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"Why are you like this?"
Zim looked up at Dib from where he was sitting on the dock, a fist-worthy of worms hanging halfway out of the Irkens mouth. He gulped them down--- much to the human's dismay, and furrowed the skin on his brow bones as if Dib is speaking in some dumb, lower life language that's unworthy of his knowledge. "Eating proteins, Dib-beast. If you were half as intelligent as me, you'd do the same! Look at all these free nutrients just lying here!" He picked up another handful from the worm-filled bucket. Dib suddenly wishes he didn't bring Zim to his new fishing hobby.
Zim didn't have any panic attacks for at least 2 weeks, the last one being the choking incident Zim avoids talking about like he avoids germs, with a lot of fire and yelling. Dib let the moment stay forgotten- or, well, at least ignored it for the time being. Both of them don't like to admit how dysfunctional their relationship is in reality, because they're two morons in love, plus it's nice to pretend that everything is fine sometimes.
Seeing how stable Zim behaved most days, Dib decided to try fun activities with the alien. He took a week off his work to relax and just have a blast with his boyfriend for once. They already went for long walks in the park where Dib found out that Zim adores popcorn but hates ice cream because it's cold, then went to the movies to watch detective pikachu for the sheer benefit of Dib's own Pokémon loving soul. Zim shot lasers at the Charizard for trying to hurt pikachu (they miraculously weren't thrown out of the cinema because people thought those were special effects) and was fascinated by Mewtwo's psychic abilities. He even made a gravity nullifier, mimicking Metwo's telekinesis, that Dib was extremely hellbent on stealing one day (for science, ofcourse. Definitely not because that's like swinging a loli-pop in front of a toddler).
All-in-all Dib really is having a blast and, judging by the way Zim's smile didn't hold any of its usual strain and his eyes weren't dull and unfocused, rather sparking like stars, Zim is enjoying himself too.
Zim pulled Dib out of his thoughts by poking his cheek with his, thankfully, gloved claw. "How long are you planning to sit here Earth-boy? Catch the swimmy thingies already!"
Dib had to blink at Zim for a moment to come back to the present. Fishing always did make him space out. "What do you mean? I am fishing"
Now it was Zim's turn to blink. "Oh" He followed the rod and it's string where it rested in the water. The bait was one of the worms Zim didn't get to eat. It's still weakly wriggling in the water. "Why is it taking so long, then?"
"Well, the fish have to come and bite the worm, then I'll rile it in and get it off the hook" Dib explained, the alien nodded his understanding but still looked puzzled. "That is a lazy and slow way of collecting food"
"Yeah, well, I can't exactly swim fast enough to catch it in water"
Zim looked horrified of the mental image he got of being surrounded in water. He curled his legs farther away from the edge of the dock. "Your planet sucks"
Dib snorted. "Yeah, but it can be cool sometimes. Like, uh, volcanoes- though I guess they're cool if you're looking at it exploding from afar" Zim hummed. "Yes, Earth's lithosphere is pretty interesting. It's core still being alive and all that"
Dib looked over at Zim at that, always happy to learn something new about Zim's home planet since the alien rarely opened the doors about topics concerning Zim's personal life. The fact that Zim was patiently waiting for Dib to start talking meant that he was in a well enough mood to be asked questions about Irk. Today rules. "Your planet's core is dead?"
"Yes, we snuffed it out. We didn't need it anymore" Dib looked baffled. They didn't 'need' it? They killed their own planet? "What? Why?"
Zim shrugged. "Our whole planet was already made out of metal back then, we only upgraded our materials since. The once present plant life needed the core to grow, but considering that we got rid of all vegetation and other lifeforms, the core was no longer needed"
"But what about gravity? Oxygen? Air itself?!" Dib asked, still not understanding.
"Irrelevant. We built in gravity where we needed it. We also made artificial air around our planet. How do you think my space outfit works and gives me oxygen without a helmet?" Zim said as if it was obvious.
