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we'll make the same mistakes

Summary:

His superpower isn’t really much of one.

Leon can see the potential chemistry between people and it makes his own love life pretty complicated.

Notes:

I found this almost finished draft from around sept 2018 today and tacked on an ending. I don't really remember why/when I started this so it's a little handwavey in places and the characterization isn't my finest but it's a weird AU so let's roll with it.

title from Bastille's Bad Decisions.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

His superpower isn’t much of one, because it doesn’t really affect anyone but himself.

1. Benni

The first time he truly sees the romantic potentials for another person that wasn’t related to him is with Benni. Leon would’ve been happy at the development if his migraine hadn’t threatened to kill him first. The nausea distracts him from the embarrassing tendril of potential that insists on linking Leon to his captain in a haze of pink-purple. He wasn’t sure--because he’d never come across anyone else with the ability to read into their own relationships--whether he was imagining the colors or not, but he’d come up with a simple system.

The closer to red, the deeper the would-be connection.

Benni’s potentials ran the whole spectrum of the shade in their locker room alone. Leon grimaced into his hands. It had to be the worst psychic power on earth to know who would happily and willingly sleep with Benni. It was probably an invasion of privacy on multiple levels as well, not that he could control it anyway.

“Are you okay?” Julian asks him quietly, subdued by the loss for all that it was a friendly that he had managed to score an equalizer in before the wreck of the second half happened.

“Yeah,” He breathes out through his nose, trying to mitigate the urge to bash his head against the wall to make it stop hurting so much. Leon finally wills himself to look up and blinks in surprise to see Julian ringed in the fluorescent pink usually only found in markers. It would’ve been refreshing from his usual carnation red, but it only made him even more irrationally irritated.

Leon had pretty much resigned himself to the fact that Julian could break his heart if he let himself get too close. Being friends had to be enough, because anything more would spell trouble.

2. Max

Max was a dark red that liked to shift purple like wine in a glass depending on how angry he was. Leon didn’t take it personally most days. If Julian was some sort of ideal love, Max was the complete opposite.

He came with rules and boundaries that Leon was grateful for most days, only because he was too stupid to realize he needed them as much as Max did. For Leon, it was a meter of what he could ask for before it became too much to bear. For Max, it was all he could give comfortably. Friendship, sex, and late nights listening to each other breathe out all of their worries in the dark worked for them.

“We could have this forever.” It’s post-orgasmic stupidity that his brain immediately regrets when Max tenses up his shoulders in quick protest, like his body is readying itself for a physical blow instead of an emotional one.

“Leon,” He sounds pained, guilty.

“You could have this. You could have me.” Leon thinks it’s enough, that they are enough, but Max holds onto notions that Leon can’t begin to unravel without pushing too hard or too fast for Max to break. The concept of forever and always was something Max shied away from. Intimacy went backwards with him. Leon already held his innermost thoughts, his friendship, and saw him at his worst. That was the epitome of love and trust to Max.

“You’re my best friend.” Leon holds back the ‘and I think I’m in love with you,’ but he thinks Max senses it with the weight of the words.

“And you’re mine.” It’s a painful kind of honesty, like a vow.

It isn’t until years later he sees the flicker of Max’s potentials. It is all the more bittersweet, leaving him with the armband and a kiss on the head, knowing that Max could find something more with someone else if he only let himself.

He doesn’t know if heartbreak is watching Max lift his jersey after they win silver without him, but it’s pretty close.

3. Julian B

Julian makes his head spin.

Leon likes to think of himself as cool under pressure, even it’s not strictly true. Julian, like Christoph, always managed to maintain that careless image that he envied, and it got under his skin. In football, image is important. At Schalke, he wants his football to define him more than the words that come out of his mouth or the pictures he posts on social media, but it backfires in ways he can’t always predict.

Like the world cup qualifiers being overshadowed by transfer rumors.

“It’s not anything special, being linked to Bayern. I think scoring at least five goals in the season makes the media start speculating, like that’s Bayern’s problem, not scoring enough.” Julian snorts out a laugh, but Leon stays motionless on his bed, arm blocking his face from view.

