Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

the revengers
members:
Bruce Banner (jollygreengiant)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)
Thor Odinson (thorpatrol)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Thursday, 9:28am

capsicle: Wake up bitches

capsicle: Time to fucking bow to me

brownrecluse: never

capsicle: Its my birthday and I get to do what I want

brownrecluse: Thats not how it works

capsicle: Shut the fuck up Romanoff

titaniumalloyman: and for gosh sake watch your language

capsicle: Why am I being attacked on my birthday

chillaryclinton: things are heating up in the revengers fandom

jollygreengiant: Well I'm gonna be nice

jollygreengiant: Happy birthday steve

capsicle: Thank god an intellectual

chillaryclinton: well just so you guys know im bringing the fireworks and Lucky tonight

brownrecluse: Oh my god yes the good boi

brownrecluse: Also don't hurt yourself with those fireworks

chillaryclinton: oh dont worry

chillaryclinton: what am I? an absolute mess?

brownrecluse: Yes

capsicle: Yes

titaniumalloyman: yes

jollygreengiant: You're more of a mess than me

jollygreengiant: That says a lot right there

chillaryclinton: aw

chillaryclinton: hey @thor am i a mess

thorpatrol: Yes

chillaryclinton: well fuck

capsicle: Today is starting off great

titaniumalloyman: oh boy
-

starbucks
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)

Thursday, 9:40am

basicwhitebucky: hey asshole

basicwhitebucky: happy birthday

capsicle: That's the nicest thing you've called me this week

capsicle: I'm impressed

basicwhitebucky: well i try

capsicle: So I know you guys got some crazy ass thing planned for my birthday today

basicwhitebucky: shhhhhhh

capsicle: That's a yes

capsicle: Don't you dare and fucking deny it

basicwhitebucky: nahhh

capsicle: BUckY

basicwhitebucky: dhsbsosvsksbslsh

capsicle: Hhhhhhh

capsicle: Fine

capsicle: I'm still expecting something tho

basicwhitebucky: well nothing big is gonna happen so

basicwhitebucky: dont be dissapointed tonight

capsicle: Surrrreeee
-

we the assassins three
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)

Thursday, 9:47am

basicwhitebucky: guys he's fucking onto us

chillaryclinton: shit

brownrecluse: He doesn't know what we're doing tonight right

basicwhitebucky: nope

basicwhitebucky: all he knows is that something big is gonna happen

chillaryclinton: well something big is gonna happen

chillaryclinton: something definitely big

brownrecluse: Clint what did you get

chillaryclinton: fireworks

brownrecluse: What kind of fireworks

chillaryclinton: ones that make a boomy noise

brownrecluse: Be more specific, clint

chillaryclinton: fireworks that you buy and when you light the fuse they make a very pretty sight but they're loud as all hell

brownrecluse: C l i n t

chillaryclinton: . . .

chillaryclinton: i may or may not have gotten a huge ass firework that costed $300 but got it for $10

basicwhitebucky: how the hell did you get it for that much

chillaryclinton: i know a guy

basicwhitebucky: clint you ignorant slut

basicwhitebucky: that's illegal

chillaryclinton: oh ive commited worse crimes than that

basicwhitebucky: c l i n t

chillaryclinton: its not a crime if no one knows about it

basicwhitebucky: c   l   i   n   t

brownrecluse: Im not surprised :/

basicwhitebucky: i mean ive broken the law a couple of times

basicwhitebucky: but ive never illegally bought fireworks

brownrecluse: Are they even safe

chillaryclinton: i guess we'll find that out tonight

brownrecluse: Oh lord

basicwhitebucky: okay im gonna put together steves gift to forget our impending doom

brownrecluse: Me too

chillaryclinton: yeah me too

brownrecluse: Wait till tonight

brownrecluse: I know the only thing you got him was the fireworks

chillaryclinton: f u ck
-

geniuses at work
members:
Bruce Banner (jollygreengiant)
Peter Parker (pdarpakr)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Thursday, 9:40am

titaniumalloyman: steve had better like his gift from me

titaniumalloyman: i mean it didnt cost me much but still

jollygreengiant: How much was it

titaniumalloyman: in total? id say about $800

jollygreengiant: O h

pdarpakr: i wish i had money

pdarpakr: and i wish my parents and uncle were alive

jollygreengiant: that escalated quickly

pdarpakr: =)

