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Hello, again school. Tony thought bitterly.
So, once again, Tony will tolerate high school for another year. And maybe high school life is way easier with Steve around. He remembers how Steve looked so nervous when he asked Tony if the seat next to him was taken.
So yeah, Tony Stark-- harbored an embarrassing crush on some dude who sat with him at the library once. Whatever.
Steve would never find out anyway, its all in the heart and the heart is all.
Tony closes his eyes, tries to remember what Steve looked like. Short. Golden hair. Long fringe, combed to the side. Skinny. Pale. Pink lips. Ridiculously long eyelashes. Slender wrists, long fingers. Tomorrow, they’ll meet each other again. Definitely not Tony stalking-- no way. Tony doesn’t stalk Tony observes.
He sleeps and dreams of apple pies and Captain America.
--
Tony wriggles his way through the mob of people scattered in the corridor, breathing out a sigh when he spots his locker.
He pulls out his physics textbook-- though his class wasn’t using this one, Tony was frustrated with how slow they were learning so he moved forward by himself. He takes his phone out to contact Pepper, a sudden feeling of wanting to poke her emerged. He hears murmurs-- proceeds to ignore them until--
“Is that Steve Rogers?” He hears a sharp whisper, and before Tony knows it, his body worked faster than his mind, turning just in time to see a tall, muscly dude with a mess of golden hair. Striking blue eyes. He was also surrounded by equally tall muscly people too. And a few girls trailing after him.
The eyes got him. He’d recognize those pair of eyes everywhere no matter what.
It’s Steve Rogers.
Steven Grant Rogers, short skinny-- last year. Pretty eyelashes pink lips Steve Rogers. Last year.
Great so, there his luck went-- Tony was just dreaming of mustering enough feelings to go over and actually say hi to Steve this year and. Well. That wouldn’t work out well now.
He stomps down a pang of disappointment that rushed violently through his bones.
--
It was getting depressing, his crush on Steve.
Because, half of the school shares the same feelings he has towards a certain blondie who morphed into a jock during summer break. He kinda feels awful that now-- his (weird thoughts) of chances that he would get Steve to maybe notice his existence-- free-falling with a great crash like an egg thrown out of a window.
He couldn’t stop staring, though. So maybe he used to observe Steve Rogers in the library but it changed to sitting at the bleachers. Where did his asthma go? Again, Tony didn’t stalk, he observes.
He can still hear Rhodey teasing him.
--
The prosthetic arm Tony had been working on was-- too heavy. He’s tried out other materials, but in the end-- they couldn’t get molded to the shape Tony ideally wants it to. It was getting agitating, but his brain still ran through numbers and weight and elements.
He could try carbon. The metal is light-
Tony startles when he hears a loud clang of metal outside the lab. Or maybe-- Tony’s secret lab which he hacked into (was too easy). He knew there were cameras so he hacked into those too (easy). Fury would never know. There were paper, all over the lab desks when he hears the code into the lab being punched in carefully. Tony panics. He scrambles to the desk-- trying to grasp his layouts but it was too late before the door whipped open.
He panics even more when he locks eyes with a very Surprised Steve Rogers. He had a handful of boxes in one arm, still shocked to seeing Tony.
Carefully, he sets the boxes in a corner before raising both palms in the air. “Just a favour for Mr. Coulson. He, uh. He told me to get this in the lab.” His voice was the same, deep and smooth just like it was last year.
Tony belatedly realizes that he had a wrench pointed defensively between him and Steve.
He drops it. Okay breath in, breath out. Just a tiny crush. It’ll go away soon (it won’t). Just-- relax and, yeah Tony needs to flee out of Steve’s radar-- he isn’t really ready to see him and-- and talk he just. Goddamn. He feels inadequate.
“How did you get in here?” Steve questions and really, he wants to leave, but he forces himself to meet Steve’s blue eyes.
He pushes his glasses a bit. “I-- uh. I hacked into the lab.” Then he sees Steve’s jaw drop, and Tony’s resolve to leave suddenly spiked up with greater intensity.
“That’s.. pretty cool.” Steve mused.
“Yeah-- uhh-- I’m just gonna--”
He grabs all his folders, some of them falling down and fuck-- that was embarrassing. He’s getting jittery, but Steve strides over to his space, squatting down in front of him and helping him collect his layouts. What does he do now? Where were Pepper and Rhodey when he needed them?
“Can I-?” He asks, and-- how could Tony ever resist.
Tony clears his throat. “Uh-- sure.” No please go away I need to sort out my feelings ugh--
He watches as Steve takes a look at his drafts--- one by one carefully. Both of them get up to their feet, and Tony quickly inches toward the edge of the desk, putting more distance between the two of them. He picks up his wrench. Fiddles with it.
