Chapter Text
pass the juul
(members:
lokinator (Loki Odinson),
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)
Monday
1:03 AM
lokinator: do any of you bitches kno how to do hexes
iamspeed: go to bed
lokinator: shut up six pack
iamspeed: ??? okay
daddylonglang: wtf why
lokinator: curiosity
lokinator: also running outta patience might fuck a frog later
iamspeed: wanda has a ouija board ?
daddylonglang: what the fuck. WHY
maxifuckoff: to tell my mother i love her lmao
iamspeed: i-
daddylonglang: ou-
lokinator: adding “lmao” doesn’t hide ur hurt
maxifuckoff: yes it does lmao
—
5:48 AM
drsparklythot: what the fuck
buckoobs: who broke wanda
iamspeed: who hasn’t
iamspeed: her wardrobe is a cry for help
lokinator: wbk
maxifuckoff: wow fuck u guys
lokinator: it’s what u deserve
lokinator: ah shit hela’s online
buckoobs: here we go
gotohela: it’s the crack ass of dawn why are u fuckers awake
drsparklythot: we have school in an hour?
gotohela: shut ur rattettoiullelel ass up stephen
drsparklythot: not even close but i like the effort
gotohela: i’m not falling for your fake asses again
gotohela: i drove to school at ONE FUCKING AM last week
drsparklythot: i like to think of it as keeping u humble
gotohela: i’ll show u humble tmrw in the parking lot
daddylonglang: who’s gonna tell her
maxifuckoff: hela
maxifuckoff: baby
maxifuckoff: light of my life
maxifuckoff: [calendar.jpg]
gotohela: FUCK
lokinator: that’s right bitch fall out of bed
lokinator: fuckin kick my snake again trick ass bitch
iamspeed: she’s gonna shove the flag pole up ur ass
lokinator: bold of you to assume that wasn’t my plan the entire time
maxifuckoff: id like to simply forget i read that
iamspeed: i’d like to forget a lot of things
iamspeed: KANJEJDajwjnweck972&::-
iamspeed: wanda just drop kicked a milk jug at my head
daddylonglang: hot
maxifuckoff: I’M the self deprecating sibling piper pan
iamspeed: isn’t it peter pan
maxifuckoff: say some dumb shit like that again and i won’t hesitate
daddylonglang: can i be next !!!
maxifuckoff has left the chat!
daddylonglang: is that a no
—
oompa loompas got ass
(members:
starknaked (Tony Stark),
iamthecaptainnow (Steve Rogers),
clintoris (Clint Barton),
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner),
thork (Thor Odinson),
natassha (Natasha Romanoff).)
6:45 AM
iamthecaptainnow: Do you guys hear... screaming?
starknaked: lol hela just locked that junior flash in some random ass locker
hulkhogan: disappointed but not surprised
hulkhogan: why
starknaked: idk and i’m too afraid to ask
starknaked: @thork come get ur sister
thork: Hela scares me
starknaked: kk
starknaked: flash is crying
starknaked: imagine coming to this shit show and finding flash thompson in ur locker
natassha: I would never come back
starknaked: your desire to drop out is inspiring
clintoris: yo yo what if they’re absent
starknaked: sounds like a flash problem then
hulkhogan: tony.
starknaked: sorry lol
hulkhogan: which locker is it?
starknaked: looks like uhhhh A-3 sumn
hulkhogan: can’t you look????
starknaked: ughhhhhhhh
starknaked: i’m lazy
hulkhogan: tony
starknaked: fine fine
starknaked: A-376
starknaked: at least that’s what it sounds like
starknaked: his crying echoes idk
starknaked: come rip it open with those big sexC arms ;)
hulkhogan: like 98% sure that’s illegal
clintoris: wait
clintoris: r u positive it’s A-376
starknaked: yeah someone just tried to open it
starknaked: they were unsuccessful
clintoris: ...isn’t that maximoff’s locker
hulkhogan: o no
starknaked: LMAO
starknaked: wish i could say it was nice knowing flash
starknaked: but it wasn’t
clintoris: drop an f in chat
starknaked: f
thork: f
hulkhogan: f
—
6:57 AM
clintoris: [wandayeetingflash.mov]
—
pass the juul
7:01 AM
drsparklythot added maxifuckoff to the chat!
