Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Eli Moskowitz was a whiny, pussy ass little bitch and Hawk hated his guts.

More than that, Hawk hated the fact that he ever used to be him.

He hated Eli’s clothes and his hair and his stupid face and his freaky scar and the fact that he was constantly cowering in fear over nothing and everything.

Hawk wasn’t afraid of anything.

Hawk looked at everything straight in the eye and would inevitably punch it in the face. He punched objects and people and trees and other Cobras and even a clown that one time (but it was a clown so that was justification enough) and he liked it – it made him feel strong. It made him feel powerful and invincible and like he had life firmly by the balls and could conquer anything.

But most of all, it made him forget that he'd ever been Eli Moskowitz, the loser; the nerd; the freak with the weird lip.

It made him forget the nights he cried himself to sleep out of embarrassment and shame. It made him forget the time he hid himself in the bathroom stall just to get away from the laughter and the teasing of everyone in school. It made him forget all the looks of pity the teachers used to give him and the empty words of comfort they used to spew. It made him forget the sight of people constantly pointing at his lip and laughing as he passed by, covering him mouth and wishing that the ground would part under his feet and swallow him whole.

Eli Moskowitz was a pathetic loser who got picked on by everyone.

Hawk was strong. Hawk wasn’t afraid of anything.

At least that’s what he kept telling himself – chanting to himself like a mantra as he knelt by Miguel’s side while the paramedics worked on him. While they stabilized him and strapped him to the back board, trying not to show on their face how serious they thought his injury might actually be.

He tried to drown out everything else; the whispers and the murmurs and the sound of the teachers finally growing enough balls to come out of their hiding places to herd the students away from the hall.

Not one person touched him. No one dared.

He ignored Tory standing off to the side, looking at Miguel’s unmoving figure still sprawled on the stairs like a broken doll.

He even ignored Sam who was crying softly, one arm wrapped protectively around her chest and the other stroking his hair with the gentlest touch as she knelt by his head.

There was a part of him that was still Eli that almost reached over to place a hand on her shoulder in comfort. If nothing else, it was because he knew Miguel still cared about her and he cared about Miguel and for a split second, that was almost enough to quell the hatred in his heart. But the moment was fleeting and by the time the paramedics had loaded Miguel onto the gurney and started heading out towards where the ambulance was waiting for them – that little Eli inside him was nothing more than a distant memory.

--

Miguel might never walk again.

That’s what people were saying.

More so than that – he might even die.

Hawk never did put much stock in the gossip tree because that’s what it was – gossip. Heresay. Bullshit.

Miguel was the strongest person he knew. He was the bravest, the most fearless person and Hawk knew there was no way he was going to let anything keep him down.

But there was a part of him, a part that wasn’t really Eli, that wasn’t really Hawk either; a part that was just a sixteen year old boy terrified about losing his best friend that asked:  Would it not?

A broken back. That’s what people were saying. Paralysed. That’s what another would whisper back. The longer the rumour mill spun the more severe the extent of Miguel’s injures became to the masses. The truth was, no one really knew, not even the doctors. Or rather, they wouldn’t know the true extent until he woke up.

Before that moment, Hawk couldn’t have imagined the words ‘wake up’ would ever carry such a terrible connotation or bring on such a feeling of direness.

Waking up from sleep. Waking up from a nap. Waking up from a day dream or a wet dream or both.

It was just… normal. Nothing anyone ever really thought about twice.

Miguel was in a coma for almost three days. It was three days of worried pacing and uncertainty and fear waiting for him to just ‘wake up’.

Three days of occupying the hospital waiting room with people he hated passing through, waiting for news that never ended up coming.

It was the longest three days of his life in which so many things other things happened almost as if life just carried on while Miguel was fighting for his life.

All the Cobra Kai and Miyagi-Do students that had taken part in the melee had gotten suspended. Hawk was surprised that none of them had just gotten outright expelled. But then again, he knew that the school wasn’t going to expel the daughter of their biggest donor, LaRusso. So obviously they didn’t want to seem like they were blatantly playing favourites by expelling everyone else but her; especially because Sam was caught on multiple videos being one of the people who started the fight.

The other reason was because it was clear as day that although the Cobra Kai were the ones who instigated the fight, the reason Miguel was seriously injured (on school property – something that didn’t align well with school policy) was because he stopped fighting. Hell, he even apologized to Keene before Keene blindsided him and kicked him off the balcony.

Hawk knew even Miyagi-Do couldn’t find justification for what Keene did to Miguel, but then again, he knew the Miyagi-Do and their sensei hated them enough to probably try.

It didn’t matter anyway – Keene was going to pay one way or another. All of them were.

Then almost like a grim sign from above, Sensei Kreese returned, vowing revenge on the Miyagi-Do for what they did and Hawk was angry enough at them, at Keene and Sam and Sensei and even Aisha for not being as angry as he was for what they did to Miguel to take everything he said to heart, to allow it to fuel his rage even further. He was a Cobra Kai, their motto was No Mercy – something neither Sensei nor Aisha or even Miguel seemed to remember which succeeded in fuelling his hatred.

It was easy to be angry. It was easy to have an outlet to direct his rage and to release all his pent up emotions with his fists.

It was easier to be angry than to be scared or acknowledge that was how he truly felt on the inside.

Terrified.

Absolutely terrified.

