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Timmy had been feeling tired for a good long while, but since they were in the middle of shooting the most demanding scenes for Dune 2, he wrote it off as nothing but regular exhaustion. And promised himself that he’d take some proper time off when filming was done, to rest, and sleep it out.
The bruises that showed up on his arms and legs with a much higher frequency than before, he wrote them off as a side effect of filming too, his body just wasn’t used to all this training and fighting, he told himself. And not to mention the stunts that he had begged to be allowed to do himself, obviously bruises would only be a natural side effect of that.
He hadn’t really noticed how much longer it took for the blood to stop running down his neck when he nicked himself while shaving, or the nosebleeds that had appeared with a much higher frequency than normal – but looking back at it now, he definitely should have.
It all culminated in him passing out on set, where everyone of course freaked the fuck out, and he was driven to the hospital immediately. The doctor there hearing his list of symptoms with a look of pure sympathy, before taking a blood test and leaving him hooked up to the IV bag with some fluids – since the main reason he passed out turned out to be dehydration, and exhaustion.
When the doctor returned a while later, followed by a several more people all in white coats, he felt his heart drop into his stomach. The words that came out of the doctor’s mouth didn’t make any sense to him at all, and he caught himself zoning out, only hearing snippets of what was being said.
“High white blood cell count.”
“Caught it early.”
“Good prognosis.”
“Treatment plan.”
But one word definitely stood out. “Leukemia.”
“I have… I – It’s, I mean, you’re sure?” He stutters out, almost hoping that Ashton Kutcher was going to come running into the room followed by a camera crew, yelling that he’d been Punk’d – even though that show had been off the air for more than a decade at this point, he still caught himself waiting for it.
But no Ashton Kutcher showed up, just a doctor, with a sad sympathetic smile. “I’m afraid so, Mr. Chalamet. The test results definitely indicate leukemia.”
“I have cancer…” Timmy deadpans, before breaking out into hysterical laughter. “That’s just fucking perfect! I don’t have time for this, no, this is just going to have to wait.” He starts fumbling with the IV port in his hand, trying to pull it out, but the doctor stops him, laying a comforting hand on top of his.
“No, you don’t get it! I have to finish this movie, okay? And then in the fall I’m going to go to Italy to film another one, and it’s really fucking important to me, so don’t you see? I don’t have fucking time for cancer!” He screams out, feeling ice cold fear and red hot rage running through his veins at equal parts, making his head spin.
“Mr. Chalamet, fact of the matter is that nobody has time for cancer. But, sadly, cancer doesn’t care.” The doctor says quietly, gently stroking the back of his palm to calm him down.
“But… I don’t want to have cancer.” He whispers, eyes rapidly filling up with tears.
“Nobody does, Mr. Chalamet.” The doctor says kindly. “But I’d say, that despite all this, you’re one of the lucky ones.” When Timmy just frowns she adds with a smile. “As I said before, we caught it early and your prognosis for a full recovery is excellent.”
“But I still have cancer.” Timmy said doubtfully, still secretly hoping it was all just one giant, and very unfunny, prank.
“Yes, you still have cancer. But now, we’re going to help you beat it.”
~~~~~~~~~~
He’s put on immediate sick leave, with an appointment with an oncologist back in New York just two days away. When Denis hears that he’s got cancer, he shuts down the filming with practically a snap of his finger. “There is no movie without you, Timothée.” He says with a sad smile. “We’ll wait until you’ve recovered, don’t even worry about that.”
Next thing he knows, he’s on a plane back home to New York. He hadn’t told his parents that he was coming back early, or even why he was coming back at all.
How do you tell your mom that you might die?
He chooses not to think about it, and spends the entire flight home reading the various pamphlets the doctor had given him. And then he does the very thing he’d promised her he wouldn’t do.
He googles leukemia.
Immediately he wishes he hadn’t, because the things he read are things he really didn’t want to have to know. The only thing that cheers him up somewhat, is the survival rate – but it’s still not 100% so it’s not fucking good enough.
~~~~~~~~~~
Back in New York, he stands in front of his parents’ front door for a whole hour, before he dares to knock. The look on his mom’s face when she first saw him was a mixture of surprise and then pure happiness, until she noticed the tears in his eyes and then it was all instantly replaced with worry.
“Timmy? Darling? What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” She asks pulling him into her arms, and holding him tightly when he starts to cry. He wraps his arms around her shoulder and clings to her, sobbing into her neck. His dad has walked over to them at some point too, Timmy can feel him gently stroking his back, and it only serves to make him cry even harder.