titaniumalloyman: so peter when are you gonna get here

pdarpakr: id say abt noon

titaniumalloyman: okay good

titaniumalloyman: we have everything planned and it is perfect so no one had better fuck this up

pdarpakr: dont worry i wont

jollygreengiant: I won't either

titaniumalloyman: yeah thats what I thought

pdarpakr: is it okay if i didnt get anything for steve

titaniumalloyman: he wont care so

pdarpakr: oh thank god

pdarpakr: because im poor as all shit

titaniumalloyman: okay i gotta go make sure barton hasnt blown anything or anyone up yet

titaniumalloyman: because it has been awfully quiet out here

pdarpakr: lol okay

pdarpakr: wait what
-

the revengers
members:
Bruce Banner (jollygreengiant)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)
Thor Odinson (thorpatrol)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Thursday, 11:23am

capsicle: What if we celebrate my birthday, the fourth of July, and Christmas today

brownrecluse: What if we dont

capsicle: Thanks you just ruined my hopes and dreams

brownrecluse: And I oop

chillaryclinton: lucky has managed to find the fireworks i hid

chillaryclinton: hes so smart i love him

thorpatrol: So who trusted Clint with the fireworks because I sure as hell didnt

titaniumalloyman: i didnt

capsicle: I for sure didnt

jollygreengiant: Not me

brownrecluse: Nope

thorpatrol: . . .

chillaryclinton: no one was gonna do it so i decided to

titaniumalloyman: you terrify me

chillaryclinton: hah thanks

titaniumalloyman: fair

capsicle: So when is everything gonna begin today

brownrecluse: What

capsicle: When are the festivities going to start

titaniumalloyman: what are you even saying

capsicle: Its my damn birthday guys when is the party

chillaryclinton: sorry i dont speak spanish

capsicle: IM SPEAKING IN ENGLISH

thorpatrol: Nah that's not Spanish that's Filipino

capsicle: gUYS

titaniumalloyman: aight we finna head out

capsicle: Fuck you guys

capsicle: Except for Bruce

capsicle: He's actually nice to me

jollygreengiant: Yayyyyy
-

Untitled chatroom
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)

Tuesday, 12:04pm

basicwhitebucky has added brownrecluse, chillaryclinton, titaniumalloyman, jollygreengiant, thorpatrol, pdarpakr, lowkey, antlerbitch, and sammyclassicsonicfan to chat

basicwhitebucky has renamed chat to "time to fucking party"

basicwhitebucky: okay is this everyone

brownrecluse: Looks like it

titaniumalloyman: yeah thats everyone

basicwhitebucky: okay good

basicwhitebucky: this is the chat for stevies birthday so we can all talk and plan without him knowing

lowkey: wait theres a party

thorpatrol: Oh shit

thorpatrol: I didn't tell you

lowkey: well no shit

antlerbitch: wait he didnt tell you

antlerbitch: oh my fuck he remembered to tell me

antlerbitch: you must feel so bad abt yourself hahaha

lowkey: stfu

lowkey: okay so whos gonna pick me up

thorpatrol: I guess I will since I never told you

lowkey: guess i will go and get ready now

thorpatrol: I'll be there in 30 minutes

lowkey: wait fuck that's not enough time

thorpatrol: Too bad

lowkey: hhhhhh

chillaryclinton: well that was a ride from beginning to end

sammyclassicsonicfan: This chats been here for 5 seconds and its already fucking chaos up in here

basicwhitebucky: eh ive seen worse

sammyclassicsonicfan: Did i ask for your opinion

basicwhitebucky: well idc what tf you say sammy boi

titaniumalloyman: guys we gotta party to do

brownrecluse: Bucky where's Steve at

basicwhitebucky: sitting across from me

basicwhitebucky: why

brownrecluse: Go and take him out and give him his gift

basicwhitebucky: okay

titaniumalloyman: hey @peter u abt here

pdarpakr: yeah my aunt is abt there

pdarpakr: be there in a couple of minutes

chillaryclinton: well im gonna be useful

chillaryclinton: me and lucky are gonna head outside to decorate a little

jollygreengiant: Why are you bringing your dog out there

chillaryclinton: he wants to help okay

jollygreengiant: Fair

titaniumalloyman: okay it looks like bucky and steve are gone now

titaniumalloyman: aight chiefs lets get this bread

pdarpakr: yee yee
-

on your left bitch
members:
Sam Wilson (sammyclassicsonicfan)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)

