Chapter Text
Spring 2005
The end of the school year was filled with celebrations for the senior class. (YN) was preparing to leave for college, but before she could start to focus on that, she had to throw her annual Fourth of July party. She had been throwing Fourth of July parties for her friends since middle school when her parents started to let her buy fireworks from the stand at the corner store. It was an event she looked forward to every year.
That afternoon of her party, (YN) put out coolers full of soda, snacks and her parents fired up the grill as she waited for her friends to arrive. Brendon and Ryan were the first ones there. She greeted Brendon with a big kiss. Ryan gave her a dejected look once she and Brendon had separated from their kiss, so she gave him a hug as well. Not long after, more people showed up and everyone was having a great time talking, laughing and eating. Once the sun started to set, it was time to go to the park to watch the city’s firework display.
"I can take 4 in my car,” (YN) called as the group gathered up blankets and coolers.
“I can take a few in my car” Spencer announced as well.
“I have my mom’s minivan” another girl called out. The convoy made their way to the park and staked out a large open space. Some of the families sitting nearby looked on disdainfully as the group of loud teenagers descended upon them.
(YN) found herself sitting on a blanket by Ryan, as she couldn’t find Brendon around at first. She kept glancing around and eventually spotted him talking to some other girls. She shot Ryan an annoyed look and he just shrugged in response.
“We aren’t going to make it to the end of the summer.” (YN) said out of nowhere as she stared into space.
“You’re going away for school, are you surprised?” Ryan replied.
“No, it’s just annoying. He doesn’t have to act like he’s already single.”
“He’s making a mistake, but that’s his problem.” Ryan said with a reassuring smile.
A few minutes later Brendon finally rejoined them and settled in to watch the fireworks display. Brendon wrapped his arm around (YN)’s shoulders, but she looked over at Ryan and rolled her eyes. She wasn’t going to forget what Brendon had been doing minutes before.
~
A couple weeks later Ryan had just gotten home from hanging out with Spencer and Brent and was turning on his computer in his room when he glanced out the window and saw Brendon walking down the street from (YN)’s house. He signed in to AOL Instant Messenger and saw (YN) was online. He hadn’t talked to her since the Fourth of July, so he felt he was due to give her some crap.
i_amclandestine: did I just see Brendon leaving again? you crazy kids
(YSN): yea, actually he just dumped me
i_amclandestine: ouch, sorry.
(YSN): whatever, I knew it was coming
(YSN): I should have done it myself when I had a chance :(
i_amclandestine: doesnt make it any easier
(YSN): you’re telling me.
Ryan did his best to try to change the subject and get her mind off the heartbreak. She appreciated the gesture, and after chatting for about an hour she went to bed feeling much better than she was before.
~
The rest of the summer the friends spent as much time together before the gang went their separate ways. On a Friday night, they found themselves in the bowling alley for a sendoff party. (YN) was in front of the claw machine game, loading it with quarters in an attempt to win a stuffed green tiger.
“Damnit!” She yelled, hitting her fist on the glass of the machine as the plush toy fell just outside the shoot. Ryan noticed and walked up next to her.
“You want me to win it for you?” He asked.
“No!” She shot back. “I wanted to win it myself, but I’m out of quarters.”
He reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. “Here, try again.”
She took a quarter from his outstretched hand and put it in the machine and started maneuvering the claw above the stuffed cat. She pressed the button, dropping it and it grabbed the toy, pulling it in the air. Ryan watched (YN) as she held her breath as the claw moved the stuffed toy over the shoot. As the timer ran out and the claw opened, the stuffed cat fell into the opening and she pulled it out triumphantly.
“Yes! I did it!” She shouted, holding the cat in front of Ryan’s face.
“Nice job! Although some would argue that I’m part owner of it since I did finance this.”
“Fine, I’ll let you have weekend visitation.” She said with a grin. He grinned back and a flutter went through her stomach. Was she starting to feel something for Ryan? He was Brendon’s best friend, she wondered if that would make any of this weird.
