her go, for his own good and for hers too.

4.

Star Butterfly has sunlight in her hair and smiles made of constellations. And these, Tom realizes, are way brighter than what he remembered. Or maybe it’s just because, for the first time in a long while, one of those smiles was meant for him and no one else.

And it’s a little bit difficult to contain his excitement, okay? No matter how much he tries to not set his hopes too high, to remember that he had taken upon himself to forget her; it becomes harder and harder for him to be able to. The dance they performed to prevent a fight between their parents didn’t help him; not when he could feel his magic making contact with hers and merge together as one in such a beautiful show, as well as he couldn’t help but remember all the happy moments they shared with each other; it all had been enough to make him fail all his attempts to get over her.

And it may sound foolish but— he wants to believe that Star felt the same way.

5.

Okay, definitely that Demoncism stuff didn’t go as planned. And that’s really frustrating. He had thought he could finally be free of all his anger, and at the end all the pain that he went through in the process hadn’t been worth it. However—

“The important thing is that you want to improve yourself.”

However, Star smiles to him again and looks up at him with glowing eyes —he wants to believe that she looks at him with something like (love) affection in her eyes, even if that would be too good to be true—, she stands by his side and supports him as she used to, in a more mature and empathic way than what she used to. And Tom feels something like a comforting warmness inside of him when he smiles at her and he feels her hand on his shoulder and.

Then:

Their hands intertwine with each other inadvertently, like it is the most natural thing in the world, as if no time has passed since the last time they touched each other like that. Tom waits for Star to push him away when she notices it, even more with Pony Head pointing it out in an almost derogatory way; yet, and to his surprise, she doesn’t do it.

She doesn’t let him go.

6.

The thing here is:

Tom Lucitor has hair made of molten lava, shark’s teeth and eyes that spark like a fire, like an explosion and— they are always looking at her with love, no matter the days, weeks, months that had passed since their breakup.

He accepts her; he loves her with all of her flaws; even when she couldn’t do the same for him.

Star surprises at the effort that she has to do to not blush when she realizes that he has taken her by the hand —or maybe she was the one who took his hand first, she can’t be sure, it’s not like it really matters—. The thing is that she had forgotten how warm Tom’s skin was, or how his hand seemed to fit almost perfectly in hers, or how charming and good looking his smile could be, or—

She surprises too at the fact that, by his side, the last thing that she thinks about is in Marco and how her heart used to beat out of control for him just some weeks before— it still does, just a little bit. No use denying it. But—

This is different— too different.

Is almost as if something —a something that she had insisted on ignoring that it was still there— had begun to beat hard in her left ventricle, preventing her from take her hand away from his. As if things weren’t complicated enough.

However, she decides that at the end it doesn’t matter and—

7.

“Maybe— maybe we could try it again,” she mutters softly between sips of her cornshake.

She looks down, aware that her cheeks have turned red. And even if she said that words so quietly, she knows that Tom heard her when his plastic cup falls to the ground and he stifles a surprised cry.

“W-what?” is all he can babble, his mouth open wide.

“Wasn’t that what you wanted?” Star asks avoiding his eyes.

Tom stays silent for a moment, putting his hand on the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed and thoughtful. He cracks a soft smile and— Star can’t help but feel a lump in her throat when she sees his expression.

“Yeah, that’s what I wanted,” he answers frankly. “But— then I realized that I just can’t force you to do that. I—”

Then:

Star leaves her drink aside and takes his hands between hers, her papier-mâché fingers holding his night-creature claws tightly and Tom chokes with his own words. She looks into his eyes; with her supernova smile shining in all her splendor and he could easily lost himself on her smile for the rest of his life.

“But I want to try again too. I want to give us another chance.”

And Tom stares at her without knowing what to say, even though he had dreamed about this moment so many times before; right now is like he has lost any ability to speak. He feels his eyes sting and he notices that his hands are shaking even when Star keeps holding them. He feels pathetic but he can’t stop, not even when one of Star’s hands releases her grip to cup his cheek and she wipes the tears that had started to drop from his eyes without his permission.

And even then— he feels so happy.

He hugs her precipitately, too emotional. He clings to her like a castaway to their lifeline. Star startles slightly but she hugs him back, hiding her face in his neck and breathing into that sulfur smell of his that she finds so familiar, so warm and comforting, and that she have never realized before how much she has missed. Tom runs his fingers through her hair of gold threads, and he mumbles disjointed words and laughs with a nonsense joy —it is impossible for him to try to contain his happiness, even in the midst of his tears—. Star laughs with him and, with her natural glow, she throws all the shadows out of his mind and all he can think about is how much he loves her he loves her he loves her—

.

.

.

.

He can see the stars— so bright and distant, so beautiful and out of his reach— moving in the night sky.

He extends his arm out and—

They accept him and they wrap him in their (oh, so warm) light.