He was terrified for Miguel. He was terrified of losing Miguel, of losing his best and closest friend; the person he trusted most to watch his back and the only person who liked Hawk just as much as he liked Eli, or rather, liked Eli just as genuinely as he liked Hawk. Aisha didn’t count because she didn’t really know Eli before Hawk stomped him out of existence.

Everyone else either liked Eli or Hawk; none of them could really accept them being the same person.

Demitri liked Eli, but hated Hawk. Sensei liked Hawk, but hated Eli. No one in school gave a shit about the kid with the freaky scar; the loser with the deformed face, until he became the guy with the Mohawk and the badass tattoo.

Eli was no one to anyone until he became Hawk, except to Miguel, because to Miguel, both Eli and Hawk had at different points been the only thing that mattered - a friend.

Hawk never told him how much it meant to him then and how much it meant to him still and he was afraid that he wouldn’t get another chance to do so.

--

Miguel was in the hospital for two days before Hawk was finally allowed up to see him. And whatever sight he’d imagined – no matter how much he’d prepared himself and told himself that everything was okay, that Miguel was going to be okay; the moment his eyes fell on his friend lying so hurt, so prone in that bed; surrounded by beeping machines and wires and IV’s, his neck and spine held erect by a hard, uncomfortable looking brace – it took every inch of his willpower not to let Hawk crumble to the ground and allow Eli to start weeping and blubbering like a simpering pussy.

Miguel’s mom was friendly enough towards him the entire time he was there, but Hawk could see the hurt in her gaze every time he eyes glanced down to the sight of the Cobra Kai logo on his t-shirt.

When she had her back turned to him to fuss over Miguel, he quietly zipped up his jacket to hide the image from her eyes.

He was in no way ashamed of his dojo and he sported their emblem proudly. To him, there was only one person and one faction to blame for what happened to Miguel and that was Keene and Miyagi-Do dojo. But he knew it wasn’t the time, place or person he needed to argue his case against. So for once, he kept his mouth shut.

It was tough being around Miguel then; being able to see his best friend and have him within touching distance, but at the same time knowing that he might as well have been a thousand miles away. It was tough not being able to talk to him and joke with him; of having to just sit there with the knowledge that he let down the one person who always had his back – knowing that he didn’t have his friend’s back when he needed it the most. It was hard acknowledging the fact that while Keene had delivered the fatal blow, all of them had had a part in escalating the fight to that point.

He shook away the thought almost as quickly as it appeared.

He was a Cobra Kai. Cobra Kai doesn’t show mercy to anyone.

That’s what Miguel did, and look at what happened?

But what if Miguel hadn’t shown mercy? What if the roles had been reversed and it was Miguel on the run for almost killing a fellow student? That’s the question that Eli had brought up and Hawk would have smothered himself to silence the voice. But he couldn’t shake the thought completely from his mind.

This all happened because one person had shown mercy, and the other person hadn’t.

But what if both of them hadn’t shown mercy to the other?

What if both of them had?

Hawk hated overthinking the what ifs and maybes. He’d rather solve problems with his fists, but he knew that he couldn’t do that this time.

The absolute last thing he expected or wanted was to run into any of the Miyagi-Do, his sensei, Aisha or really another human being, while he was there at Miguel’s bedside. But naturally the universe had a way of screwing him from behind without mercy because it was at that exact moment that Sam appeared at the door.

He immediately pushed himself off the wall he’d been leaning against, watching Mrs. Diaz as she fussed over Miguel the way only a mother ever could, his arms crossed over his chest and taking a couple of steps to place himself between the newcomer and Miguel.

However, whatever scathing words he was about to say, whatever biting insult he was about to let fly, died on his lips the moment Sam’s eyes fell on Miguel lying in the hospital bed and her face just immediately crumbled. Tears welled up in her eyes and her hands leapt to her mouth as she let out a strangled sob.

Hawk watched as if it were in slow motion as her legs gave out from under her and she almost slid down to the floor on her knees. He was, however, saved from his almost instinctual response of reaching out to grab her before she fell by the second person who appeared almost out of nowhere.

The woman grabbed Sam around the shoulder to steady her and drew her back into her chest, holding her upright in an embrace.

The sadness on her face that mirrored Sam’s or was the result of it meant that she couldn’t have been anyone other than her mom. Hawk knew that much at least. Moms were good like that. His mom was like that too.

His benevolence in that situation lasted for as long as it took her to notice him standing in Sam’s way; after that he was back to being a Cobra Kai and she was back to being a faceless entity affiliated with the enemy. Especially when her eyes looked past him, towards where Miguel was lying unconscious – hurt because of one of them, in a fight they had picked that injured her daughter. Hawk knew enough of Daniel LaRusso from their sensei’s stories and through his own experience dealing with the Miyagi-Do and their prejudice towards their dojo to be able to anticipate what was about to happen – what she was about to say to him.

Every single nerve in his body started bristling; his heckles were raised and he was completely prepared to lay just as much blame that was about to be placed on him, his dojo and Miguel himself.

But none came.

Her expression was one of sadness and sympathy when she turned back to look at him and said, “I’m so sorry about your friend.”

Hawk couldn’t do much beyond staring at her, mouth agape.

But Sam’s mom didn’t seem like she was expecting a response because she didn’t wait for one. She maneuverer Sam to the side where there was a vacant seat that Hawk had declined pushed up against the wall, and lowered her daughter into it before approaching Mrs. Diaz.

Neither of them said anything to each other, but the looks they shared were full of understanding and was intimate enough to make Hawk avert his gaze to focus on the floor.