Thursday, 4:01pm

capsicle: Okay what's going on

sammyclassicsonicfan: What do you mean

capsicle: Well Bucky told me that we should head out

capsicle: And we've been to this outside mall thing for like a few hours now

capsicle: I have no idea where we're going now tho

sammyclassicsonicfan: Eh you'll find out soon enough

capsicle: Fair

capsicle: Wait shit we're going into a pet store

capsicle: Oh my god

capsicle: hE GOT ME A FUCKING BURMESE MOUNTAIN DOG PUPPY

capsicle: hOLy SH I T

sammyclassicsonicfan: Well then

sammyclassicsonicfan: What are you gonna name him

capsicle: I have no clue

capsicle: Wait its a girl

capsicle: Oh my god I should name her Bailey

sammyclassicsonicfan: Adorable

sammyclassicsonicfan: You have fun with Bailey

sammyclassicsonicfan: See you laterrr

capsicle: Bye
-

Untitled chatroom
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Thursday, 1:58pm

titaniumalloyman: hey we're ready over here go on and bring steve

basicwhitebucky: okay
-

the revengers
members:
Bruce Banner (jollygreengiant)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)
Thor Odinson (thorpatrol)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Thursday, 2:13pm

capsicle: Okay I just walked into the house and Tony screamed happy birthday from a megaphone, handed me a Nintendo switch in its box, and walked away with no question

capsicle: What the hell is happening

brownrecluse: ;)

chillaryclinton: you'll see stevie boi

capsicle: Okay there are a lo t of people here

capsicle: Aight whos the short brunette

titaniumalloyman: he's my cousin named Peter Parker

titaniumalloyman: he literally goes to our school

capsicle: Ooohhhh

capsicle: Okay loki's here how fun

chillaryclinton: okay we have f o o d to eat and we gots to eat so we can explode a few things

capsicle: Yay explosions

jollygreengiant: You guys scare me

brownrecluse: Good
-
the revengers
members:
Bruce Banner (jollygreengiant)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)
Thor Odinson (thorpatrol)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Thursday, 10:39pm

chillaryclinton: AW SHIT MAN

chillaryclinton: THEM MOTHAFUCKIN BOOTLEG FIREWORKS

titaniumalloyman: CLINT WHAT THE HELL

brownrecluse: Fucking hell Clint

capsicle: GUYS TODAY WAS AMAZING

capsicle: EVEN THO A HUGE ASS EXPLOSION WAS CAUSED BY CLINT IT WAS STILL FUN

chillaryclinton: well at least someone appreciates my work

brownrecluse: Clint you caused an explosion

chillaryclinton: it was still fun tho

capsicle: God this is one hell of a story to tell

Chapter Text

the revengers
members:
Bruce Banner (jollygreengiant)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)
Thor Odinson (thorpatrol)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Friday, 10:02am

titaniumalloyman: so you guys remember how bartons fireworks exploded last night

chillaryclinton: theY wEre bOOtleg okaY

brownrecluse: I do

titaniumalloyman: yeah its on the news now

chillaryclinton: im famous now uwu

capsicle: Yeah yesterday was the best birthday I have ever had

chillaryclinton: youre welcome

titaniumalloyman: since all of that happened a t m y h o u s e my dad is pretty pissed rn

chillaryclinton: well sorryy for wanting steve to have an amazing birthday

brownrecluse: By buying bootleg fireworks that almost killed us

chillaryclinton: . . .

chillaryclinton: yes

brownrecluse: You are such a fucking idiot and that's why you are my best friend

chillaryclinton: and i oop

jollygreengiant: Man I cant believe we almost died last night

thorpatrol: Yeah no thanks to barton

chillaryclinton: i came here to have a good time and honestly i feel so attacked rn

titaniumalloyman: good

capsicle: Clint dont apologize for me having the best birthday I have ever had =)

chillaryclinton: aww thanks steve-o

thorpatrol: You are so lucky that im a genuinely nice person or else i would have murdered you

chillaryclinton: weird flex but okay

titaniumalloyman: if it weren't for the laws of this land i would have slaughtered you

brownrecluse: Two kinds of people

jollygreengiant: I dont like killing people so be thankful

thorpatrol: Wait have you killed someone before

jollygreengiant: . . .

jollygreengiant: Um...