Dib frowned. "Still seems cruel to just...kill it"
"Irkens don't care much about anything other than our tallest. Being cruel is a side-effect that let us rule over most of space" Zim noticed the shadow of a fish approaching the lure.
"But...don't Irkens care about nature? Other species? About Life they're a part of?" Dib questioned, the Irken's antennae flattened against the back of his head. "Yes. In a way...I used to work in a rehabilitation center, worked with endangered species" his eyes focused on the fish swimming around the bait as he spoke. "Sometimes, we forget how much certain organisms are needed for the existence of others"
"Oh...I didn't know Irkens even could- uh-"
"Help someone? Feel feelings?" Zim asked, monotone.
Dib blushed in embarrassment. "That's- not what I meant...sorry"
Zim shook his head slowly. "No, you are right. We only did it for our own benefit." The fish stopped circling. "But...I remember...when I was taking the responsibility of nursing a young Zumbon, Zim got kind of...attached in a way" he admitted, referring to that part of him that cares as a different person.
Dib's eyes sparked at that. "You did? What's a Zumbon?" His questions only grew, his inner scientist awakening.
"It's a native species of Subeon. It's a large planet in the Zeta-sector, where Earth is." Zim glanced over at Dib who was now completely focused on him talking. "They're a type of rodent, have four blue eyes and fluffy fur. Their mouth extracts a special substance that's similar to what humans call a 'life elixir'. It's a chemical that extends a species's life span by a decade or so. Species started sharing rumors that if you ate a Zumbon, you are going to live forever. Or at least a lot longer than an Irken. They almost went extinct because of that"
Dib frowned. "That's horrible"
"Yes, Zumbons are very fragile, if their group member dies, they die. There are no natural predators on their planet and they stop aging when they reach maturity, so loss rarely used to happen to them"
Dib thought that over, then asked. "What happened to the Zumbon you raised?"
"It died. My coworker ate it"
Dib tensed, not expecting such an answer. "Oh"
The fish bit the bait, pulling on the fishing line and trying desperately to get away. It's a big fish- so it almost yanked a relaxed Dib into the ocean.
Zim was on his feet in a second and grabbed the rod out of Dib's hand. He pulled at it with all his might making the fish get brutally flung out of the water. The force of the pull made the swallowed hook rip out of it's mouth mid-flight causing the fish to fly off. It landed a couple of feet behind them on the docks, inches away from falling back into the sea. Dib cursed and rushed over to the barely alive fish and grabbed it before it could muster up the strength to flop itself back into the water. Now that Dib is holding the specimen at bay and can take a moment to observe the poor thing, it looks like a large, about 8 pound American shad. "Whoa! This is one big fish. Zim! Look what we caught-"
Zim was screeching and flailing around, drenched in water that splashed out of the sea with the shad. Smoke was coming off Zim's burnt skin, looking rather painful.
"Oh fuck-" Dib rose and put the fish into his fishing bucket, the shad's tail sticking out, then rushed to Zim while taking off his tank top to dry his boyfriend with it. The alien melted when his human started drying all the hurt away. This is one of the rare situations where Zim appreciates Dib touching him- and Dib is milking the hell out of it. He moved the dry fabric across all the wet splotches on Zim's uniform and the bare skin of Zim's neck and face, but he couldn't dry the whole of the material Zim wore.
Dib sucked in a breath, knowing that he was taking a risk and probably overstepping boundaries better left alone by asking this, but one look at the steam coming off from the still wet suit the Irken wore was enough to convince him to ask anyway.
"Uh, Zim?"
"Mm..?"
"Could you...take off the uniform? It's too wet and you're still burning"
"..."
Zim gave him a look of 'this is not the time for jokes, asshole' but when Dib didn't stop his serious look and tense, nervous stance, Zim realized that Dib was asking him for real. "Dib-stink. Zim has never taken off his uniform ever since he got it on his third day as a smeet. Are you having a big-brain issue again?" Dib sighed, his earlier nervousity and tension gone in favor of annoyance. "Zim. We're dating for 2 years now. You saw me naked a bunch of times" Zim gasped, as if Dib offended him. "LIES! Zim never saw your disgusting jiggly bits!"