He heard but didn’t see the sound of Mrs. Diaz’s muffled sobs. He heard but didn’t see the sound of Sam’s mom offering words of comfort. He heard but didn’t see when her own voice started breaking.

He heard a lot but didn’t see because it wasn’t his place. Instead he sidled up to the wall he’d been leaning against and retook his position like a silent guardian. 

For a moment it didn’t matter that it was Sam LaRusso sitting sobbing in the seat next to him. For a minute it didn’t matter that it was a Miyagi-Do student, one of the enemy and one of the reasons Miguel was in the hospital in the first place sitting beside him crying.

For that one moment, it didn’t matter that he reached down to place his hand on her shoulder in reassurance. It didn’t matter that she reached up to cover his with her tear stained, shaking own. It didn’t matter that he let her do it or that he found some measure of comfort in the contact.

For that one moment, it didn’t matter that they were enemies or that they hated each other’s guts, because for that one moment, it was only their love for Miguel that truly mattered.

tbc.

Chapter Text

The strangest development of the three days Hawk spent juggling between being at the dojo with his brutal new Sensei Kreese, and visiting Miguel at the hospital, was the begrudging truce that had sort of developed between him and Sam, who was by Miguel’s side just as much, or even more so than he was.

On the flip side of that; he went out of his way to avoid running into Aisha and sensei the entire time he was there. In the case of the former, it was just in the name of self-preservation. Aisha hadn’t joined them in the resurrection of Cobra Kai 2.0. She was far too loyal to Miguel and far too loyal to sensei to even consider joining in the mutiny. The part of Hawk that was still loyal to the original Cobra Kai motto, the one sensei had drilled into their brain before he got all soft and turned into a pussy, was pissed at Aisha for turning her back on them (she hadn’t). That part of him was angry that she wasn’t as angry as they were at the people who hurt Miguel (she was angry enough, but mostly, she was just scared and worried the same way he pretended he wasn’t).

The other part of Hawk, the part that was still a little bit Eli; the one who still looked up at their sensei in fear and awe; the one who remembered how painful it was getting punched by her in the face – that Hawk avoided her out of shame.

In the case of sensei… though it wasn’t exactly fear keeping him at bay, it was something damn near close to it. That and something akin to guilt nagging at him from the deep recesses of his brain.

Once the anger had passed and the rage has subsided, Hawk had enough self-awareness to recognize what a shitty thing he’d done to his sensei – the person who’d literally given him his name and inspired him to become the man he turned out to be, and the person who helped him grow to his full potential; but naturally, he was too proud to admit that he’d acted like a jackass.

Sensei Kreese was right; the Miyagi-Do needed to be put in their place and dealt with and Hawk wanted to be the person dealing out the hurt. But at the same time, he knew how much Miguel respected their sensei, how much he looked up to the man despite his massive flaws, and Hawk respected Miguel enough to respect his respect. He knew that Miguel would probably chew him out something terrible if and when he found out what had taken place; how they’d turned their back on their sensei when he was at his absolute lowest – not to mention being a part of what caused him to fall to that level – and how they, especially Hawk and Tory, had used him as their excuse.

He knew Miguel was going to be pissed, and he wanted Miguel to be pissed. He wanted Miguel to be mad and rage at them and kick their ass all the way back to the nineteen-eighties. He wanted Miguel to do something to… to – to something! Anything. To wake up and yell at him and be mad and wipe the floor with him like he’d done so many times before, he wouldn’t even be mad. He just wanted Miguel back. He wanted his best friend back.

--

Hawk was there when Miguel first woke up.

But to say that he ‘woke up’ was probably vastly overstating it.

His eyes were open and his consciousness had returned, but that was about the extent of it. He didn’t seem to realize that there were people in the room with him, much less who they were and what him waking up meant to each and every one of them. His eyes were open, but glassy and his gaze seemed to look past what was in front of him at a point that only he could see. He didn’t even seem to recognize his mom fussing over him, stroking his cheek and running her fingers through his hair.

Hawk didn’t even approach the bed; he didn’t think he had any right to do so. There were enough people at Miguel’s side; Sam and his mom and grandma, even sensei who’d appeared at the door just as Miguel’s eyes started to open. Sensei didn’t even seem to notice him standing there which was reason enough for him to stay back. He didn’t want to make things more awkward than they already were.

He let his mind wonder. His eyes focused on Miguel, but his mind started sifting through the memories of the past, remembering when times were much simpler; before everything had gone to shit.

But all of a sudden, there was an almost inhumane wailing that erupted from one of the machines that surrounded Miguel’s bed and before Hawk could even register that something was happening, everyone who wasn’t Miguel’s immediate family was being ushered out the door. Sam was crying and sensei was spewing profanities like it was an Olympic event. If the situation hadn’t been so grim Hawk would have been impressed by the sheer amount and sheer creativity of it. But it wasn’t the time or the place, especially not because it felt like Miguel had just been ripped from their grasp once again, just when things were starting to look up.

--

None of them were allowed back to see him for three days.

Hawk later learned that the stress of what had happened coupled with the pain he was in caused him to have a bad asthma attack. He’d spent the three days in the Intensive Care Unit.

Sam was there with him when he learned the news and she looked so wracked with guilty that even Hawk felt sympathy for her.

No one in Cobra Kai knew of the company he kept during the time he was with Miguel, and as far as he was concerned, none of them ever needed to know.

--

The first good thing happened on a Wednesday, more than one week after the ill-fated fight at the school. It was a welcomed though surprising respite; Hawk always hated Wednesdays.