They went back to bowling and he sat down next to her and started playing with the stuffed cat. “Ya know, if you take this off to school with you, I’ll have to come visit you to get my visitation.”
“Well then sounds like I’m going to be that weirdo with a stuffed animal in her dorm,” she said with a smile.
The rest of the night at the bowling alley, she found herself flirting with Ryan whenever she got a chance. It felt good to be getting some attention for the first time since Brendon dumped her a few weeks before.
~
Ryan was working on a new song when he heard the phone ring and saw it was Brendon. The friends made small talk for a while until Brendon got to the point of his call.
“So I was talking to Gabe about his going away party. He said you and (YN) were kinda all over each other.”
“I don’t know why that matters, you’re the one that dumped her,” Ryan retorted, irritated that Brendon would even bring this up.
“Come on! You know that’s kind of weird. Besides she’s gonna be going away to school soon, do you really think it’s gonna work out?” Brendon asked.
Ryan sighed. He really had hoped Brendon wouldn’t find out, and if he did that he would be ok with (YN) and him going out. The guilt started to eat at him. It’s not like things had gotten off the ground between (YN) and him yet. He ended the call and went to bed that night with a sick, sad feeling in his stomach. The next day he had resolved that he had to talk to (YN). That evening when he signed on to his computer and saw she was online.
i_amclandestine: (YN), are you busy?
(YN) was going through her clothes and deciding what to take with her to school, but was more than happy to take a break to talk to Ryan.
(YSN): not really, what’s up?
i_amclandestine: so, the relationship between us
(YSN): yea
i_amclandestine: are we only a short term thing for you
i_amclandestine: till you find someone in college?
She was taken aback. What was he trying to say? That he didn’t want to pursue anything these last weeks of summer?
(YSN): If that’s what you want
i_amclandestine: well i was wondering what you were thinking
(YSN): I really have no idea
i_amclandestine: k, so i was thinking
(YSN): yea
i_amclandestine: i figured that soon as you go to college that we wouldnt be seeing each other for awhile maybe on hoildays and stuff but thats the only times i guess
i_amclandestine: and im sure that you would find someone in the school year
(YSN): I’m actually gonna be back more often than that
(YSN): but I guess I’m wondering where we stand then
She sighed, she felt that nervous feeling in her stomach again. She knew deep down where this was going.
i_amclandestine: I don’t know if i want to anymore
She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. How could she be so upset over something that never went past flirting?
(YSN): That’s what I thought you’d say
i_amclandestine: ok, but friends still
(YSN): duh
i_amclandestine: good friends
(YSN): right!
i_amclandestine: better than friends
(YSN): where are you going with this?
i_amclandestine: nowhere, just checking
Ryan sat back and sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. He knew it sucked now, but she was a pretty girl with a great personality. She was smarter than he could ever hope to be, and it was in his own best interest to let her go off to school without him tying her down from a distance.
(YN) dried her eyes and put a My Chemical Romance CD in her player before turning back to her computer. Ryan was still online, but it seemed like the conversation between them was done for the night. She saw Brendon was online and felt compelled to talk to him. She needed a different male perspective. She filled him in on everything that was going on, not sure if Ryan had talked to him or not, but she wanted him to hear her side of the story.
(YSN): so now I have another “good friend”
part_time_lovah: you’re gonna be alright
(YSN): yea, I’m just disappointed and bummed out
part_time_lovah: yeah, but he’s a good guy
(YSN): Brendon, I met you because of him. I’m aware he’s a good guy, I’m just thinkin I’m gonna take him out of my myspace top 8 for a while
part_time_lovah: right
part_time_lovah: well i gotta go to bed, night (YN)
(YSN): night, and thanks for being a good friend
part_time_lovah: you bet…i promised you that I’d always be there for you when needed
After that night, (YN) spent the last few busy days of summer packing and cleaning her room to leave for college. She spied Ryan around the neighborhood but decided to just leave him alone. After a few days she wasn’t mad at Ryan any longer, but she was still disappointed that he wasn’t willing to try with her. She was looking forward to the fresh start that college would provide.