drsparklythot: is wanda ditching again
gotohela: we’re in temporary suspension
drsparklythot: ITS FIRST PERIOD
gotohela: it’s fourth period somewhere
gotohela: flash called me james charles what was i supposed to do
drsparklythot: walk away
gotohela: i’m a whore not a coward
drsparklythot: fair point
drsparklythot: did y’all jump flash i stg
iamspeed: did u not hear the screaming ?
drsparklythot: i was busy
iamspeed: doing what
gotohela: watching early bird pe like a lil thirsty bitch
drsparklythot: you’re one to talk
drsparklythot: and i have no shame it’s good to start the morning with some protein
gotohela: i hate men
iamspeed: /anyways/
iamspeed: [wandayeetingflash.mov]
drsparklythot: dear lord
drsparklythot: did she have to throw him THAT far
gotohela: i would have
iamspeed: why isn’t she online
iamspeed: u are ??
gotohela: fury sat her next to his desk
gotohela: so now she’s just sittin there radiating BDE
iamspeed: why her and not you
gotohela: i make passionate direct eye contact until he moves me
drsparklythot: oh my fucking god
gotohela: [wanda.jpg]
gotohela: look at our lil dumbass xx
drsparklythot: she looks like she wants to kill you
gotohela: i know!!!
gotohela: so adorable skdks
iamspeed: what even is this relationship
lokinator: wait wtf i wanna be in in house
iamspeed: in in
lokinator: stfu u dry ass blonde
iamspeed: damn alr
drsparklythot: chill
lokinator: no
lokinator: ima get sent to in house
drsparklythot: ofc u are
drsparklythot: mind blessing us with ur plan
lokinator: who said i have one
iamspeed: that’s not terrifying at all
lokinator: >:)
—
oompa loompas got ass
7:23 AM
iamthecaptainnow: Not to alarm you, Thor.
iamthecaptainnow: But Loki just decked Rumlow.
starknaked: how is that not alarming
iamthecaptainnow: I tried to be polite.
starknaked: pussy
thork: WHAT
thork: WHY
iamthecaptainnow: I don’t know.
iamthecaptainnow: He was on his phone and just? Stood up, walked over to Rumlow, and BOOM.
starknaked: CLAP THE SOUND OF MY HEART BEAT GO ON AND ON
hulkhogan: tony.
starknaked: sorry dorry
iamthecaptainnow: @thork is your entire family getting suspended or somth?
thork: Bold of you to assume they speak to me
natassha: Ouch
natassha: You doing okay
thork: No
starknaked: so should we be worried abt getting curbstomped by your egglings
thork: Loki is adopted
tony: curbstomped by your household members***
thork: I will find out
natassha: Ominous but k
—
don’t answer
(members:
gotohela (Hela Odinson),
thork (Thor Odinson).)
