Chapter Text
When the final report came through, Hizashi didn't want to believe it- who would? To be waiting, questioned beyond your limit, and then to learn that the person you love has been abducted? It's almost unthinkable. He never would have thought his kind of thing to be possible until the emergency call this evening.
He'd reached the location in a matter of minutes, smoke and ash littering the air making it hard to breathe. Fires raged in the buildings around him, and keeping track of the enemy was getting tedious. Shouta was already in the thick of the fight, many others trying to fend off who they could, and Hizashi dealing with the relocation of civilians. Maybe if he had been paying a little more attention, things wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand.
Hizashi had had barely any time to react as he watched Shouta get slammed against the pavement. The sickening crack that had echoed through the air was the only thing that registered in his mind as he watched Eraser’s form become limp in the large clawed hand. Impulse had taken over by the time he noticed his feet were moving by themselves, mouth open and screaming at its highest and hardest pitch. Yet, the giant form never seemed to falter as it growled and stalked into the night.
The last thing he remembered before the explosion was seeing his husband’s bloodied body being dragged into the shadows.
That was 8 hours ago. The monotone voice from the officer in front of him hardly reaches his ears as he stares blankly at the table. Shouta is missing. He might never see him again. He might be dead.
“Mister Yamada?” Hizashi’s eyes lock onto the face across from him, obviously dazed. The officer sighs. “Mister Yamada, I know this is stressful for you, but I need you to answer these questions. It’s for the safety of the public and Mister Aizawa himself. Do you understand?” The words take a few moments to settle within his mind, but once they do he manages a slow nod.
“Good. We’re going to begin our questioning about your colleague now.” Clearing his throat, the man picks up a pen and places it against his clipboard paper. "Did you make any attempt to stop the villains who took Eraserhead?"
Yamada is shocked at this question. What did they think he was? A traitor? “Of course I did.” It’s hostile in tone, raw and emotional. The interviewer gives him a pointed look of indifference that has Hizashi looking away. His tone the second time around is much more calm. “I.. I tried to stop them before they got away but the explosion.. it happened before I could reach him.”
Writing quickly,the next question is announced. "Did you see what any of the villains looked like?"
“I thought I already gave you all their descriptions?” After a brief moment of uncomfortable silence and no pen movement, he settles for resting his head in his hands, elbows propped on the interrogation table. “Uhm.. The one who took him specifically was big… Really big. About the size of a three story building at least. Had claws for hands. Smacked Shouta around without any effort..”
The man nods vaguely, jotting down this information. Then, suddenly getting serious, he sets down his clipboard on the table. "Are you sure he was unconscious and not faking it to purposefully get captured, possibly having been in cahoots with these villains?"
“He would never do that!” Defensive and louder than he meant it to be, Hizashi feels the tension rising in the room. “He- He wouldn’t, he’s always been a hero. He’d never .” ...Right? These questions were meant to make him doubt himself, to twist his words the wrong way and give them some excuse not to find him. He has to be careful not to fall into the trap.
"Are you sure?"
Setting his hands down on the cool metal, he locks eyes with the officer, a ferocity in his expression that wasn't there when this all began. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
More questions followed in quick succession, giving his mind fodder for doubt. An odd wording here, a hard gaze there, writing down the results of the intense questioning. It feels like it’s been going on for ages by the time it’s finished and his mind is numb from the constant grind. Only when he exits the room does he let himself start to process everything.
Shouta was now made into one of many missing persons reports. A lost sheep of society and a missing piece of Hizashi’s heart, it was a painful reality to accept. It was one he wasn’t ready for.
The bathroom is the closest place he finds where he could have some privacy. It’s gross, dimly lit, and reeked of urine but it was better than breaking down in front of the entire precinct. Hurriedly locking himself in a stall, he almost can’t hold back the screams clawing at his throat. A million things flash through his mind- how weak he was, how he could have stopped this, how it was his fault- but none of them hurt more than the fact that he’s alone. He’ll have to go back to his apartment, the one they shared, and stay there, alone. He’ll have to go to work, go to U.A. and the radio station, alone. He’s going to have to learn to be by himself again.