jollygreengiant: I am neither confirming nor denying that

thorpatrol: wAIT NO

jollygreengiant: Gtg see ya

thorpatrol: I K N O W W H E R E Y O U
L I V E

chillaryclinton: hah thor your boyfriend is a secret murderer

thorpatrol: No he isnt he's too precious

titaniumalloyman: i mean

capsicle: What just happened

titaniumalloyman: chaos, chaos

titaniumalloyman: catch me if you can

capsicle: Did you just make a reference to deltarune

titaniumalloyman: . . .

titaniumalloyman: n o

capsicle: Yes you did

titaniumalloyman: okay gotta goooo byyeeeee

capsicle: T_T

chillaryclinton: patience yields focus steve

capsicle: Okay now im gonna cry that's voltron

brownrecluse: That show caused me pain

capsicle: Fuck DreamWorks

titaniumalloyman: ay watch yo language

capsicle: I hate you

chillaryclinton: always remember:
k i c k

capsicle: Okay time to sob in a corner now

chillaryclinton: wait no

capsicle: Too late

chillaryclinton: hhhh
-

military drop outs
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)
Sam Wilson (sammyclassicsonicfan)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)

Friday, 11:03am

capsicle: I hate that Tony had to spend a lot of money on me

capsicle: But this Switch is treating me damn right

sammyclassicsonicfan: What games are on it

capsicle: What games aren't on it

capsicle: It has anything from Breath of the Wild and Smash Ultimate to Undertale and Cuphead

sammyclassicsonicfan: Holy shit

basicwhitebucky: damn

basicwhitebucky: so how is bailey doing

capsicle: She's asleep right now but she has been a blessing

capsicle: Hey when can her and Alpine meet

basicwhitebucky: eh she's pretty chill

basicwhitebucky: id say whenever you want to

sammyclassicsonicfan: Wait who's alpine

basicwhitebucky: my cat

sammyclassicsonicfan: Wait since when do you have a cat

basicwhitebucky: ive had her for at least nine months now

sammyclassicsonicfan: W h a t

basicwhitebucky: how did you not know

sammyclassicsonicfan: Maybe because I hate you

basicwhitebucky: fair

capsicle: I just jumped off the main area in my game and died

basicwhitebucky: ah

basicwhitebucky: typical steve

sammyclassicsonicfan: Can I meet your cat tho

basicwhitebucky: no

sammyclassicsonicfan: Fair

capsicle: And this is why I should never let my two best friends meet
-

irondad and spiderson
members:
Peter Parker (pdarpakr)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Friday, 12:45pm

pdarpakr: yo i cant believe i almost died last night

titaniumalloyman: no thanks to barton

pdarpakr: it was funny seeing everyone's reactions tho

pdarpakr: especially yours

titaniumalloyman: . . .

titaniumalloyman: i am disowning you

pdarpakr: but we're cousins

titaniumalloyman: t h a t w o n t s t o p m e

pdarpakr: =(

titaniumalloyman: besides my dad is pissed at clint and he said if he sees him again he will kill him

pdarpakr: in the...

pdarpakr: hypothetical?,, way?

titaniumalloyman: . . .

titaniumalloyman: um....sure. lets put it like that

pdarpakr: oh no

titaniumalloyman: eh he isnt gonna harm you

titaniumalloyman: he's just gonna make sure clint never does that again

pdarpakr: that still intensely worries me

titaniumalloyman: be worried its for your own good

pdarpakr: o_o

pdarpakr: okay im gonna go and warn clint he needs to be notified

titaniumalloyman: good luck

titaniumalloyman: you're gonna need it

pdarpakr: o _ o
-

untitled chatroom
members:
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Peter Parker (pdarpakr)

Friday, 12:56pm

pdarpakr: hey clint you really need to watch out for tonys dad he is pissed at you

chillaryclinton: hey don't worry peter I think can handle howard stark

pdarpakr: are you sure? he is rich and has extreme power

chillaryclinton: im clint barton

chillaryclinton: im sure i can handle some rich dude

chillaryclinton: eh even if i get arrested it wont be a first

pdarpakr: you concern me but i trust you

chillaryclinton: you should :)

pdarpakr: okie
-

the revengers
members:
Bruce Banner (jollygreengiant)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)
Thor Odinson (thorpatrol)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Friday, 3:45pm

chillaryclinton: guys im bored what should i watch: steven universe or voltron

brownrecluse: If you watch voltron you can binge all of it but if you watch steven universe you can watch all of it before the movie

brownrecluse: If you want to watch an entire series watch voltron. If not watch SU