Dib face palmed, dragging the palm of his hand down his face before speaking. "Remember every time you marched in my bathroom when I was taking a shower just because you saw a fly in my living room and was scared it was going to eat your brain? It's not going to kill you if you show a bit of skin for a change"
Zim looked insulted, huffing out a breath and crossing his arms all sassy like. "Flies carry all sorts of disease and are covered in filthy germs!"
"That's not the---Yeah, whatever. You are still burning" Dib pointed out, gesturing at the growing burn marks, extending from his covered chest and up his neck where it's becoming visible. "So take your clothes off before you scar yourself, idiot"
Zim grumbled something under his breath and looked around himself to see if some human decided to show their face. Ofcourse, there are no humans here. They came to this island using Zim's voot cruiser and parked it in the shade cast by a giant palm tree not far away from this abandoned beach. The wooden docks they were on looked old and unkept, no one was around to bother them. That's exactly why Zim isn't wearing his disguise.
"...Zim would rather not, he doesn't mind a bit of...burning" Zim talked purely in third person when he is either being a narcissistic, pretentious asshole or when he is scared shitless but doesn't want to admit it.
This is the latter. Dib doesn't like that it's the latter.
"Zim...you know I would never hurt you, right? You don't need the extra protection around me" Zim squirmed around, clearly uncomfortable with what he's about to say. "Zim knows that, it's nothing to do with...you"
Dib raised a brow. "Oh? So what's the issue then?"
"...It's a felony to show skin bellow the shoulders for Irkens. It's, uh, 'taboo' or whatever the hyuman term is" Zim admitted, hesitant. "Our bodies. They aren't meant to be for show, just fighting"
After an uncertain pause, he added. "Our bodies belong exclusively to our tallest"
Dib's hairs stood up at that, shivers running down his spine. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means, Dib-human, that we are weapons for our tallest to use" Zim said that as if it's completely normal and natural.
"Our bodies are distractions we can't afford. It's stupid to...see our bodies as anything more than convenient. Zim knows for a fact that you see it as something else" Zim tensed with frustration. "Zim can't just...show it. It's disgusting and wrong"
It's impossible to describe how angry Dib got after hearing that. "But you can't just hide it forever! It's a part of you, a part of who you are!" Dib started to get really mad, his hatred for the tallest renewed.
"Dib. Stop."
"It's so wrong!"
"DIB!"
"WHAT?!"
"Zim understands that it's different for humans! But...just like you can't bare the thought of eating an Earth-worm, I can't bare the thought of taking my clothes off"
"That's different. A worm isn't a piece of me!" Dib seethed. "I don't care about what you have to say about this. It's literal brain washing. You should be happy with your body AND mind!"
"I AM HAPPY! HAPPY TO KEEP IT COVERED!" Zim yelled, getting really defensive.
"Well it shouldn't be that way!" Dib sighed in anger, looking upset. "Don't you see that your mind is in your body? That you are moving that hand? That YOU are speaking with that mouth? Your body is you, Zim. Not loving your body is the same as not loving yourself."
Zim froze, mouth moving but no words are coming out. His shoulders eventually slumped and he looked down in raging confusion. His hands balled into fists, trying hard to make sense of it all, angry that it does make sense.
"Please Zim, take it off? For me? You're hurting yourself"
Dib pleaded with soft eyes that made Zim feel vulnerable. "It's just us here"
It's just us here
Zim growled and rubbed his face in frustration before hissing out. "Fine" He can't argue that the burn marks are really starting to hurt.