Both sides were still working off their suspension and it had been pretty silent of both ends. The Miyagi-Do hadn’t started anything in the meantime and Hawk knew Sensei Kreese was still biding his time, waiting to strike. He didn’t know what happened with Keene, but from what he’d overheard when Sam was talking with her mom, it seemed like Keene was back at the LaRussos and it took all his will power not to scoff out loud at how unsurprised he was. But someone he’d managed to refrain from taking it out on Sam or her mom when they re-entered the waiting room and greeted him with tired smiles.

At least they were getting to see Miguel that day. Hawk chose to focus on that instead.

Miguel looked good. At least, he looked good compared to how he’d looked in the past week and the last time Hawk laid eyes on him – much healthier and way more alert. Plus the neck brace was gone, which Hawk took as a good sigh that maybe things weren’t as bad as they first thought. At least he hoped as much.

He forced back all the negative thoughts the moment he stepped through the door of Miguel’s room and his friend turned around to look at him.

The sight of Miguel’s smile, as tired as it was, just melted the stress and the worry right off his shoulders.

Miguel’s voice was hoarse and barely louder than a whisper when he said, “Hey man,” but Hawk didn’t think he’d ever heard a much more comforting sound.

“Hey, bro. You really worried us for a second there,” he said, forcing a smile that looked more confident than it felt, approaching the bed. Their fists met almost instinctually the moment they were within touching distance and Hawk didn’t think a fist bump would ever feel so good again.

The moment Sam appeared behind him – Hawk didn’t even have to turn around to know she was there – Miguel’s eyes immediately looked past him to where she was. Hawk found that he didn’t feel even a little jealous or put out when Miguel’s attention shifted from him, which was a huge surprise even to himself. But the course of the last week had changed something inside him. And especially not because of the look in Miguel’s eyes when he saw Sam, or then the sound of Sam sobbing out Miguel’s name as she jogged up to the vacant side of his bed and buried her face in his chest.

Hawk let out a breath and looked away.

It wasn’t a scene meant for his eyes so he stepped out to allow them their privacy and stayed there until Sam came out to call him back into the room.

They shared a smile just before they re-entered that could have been interpreted as friendly, but Hawk knew deep down that it was a situation that was never going to last. Ultimately they were going to go back to being enemies, but the thing that concerned him the most was which side of the battlefield Miguel was going to get dragged into.

It was a question only time would answer.

--

It took Hawk a record breaking three days (by Hawk record anyway) before he finally did something dumb. Or in this case, said something dumb.

It was almost like an out of body experience, because his brain registered that he was about to say something monumentally stupid a split second before he blurted out said monumentally stupid thing.

In that particular case, the actual dumbness level was at about a seven, which truth be told, fell on the average side of Hawk’s scale of stupid, but fell at a clean twenty-seven on the universe’s scale of insensitivity.

He’d said, “Showing mercy is for pussies, Diaz,” and immediately a terrible, stomach churning, butt clenching feeling washed over him like the drain and spin cycle of a washing machine and he knew he’d fucked up big time. But somehow he wasn’t done, because before his brain could even process what had just come spewing out of his mouth, he for some reason opted to continue with an absolutely show stopping – “No wonder Keene managed to wipe the floor with you.”

Then there was absolute. silence.

The first thing he became distinctly aware of besides the suffocating quiet was the sensation of being jerked back by the collar of his shirt.

The very next thing he realized was being on the floor on his ass, blood trickling down out his nose and down his chin and feeling like he’d taken a hit from Mjolnir straight to the face – that, and the terrifying sight of Aisha looming over him, almost trembling with anger as she glared down at his sprawled figure.

He was in the process of gathering his wits about him to respond with any sort of indignance before he was roughly dragged back to his feet and shoved out into the hallway; barely managed to catch himself against the opposite wall and immediately twisted around to face Aisha the moment he succeeded in regaining his balance.

The words, “What the hell, Aisha?” had barely made it past his lips before he was shoved back up against the wall and Aisha was stepping up almost too close into his personal space.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” She demanded, not allowing even a fraction of an opening for him to give any version of his weak ass explanation. “How can you even say that to him? Huh? How can you call yourself his friend, be worried about him like the rest of us for the past week, and then say those words to his face? Especially now. Especially after what he’s just been though!”

Hawk wisely kept his mouth shut. It wasn’t just Aisha’s anger than stilled him or the bite in her words, but it was also the fact that she had tears welling in her eyes and she looked at him with such an expression of disappointment that it nearly buried him in shame.

“He broke his back, Hawk – his back! Did you know that? Do you even care? He was almost paralysed – he still could be. Do you know what that means? It means no walking, no running, no karate! But you – his friend –” she said the words with air quotes for emphasis, “ – Are more concerned with your ego and this dumb rivalry. Newsflash, jackass, this dumb rivalry is what put Miguel in the hospital in the first place! But you just don’t care, do you? Did you ever care about him or about this friendship? Or did you just care about how strong he was and how much he could benefit Cobra Kai and your precious sensei Kreese?

“You know what, Eli, maybe Hawk and sensei Kreese really do deserve each other. Because neither of you deserve Miguel’s loyalty or his friendship.” Aisha’s chest was heaving by the time she finished. “Just remember this; Miguel was there for you from the beginning. When you were weak and pathetic. He defended you. He considered you a friend and still does and he never, ever, would have said those words to you if your situations had been reversed.”