“It’s not that.” Leon finally responds after a long silent moment.

“Then what is it?” Julian asks, sobering up from his amusement.

“I’m actually thinking about it. What it would be like to leave--to go to Bayern if they really want me.” Leon admits, wishing it was already dark instead of the slow interim of afternoon before they had to suit up and leave to warm up.

“Trust me, wanting you isn’t the problem.” Julian shakes his head minutely before sighing. “It’s not life or death, wanting to leave your club. I know Draxler went on and on about it, but you shouldn’t follow his example. It should be like a break up.”

“Like a break up?” Leon props himself up to get a better view of Julian and show his incredulity better.

“Oh, have you always been the one that’s been dumped?” Julian replies, slightly mocking.

“In your dreams, maybe.” Leon blurts out quickly, always feeling like he’s a step behind.

“Hm, sure, but it should be like a break up. It can get ugly, but the more important part is if it’s not the right fit, if you’re not happy, what’s the use of holding on to it? It’s more than football. It’s your life.” The warning time knock comes a second later and Julian gets up to change.

“So you’re saying there’s more to life than football?” Leon tries to joke, but he’s a little too nervous and unsure to pull it off. Julian scoffs.

“No, I’m saying you’re more than a footballer. You can’t beat good football.”

It’s good football that they play against San Marino. The kind of good football that makes Julian pull him into a kiss after celebrating their win.

3.5. Jonas interlude

He knocked on the hotel room door softly, almost praying it wouldn’t be heard

“Jo told me you wanted to talk to me about something?” Leon twists the bottom of his shirt with anxiety mounting in the back of his mind. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Jonas, but something about him made him feel like he was at the wrong end of a magnet, constantly being repelled without rhyme or reason. Leon couldn’t explain it and ultimately put enough people between them to negate the feeling for a while.

“Yeah, I just-- well, are you okay? You’re projecting a lot of misery for someone who should be enjoying himself in the closest thing to a no-pressure tournament we’ve had in a decade. I figured out we must share patrons in the same patheon with the way you bounce off of my shields but you can talk to me if you want.” Jonas adjusts his glasses, looking entirely earnest, which didn’t help much on Leon’s part.

“I’m sorry, what?” Half of what Jonas said sounded like gibberish.

“Your patron, they have to be a love deity right? I’m Aphrodite’s. You don’t have to keep it a secret. I know there’s proper introduction protocols but what are the chances of both of us ending up on a team under the same pantheon.”

Leon sits down hard on the edge of the hastily made bed that could’ve been Jonas’ or Joshua’s. He wouldn’t call himself the smartest or brightest on the team, but something clicks when Jonas mentions Aphrodite. He swallows down the usual trepidation that clogs his throat whenever he tries to broach the subject.

“You mean...you have powers too?” Jonas furrows his eyebrows before nodding slowly.

“Yeah,” he verbally confirms, confusion still evident in his eyes.

Relief hits him like a punch to the solar plexus.

“Tell me everything.” Leon demands, finally getting a chance to understand a part of himself that has tangled his life in knots for too long.

4. Joshua

“Should I switch rooms with you?” Jo half-jokes a few days later. Leon stops in the middle of a stretch. They had beaten Cameroon the night before to advance to the knock-out stage and Leon had never felt better. Jonas had a pair of charmed glasses that finally solved the Patron mystery after explaining that he hadn’t known anything and had certainly never had any dream explanations of whatever duties he owed to Eros.

“It sounds more like a curse than a blessing to me, but the gods work in mysterious ways. I heard about a girl who could ‘speak’ to cats by the Blessing of Bast and I don’t know how that translates into anything particularly useful to Bast.” Jonas had only shrugged sympathetically at his plight, before offering one last piece of advice.

“Maybe you should just go for it, whatever your senses tell you to do. Maybe that’s your purpose.”

“No,” His voice sounds off to his own ears, so it’s no doubt that Jo picks up on it as well. Beyond the tournament going surprisingly well, Leon had made up his mind on his cursed powers.