7:29 AM
thork: Hela
gotohela: read my user
thork: :(
gotohela: what do you want
thork: What’s going on
gotohela: gotta give me a lil more than that big boy
thork: You and Loki have caused disruptions all morning
gotohela: who the fuck says disruptions
gotohela: anyways
gotohela: nothing new boo
thork: Coincidence or conspiracy
gotohela: ;)
thork: Get back online
thork: Hela
thork: HELA
—
pass the juul
7:32 AM
gotohela: are we starting shit so early for a reason or
drsparklythot: are you three******
gotohela: eat my ass
iamspeed: he’s vegan
drsparklythot: and animals can’t consent to sexual intercorse :/
lokinator: sister snatched
gotohela: i’ll sell you both on ebay for 16 cents
lokinator: do it pussy
—
8:00 AM
gotohela: i’m bored
drsparklythot: aww is being restricted from interacting with the student body bc u r a safety hazard not as much fun as you planned :(
gotohela: i smell a bitch
iamspeed: how long is wanda and cosmo’s sentence
iamspeed: vision won’t stop asking me where she is
daddylonglang: WANDA AND COSMO SKDJJD
gotohela: wanda is out at lunch cuzzz apparently it’s my fault flash ended up in her locker lol
drsparklythot: ohmygodrlly
gotohela: is vision still obsessed abt wanda
iamspeed: yeah
iamspeed: he stopped for awhile
iamspeed: but then wanda threatened to suck his dick to shut him up last tuesday
drsparklythot: she what
iamspeed: and now he won’t stop talking to us
daddylonglang: catch me never stop talking around wanda
buckoobs: y'all a whole bunch of nasty
drsparkythot: she w h a t
gotohela: isn’t vis like a sophomore or some shit
iamspeed: mhm but he’s smart af
iamspeed: sounding like google sometimes
buckoobs: noah fence pietro but ur kinda dumb so ,, everyone sounds like google to u
iamspeed: i hate it here
drsparklythot: am i just supposed to ignore that
gotohela: doesn’t vision have a hand kink
iamspeed: he nuts every time wanda plays with her rings :,)
drsparklythot: am i the only one who READ THAT
gotohela: god you’re such a virgin
drsparklythot: who in their right mind threatens /that/
iamspeed: bold of you to assume wanda’s in her right mind
gotohela: have any of us truly been since 2012
iamspeed: fax no printer
buckoobs: pietro just threatened to shove his phone so far up vision’s ass he’ll have to use his teeth to text
drsparklythot: this is why jesus hates us
daddylonglang: wbk
—
[Click to name chat!]
(members:
starknaked (Tony Stark).)
starknaked added impeterparker to the chat
starknaked: heyy
starknaked: just checking in
starknaked: how’s your first day at marvel goingg
impeterparker: good mr stark !
starknaked: ew that’s what u call my father
starknaked: call me tony
impeterparker: got it
starknaked: look
starknaked: i’m not just talking to you bc howard told me to
starknaked: or bc you were ben’s nephew
starknaked: you’re practically my kid brother
impeterparker: :,)
starknaked: and i vow to fuck up any kid that even looks at u
impeterparker: thank you tony <3
starknaked: :-)
starknaked: sooo
starknaked: how’s your classes
impeterparker: pretty easy so far
impeterparker: thought i’d be more behind tbh
impeterparker: everyone seems nicer than midtown tho
starknaked: coolcoolcool
starknaked: any cowgirls catch ur attention yet?
starknaked: or cowboys we love em all
impeterparker: aha
impeterparker: there’s no cowboys in new york
starknaked: cowboys it is ;)
impeterparker: ...
impeterparker: anyone ever tell you your name is practically toe knee
starknaked: i will pay hela odinson to throw you in a locker
impeterparker: your eyes are the most magnificent shade of baby blue i’ve ever seen :-))
starknaked: that’s better
impeterparker: wait i thought the locker thing was just a rumor
starknaked: you have so much to learn
impeterparker: what does that mean
impeterparker: tony ??
impeterparker: hello
—
pass the juul
11:30 AM
gotohela: wanda looks like she’s gonna shit a brick
lokinator: it’s very entertaining
gotohela: why does fury have to be such a narc
drsparklythot: that’s literally his job
gotohela: excuses get u nowhere stephen
drsparklythot: you piss me off sm go back to juvie
gotohela: sometimes i forget you’re equally disciplinary challenged as us
iamspeed: i smell something fishy
buckoobs: hela close ur legs
gotohela: read my username
lokinator: stephen’s a fed
drsparklythot: that makes no sense
drsparklythot: i’m just concerned about who’s gonna buy scott orange slices during lunch if loki isn’t there
daddylonglang: aww
drsparklythot: bc he’s bitches a lot
daddylonglang: smh
buckoobs: i have plums
daddylonglang: no one wants ur fucking plums bucky
buckoobs: your mom didn’t want you either but look where we r
daddylonglang: tell me sumn i didn’t know
iamspeed: i-
gotohela: homiecide
drsparklythot: hela i stg
gotohela: i saw my opportunity and i took it
lokinator: wanda just asked why she has to be up front if fury has to physically turn to see her i’m-
buckoobs: we love a trooper