Hawk couldn’t even force himself to look Aisha in the eyes. Instead he kept his eyes on an indiscernible shape of the linoleum floor.

“Miguel needs people who are going to support him and be there for him, to lift him up instead of trying to tear him down, and if you don’t think you can stop being an asshole long enough to do that then don’t bother coming back here.” Aisha finally took a step back; reaching up to wipe away the remaining tears pooling in her eyes and dry tracks of the few that had escaped in the heat of the moment. “You tell Tory the exact same thing I told you.”

She turned around and walked back into Miguel’s room without sparing him a second glance back.

For a long while after Aisha left him alone to stew in her words, Hawk found himself unable to move; feeling the weight of her words pressing down on his shoulders and twisting in his gut like a knife; gnawing at his conscience.

He knew what she said was right. They were words he’d said to himself more than once but it didn’t lessen the blown hearing them being said to him by someone he cared about; someone he respected.

He felt bad and he felt guilty. Most of all he felt like a shit friend because he really was.

He’d been a shit friend to Demetri and he was being a shit friend to Miguel.

He spent a second lingering outside Miguel’s door before he left, wisely staying in the shadows and out of sight; not wanting to leave but feeling like he had not place being there at that moment, especially because he could hear the sadness and resignation in Miguel’s voice when he told Aisha that he was tired, and that he just wanted to sleep.

Hawk didn’t need to see Miguel’s face to know how wretched he probably looked.

He left the hospital feeling worse than he did the first day he stepped foot in it, and back then he didn’t know whether his friend was ever going to walk again. Back then, he didn’t know whether his best friend was even going to live.

It felt worse because this time he had no one – not Keene, not Sam, not Miyagi-Do – no one else to blame, but himself.

tbc.

Chapter Text

Hawk did a lot of reflecting in the time he spent apart from Miguel.

By reflecting, he meant that he kicked a lot of ass and wiped multiple hard surfaces with lots of different faces.

Sensei Kreese’s pride was obvious and the rest of the Cobra Kai students grew more and more fearful of stepping across the mat from him.

But Hawk’s mind couldn’t have been in a more distant place than the present.

He mulled over Aisha’s words over and over until he had them almost memorized.

He kept replying Miguel’s words over and over again until every last syllable sounded like a song he’d been listening to on repeat for a decade.

Hell, he kept going back to that one moment during the earlier days at the hospital, sitting by Miguel’s bedside opposite from Sam, when she all of a sudden turned to him and said, “You’re a good friend.” The head rush he felt as a result of the compliment was weird, especially because he could feel the heat in his head slowly making its way to his face and he know for a fact that blush was not a good colour on him.

He managed to regain his flailing composure and immediately brushed her off with a scowl and a gruff, “Shut up. I didn’t ask for your opinion.” But judging from the small, knowing smile that curled at her lips when she nodded and muttered out a sheepish ‘sorry’, he knew she wasn’t at all apologetic and that she’d gotten exactly the intended reaction from him.

The compliment now felt more like a stab through the heart.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of Ass-face eating floor – ass over face.

The crunching sound his nose made was unnatural, so was the amount of blood that immediately poured down his face, almost pooling on the mat at Hawk’s feet.

But Sensei Kreese was proud and the other Cobra Kai were afraid.

But that’s what he wanted – wasn’t it? Fear and respect. Respect and fear. Either one? Both? Was there even a difference?

He used to fear sensei, but he grew to respect him. He never feared Miguel, but he respected him. He was always afraid of and still feared Aisha, which meant that he naturally respected her. Right?

He didn’t really fear Sensei Kreese, but he did respect the man. He respected the fact that he was sensei’s sensei and the fact that he’d created Cobra Kai and everything it stood for: being the strongest, showing no mercy and striking first.

That was what they were about after all.

But then sensei had to go and change; he had to go and grow soft and become a pussy like the rest of them. Bad enough he turned his back on everything Cobra Kai stood for – everything he himself had taught them – he had to go and drag Miguel down with him.

There was a moment, an actual moment where Hawk thought that he and Miguel were a hundred percent on the same wave-length. It was back at Coyote Creek and even though it was over Sam and over the Miyagi-Do medal of honour, there had been a look in Miguel’s eyes, a fire in them that, for a split second, actually caused a stab of fear in his heart. That was why he didn’t take the fight to heart. That was why when Miguel approached him the next day to clarify things; he hadn’t reacted, because it was that moment that made his respect for Miguel grow. That was the moment that changed his opinion about Miguel.

Where he only used to see a friend, a person he cared about who was maybe just a little too emotional when it came to subject of chicks (specifically just one chick); he now saw as a rival, and as legitimate competition – but that didn’t necessarily mean it was a bad thing. He always knew Miguel was strong – Miguel had already been a Cobra Kai when Hawk was nothing more than a figment of Eli’s deepest desires, but up until that moment he’d always just saw Miguel as Miguel; sensei’s favourite, his and Aisha’s friend and although he’d beat up Kyler, the bane of Eli’s high school existence and defeated Keene to become tournament champion, in the back of Hawk’s mind he’d always just been that dorky kid who got beat up in the locker room because he didn’t know when to run.

Being on the receiving end of Miguel’s skills forced Hawk to acknowledge that he had a serious set of it, maybe even more that Hawk would ever achieve himself.

What Hawk had on Miguel, and what the last couple of months had only gone on to prove, was that the only advantage Hawk had was his rage, and he was beginning to see that maybe that wasn’t enough.