A few minutes pass and he’s pulling himself up from the floor he didn’t even know he’d sat on. Tears have left streaks on his face, and it takes a while of white knuckling the edge of the sink counter for him to do anything about them. Splashing his face a few times and wiping it down with a paper towel seems to have done the job for now. As he exits, he feels a hand grasp his shoulder.
“Hey, Yamada…” Unexpectedly, Nemuri is the source of the hand. She’s one of the last people he’d think to see here, although maybe less surprising given the circumstances. She waits until she’s got his full focused attention to continue. “You want a ride home? You’ve had a long night, I don’t want to read any headlines tomorrow that you drove yourself off the road due to sleep deprivation.”
A weak smile passes over his face and he gives her a small nod. “Yeah that… I think that’s a good idea. Thanks.” She merely hums in response and starts off towards the door, leaving him to follow in her wake.
The car ride home is a long one, full of silence and taut nerves. Kayama seems like she wants to say something to him, glancing over every red light they hit, but she never does. It only makes the tension grow and the trip that much longer. Only when they get to the complex and pull into a spot does she speak.
“Well, we’re here.” She sighs, a hand running through her hair as she stares down the wheel. “...You know, if you wanted, you could stay at my place. I really wouldn’t mind.”
The offer is nice but he shakes his head. “No it’s… Thanks but I think it might be better if I stay here.” Honestly, he’s not sure that’s true. It might be more painful staying home than it would be staying with Kayama, but he knows that going with her would only be putting off the inevitable. He’s hesitant to unbuckle himself, yet he does, and as he reaches for the door handle he stops himself. “....Nemuri I-“ Yamada’s voice cracks. “I don't know what I’m going to do.”
The woman next to him sighs and reaches a hand over to comfort him, squeezing his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, Yamada.. Just think of the positives.” There’s a sympathetic smile laced on her lips as she speaks. “I’m sure he’s going to be okay. And if it helps anything, the police force might let you join in on the investigation if you asked them.”
Her words do nothing to help ease his tensions and worries, rather just making him more numb to the situation at hand. Barely nodding he at least musters the voice to respond. “I… Yeah. Maybe they will.” His hand pulls at the door handle, opening it as he prepares to get out. “Thanks again. For the car ride, I mean.”
"Of course." Her voice holds more pity than he would have liked, and it's uncomfortable to hear coming from Nemuri. The tone doesn't suit her, and it only serves as a means to make him more irritated at the situation. As he closes the door, her hand shoots over to hold it, preventing it from shutting completely. Her face reads the distress that he’s sure they’re both feeling right now and her voice doesn’t try to mask it anymore. "Are you sure you’re going to be okay by yourself?"
Those words have been the least expected thing all day, and if her sad smile is anything to go by, it’s easy to read on his face. “Look, Yamada,” She breaks eye contact with him, favoring the floor of her passenger side instead. “I know this has gotta be hell for you, but I don’t want you doing anything stupid. If you really need someone with you, I’m here.” Kayama manages to bring her gaze back up, a coy grin worming its way onto her features. “Shouta would kick my ass if something happened to you.”
Whatever humorous intent she may have had is lost on him as he barely lets out more than a breath of laughter. Just hearing his name now is causing his chest to ache. “If I need something, I’ll let you know. I promise.” It’s a fake declaration if he’s ever heard one, and he can tell by the way her face drops just the slightest that she doesn’t believe it either. She knows better than to question him about it right now though and instead opts to just nod in agreement.
“I’m serious.” Letting the door close, she rolls down the window for one last farewell. “Take care of yourself.”
He doesn’t look back as she pulls out of the parking lot.