“Baby, please, you’re scaring us.” His mom whispers, and even though he knows he should tell them, he still doesn’t know how to, so all he does is let out a hurt howl, and buries his face even further into his mom’s neck – desperately wishing his nose wasn’t so clogged from crying, so he could breathe in the comforting scent of her, of home.
They eventually settle down on the couch, Timmy in the middle, curled into his mom’s side, with his dad holding onto his hand, both of them just waiting in worried silence for Timmy to stop crying and tell them what’s wrong.
“I have cancer.” He chokes out after half an eternity. His mom immediately pulls his head up so she can look him in the eyes, tears falling down her cheeks at what she sees in them.
“Oh, baby, my baby.” She cries, pulling him back in, this time she is crying into his hair while he sobs his heart out against her shoulder. His dad is still just holding his hand, but he’s squeezing it so tightly Timmy would worry about his fingers breaking – if he wasn’t already so worried about dying.
“You’re going to make it through this, Timothée.” His father says once they’re all done crying. “We’re Chalamets, we don’t give up, you know that right? You are going to beat this, I know you are.”
And even though the harsh reality of it all is that they’re nothing but empty words – they still help.
He is going to beat this.
~~~~~~~~~~
His oncologist ends up recommending him to go stay in Los Angeles, there’s a treatment study going on over there for his particular strand of leukemia, and she had booked him a spot there as soon as she’d seen his test results. So just a few days after arriving in New York, he finds himself on yet another airplane.
The only reason his parents doesn’t go with him, is that he’s going to be staying at Armie’s house, and they already view him as family, and if he was there to look after Timmy, then they knew everything would be okay.
Granted, Armie doesn’t know that Timmy is sick yet. When Timmy had called and asked if he could crash in his guest room for a while, Armie had agreed enthusiastically – clearly assuming he just needed a place to lay low for a while.
Taking an Uber to Armie’s place, Timmy feels the nerves start to bubble in his stomach, and at one point he almost has to beg the driver to pull over so that he can throw up – but luckily he’s able to swallow it down.
Staring up at Armie’s giant fucking house, Timmy feels incredibly small, but then the front door opens and Armie, Harper and Ford all come running out to greet him.
“TEEEMMEEEEE!!!” They all yell at once, opening their arms and essentially throwing themselves at him. Armie getting the front, with Harper and Ford grabbing a leg each. “We’ve missed you.” Armie says into his ear, hugging him tight.
“I’ve missed you, too.” Timmy sniffs out, and immediately Armie pulls back to look at him, Harper and Ford are still attached to his legs.
“Something’s wrong.” Armie says quietly, narrowing his eyes at him, and Timmy feels himself shrink under his gaze, looking down at his shoes. “Shit, something is really wrong.” Armie repeats, definitely worried now, nervously running a hand through his hair and looking down at Timmy with scared eyes.
“Okay, Hops, Ford? Go inside to Mommy, okay? Daddy needs to talk to Timmy, alone.” The kids grumble for a little bit, but when Armie raises his eyebrows at them, they both heave a great sigh and start walking back into the house.
Armie picks up Timmy’s bag, and flings it over his shoulder, resting it against his back. “Okay, come on, lets go around back, and we’ll talk.
~~~~~~~~~~
Somehow, telling Armie was even harder than telling his parents. He didn’t cry as much this time, but when Armie started crying, he couldn’t stop a few tears from leaking out.
“Shit, Timmy, I… Fuck.” Armie chokes out, their hands entwined on the table between them. “Is that why you came here? For… For c-cancer treatment?” He stumbles over the word cancer, and Timmy can’t help but smile a little at that, at least he wasn’t the only one who fucking hated that word.
“Yeah.” Timmy whispers. “My, uhm, my oncologist back in New York, she signed me up for this treatment study they’re doing over here, apparently it’s getting really great results so far, so… I don’t know, here’s to hoping I guess.” He shrugs, and Armie immediately frowns, squeezing his hand.
“Don’t talk like that, okay? You’re beating this, you know that right? We’re getting you through this.” Armie says seriously, looking at Timmy with so much assured calmness, that Timmy can’t help but believe him.
“Wait a minute, we?” Timmy says, blinking dumbly over at Armie. “But… You’re leaving in a week. You have that movie, the Nolan one, remember? You’ve been so excited for that since, fucking forever, and you’ll be gone for months.”
“No.” Armie shakes his head, “no, fuck that, you’re… You’re way more important than any movie, Timmy. I’m staying right here, with you.” The sincerity in Armie’s words almost take Timmy’s breath away, and the hopeless crush he’d had on him all these years, but kept buried the best he could, fires right back up again.
“Oh…” He breathes out, tears welling up in his eyes. “No, no, I can’t… I can’t let you do that, Armie, no, go – go shoot the movie, you’ll just end up regretting it if you don’t.”