Rage had caused him to lose against Demetri of all people. Rage was what made Keene kick Miguel off the balcony. Rage was what made him turn against his sensei and his friend and rage had made him say such a heartless thing to the one person he cared about above the rest (besides his parents, because he still loved his parents).

He was beginning to realize that maybe showing mercy wasn’t necessarily showing weakness – a thought that was blasphemous in itself but he knew that if he ever wanted to face Miguel again; if he ever wanted to be allowed to face Miguel again, he needed to change some things about himself. He figured that starting with being less angry all the time wasn’t such a terrible thing.

Ass-face’s ass face was still gushing blood like a faucet when he looked up. Tory was chuckling, which pissed Ass-face off which made the blood come even faster.

It ended up getting so bad that even Sensei Kreese decided to step in, forcing the moron’s dumb face back to stop the blood from flowing. Hawk knew that wasn’t the best way to get a bloody nose to stop bleeding – he’d had his fair share of bloody noses in the past – but he wasn’t really inclined to share. As far as he was concerned, enough people knew more about him that he wanted, all thanks to Demetri.

Hawk didn’t laugh (even though it was admittedly funny as hell), instead he turned around to the closest peon to his right and barked at them to get a towel – or a body bag, whichever of the two was more applicable in the situation.

Hawk didn’t know if it was because he’d taken the initiative, or because he was actually voluntarily helping out, but Sensei Kreese was staring at him strangely when he turned back to face the gory scene.

“What?” he asked, perhaps a little more self-consciously than he intended.

Sensei Kreese studied him intently for a few seconds longer. “Nothing,” he said with a small smirk. “Just a little… deja-vu.”

Hawk opted not to pry. Whatever the man was deja-vu-ing about, it was likely nothing he wanted to know about. He had no doubt it had something to do with sensei though.

He returned to the hospital that very night. He didn’t know what he was going to do or what he was even going to say. Hell, he didn’t know why he’d even decided to take the leap, but after a couple of hours spent loitering around the outside of the burger joint across from the building; inviting many a suspicious stares from passer-by’s, shop workers and hospital staff, he finally worked up the courage to march his ass across the street.

Unfortunately his nerves lasted him as far as the threshold of Miguel’s room before he stopped dead in his tracks.

Sensei was there and he was…

He was crying.

Not straight out sobbing out loud wailing sort of crying. But his shoulders were shaking; the hand that was grasping Miguel’s shoulder was shaking and seemed to be latching on particularly tight. His other hand was covering his eyes, almost shielding half his face but Hawk could see the way his lips were twisted in his effort to suppress the bubbling sobs.

Miguel was staring at the man with obvious sympathy, almost as if their situations had been reversed and sensei was in the one injured and in the hospital. He had a hand covering sensei’s that was on his shoulder and though he wasn’t saying anything verbally, Hawk could see that he was trying to channel reassurance through the touch.

Sensei sniffled, scrubbing at his face before letting his arm drop to his side.

“I’m sorry,” he said suddenly before Hawk had a chance to leave the uncomfortably intimate scene. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I never meant for anything like this to happen. I’m so sorry.” He kept repeating the apology over and over again, not allowing Miguel to get a word in edgewise to stop him.

Hawk could see Miguel shaking his head, his brows furrowed as if he could even believe what sensei was even saying to him. “It isn’t your fault, sensei. You don’t have to apologize.”

Hawk decided not to continue eavesdropping. It wasn’t his place and it wasn’t his right to listen in. It was an intimate moment between Miguel and sensei not meant for prying eyes or ears and he chose to honour that. It was the least he could do.

The day ended with him feeling even more confused and unsure than he did when the day began.

--

The unexpected obstacle turned out to be a blessing in disguise because when Hawk tried his luck a second time around a couple of days later, his thoughts were much more organised, his head was much less muddled and his goal seemed a lot more clearer than it had been that night.

Goal: Apologise to Miguel.

Do: Actually act like a decent human being.

Don’t: Piss Aisha off.

In conclusion: don’t be his usual tactless self. He was going to actually have to think before he talked.

Hell, he even bought balloons.

And a bouquet. Like some sort of jilted ex trying to win back the love of his life… which… wasn’t exactly too far from the truth. They weren’t lovers but Hawk was indeed trying to weasel his way back into Miguel (and Aisha’s) good graces and make up for being a jackass.

If he hoped to actually have privacy to commence his grovelling, obviously the universe was pissed off enough at him to say hell no, because unsurprisingly, Miguel was not alone.

The sound of singing (or something that was trying to pass off as such) on the other hand, was surprising. As was the choreographed routine Aisha and Sam were in the middle of (again, or something that was trying to pass off as dancing – and probably was… in some culture somewhere).

But Miguel, who was looking healthier and happier than Hawk had seen him in a long while, was laughing and seemed much more in a light-hearted mood than Hawk had expected, more than made up for the bizarre sight. He was dressed in pair of sweats and a plain t-shirt, lying propped up on the raised bed against a generous helping of pillows behind him and on either side. It could have just been the sight of him lounging at home in his own bed if not for the strict back brace he had on that was strapped around his torso, holding his spine rigid and secure and the myriad of machines that still decorated the room.

By that point, Hawk had heard and seen enough of Aisha and Sam’s performance to realize that they were performing a choreographed routine to the Periodic Table song.

They were both half laughing and half-singing while trying not to trip over one another; Miguel was clapping his hand to the (out-of) tune and Hawk felt almost like he was intruding when he stepped up to the door. It was bad enough that none of them noticed his presence for a good while, leaving him standing there completely out of place, holding a bouquet of some yellow and pink flowers and a bunch balloons that kept floating up in front of his face.