The stairs up to their apartment feel like they go on forever, his feet like lead as he approaches the dreaded domain. Empty eyes scan the keys, absentmindedly sliding the right one into the lock and letting himself in. His hand hovers over the knob, hesitation building up inside. He could not go in. He could just stay at a hotel, or go stay with Nemuri- if he called her now, he’s sure she’d turn around and get him. No.. He needs to get inside.
A mewl breaks the silence after the door shuts. Jin, their little black cat they’d adopted not two months back is trotting around the corner to greet him. Her little bell jingles as she winds around his legs in the genkan, purring loudly in the quiet home. She moves away as if to greet someone else, but upon seeing no one there she looks back to Hizashi.
Where is he? She seems to ask, and her obliviousness almost shatters his heart. Slipping off his shoes, he leans down to pet her. “He’s not here right now, Jin. He’s.. uhm..” Watching the black kitten lean into his hand, he can feel the tears threatening to spill over again. “He might not be back for a while.”
Another thought forms at the back of his mind that he refuses to acknowledge. Even if it’s true, there’s no solid proof yet, and he’s got to be strong for the sliver of hope that’s there. It takes all of his willpower to drag himself into the shower, and once he’s in, he stays there for god knows how long. Maybe 10 minutes, maybe an hour. What does it matter? What does anything matter?
Eventually he steps out and changes into something comfortable, taking one of Shouta’s hoodies as a coping piece before curling up on the couch with Jin. If he had the ability to, he’d block out all of the world until his partner was returned. But life can’t be that simple.
The first call he gets is from UA. It’s a lot of negotiation with Nedzu about substitutes and requesting time off. Thankfully, the principal is understanding enough of what’s going on to give him a week off and a promise they’ll find a suitable stand-in. He offers his gratitude and after they end their arrangements, Hizashi attempts to sleep off this empty feeling.
The phone, however, interrupts his sleep and the next two calls that happen don’t go quite as smoothly. The radio station and his hero agency - both of them are hard to deal with. Mainly getting time off and then having to explain to his boss that Shouta had been taken.. If he’s being honest, that call takes the most out of him. Eventually it ends, and he’s left with the silence of the apartment again.
It's funny, really, he’s forgotten how heavy silence can be. Back in high school, silence was more of a game, one to be played with the transfer from general studies. Whenever he’d get too loud or annoy his seatmate, those red eyes would stay on him and Hizashi would see how long he could go before he closed them to let him make a ruckus again. Although, there were times it was inconvenient and annoying to him as well, where he’d whine to Shouta after it was over.
When they'd started living together after they'd gotten engaged, and even before that, Shouta would get into the habit of canceling Hizashi's quirk just to mess with him. Silence became a lively atmosphere and something that they could play around with without anyone watching. Hizashi would find new ways to make noise without his quirk, causing Shouta to get grumpy and then find ways to retaliate by putting bright green dye in his shampoo or something similar.
The silence that prevailed now though, was unlike either of those two moments. It was cold, unfeeling, and incredibly lonely.
The clock on the wall read 2am, meaning he’d hardly gotten 3 hours of sleep in the past 24 hours. The exhaustion is tugging at his bones and his eyelids are heavy, but he can’t bring himself to sleep. Not here, not now, not when the air in the flat felt like a funeral procession was taking place. He needed to get out, to breathe.
Forcing himself up, Yamada makes his way to the genkan again, slipping on whatever shoes he first lays eyes on. It when he’s about to exit the jackets catch his eye. Three of them hang on the rack- his leather one, his windbreaker and Shouta’s old gray bomber jacket. He’s had that as long Hizashi can remember, and it’s been well worn with a few patchwork spots of black fabric here and there that are obviously out of place.
He can’t bring himself to leave it on the hook. Instead, he takes it down and slips it over his own arms, clasping the buttons together as he opens the door. He needs some time to think and get his thoughts in order, and thankfully this night seems like it’s going to be long enough to do it. With one last glance back at the apartment and Jin, who’s curled up on the sofa, he heads out into the brisk night air.