Chapter Text
Part I
Beomgyu was doing his best to control himself. It was his first day as a trainee at Bighit and he wants to make a good first impression. All the trainees are reunited in the practice room talking and laughing and getting to know each other better. He wants to be part of that; he really, really wants it. But he was always so high energy. Too much uncontrollable energy that most of his classmates used to tell him to calm down or to not shout too much or to be more composed, to learn to be like an idol.
So he tries, he tries as much as he can.
The problem is that while he tries to control all the tension inside himself, on the outside he probably looks shy and awkward. That’s why I’m alone. So to diffuse all the energy without scaring any of the other trainees away he decides to take a break. Maybe go outside the practice room, walk, and breath or sit somewhere else and count to ten. That way he could return more calm and cool. He could make friends if he learns how to be cooler, like that trainee inside that boasts all his number ones.
So he sits in one of the yellow sofas and breaths. Cold and trembling hands rubbing against his knees, waiting for his heart to calm down and his excitement to reach a normal level.
That’s how he meets Soobin hyung.
At first he can’t hear someone talking to him. It´s when the person stands in front of him, near enough that he can see the dark blue of his shorts in contrast to the fair skin of his knees… He looks up.
—W-wa- what? —the tall boy in front of him just smiles lightly.
—Hello, I’m Choi Soobin. Are you new?
—I- I- Yes! — He stands up quickly making Soobin back a step. Tries to smile and repeat more calmly— yes, I’m a new trainee.
Soobin just looks at him with a smile and big eyes, sweat rolling of his forehead and messy hair. A slight frown appears in his forehead but the smile is as tentative as before.
—Nice to meet you. Hmm, what’s your name?
Of course he was missing something.
—Beomgyu! Choi Beomgyu—Soobin’s smile turns more pronounced and… dimples—I- I- I started today.
—Oh! How was your first day? I know dance practice could be tiring but you get the hang of it. Yeonjun hyung can help you if you need it. He’s really good at it—he says with a slight twinkle in his eyes that shows the close relation between Soobin and this Yeonjun hyung— or so he says— he mumbles. Beomgyu can’t help the giggle that escapes his mouth. Soobin just answers with a bigger smile that shows his teeth and those deep, deep, dimples.
—I would like the help with some steps—he says trying to sound thankful and not so excited to get to know someone. Cool, he needs to act cool.
—Awesome! I don’t know all of the trainees but they are nice. If you need anything you can ask me.
—Thank you—he really is so thankful.
Soobin smiles and tentatively raises his hand for a handshake.
—I hope we can be friends, Beomgyu-ssi.
Beomgyu just looks at his hand. It’s just a handshake. It’s skin contact, yes, but just a handshake. He can shake hands. He has shook hands before, a lot of times. Why I’m so nervous now? There’s no reason to deny his possible friend a handshake.
He looks up; Soobin stays in the same position. His smile is in place and his hand is raised between them. I am going to shake that hand. So he goes for it. His heart beating faster and his hand starts to tremble again. He can’t understand why he is so nervous. The sudden electrifying sensation that covers all of his body isn’t helping. He’s going to tell Soobin that he needs his hand back because something weird is happening- that kind of weird- the weird that his parents told him about- could this be-
—Soobinnie! —he sees more than hears the new person. Two arms that came from behind Soobin and back hugs the taller boy, hands that cross themselves to almost strangle him. Beomgyu backs away so fast that he almost falls on the sofa.
—Yeonjun-hyung?! —Soobin just shouts surprised at the other boy that piggybacks on to him.
—Soobinnie, the practice is going to start. Let’s go, let’s go!
—Stop it! Yeonjunnie hyung!
Beomgyu just can see how the two boys start to bicker, Soobin trying to free himself from the other. Meanwhile Yeonjun hyung just laughs and tries to –for some reason- kiss Soobin´s cheeks.
—Stop it! —Soobin shrieks and shakes his body making the other laugh more.
Beomgyu shakes away any other thoughts; it must have been a mistake. It was just a handshake and Soobin didn’t say anything. There was nothing. It probably was just his contained energy. And maybe he shouldn’t contain it anymore. Not when there is this Yeonjun hyung behaving like a literal child. The laugh that escapes him when Yeonjun falls to the floor and Soobin shouts in victory is just the start of a friendship.
oOo
—You were cuter before—Soobin hyung pouts when he finished to serve him.
—I am always cute—he says somewhat affronted.
—You were so shy— he says with melancholy.
—That was just the first day. —He huffs mixing the ingredients that Soobin hyung gave to him.