“You’re making this?” Steve baffled. He looked like-- he looked awed.
“Yes, its something I’ve been tinkering with these past few weeks. Just can’t get the material right-- its either too heavy and--” Tony abruptly stops halfway. He was babbling his project to Steve and. No way. But Steve looked at him expectantly.
“Tony?”
And that shocked him even more because--- Steve knows him?
“I-- you- you know my name.” Tony pans out, bewildered. Then he catches a blush creeping onto Steve’s face, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.
”I uh- I remember sitting next to you. We-- we spoke? I mean,” He sighed. “It’s nothing, never mind.”
“Yeah we spoke, just-- didn’t thought you’d uh, you know, remember.” Tony says lamely, and he wants the ground to swallow him up.
They settled into a moment of awkward silence.
“I wanted to say hi, to you. I saw you at the bleachers a few days school started.” And that made everything even more weird because why would Steve-- maybe it was the heart of gold thing but.
“Me too.” Confusion pasted on Steve’s face, and Tony continues. “I wanted to say hi too, but.”
Steve’s lips curled up into a little smile. “But?”
“Just felt a little unwelcome now, uh.” Steve’s brows burrowed into another puzzled look.
“Why?” He dare ask-- and Tony feels a little frustrated to have to spell it out for him without highlighting his insecurity and sad crush.
“You’ve changed.” Tony shrugs. “I felt nervous-- so uh. You have lots of friends now and. Lot’s of girls trailing after you?”
Steve looked impossibly puzzled.
“I never thought-- I would absolutely like to be friends with you, Tony.” Tony searched his face for any-- if it was a joke or something but Steve just continued to look at him earnestly and Tony struggles a little in his act in pretending Steve’s attention on him didn’t affect him at all.
“Why would you even--” Tony looked up to see Steve raising his left eyebrow expectantly.
Tony sighs.
“Rest in peace to your popularity then-- you’re one funny guy.”
Tony makes him promise to never tell Fury about everything that he witnessed today in the lab. He then holds up his wrench to make it look like the tech used in Men In Black and he made Steve laugh a lot. Tony could only laugh along giddily and hoped he didn’t look too starstruck.
Or worse, smitten.
--
It was funny how they got along pretty damn easily. Tony felt more comfortable being around Steve, and same goes for Steve. He listened to Tony’s rambling about his tech, gave his opinions and the worst part was Steve complimenting him. Tony hated blushing. And yet he was doing just that.
So when he’s studying at the bleachers, Steve would sidle up next to him for a few minutes, talking to Tony before running back to the field.
Tony could feel his crush doubling the rate of its growth. He ignores it. Mission accomplished, Steve knows he exists, even better-- became his friend.
Tony couldn’t ask for more. He doesn’t deserve that. Fuck his feelings, Steve was his friend now and wasn’t a tad bit embarrassed to sit next to him or talk to him. Hell, sometimes Steve even ditched his jock friends to hang out with Tony in the lab, which he really kept his promise to not tell Fury.
He wasn’t that bright when it came to science-ing. It was almost (almost) like Steve enjoyed Tony’s presence.
--
“Hey Tony.”
“’Sup, Cap.”
“How do you tell someone that-- you want to date them?”
Tony tried his best not to look dejected after hearing his question. So Steve has a crush on someone. He pictures an amazing girl with nice long hair and pretty eyes.
“Hmmm, that’s not really my area of expertise, but.” Tony grins, “For you, my friend. I will put this genius of a brain and think of something.” That emitted a laugh from Steve, but the phantom pain in his stomach didn’t dissipate.
“What does this person like, I need data.” Tony folds his arms, cocks his head to the side playfully.
“Well. Short. Dark hair?” Steve was a stuttering mess and Tony had to really kick the self in him that wanted to murder this short-dark-hair- person.
“No not that kind of data-- just. Likes and dislikes.” Tony grumbles.
“Well, this person likes--” Steve ducked his head down to hide his intensifying blush “--science. A lot. Builds lots of amazing equipment and. Is good with technology.”
Tony nods thoughtfully. Techy. He bets his techs are way better than this short-dark-hair-person. Wow. Everything he liked was there too. Science and tech. Building.
Who the hell is this person?
Tony huffs. “I bet my techs are better.” he mutters bitterly but Steve caught his words. He heard him sigh, looking resigned.
“Hey hey, I still have advice you know.”
Steve looked a little more agitated. “This person is extremely dense, too.”
Tony shakes his head. “Yikes, that seems a little hard to deal with. I suggest you should move on and be a free spirit, Steve Rogers.”
“They’re one of a kind, Tony. I just can’t stop like that.” Steve smiles up at him from his seat, and Tony found it a little hard to breath.