Dib couldn't hide his excited grin even if he wanted to. He always wanted to see Zim naked- for more reasons than simple curiosity. He must refrain himself from showing off that side of his fascination with alien anatomy for Zim's sake, though. He knows how uncomfortable the alien feels right now and he's not making him undress for such vulgar reasons. That wish is easier said than done now that Zim is pulling his tunic-like uniform straight off, showing more skin than he ever saw on Zim. His whole top is uncovered and naked just for Dib's eyes to see. The first thing he noticed is that Zim has no nipples and that his muscles are layered differently than a human's- and boy does he have muscles. There are layers upon layers of musclely-goodness everywhere. They make Zim look slim with how they're laid out but in reality he's as buff as a goddamn Gorilla. It made Dib's fingers itch to trace his silky skin and feel the tissue flex bellow it because DAMN if Zim isn't fucking gorgeous. Dib fully understands why Zim says humans are lower lifeforms now.
His excitement and happiness was short-lived, however. It died the second he saw pink tears beginning to form and noticed those perfect muscles starting to shake with the rest of him. This must feel horrible for the alien- it's helping his skin, but it's hurting him from the inside. "Zim, slow down. You don't have to take your pants off ok? They're rubbery so they aren't as wet"
"D-do you like it...?" Asked Zim out of nowhere.
Dib blinked,smiling nervously. "What do you mean by that...?"
"Do you...like seeing me hurt...? Seeing me vulnerable?" Zim whimpered. "Is that why y-you do this to me?"
Dib's smile fell. That sounded like...
"No- no. God no, Zim I'd never want to force you into anything-"
"But you did."
"You did"
"You did you did youdidyoudidyoudid"
Zim started hyperventilating, standing half naked in front of a startled Dib. Even with all those muscles, he manages to look as fragile as a poorly stacked brick wall. Looking menacing but falls apart with a single good kick right in the middle, the weak point.
Dib didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say to help him this time.
Because, this time, he's the reason why he's having an episode.
He can't put the outfit back on, because it's wet and it'll hurt him. He can't bring him to the voot cruiser because he isn't allowed to touch him.
He desperately tried to think of something to say, to fix this.
"Calm down...Nothing is hurting you, I'm not touching you unless you say so. You're not in danger, Zim, and no one is here to judge you for undressing" He sucked in a breath when he saw Zim just whimper harder. He isn't even crying anymore- he simply looks scared.
"...look at yourself Zim" Zim shook his head. "Please, look at your arms"
Zim squeezed his eyes closed, trying to calm his breathing. It was still shaky, but at least he wasn't hyperventilating anymore. He mustered up the strength to listen to the one that hurt him, the one he loves, and carefully lifted his arms then opened his eyes. The first glance at his skin was terrifying to him and made him flinch. It's a living evidence of the felony he committed against his whole race and it was right there in front of his face. An another crime he did against his tallest. An another reason of his eviction.
An another sign that he's defective
But...the longer he looked at it, the more details he noticed. The barely visible lighter stripes traveling in zig-zags across his arms. He realized that those are his veins, and the surface they're traveling on are his muscles. He got so lost in seeing something so foreign on himself that he didn't realize that his tears stopped. He almost single-handendly stopped his own panic attack.
Dib watched with a bit of fascination and a lot of concern as the Irken ran his gloveless claws down his arms, tracing his veins, observing all the imperfections on something he thought was a perfect specimen.
"Why...?"
"...why what?" Came the careful reply from Dib.
"Why is this...making me feel good?" Zim didn't dare look up while he petted his own arm. He was fascinated with his own skin. Dib found that both adorable and disturbing. Who doesn't know how their own skin feels like?
"It's...It feels- I feel so soft. I didn't--- I never---" Zim was at a loss of words. The human understood that- this is probably a huge deal to the alien. Dib is still upset about the whole body policy the Irkens have, but he was the most upset with himself for forcing this feeling on Zim. Even though it was needed. Very much needed.
"See...? Your body is gorgeous. Showing it off to someone you love, it brings them joy. It should make you happy too" Dib smiled sadly. "That's all I wanted you to feel...I'm so sorry Zim. I won't ever force you into doing something you don't want ever again. I promise"
Zim finally managed to tear his gaze away from his arms in order to look at Dib. The alien gave him a happy little smile and spoke. For the first time there was genuine affection in his voice. No walls. No bullshit. Just the words,
"I love you"