—When I met you, you were so, so cute—he repeats do the hundredth time.
—Just eat the tteokbokki, hyung. You wanted to come here, remember?
—Yes, I know. Thank you, Beomgyu—he smiles and stars eating.
Beomgyu can’t avoid gazing at the pout of an eating Soobin hyung, or the slight appearance of his dimples. They appear and disappear with each munch.
—Is there something on my cheek?
—Uh… yes, just… there— he points at his clean cheek. Soobin trusting him tries to clean himself.
—Is it gone? —he asks. Beomgyu smiles and nods. Soobin smiles and reach for his hand, this time Beomgyu is slow and can’t avoid the light touch of their fingers. —Thanks—Soobin says and continues to eat. Beomgyu rubs the place were two of Soobin fingers were, it’s nothing. He’s getting used to it, sometimes Soobin will touch him and- and static happens. It’s normal when both of them are always so energetic. They’re idols! Of course they are full of energy, and sometimes static happens.
—Shouldn’t we film all of this? —he asks some minutes later.
—Us eating? Maybe? I don’t know if our fans want to see us eat in silence.
—We could talk about something—he continues, to think about anything helps him—for example! Tomorrow I’ll go on a date with Yeonjun hyung!
—Oh…?
—Yes, he said we could go shopping.
—I see.
Beomgyu waits for any other prompt to talk but Soobin hyung just continues to eat. Maybe hyung is really hungry; he wanted tteokbokki for a long time. They are almost over when hyung’s phone rings.
—It’s Kai— he says with a smile. Beomgyu loves Kai, but he can’t help the feeling that Soobin loves Kai more among all of them. He always smiles so beautifully when it’s something about Kai.
—What does he says?
—He’s bored. It seems that Taehyun doesn’t want to play with him, the baby— he rolls his eyes but his voice is full of tenderness—let’s finish and return home.
—Yeah, ok.
It’s nothing. Everything is fine. Soobin hyung loves all the members as brothers, like a family. That’s enough. He loves all the members, too. Kai is like a little annoying brother. Taehyun is more mature and helpful. Yeonjun hyung is so fun and cute. And Soobin hyung, he was his first friend and he loves him so much. Family.
In a world where there are soulmates, none of them has found their one. Or maybe, none of them have touch where they are supposed to. He can remember when his mom told him that she has been friends with his dad for years, but it was one time at a party after one of his race competitions, when they were drunk and barefooted that her pinky touched his thumb and she knew. And it was when she kissed him full on the lips when he knew.
This is ok, it’s more than fine that none of them have found their soulmates. They’re young and –most importantly- they’re idols. Rookie idols. They need to stay focused in their careers and nothing else. More now that they were going to travel to US to perform…
—You have something there—he looks up in time when Soobin hyung cleans some sauce of the corner of his mouth. —Good, now we can go.
Beomgyu blinks when he sees Soobin hyung getting up to put on his coat. He looks at his plate and he’s not hungry anymore. Soobin hyung sits down again and smiles at him.
—Oh, come on. I know you’re picky with food but this time I chose all the things you like!
—It’s not that—he rolls his eyes.
—Too much?
—Yeah, just let’s go. Kai must be waiting for you. —He gets up and hyung helps him with his coat.
—We can film our walk to the apartment. And Kai will be happy if you don’t mess with his toys again.
—I just play with them!
—Ha, of course.
—Really, hyung!
—I can remember that time backstage…
And they exit their favorite place talking about Kai, his toys and how Beomgyu has nothing against them.
oOo
Soobin loves all his members, loves them so much. And each day he learns to love them even more. Hyuka is a baby that needs all the attention that he can give him. Taehyun is more mature and he can rely on him but also needs someone to care for him. Beomgyu is someone that helps him and makes him comfortable, is a friend even if he is younger than him. Yeonjun hyung is so awesome and cute. And almost all the time he wants the members’ approval. Maybe is because he’s learning to be a leader, and he wants to be the best leader for them. So he wants to cover them with love, understanding and happiness because the connection he has with all of them is special. More than special. Maybe that kind of special. And that scares him so much.
Because he can feel it. Feel it in his bones. That electrifying sensation that covers his body every time Yeonjun hyung grazes his lips over his cheeks, or anytime Hyuka´s fingers touch his stomach, or when Taehyun grabs his arm, or when Gyu delicately passes his fingers over his forehead. But none of them said anything. So maybe it’s just him. And he will love them all, he loves them all.
It’s just… a little lonely.