Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was not the first time it happened but the realization hit him like a truck nonetheless.

Early in their partnership, while she was nursing a bad hangover in his bed, he told her she snores like an Albanian field wench. To his surprise he found it surprisingly endearing - considering that those field wenches he met could not be further away from the definition of endearing.

Today though, he would kill for a few more minutes of undisturbed slumber. It was a long day of boring paperwork at the precinct and an even longer evening.

No, not what you may think.

Unfortunately the evening did not include his favorite pastime - naked stretching exercises. Bloody hell, no. It contained even more cursed paperwork. The suggestion to just send a bag full of cash to the tax office was only met with an eye roll and a No, Lucifer. We won’t commit tax fraud. And can you please put your pants back on?

It was now hours later that he was laying wide awake in their bed, tossing around frustrated, contemplating for what felt like hours how to get Chloe to stop snoring. He tried to disapprovingly stare in her direction. He tried to snatch her nightly protection but she always was a fanatic blanket hogger. He even tried to find another place to catch a few minutes of undisturbed sleep. But in the end he inevitable gravitated back to her like a boomerang.

Maybe a change of tactics would help? He loves her but enough is surely enough.

A gentle shove here - nothing.

A more urgent kick there - still nothing.

Anything to make her turn around and stop that hellish torture. The third shove-kick finally worked. A quick inhale and she slowly turned around. She didn’t weigh much but that short movement resembled more a heavily pregnant seal than anything else. But who is he to complain, in the end the result is the only thing that matters.

Almost asleep again a small detached part of his brain suddenly realized something though - he can’t hear any breathing. Dreadful long seconds turn into eternity and still there was no sign of life. Did he kick too hard? No...no this can’t be it, right? Panic started to rise and he felt his stomach turn to lead. Fully awake now he leaned over her, tilting his face close to hers but still no sound was overheard. Tumbling deeper in a pit of despair - he might just have killed his Detective - he finally felt her turning around again. One big oomph, a rustling of sheets and she was facing him once more.

A big inhale and an even bigger snore was eventually directed at his face.

It took him several painful long seconds to stop his heart from escaping his chest but once done, Lucifer realized one thing - the relief of her not being dead and her cute, from deep sleep scrunched up face outweighs every bloody sleepless night. For nothing in the universe he would trade his Albanian field wench for a restful but lonely night.

Chapter Text

Lucifer is a passionate pianist. That on itself is not surprising news.

The serene tunes always helped him sorting through his thoughts and feelings. Bringing him a peace he always searched for since the Fall. Pressing the keys is less a conscious effort for him and more a natural mechanical movement. Like breathing. Or drinking expensive whiskey.

Once his relationship with Chloe reached a more intimate level he found himself more and more accompanied by her on the piano bench. It was like a dream come true - her pure and bright half connecting with his broken and dark one. Like he finally became one in front of the piano.

All the more the slow realization burned like hellfire - his Detective was an absolute catastrophe on the piano.

He always thought she had the perfect fingers for playing. Slim, long and well groomed. Well, actually they were not only perfect for his piano but for other life’s biggest pleasures as well. When he wasn’t taking advantage of her clever fingers he was trying to teach her how to play. And it all started rather well on her part. Chloe was always a fast learner so it was to no one’s surprise that she internalized the scales in a blink.
They started easy, with their song - Heart and Soul, because apparently it was the only song she knew. He will never admit it openly but after that special moment early in their partnership he always played it when he was alone and befuddled.

It calmed his turbulent heart.

It reminded him of her.

In the beginning those few keystrokes were tantalizing enough for him to forget every intend for lessons. More often than not they ended up naked on the bed. Or the couch. Or the piano itself. Bloody hell, he made so many fascinating memories on that instrument that he doubts he will ever be able to properly concentrate again. You wouldn’t believe it but once he even continued playing with his feet.
But even for the Devil the novelty of mind-blowing-piano-sex wears off and so he started to focus on teaching his Detective the rest of the song. They laughed when she pressed the wrong key. They joked when she was unable to keep up with the pace. They shook heads when she still couldn’t play her part in the duo. After three months of intense training they still had not made any progress. It was frustrating. No matter which method he tried she simply seemed to lack the understanding.