“No.” Armie says clearly, “The only thing I’d regret, is not being there for you when you need me. I’m staying right here. And that’s the end of that.”
Telling Elizabeth later was still hard, but easier than Armie, he’d almost gotten used to saying it now. “I have leukemia.” It still doesn’t feel real, but at least he can say it without flinching now. Her reaction of instantly bursting into tears and pulling him in for a hug didn’t even make him cry this time.
When Armie told her he was dropping out of the Nolan movie to stay with Timmy, she didn’t even protest, just nodded and kissed Armie’s cheek and then Timmy’s. “Of course you are. We’re all going to be here for you, because you’re going to beat this Timmy.”
~~~~~~~~~~
The first round of chemo makes him really fucking tired, and he throws up a few times when they get home from the hospital, but other than that, he doesn’t feel all that different. Armie keeps telling he should be picturing the chemo as tiny warriors entering his blood and beating the shit out of every cancer cell they can find. Timmy tells him he’s been watching too many cartoons, but, when he was sitting there hooked up the IV, he couldn’t stop himself from doing exactly what Armie said.
Tiny warriors – beating the cancer up for him, yeah, he could get behind that.
Armie accompanies him to every single appointment, and stays with him through the entire thing, despite the fact that most chemo treatments take all fucking day, and Timmy keeps telling him that he really doesn’t have to. But every time he tries to tell him that he can just stay home, that Timmy can go by himself, Armie just raises an eyebrow at him, and grabs another book off his shelf before getting in the car – Timmy follows him just minutes later.
It’s more than a little comforting having Armie there, and listening to him reading out loud for him, even if Armie is way more into the documentary side of literature than Timmy, it’s still nice. He’d much rather be listening to Harry Potter than another factual reading of the similarities between the start of the second World War and Hitler’s rise to power and how Trump came to power in America, but at this point he’s listening more to Armie’s voice than what he’s actually saying – his brain is way too tired to retain any information at this point.
~~~~~~~~~~
Despite having expected it, Timmy still cries when his hair starts to fall out. He cries even harder when Armie carefully buzzes his curls off – he had asked him to, but it was still painful to watch. Then when Armie immediately takes the machine to his own hair, Timmy can’t stop himself from sobbing. “What? You think I’d just let you go through this alone? No, we’re together in this. Solidarity, babe, remember that.”
Neither of them see Harper watching them from the doorway, and when they can’t find her or Ford later, they never think to check the bathroom. At least not until they’ve checked literally every single room despite that one.
They find her there, with Ford, shaving his hair off – most of her own hair already gone. “You said solidarity, daddy, we love uncle Timmy, too.”
This time, Timmy isn’t the only one crying.
They all expect Liz to fly off the handle when she sees the kids, but instead, she just starts crying, running her hand over their heads in turn before kissing all their cheeks and whispering “I’m so proud of you. All of you. My beautiful babes.”
She doesn’t buzz her own hair off, but then none of them expected her to. She does, however, cut it chin length and donate her hair to a charity that makes wigs for cancer patients, which makes Timmy cry all over again.
~~~~~~~~~~
When he’s told that the chemo isn’t working, he’s not really surprised. It would figure he’s not one of the lucky ones. He’s almost settled with the idea of dying now, he’s so tired all the time, and sick of everything always hurting, so in a way, death almost sounds like a relief.
Telling Armie that, Timmy doesn’t think he’s ever seen him that mad. “No, you’re not giving up, Timmy. I’m not gonna fucking let you. We’re still beating this, you hear me?!”
His doctor agrees with Armie of course, says that there’s still plenty of treatment options to try. The number one would be a bone marrow transplant, so they’re already looking for matches for him in their donor registry, a familial match would be best of course so he should ask his parents and sister to get tested.
Timmy doesn’t want to bother his parents with this, but Armie takes that decision out of his hands, and calls them for him – Timmy knows this is exactly why his mom felt safe to send Timmy here, because Armie would always put Timmy first and wouldn’t let him wallow in self pity or self destruct.
~~~~~~~~~~
Just a few short days later, everyone has gotten tested – Harper had wanted to get tested too, but Timmy had said no. She’d pouted for a while, but when Armie had assured her that there were plenty of people willing to help, she’d settled down somewhat.
His mom starts to cry when she finds out that she’s not a match. His dad remains completely stone faced but Timmy knows he’s going to cry when he gets home, Pauline practically squeezes him to death, Armie punches a hole in the wall and Elizabeth… Elizabeth walks into his hospital room with a smile. “I’m a match.” She says quietly, holding the piece of paper up for everyone to see. “We’ve got this.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Naturally, nothing in life is ever that easy, and before they manage to undergo the bone marrow transplant, Timmy gets sick. Really sick. Nobody knows quite what happened, but he’d gotten an infection from somewhere, and with the chemo having weakened his immune system, he got knocked flat on his ass.