chillaryclinton: voltron it is

chillaryclinton: time to be emotionally damaged again

chillaryclinton: anyone wanna join

brownrecluse: I will

capsicle: I can't I'm at buckys place rn

chillaryclinton: ayyyy that's pretty good

capsicle: Clint we are just hanging out we are just friends

chillaryclinton: okayyyyyyyy

chillaryclinton: anyone else wanna join

jollygreengiant: Thor and I are hanging out so

chillaryclinton: hehehehehehe

thorpatrol: Clint, no

chillaryclinton: clint y eS

titaniumalloyman: i can

titaniumalloyman: my parents aren't here again so

chillaryclinton: cant we just go over there

titaniumalloyman: yeah if my dad caught you there he will literally murder you

chillaryclinton: so???

titaniumalloyman: you will die if he sees you over here

chillaryclinton: go on

titaniumalloyman: there's...nothing else to it

chillaryclinton: g o o n

titaniumalloyman: LETS JUST MEET UP AT YOUR PLACE

chillaryclinton: sure just gimme a minute to clean up a little

titaniumalloyman: fair

brownrecluse: K

chillaryclinton: salty much

brownrecluse: Hhhhhhh
-

budapest bros
members:
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)

Friday, 3:58pm

brownrecluse: Hey can i bring Liho over there i dont want to leave him by himself

chillaryclinton: sure the last time lucky and liho saw eachother they were pretty chill so go ahead

brownrecluse: Okay

brownrecluse: See you there bro

chillaryclinton: yeet bro
-

Chapter Text

we the assassins three
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)

Saturday, 10:13am

chillaryclinton: okay guys hypothetical question

basicwhitebucky: oh fuck what did you do

chillaryclinton: okay let's say that the princess of wakanda sends you a wild zebra with no way of returning it

chillaryclinton: what do you do

brownrecluse: Okay how on earth did a zebra get into your apartment

chillaryclinton: i have no clue I just woke up to it heavily breathing in my face

basicwhitebucky: why would the princess even send you a zebra

chillaryclinton: i dont know but after i closed my eyes again to see if i was asleep or not it disappeared

chillaryclinton: i need to ask for some professional help

brownrecluse: Who is professional enough to help you with that

chillaryclinton: oh you'd be surprised

basicwhitebucky: clint you scare me

chillaryclinton: don't worry sweetheart i gots this

basicwhitebucky: clint we broke up two months ago

chillaryclinton: i know ;p

basicwhitebucky: . . .

chillaryclinton: :)

brownrecluse: Get out of this christian minecraft server with that gay shit

chillaryclinton: no :)

basicwhitebucky: i didnt sign up for this shit

chillaryclinton: :)))

basicwhitebucky: fuck off

chillaryclinton: okie dokie bucky wuckie

brownrecluse: Clint stop

chillaryclinton: okay

basicwhitebucky: thank fuck

chillaryclinton: : )

basicwhitebucky: n O
-

clint barton appreciation club
members:
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Wade Wilson (mercwithamouth)

Saturday, 10:21am

mercwithamouth: so i heard you have a zebra

chillaryclinton: wait how the fuck did you even know

mercwithamouth: clint i know a lot of things just don't question me

chillaryclinton: k that's fair

chillaryclinton: but seriously where did the zebra come from and where did he go

mercwithamouth: where did he come from cotton eyed joe

chillaryclinton: okay im gonna get out of bed and look for that bastard

mercwithamouth: if its wild name it debra

chillaryclinton: but what if its a guy

mercwithamouth: names have no gender

chillaryclinton: well im not gonna argue with that

chillaryclinton: okay quick question

chillaryclinton: what do i do if the zebra is sitting on my couch watching the spongebob movie

mercwithamouth: which one

chillaryclinton: the 2004 one

mercwithamouth: fuck yes

mercwithamouth: okay it seems nice so try and pet it

chillaryclinton: okay ill try

chillaryclinton: i T BIT ME

mercwithamouth: but it might bite you so look out for that

mercwithamouth: fuck that sent too late oh my god

chillaryclinton: NO SHIt SHERLOCK

mercwithamouth: okay so debra clearly isnt nice

mercwithamouth: well good luck with your new pet zebra

chillaryclinton: im cryiny in the corner im in pain send help

mercwithamouth: no

chillaryclinton: wilson you motherfucker

mercwithamouth: okay just call one of your other buddies

chillaryclinton: why cant you come over here

mercwithamouth: im in the middle of sneaking into the apartment of this dude who's harassing this girl

chillaryclinton: well have fun and dont kill anyone unless necessary

mercwithamouth: sure
-

budapest bros
members:
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)