Sure. No such luck with a stubborn person like Steve after all. It hurt. One of a kind, huh. He plans to bother Rhodey with video calls and only hope to forget about Steve’s one of a kind crush.
“No one would not like you, Steve. Go get your person.”
--
Tony speed-walks to the cafeteria just for a slice of bread and maybe milk-- just to keep him alive because Steve would nag at him if he didn’t grab anything to chew on. He hurries back to the lab, and stops briefly when he hears a conversation going on with Steve and his friends.
Curious, Tony walked a little slower to catch their words.
“You know its just a bet, right Steve?”
“Shut the fuck up--” That’s Steve’s voice, and he never heard him swear before.
“You don’t have to take it seriously. We’re not forcing you to really hang out with that Stark kid, alright?”
And that was it. That was all it took for him to lock himself up in the lab, running the words he heard through his brain again and again and. Again.
Did it? Make sense?
It did.
Why the hell would Steve even be interested in being his-- fuck. He felt shattered. He felt like a huge idiot. Its just-- utter betrayal and. Wow.
It hurts because it actually made sense. Why Steve stuck around with him at school, and-- it had been a joke. A fucking joke all along and his friends were laughing at how goddamn smitten Tony was and--
How could he let this happen?
--
He avoids Steve after that. He’s good at being invisible. Steve can just fuck off, with his stupid crush and-- stupid smile and stupid earnest-looking eyes. The desperate part of him couldn’t believe everything was an act.
Steve seemed like a great person. He would never.
Tony packs his belongings frustratingly before taking the stairs that lead to the hall, because he knows where Steve usually passes by frequently. His sneakers squeaked as he stopped in his tracks.
It was Steve.
Fuck--
He turned the opposite way without acknowledging him. “Tony!” He heard him call out but he just quickened his pace.
Of course Mr. Long Legs could fucking catch up in just a few strides. He ended up in front of Tony. “Hey.” He croaked out. His eyes looked crest-fallen. “What’s wrong.”
Breath in, breath out.
He shoved Steve back angrily. He tipped to the back a little. Not really moving.
“Happy you got your money, dick-wad?” Tony spat, and Steve’s face fell immediately. He tugged Tony into an empty classroom. Tony struggled to escape, cursing him as he was dragged.
Fuck, he should have done sports.
“I can explain, Tony you have to hear me out--”
“No.” Tony hated that his voice broke and. His throat hurt. He’s had it. He was so fucking done with everything-- “You-- you don’t get to do that!” He screams, making Rogers flinch. Every inch of his body was filled with rage and he just--
“Just because you’re a fucking perfect piece of human being doesn’t mean-- doesn’t mean you could play with-- with the feelings of a fucking nobody!” He was crying but he didn’t care. Steve took all the insults that Tony hurled at him.
“S-so this was a fucking joke to you-- But fuck you! I’ll fucking admit yeah it fucking hurts. It worked, yeah? Rogers-- so I thought I was your fucking friend! How do you feel now? Satisfied?!” It hurt damn it, everything hurts and Steve looked pained. He was sobbing and he looked like a mess and he couldn’t care.
“Tony.”
He reached out to hold his arm, but Tony moved further away.
“I’m so sorry I made you feel that way. But you have to know this. I-- I never played along with the bet.”
Tony frowned. “Right--”
“Really. Rumlow-- thought that I was playing along when I befriended you. He wanted to give me the money but I never agreed on his stupid little joke and I-- I uh. I beat him up.”
Tony’s eyes widened. “What?!”
“Yeah so. Was it? Did you hear our conversation or something--”
“I did. I just-- heard you tell someone to shut the fuck up and.” Tony cleared his throat.
“Yes, right after that, I got into a fight with him and uh--” he raised his palms, knuckles covered in bandage and Tony could make out a little nick on the edge of Steve’s lips.
He paused before speaking, “You wouldn’t beat up your bet dealer, right?.”
Tony nods feeling embarrassed all over again and his cheeks felt warmer than usual. Gosh. How does he fix this? This was one of the things that were un-fix-able, right? Like-- Pepper’s ugly vase and. This is really really embarrassing.
Even the term embarrassing was an understatement.
Degrading. Ugh. Why is he like this. He feels lame all over and that feeling was really getting old.
“Tony?” He feels Steve cup both his hands at the sides of his head, tilting his head up. He must look ugly. Tony feels his wet eyelashes touch lightly on his eyelids, as he looks at Steve properly. At least Steve was smiling.
“You’re not even close to a nobody. You’re so amazing-- You remember the-- short, dark haired person I mentioned?” Steve looked at him carefully, studying his features. Tony crumbles a little, but he nods.
“It’s you, you idiot.”
Huh?
“I am in love with you, Tony. You dense blockhead.”
He dips his head down to kiss Tony.