He takes in a deep breath.

“But you should come up to my room later.” Jo freezes in motion, surprised. Common knowledge on the team led everyone to the conclusion that Julian and Leon were definitely together and rooming together was the best option for everyone. Leon nor Julian hadn’t dissuaded anyone from the idea, out of convenience.

“What about Julian?” He asks slowly, as if still wrapping his head around the question.

“He’ll be there too.” Leon barely stops himself from laughing at Jo’s face going red in two seconds flat.

“What do you--Is he--Does that mean that both of you…” He trails off, unsure and looking around like he’s expecting a punchline. Leon doesn’t touch his face to make him focus on him, but the faintest suggestion of his hands rising makes their eyes meet.

“It’s an option, if you want.” It’s an option that wasn’t on the table until Leon’s soul-searching led him past his doubts and his worries. He’d known for some time that Joshua was among Julian’s strongest potentials and they had never held onto anything like exclusivity or labels. There was a part of him that felt like this was a step in the right direction for all of them, and Leon had been trying to follow his muddled instincts more.

“Okay,” Joshua’s answer is a little breathless but certain in the set of his shoulders and the light of his eyes.

5. Niklas

He feels slightly like a homewrecker around Basti and Niklas. If it weren’t for his powers, he’d have given up on figuring out whatever made him orbit around them in a sort of helpless gravity. They had welcomed him with open arms into the small Bayern contingent of the world cup squad with gentle ribbing on what to expect once he was actually part of the club.

The problem that Leon kept to himself is the discrepancy of their potentials. Niklas seemed to hold affection for everybody he met, and his potentials somewhat reflected that, but Basti had wildly different tastes from who he would sleep with to who he would date. The potential between them was rock solid that it almost hurt Leon’s eyes to stare too long.

“Don’t you get jealous?” A movie night that had led to Niklas man-handling Leon into something approximately more comfortable when sharing a couch between two six foot tall footballers had finally broken his last nerve.

Joshua and Basti hadn’t even blinked at the octopus hold Niklas had him in for the rest of the film.

“Do you?” Basti asked, looking completely amused without an ounce of guile.

“Yeah,” Leon reluctantly says.

“Oh, alright, I didn’t expect that but I guess it makes sense.” Basti nods to himself, and Leon hopes it’s more like he’s thinking out loud than actually addressing him.

“Niklas is easy.” Basti shrugs, chucking a little.

“I mean, he’s really open about everything. He’s good at telling me about what he feels and what he wants and sometimes, I’m not the person that can give him that particular want, but it doesn’t change what we have and that he loves me. So, it doesn’t bother me if he’s got a crush on Boa or wants to sleep with you.”

“Uh,” Leon hadn’t been trying to steer the conversation in that direction but Basti is much more direct about elephants in the room than some other people.

“For someone with about six boyfriends, you sure do worry a lot.” Basti teases.

“I don’t have--oh ha, are you jealous now?” He raises his eyebrows.

“Of course not.” Basti says primly enough to make Leon laugh. “How would I get any sleep then.”

They both crack up, surely disturbing Boa and Tonio next door.

6. Serge

By the time he reconnects with Max to forget about the abysmal part of the summer in Russia, he isn’t scared of Munich and all it holds for him.

The only warning he gets as he lands is to not sleep with Mats or Julian would lose the last ounce of respect he has for Leon. Leon makes a disgusted face at the screen, before taking a selfie and sending it back in response. Jo picks him up from the airport with a big grin.

“You know they’re going to make fun of us for living so close together right?”

Leon shrugs, sunglasses hiding his eye roll.

“I’m not afraid of Manuel Neuer.”

Jo laughs, “That makes one of us. You know who else moved into the neighborhood? Serge.”

Leon lowers his sunglasses, to look over them at Joshua with a bit of exasperation.

“Did you tell Julian, we might get more visits then.” Jo huffs, shaking his head. If Leon didn’t know better he would say Jo was jealous of all the attention Serge got.