He even consulted with Linda, asked her Doctor, why does she not improve? Is she doing it on purpose? It clearly cannot be my fault. Following the doctor’s suggestion he tried to convey the tones’ flow with her copying his movements. According to bestselling guides a popular technique is putting the scholar’s hands on top of the teacher’s.

That is the situation Lucifer now found himself in. Month 6 of the excruciating journey. Chloe sitting in his lap, facing the piano. It was a warm LA summer night, clothes scarcely used in the heat. At some he dropped all pretenses and nibbled at her ear. Then her neck. He was fairly certain she stopped following at some point. If he heard her correctly she wondered how he can continue playing the song. It was almost a trance-like state they found themselves in - that is why the sudden buzzing took them by surprise. Chloe abruptly rose and reached for her phone which laid on top of the piano. The sudden movement though had one substantial outcome.

She brushed against the lid.

A loud thud pierced the penthouse. For a split second they existed in that timeless plane where cause and effect are reversed. That parallel universe where the brain is already registering the effect but is still trying to catch up with the cause.

Ah, now it finally caught up with the-lid-smashed-my-fingers-bloody-hell-that-hurts-like-shit.

The next few seconds passed in a blur. The Devil jumped to his feet, pushing away the Detective in his haste. She on the other hand tumbled to the ground, buzzing phone still clutched tightly in her hand. He wailed a long pain-fueled cry. She tried to catch sight of his hands. A few hushed apologies and she was finally allowed to evaluate the situation.
It looked bad. Really bad. A big purple bruise blooming on his left thumb. That kind of bruise which will definitely cause the nail to fall off. His right ring finger though. Holy Hell, Lucifer. We need to see a hospital. He started to push her urgently in the elevator’s direction. Detective, you remember how this devilish body works? Leave this place and I shall be fine again.

Fifteen agonizing long minutes later his hands slowly returned to their usual perfect self. It was in that moment, sitting alone in front of his piano that he realized one thing - for nothing in the world he would trade those shared painful sessions with his good-for-nothing Detective.

Chapter Text

It was Monday morning and Lucifer was ready to start his two day vacation.

The Detective will be attending a conference in San Diego, together with Detective Douche and others from the precinct. Something about new law enforcement techniques or other boring stuff. He wouldn’t be able to recall no matter how hard he tried. Lucifer was already zoning out and searching for donuts when the Lieutenant was addressing the crowd.

On the morning of the Detective’s departure they planned to have a quick breakfast before he would drive her to the airport. The rest of the day he planned to catch up on all the fun things Chloe usually frowns up on. Not that cute frown she used to get when he once again made an inappropriate comment at a crime scene. No, much rather that kind of frown she got when he did something that she identified as not suitable for the little urchin.

Like walking around naked.

Or taking that surprisingly good stuff Miss Lopez told him about last week.

No, his Detective would immediately shove him out of sight and punish him with no cuddle time for that day. That happened four times before he finally accepted her boring rules and tried to be a responsible Devil in front of that small monster.

Anyway, he was standing in front of her house - contemplating if he should plan another round of favors at LUX later today or if he should first shake hands with the Devil while watching his favorite movie again - when Chloe suddenly opened the door.

“Good, you’re here. I need you to do me favor.” Half dragged inside he found himself in the middle of her apartment. When she faced him she looked rather ragged and tired, more so than ever.

“Trixie is ill with fever, vomited and hasn’t slept the whole night. Then an hour ago, Mom called and told me her flight was cancelled last minute so she is still stuck on the Bahamas.” She was rushing through the room, packing more clothes while a lost Lucifer was following her.

“I can’t leave her alone, not when she is feeling this bad. And I don’t know anyone else to ask.” Turning around she looked directly at him with her big blue eyes and in that moment Lucifer realized his afternoon plans went down the drain.

“Can you take care of her? I know you were looking forward to some time for yourself. You would be my lifesaver and I promise I’ll make it up to you.” He sighed theatrically. A quick eye rolling for good measure. She doesn’t need to know but she had him wrapped around her finger the moment he walked through the door. He would literally do anything for her.

