Chapter Text
It's raining, when Tang Yi finally pays his respects to Li Zhen, no, his birth mother, in a graveyard, alone. Shao Fei had offered to accompany him, but he had waved him away with the promise that it would only be a quick trip, that he would come back home soon. It didn't help that Shao Fei, already exhausted from this weeks events as well as having sustained a bullet wound to the shoulder, had been placated easily with a soft kiss from Tang Yi, almost putty in his arms before he left.
Tang Yi's heart twists in guilt, both from the pain he had caused Shao Fei this entire month, as well as some regret for leaving Shao Fei alone in the too big bed of his suite. Bowing his head, he quickly wished a soft goodbye to Li Zhen's gravestone, along with a promise to take care of the junior she had so lovingly brought up in place of her son.
The crunching of leaves behind him alerted him of a new presence approaching, and an umbrella was held over his head, shielding him from the bitter cold of the rain. He turned around, fully expecting to see a worried Shao Fei pestering him on what was taking him so long, except-
In place of Shao Fei's grinning face was a somber figure, dressed simply in a black suit with eyebags to match. The signature scar under his eye had only grown prominent with the grim pallor of his skin.
Chen Wen Hao.
"Your father," a voice unhelpfully chimed in his head, vaguely reminiscent of Shao Fei's own. Steeling himself , Tang Yi turned away, eyes hard as he neatly stepped out of the umbrella proffered to him. The rain was lessening anyways, and the sun was peaking from behind the dark clouds. Behind him, Wen Hao approached Li Zhen's grave, umbrella long kept away as neither of them needed it anyway.
Tang Yi strode forward. The conversation happening between them wasn't meant for him, and closer he approached the side of the graveyard, as the sun broke through the dark clouds. His relationship with Chen Hao was... complicated. Shao Fei had obviously taken a liking to the man, judging by the way he had tried his best to reconcile the two but Tang Yi... hadn't felt ready.
He didn't know what to say or act around the other, and the tension was always thick whenever they happened to meet. Tang Yi had spent a better part of his life chasing after the alleged murderer of his adoptive dad, only to find out that not only was he severely misunderstood, he had found his birth dad in what was quite frankly, the worst way possible. At least they weren't screaming each other anymore when they met, and no thinly veiled threats had been made since the... incident.
He still remembered how Wen Hao's face had fallen, when he screamed at him that he had no dad except for Tang Guo Dong, and that had been true. At the time anyway. Looking back, he had to admit it was too harsh, but the realization had hurt Tang Yi too much, the revelation that his life was lie clouding his brain and pushing out all rational thoughts in his head. Logically, Tang Yi knew he should apologize, but he couldn't. The words would be stuck in his throats everytime they met and Tang Yi would leave with another silent promise of "maybe next time," fragile and easily broken.
"Your mother was a good person."
Chen Wen Hao's rasp broke Tang Yi out of his thoughts. In surprise Tang Yi whirled around to face him.
"She was always so bright, always helping people around her and to this day I will never understand what she saw in me. Perhaps it was pity that brought her to me, or she saw something in me that I couldn't see myself." A pause as Wen Hao chuckled lightly. "I don't know why she chose me. I was broke back then, and while other people were giving their significant others bouquets of roses, chocolates and purses, I could barely scrap enough to offer her a single flower."
Chen Wen Hao's gaze had softened, wistful, talking about Li Zhen. His shoulders were slumped, unguarded, and there was a small smile lifting the corners of his lips.
"But she was so happy, when I presented her with it, with a grin big enough that almost washed away my embarrassment for only giving her a single rose."
Chen Wen Hao finally turned to meet Tang Yi's gaze.
"I don't know why she lied. But I know she had her reasons, even if I didn't understand it at first."
By then, Chen Wen Hao held up a cigarette, free hand patting around for his lighter, before Tang Yi silently handed him his lighter and a silent nudge to continue. When Chen Wen Hao took the lighter, he turned it in his hands, and that soft look appeared, just for a moment, before he lit his cigarette with a practiced flick. On Tang Yi's outstretched palm, he dropped the lighter.
"You're exactly like your mother you know? Stubborn and strong willed."
Chen Wen Hao took a long drag, exhaling the smoke as they both watched it curl up into the cool damp air. With hooded eyes, he looked at Tang Yi, and he seemed to hesitate before saying:
"Don't ever be like me. Let go of your past regrets, for in the end it will only trap you in its snare."
With that, Wen Hao pulled Tang Yi into a bone crushing hug, and Tang Yi let himself be dragged into it, confused. Chen Wen Hao's shoulders were shaking, his hands grasping desperately into the material of Tang Yi's suit, while Tang Yi could only stand, numbed, arms held limply by his sides.
"Apologize now!" The voice in his head was growing louder, a deafening crescendo in Tang Yi's head as the hug dragged on. But the words would not come, even as they clogged his chest and scraped at his throat.
"Its such a shame, that the three of us had to gather like this. Your mother would be very disappointed in both of us."
The words were whispered in his ear, and before Tang Yi could process its meaning, he was pushed away forcefully.
"Go now, can't keep officer Meng Shao Fei waiting, right?" The words were spoken with a tone of finality, something like acceptance behind his words, and Tang Yi watched him take another drag of his cigarette. Briefly, the image of Tang Guo Dong, in this very same position, leaning against his car flashed past his eyes, but was gone like the wisps of smoke in the air. Chen Wen Hao didn't even look at him, choosing to stare at the setting sun.
Heavy, Tang Yi turned and left, footsteps echoing in the silent graveyard. He walked up the stairs, body hollow and did not turn back.
When the gunshot rang throughout the cemetery, Tang Yi paused. Something in his heart broke, and suddenly emotion was pushing against his ribs, he chest hurting from containing the sudden onset of sadness taking over him, drowning him.
The sobs force their way out of his throat, ugly sounds that sound almost inhuman. Tears stream down his cheeks as he collapses on the shockingly cold stairway, legs unable to carry his weight further. His hands fly up to muffle his cries, and his shoulders are shaking from the force of his guilt. Fingernails digging into his palms, making a bloodied mess in his effort to keep himself together. He didn’t even manage to apologize.
Its raining again, when Tang Yi finally falls apart in the graveyard, alone.
In this lifetime,
I've done many regrettable things,
The only thing I don't regret,
Is loving you.
A bouquet of white carnations and tulips, adorned with the deep purple hyacinth laid against the stone, protected from the heavy storm.