After about fifteen seconds, when it had become clear that they wouldn’t notice him there if he didn’t take the initiate; he cleared his throat to announce his presence.

Immediately the singing stopped, the laughter died down; everyone’s eyes immediately snapped his direction and if Hawk ever wanted there to be a fire or an earthquake or a meteor hitting the earth, it was at that precise moment.

Aisha’s smile immediately dissipated. Miguel, who was in the middle of a clap, lowered his hands to his lap though his expression remained unreadable. Hawk immediately regretted his decision to come. Sam looked between Miguel and Aisha and him, like she wasn’t sure whether to step forward or slip away from the awkwardness.

Hawk was about a second away from dropping the flowers and letting the balloons float away when Miguel looked up to meet his eyes and smiled. A smile that looked almost relieved.

“Hey, man,” he said.

That was all it took to break the tension in the room.

Sam leapt forward, if a little too eager to relieve him of the flowers and the balloons with a chipper; “These are lovely,” and nodded an invitation for him to enter.

Truth be told, it wasn’t Sam’s acceptance he needed – hell, it wasn’t even Miguel’s. He knew it wouldn’t be hard to earn Miguel’s forgiveness; they were friends, and perhaps that was one aspect of Miguel’s personality he’d taken for granted maybe one too many times without even realising.

Instead, he turned to Aisha, who hadn’t moved from her spot since the moment he announced his presence.

“Is this okay?” he asked, knowing that there was no need to elaborate.

Aisha sighed before looking at Miguel who turned to meet her eyes almost as he knew it was his approval she needed. Neither of them said anything, but it was obvious from Miguel’s body language that he was saying all that was needed to be said because Aisha sighed exasperatedly, crossed her arms over her chest before turning back to look at him.

“Have you figured out your… priorities?” She asked in turn.

Hawk took his time figuring out the best answer until he realized that he didn’t really have an answer, so he opted for the truth. “Not really – but –” he added quickly when it seemed like Aisha’s eye roll was about to be a precursor to him getting his ass chewed out for a second time, “I just know that we’re Cobra Kai for life.” He turned to Miguel before continuing. “I won’t leave another Cobra behind.”

The answer seemed good enough for Miguel, not that it was surprising to anyone because he turned back to Aisha and with his eyes saying what was the equivalent of ‘please mom, can we keep him?’

Aisha looked on the verge of giving in, but managed one last argument.  “Now,” she said, “What about later? What about when you realize that the Cobra Kai you want isn’t the Cobra Kai we want?”

Hawk looked between the three people staring back at him; surprised at the fact that he felt absolutely calm on the inside. The Hawk from a couple of weeks ago would have already lost his shit, snapped at Aisha, punched something and stomped out the door.

“Then we’ll deal with the problem when it comes up,” he said. “Right now I just… I just want Miguel to get better so that I can kick his ass and take my rightful place as top Cobra Kai student.”

It genuinely didn’t occur to Hawk that he’d said anything even remotely upsetting, but an expression flashed across Miguel’s face for a split second that Hawk couldn’t really decipher before he masked it with a casual grin, one of his trademark. Hawk didn’t think anyone but he noticed but immediately he felt like the shittiest friend in this universe and all other multiverses.

 “You wish,” Miguel said. It was obvious that was the direction he was willing to steer the subject in and Hawk knew it was his responsibility to ride it with him. He was the one who’d brought up the subject in the first place.

Was Miguel ever going to be able to do karate again?

Was he ever going to be able to compete again?

The voice sounded like a twisted, mangled version of Eli’s asked at him like an accusation.

“I don’t wish. I know so,” he said confidently, allowing his usual snarl to curl past the scar on his lip. Nowadays he wore both the scar and snarl like a badge of pride. But he looked straight at Miguel as he said it, hoping that the sincerity behind the words didn’t get lost in translation.

Miguel didn’t answer but he didn’t look upset or in any way negatively affected by Hawk’s reply.

Neither of them said anything before Hawk stepped up to his bedside and raised a clenched fist, waiting for Miguel to accept the gesture of friendship on his part. Miguel looked at the fist then straight up at him and smiled, reaching across the short distance with his own fist as a clear response.

“Cobra Kai never dies,” Hawk said determinedly.

He knew deep in his heart that the words would probably mean something completely different to Miguel than it did to him. He knew that Miguel was still loyal to sensei, that he probably always would remain loyal to sensei. He’d always been. Even when he was upset with the man, even when his actions started going against everything he’d said and everything he’d taught them; even when Sensei Kreese showed them the real Cobra Kai way – Miguel had remained absolutely loyal to sensei.

It only occurred to Hawk recently that Miguel hadn’t gone against the way of the Cobra when he took back the medal of honour or when he showed mercy to Keene. He had always been loyal to Cobra Kai – but the Cobra Kai that was Johnny Lawrence’s. In a way, Miguel’s loyalty had always been to their sensei instead of Cobra Kai.

So when Miguel said; “Cobra Kai for life,” back at him, a part of Hawk knew that the phrase probably stood for completely different things for the both of them, but at the same time, he realized that maybe that was okay.

Maybe it was going to be okay. Miguel was going to be okay. He had a hard road ahead of him but he was going to come out of it on top, like he always did, and their friendship could too.

Whatever obstacle they would encounter they could conquer because they were Cobra Kai and Cobra Kai never say die.