He doesn’t remember anything from that time at all, but Armie tells him later that it was extremely touch and go, and they thought they’d lost him on more than one occasion.
~~~~~~~~~~
Waking up from the haze of whatever medication they had put him on, the first thing Timmy sees is Armie, asleep and curled up in a very uncomfortable looking chair next to his hospital bed, his hand entwined with Timmy’s on the bed – carefully arranged to not pull on any of the various wires and tubes sticking out of Timmy at random locations.
“Armie.” Timmy whispers, and Armie’s eyes immediately pops open and he sits up, a wide, relieved, smile spreads on his face as he locks eyes with Timmy.
“You’re awake.” He breathes out, and a couple of tears run down his cheeks. “Fuck, I thought I lost you. I thought you’d fucking died, and I never got to tell you…” Armie chokes on a breath, and Timmy tries to lift his hand to wipe away his tears, but he doesn’t have the strength enough to hold his arm up for too long.
“Tell me what?” Timmy asks quietly, feeling his eyelids start to grow heavy again, but he doesn’t want to fall asleep before he hears what Armie has to say.
Armie looks down at him with eyes full of tears, swallowing deeply a few times, before sucking in a deep breath. “I love you.”
“Don’t be silly.” Timmy smiles quite dopily up at him. “You tell me that all the time.”
“No, Timmy.” Armie whispers, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “You’re not understanding me. I mean, I’m in love with you.”
“Oh… Well good, because I love you, too.” And with that, he falls back asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~
The night before the transplant, Elizabeth is rolled into his room, in her own hospital bed. He hadn’t really had the chance to talk to her, one on one, after Armie had confessed his feelings for him – and he’d blurted out his own confession before falling asleep. But he knows Armie had told her everything and asked for a divorce.
Armie said she took it well. “She wasn’t even surprised, I think.” He’d said, lying in Timmy’s bed with him, the nurses having turned a blind eye to them, smiling softly every time they stopped by for a check up.
Seeing Elizabeth in her hospital gown, getting ready to donate a piece of herself for him, Timmy feels like the world’s worst human being.
“I’m so sorry.” He cries, trying in vain to wipe his tears away. “I didn’t mean to… I didn’t mean to steal him away from you.”
Elizabeth carefully climbs out of her bed and pads barefoot over to him, softly stroking his cheek, and wiping his tears away with the sleeve of her hospital gown. “You didn’t steal him, Timmy.”
“But, I—” He starts, but Elizabeth just shakes her head at him.
“No, listen to me, okay? He has been in love with you for so long, as long as we’ve known you, I’m pretty sure. He didn’t even notice it at first, I think, the feelings for you were just so natural, a part of him, that he couldn’t really tell when they slipped into… Well, more than friendship. It took nearly losing you for him to realize, and then, he made a choice. And he chose you.” Elizabeth said with a smile, “that’s not stealing him away from me, that’s Armie making a choice, and I just didn’t happen to be it for him anymore. I mean, yeah, it hurts, but... Timmy, who wouldn’t fall in love with you?”
~~~~~~~~~~
Despite all the complications beforehand, the actual transplant is a raging success. Everyone is practically holding their breath and sitting at the edge of their seats when he comes home from the doctor after his first check up.
So the fact that he can smile, and nod, and say “It’s working.” it feels like nothing short of a miracle.
~~~~~~~~~~
After five years of remission, when his oncologist had declared him officially cured, Armie takes him to the Caymans and they get married on the beach, just the two of them, a priest, and a random beach goer they’d convinced to act as their witness. It couldn’t have been more perfect.
The second wedding they have when they get back home – after everyone is upset that they weren’t invited to the first one – is also perfect.
Harper is absolutely beautiful as Armie’s maid of honor, and Ford looks strapping as Timmy’s best man, Timmy’s parents cry enough to make up for the fact that Armie’s family is suspiciously absent, and Elizabeth has baked them a gorgeous wedding cake. Pauline acting as their wedding DJ is something they don’t talk about, because the fact that their first official dance as a married couple was to Baby by Justin Bieber… Well, she thought it was hilarious.
If you had told the Timmy from five years ago, who cried in his mother’s arms terrified he was going to die – that this was what his life would look like five years into the future? He never would have believed you, but looking down at his hand, twirling his ring around on his finger, he can’t help but think that maybe it’s true what they say – Everything happens for a reason.