“I can’t believe you all stewed in a bunch of sexual tension in Rio while I hung out with Jule and Leroy, and had to watch Schweini and Poldi make doe eyes at each other. How’s your -?” Joshua gestures at his head with a hand. Leon smiles. He doesn’t think he’ll ever regret telling them about his powers, even if they didn’t really understand how it worked.

“No worse than usual. Is Niklas going to come over later?”

“Yeah, he wants to play FIFA, and I quote, kick your ass. Should we invite Serge?” He glances back at him quickly before concentrating on driving again.

“Sure, the more, the merrier.”

Niklas does in fact kick his ass but Leon is half-distracted by Jo and Serge playing cards at the dining table. There isn’t anything particularly exciting about their game but it catches his attention like a snagged thread, pulling until it unravels into a hole. The excited purple of their reunion swings into a brick red over some squabbling and Leon grins.

“Hey, Serge, we should pick out a song for our initiation.” He casually reminds him, making Serge put down his cards and wink at him.

“Oh no, I’ve already decided on it. This one agrees with me, it’s perfect.” He shoves Jo back from taking a peek at his cards. Jo crosses his arms in disappointment.

“I said it was alright.”

Serge pouts exaggeratedly, “No, you said it was a good idea.”

“I think we need a demonstration.” Niklas interrupts them, raising his eyebrows at Leon, who only shrugs. Serge is the showman in the group and Jo was his usual partner in crime. Leon takes Serge’s offered hand, getting dragged into a swaying motion before he hears the music start from Jo’s phone.

“You don’t know how you met me, you don’t know why you can’t turn around and say goodbye. All you know is when I’m with you, I make you free and swim through your veins like a fish in the sea.” Serge starts unsure but bobs his head to the beat gaining confidence, and attempts to dip Leon with a laugh.

“I can guarantee you won’t find nobody else like me.” Serge gets on his toes to kiss him on the nose before brushing against his lips. It’s affection and gratitude rolled into one. Leon doesn’t let go of his hand for the rest of the night.

+1

It’s definitely a dream, tumbling from running on a pitch to the overheated mess of limbs in a bed bigger than any he had ever seen to this nebulous in between that felt like he was in a plane without being strapped into a seat.

Julian is in front of him, dressed in his kit and captain band. The confidence of recent history was more like armor than the jersey, but the white glow around him was the real kicker.

“You’re not Julian,” He says before he even finished the thought. Not-Julian shrugs easily, amusement in the curve of his mouth. Leon’s relationship with Julian isn’t as fraught as it once was, but there will always be some undercurrent of what could’ve been that is superseded by the happiness they’ve found on their own and in their relationships. Football had forged them into similar molds, but they had made their own choices and finally accepted the responsibility of them.

Their friendship was one of the better decisions.

“Sorry I’m late. I thought it would be easier to see a familiar face. The blonde one would’ve been more effort, doesn’t have as much of a shine as this one. Mortal’s ideals are funny that way.” He plucks at his jersey in satisfaction.

“Eros?” Leon feels a little faint, off-balance at the realization.

“One of my names, yes, and you, Leon have done so well with my gift. I was worried there at the start, but you’re doing much better now, aren’t you?” Eros looks proud and it throws Leon for a second, seeing it through Julian’s face so openly. His mind whirls with questions but the most obvious one is the one he needs answered.

“Why did you give me this power?”

Eros frowns before tilting his head as if weighing his response.

“For your happiness of course. Mortals are always so caught up with the details. Love should be treasured, no matter how many partners you find in life. You have always been a special case, Leon. My blessing was to help you find your way. You are much happier now than when you started your journey, arent you?”

It was true, Leon was happier, is happy with the people in his life and all of his relationships. It was a relief to not have to look over his shoulder for the next disaster because he could rely on them and he could rely on himself.

“Does that mean I don’t need it anymore?”
“No, now you help me spread the word, or the love as it were.” He hears Eros laugh before it fades and he wakes up to the sun in his face.

He checks the time and decides he can sleep in a little more, curling into the body next to him.

Notes:

thanks for reading.