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"You're only everything I've ever dreamed,
ever dreamed of, ever dreamed of.
You must be kidding me,
did you really think I could say 'no'?"
— Don't Think Twice, Utada Hikaru
This is it.
Today is the day.
Eijun has thought about it ever since he and Furuya quietly admitted their feelings some years ago during a morning run. He’s imagined the moment a thousand times—sweet, soft, romantic (just like a shoujo manga!)—but it never occurred to him how nervous he’d be just mulling over it, playing the scene out as he thinks it should go over and over until it becomes a real possibility. He’s determined, however. Once the realization struck one mid-December evening, it’s the only thing that’s been on his mind.
Telling Furuya that he loves him, that is.
Eijun thinks he’s pretty sure Furuya knows already. He has to; they live together and they don’t plan on going anywhere, he thinks. But it’s so easy to remember that ‘I love you’ is just something they’ve never said, not once, during the entire course of their relationship. ‘I like you’ has always been their go-to, and even then, they only really said it in their actions—Furuya’s quiet, gentle caring and Eijun’s loud, rambunctious scolding. His attempt at cooking his boyfriend dinner once counts, too, but they don’t ever mention it since it cost them both a large portion of their collective savings to fix the oven after that.
Still, after everything they’ve been through, they avoid those three sticky words and he doesn’t really know why. After so long, he’d hoped it would come naturally; yet, even Eijun himself hesitates when he gets close to saying it.
Somehow, he was sure he would have been screaming it to the high heavens by now.
...Maybe he’s just afraid of rejection.
It’s hard to say. Furuya isn’t exactly cold towards him, they’re long past schoolyard grudges and baseball competitions, but he’s not as open with his feelings as Eijun is, though they’d both admit that he’s come a long way. He just figured Furuya was blunt enough to have given the phrase a try sometime or another, at least.
The guy has no problem blatantly admitting everything else.
But he supposes that’s beside the point.
Eijun bites his lip from his spot in the hall before their apartment door, worrying it between his teeth until it’s sore. He’s been standing there for what feels like forever, but it’s actually been the longest fifteen minutes of his life and only he would forget that no one’s going to let him in unless he knocks.
He doesn’t.
Instead, Eijun spends too long contemplating what Furuya will say in response to his confession.
Will he be annoyed by it—finding it troublesome that Eijun would even use those words to express his affection toward him?
Or happy about it—sighing in relief and pulling him into one of those breathtaking kisses like he’s seen in The Notebook, except it’ll be right in the middle of the hallway instead of the rain?
Eijun’s lips curl into a gooey smile as it plays out in his head before his eyes widen at his next thought.
What if he’s upset because he actually wanted to be the one to say it first and it ruins his chances of ever doing so after spending months mustering up the courage?
Eh.
That's what he gets for waiting so long.
Reaching up, Eijun makes to knock on the door, and his knuckles are centimeters from rapping at the wood when something more devastating crosses his mind.
What if those words are the last Furuya wants to hear?
What if he’s actually thinking about breaking up with him and saying ‘I love you’ makes it that much harder and they end up staying together in a one-sided relationship because of the man’s soul-eating guilt?
...What if it's actually a master plan Furuya’s put together to make Eijun lower his guard and fall for him so he can take the ace number and the mound?
They are on a pro team together, after all.
He pulls his hand back and presses his fist to his lips.
No, he tells himself, that would never happen; Eijun would just take the position back if it kills him.
Setting aside that worthless worry, he goes back to the matter at hand and changes his approach. The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that knocking will give him too much time to back out depending on how long Furuya takes to answer and he’s already wasted too many minutes already. And since he’s already decided he’s doing this, he might as well do it the Sawamura Way.
Pulling out his keys and unlocking the door, he slams it open with vigor, calling out aggressively the moment he steps into their apartment.
“FURUYA SATORU!”
“I’m right here, Eijun.”
He jumps at the sound of the voice steps behind him and spinning around with little hold on his balance, he comes face to face with Furuya in the mouth of the threshold—calmly setting a duffel bag of his things on the floor by the door. Eijun grits his teeth at the sight—because how dare he spook him like that?—accusingly pointing a finger Furuya’s way.
“Wha—! What are you doing behind me?”
“Watching you watch the front door.”
“Weirdo!”
Furuya doesn’t say a thing to that, just stares at him quietly as if he’s waiting for him to relax his shoulders and steady his heartbeat.
Eijun does just that.
And before his boyfriend has a chance to ask him anything, he swallows thickly, remembering why he called his name so loudly in the first place. Looking at Furuya now, he has cold feet. And it must show on his face clear as day, too, because he's met with a deep frown and an outstretched hand.
“Are you alright, Eijun?” Furuya asks, and Eijun seizes up, laughing nervously as he comes closer.
And he almost changes his mind right then and there—right then—but he doesn’t want to come this far and turn back now.
So, he takes a deep breath.
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to say for a long time, is all.”
Furuya freezes in place, looking at him with an expression that makes Eijun feel like he's just hurt his feelings, and he wishes he hadn’t said it so seriously. “What is it?”
“It’s—” he begins, going back to the habit of biting his lip again, “just... I,” trailing off, he skirts his gaze around suddenly, trying to find something to focus on other than Furuya—who’s staring with such an intensity that someone would think he’s about to pitch one of his notable fastballs—to no avail. Looking at the open door behind that tall form, though, he thinks he knows just what to do, “wait here, one sec!”
Eijun rushes past a wide-eyed Furuya and runs into the hall, slamming their front door behind him and pressing his forehead against it to ground himself. He hears shuffling and the sound of his name said shakily from the other side of the barrier between them.
“Just let me say this, okay?” He says softly, and when there’s nothing said in return, Eijun thinks that willingness to let him have the floor gives him the confidence he needs. “Furuya Satoru, I... I love you!”
He’s met with nothing but silence.
And the sound of his own breathing is too loud even.
Eijun tries to listen for any sign of movement because the quiet is too quiet and every little worry he had shoved aside before comes back to swarm him at full force. It feels like he’s being turned away, but he can only think that he has to confirm that for himself.
Tentatively, he opens the door once more.
And when he looks inside, Furuya’s smiling.
His face is flushed and his eyes are lidded, and Furuya's staring so adoringly at Eijun that it steals his heart all over again and he’s assured that telling him how he feels was the right thing to do.
He wants to run forward and wrap his arms around him, reinforce his confession, but he doesn’t have the chance because Furuya steps forward a split second later—shutting the door and separating them once again.
Eijun doesn’t have to worry about what it means, though, because quietly—softly—and muffled from the other side of their front door, the silence is finally broken.
“I love you, too.”