---

It was Monday around noon when the Detective’s child showed the first sign of life after a few hours of sleep.

Until then he checked three times if she was still breathing, two more times if she was not kidnapped and one final time if she might have thrown up like in The Exorcist. So far, his worst fear remains of theoretical nature so that he lastly put away the gloves and the pair of tongs.

He was standing in the kitchen when a pile of blanket was walking towards him. His first instinct was to throw a shoe at it but he promised Chloe to treat the child well and most of all he is a man of his word. Thus, with a surprising amount of courage, he approached the pile to risk a quick peek.

“Lucifer? Can we watch a movie?”

Even prepared for it it sent a shiver down his spine. The too short human leaned dangerously close to his lower body half again. What is it with this child and the need to hug?

“Well, I’m glad you haven’t died on me yet so I guess a reward is appropriate. Yes, we can watch anything you want. Would you also like cake for lunch?”

No one should say the Devil is not a smart being - he extensively planned the next part for the last two hours. Not waiting for an answer he turned around so that the child cannot see his next move as he hid pills in a big, soft slice of chocolate cake. Chloe was very adamant that he should give her the prescribed medicine before lunch. Satisfied that he got the correct amount inside - no need to get her drugged at this age - he handed it over to the urchin and took a seat next to her, waiting cautiously for her to eat it.

“You know, you’re pretty cool for an adult.” She slumped on the couch inhaling the first big chunk. “Mom would never let me eat chocolate cake when I don’t feel -.” She suddenly stopped mid-sentence, picking at her slice. A raised eyebrow was directed at him. “Wait, is this a pill? You know, you could have just given it to me?”

In that moment Lucifer had his second realization on that day - dog documentaries are not translatable to human children.

---

It was late Monday afternoon and he was already questioning life choices.

Lucifer Morningstar thought he experienced all possible sensations the Earthly plane could provide. What he did not consider was sharing body fluids in a non-sexual context. Throughout the day the child constantly leaked in an unmanly matter. No amount of tissues could stop the flow and that one time she sneezed he literally saw the snot flying in his direction. This surely must be a hell loop. One of his biggest fears coming true. Bloody children and their stickiness.

Irritated beyond hell he grabbed the duvet from the Detective’s bed, wrapped the urchin in it and made a beeline for his car. No one’s going to stop him from changing his ruined clothes. Arriving at the penthouse, he threw the giggling child on the couch, told her to not touch anything and went straight to the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later, freshly disinfected and in a brand new Armani suit he went back to apologize for his hastily retreat. He knew his patience runs short with children and if he was being honest, most of the time the urchin is quite likeable for her age.

A cough and a thank-Dad-she-used-a-tissue-this-time-sneeze interrupted his train of thought, “I’m glad you brought me here. It’s so much cooler here than at home. Do you have some interesting books we could read?” He hesitated a second too long because the child was already replying “Pretty please? I promise, I won’t touch them.”
In the end he showed her the original replica of the Old Testament and suggested to point out all the misinterpretations. It is indeed funny how many of them can be traced back to goats.

An hour later, they made themselves comfortable. He will be damned but lounging on his couch under a soft blanket together with the Detective’s child and laughing about his ridiculous family is something he’ll gladly do again. He remembered all the times the Douche complained about kids being exhausting and right now it seemed ridiculous considering how peacefully quiet it is. A quick glance to the left confirmed his suspicion that the cretin fell asleep again. With a relieved sigh he leaned back and relaxed.

As the Devil joined the land of dreaming he did not realize that it was only 8:24 PM. It was the very first time since his retirement that he went to sleep before midnight.

---

It was Wednesday morning and Lucifer waited patiently for the Detective to come home.

He and the child mutually agreed to share more fascinating stories - she about the time her mom had this embarrassing haircut - he about Amenadiel’s awkward youth. When she wasn’t catching up on sleep in his bed, they either ordered takeout or he made her his famous homemade ice cream. Obviously under strict order not to tell the Detective.

All in all, it went rather smoothly and Lucifer was extraordinarily satisfied with his nursing skills. He definitely needed to raise a glass to this challenge today. Maybe another round of club hopping with Maze would be in order. If only that scratchy feeling in his throat could stop...