That was the mind-set he had and that was the mind-set he was going to adhere to, no matter the situation; no matter if the opponent was in the ring or out of it; no matter if it was going to be Keene and Miyagi-do or Sam and Aisha, or even Miguel himself – Hawk was confident in himself and had confidence in their friendship that it wouldn’t go down without a fight, like they themselves wouldn’t.

The day ended with Sam (being slightly more enthusiastic about it) and Aisha finishing their choreographed dance performance to the Periodic Table song. And with Hawk feeling more at peace on the inside than he had in a long time – maybe even for the first time ever in his life because being in that room with that group of people, he had nothing else to prove to anyone.

--

Epilogue

--

Hawk knew it was going to happen sooner or later – he’d been hoping for later rather than sooner, or preferably… never, but when did things ever work out in his favour?

It was just him and sensei standing awkwardly by the vending machine, after obviously having pressed the invisible ‘harvest the coffee beans’ button instead of the coffee dispensing button because it felt like that was how long it was taking for the damn thing to churn out one itsy-bitsy cup of terrible coffee.

Well, sensei was waiting for coffee and Hawk was waiting for the overdue meteor shower because the second he realized who the person was standing in front of him when he went to get a chocolate bar at the adjoining vending machine, he was ready to turn tail and run.

But sensei had ordered him to ‘stop, wait right there’ – his exact words; his eyes were piercing and his tone was stern and all of a sudden Hawk was Eli all over again and he was inclined to do exactly as he was ordered.

It was like sensei was deliberately taking his time surveying the coffee machine like he had absolutely no care in the world, meanwhile Hawk didn’t think he’d ever felt more awkward or out-of-place since the last time he had a dream where he was stuck in the middle of the mall at peak hour in only his Doctor Who boxers, because that was how exposed he felt right then.

Sensei only glanced at him once after he gave the order, and already Hawk felt like the man had seen straight through his very soul.

“Look, Hawk,” sensei started suddenly when Hawk was completely unprepared, he involuntarily snapped to attention when voice all of a sudden reached his ears, “I’m not going to sugar-coat it. I’m pissed. I’m pissed at you and I’m pissed at everyone who took part in this,” he said as he took a sip from his steaming hot paper cup, almost as if to add to the effect of his anger. “But I’d be a hypocrite if I said that I don’t understand it, or that I don’t see your point of view or why you did it. Hell, if I was in your shoes back then, I’d probably do the exact same thing.

“But the thing is, the me back then isn’t the me now. I’ve learned things, some of them useful and some of them… probably less so; but one thing I do know with absolute certainty is that John Kreese is not a man you can trust or would want to trust. I learned that the hard way.”

Usually Hawk would have spoken up, been defiant, defended Sensei Kreese and his dojo, but he was up against his own sensei; the man who’d made him, the one who taught him and the one who gave him the courage to flip the script and become someone who was stronger and fiercer and was afraid of nothing. He knew he owed it to sensei to hear him out at the very least.

Sensei took a pause to drink his coffee and read some of the PSA flyers posted up along the walls before turning back to him – this time with an uncharacteristically sentimental look. “You know, you remind me a lot of one of my old friends, Dutch. He had the same sort of ruthless in his fighting style. Hell, you even remind me of me back in the day.” He added the last part with a wisp of a nostalgic smile.

Hawk wasn’t sure whether that was meant as a compliment but he definitely took it as one, not that he let it show on his face. After all he had a reputation to maintain.

“I mean that both in a good way and a bad way,” said sensei almost like he’d read his mind. “Me and my friends were all dumbass kids – much like you lot – but then again, I guess I didn’t really grow up much since then because I was dumb enough and blind enough to put my trust in John Kreese again. I just hope you realise before it’s too late that he can’t be trusted. He’ll use you and take everything you have to give and throw you away – or try to kill you – without a second thought. I learned that lesson too late twice. I just hope you kids are smarter than me then and smarter than me now.”

Hawk wasn’t sure whether the pause meant that sensei was done or if he was setting up to continue to he remained silent. But sensei didn’t continue. He just stared at Hawk for a second longer than was necessary or comfortable before he stepped back to leave.

“I guess that’s all the knowledge I have to impart to you,” he said, sounding almost sad and eventually turned around to leave.

Hawk had an intense mental debate with himself before his heard the sound of his own voice in his ear without having even having any intention of calling out. “S-Sensei…” his voice immediately died in his throat the moment sensei turned out to look at him. “I… I’m sorry,” he managed to stutter out, “For how things turned out.” He was surprised by how sincere he himself sounded and how sincere he truly felt about saying the words to the man.

Sensei studied him without word before he eventually spared him a tired smile. “I am too.”

He walked away and so did Hawk.

Neither of them looked back because it wasn’t the Cobra Kai way.

But that was okay too, because maybe there was more than one way of being a Cobra Kai.

And maybe… just maybe, they wouldn’t turn out to be the snake that died biting its own tail.

Hawk could only hope.

At some point when he was leaving he ran into Daniel LaRusso himself. Without giving the man a chance to say anything or to walk away, Hawk admitted to him in one breath that he had been the one who destroyed the dojo and stole the medal of valour and that Miguel and sensei had nothing to do with it and no knowledge of the incident. He left without giving the man a chance to respond or to even process the information and the event that took place was so low on his importance list that he promptly forgot all about the encounter the moment he stepped out of the hospital.

And that was how that part of his story ended and where the next step was about to begin.

The End.