Saturday, 11:02am

chillaryclinton: you know your life has gone downhill once you are crying in the corner of your living room watching your new wild zebra named debra sits on your couch while watching the spongebob movie

brownrecluse: Clint

brownrecluse: What happened

chillaryclinton: so my new pet zebra named debra bit me after I tried to pet him

brownrecluse: Okay I have several questions

chillaryclinton: no

brownrecluse: I am inevitable

chillaryclinton: hi inevitable im clint

brownrecluse: Okay anyways

brownrecluse: Are you okay

chillaryclinton: well if im bleeding profusely from the hand im pretty sure im okay

brownrecluse: . . .

brownrecluse: Do you need me to come down there

chillaryclinton: no

chillaryclinton: im gonna tame this bastard even if it kills me

brownrecluse: Do I need to get Bucky

chillaryclinton: nO

brownrecluse: I can get Steve involved then he can give you a hard lecture

chillaryclinton: no thanks

chillaryclinton: i dont need no help

chillaryclinton: i gots this

brownrecluse: Fineee

brownrecluse: But if you get yourself killed you can only blame yourself

chillaryclinton: bish you thought
-

bird bros
members:
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Sam Wilson (sammyclassicsonicfan)

Saturday, 1:47pm

chillaryclinton: bro i feel like im dying

sammyclassicsonicfan: Oh god what happened this time

chillaryclinton: cute story, actually um. . .

chillaryclinton: so apparantly the princess of wakanda found out what my address is and sent me a zebra which somehow ended up in my apartment last night

sammyclassicsonicfan: How the actual fuck

chillaryclinton: so i talked to wade and i went to the living room to find debra sitting on the couch watching the spongebob movie from 2004

sammyclassicsonicfan: Wait you named it debra

chillaryclinton: okay for starters debra is a guy so fuck you

chillaryclinton: and yes why would i not name him debra

sammyclassicsonicfan: There's multiple reasons to not name a zebra debra

chillaryclinton: honestly i couldn't live in a world where people wouldn't name a zebra debra

sammyclassicsonicfan: Bruh

chillaryclinton: okay so anyways wade told me to pet him so I tired to but he decided to be an asshole and bite me

sammyclassicsonicfan: Good debra

chillaryclinton: okay fuck you again

chillaryclinton: so i went and talked to nat and she threatened to call steve and bucky for help so of course i ignored her and said i can do this by myself

chillaryclinton: and here we are now

sammyclassicsonicfan: So where is debra at the moment

chillaryclinton: in my bedroom

chillaryclinton: in my bed

sammyclassicsonicfan: oh god

chillaryclinton: yeah he made a mess becuase i was trying to tame him and in the process he ate my favorite hat

sammyclassicsonicfan: Rip

chillaryclinton: okay so you know how i said i didnt need help a few hours ago

sammyclassicsonicfan: Yes?

chillaryclinton: well i do

chillaryclinton: i really fucking do

sammyclassicsonicfan: Why cant you just ask nat

chillaryclinton: i dont wanna

sammyclassicsonicfan: Okay fine but I'm just gonna say right here right now i am horrible with wild animals from wakanda

chillaryclinton: what about redwing

sammyclassicsonicfan: Okay for starters redwing is a falcon who is not from wakanda

sammyclassicsonicfan: Secondly, go and ask parker

chillaryclinton: peter? what does he know about wild animals

sammyclassicsonicfan: Trust me

sammyclassicsonicfan: He knows more than what you'd think

chillaryclinton: weird flex but okay

untitled chatroom
members:
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Peter Parker (pdarpakr)

Saturday, 2:21pm

chillaryclinton: hey ive heard that you are really good with wild animals

pdarpakr: why, yes

pdarpakr: yes i am

chillaryclinton: i need some immediate help like right fucking now

pdarpakr: why is that

chillaryclinton: the princess of wakanda sent me a zebra last night and he ate my favorite hat

pdarpakr: wait ive been in that situation before except it was with a koala

pdarpakr: normally animals like me but I woke up to her trying to bite my head off

pdarpakr: her name was karen

pdarpakr: she lives at the zoo now

chillaryclinton: the zebras name is debra

pdarpakr: you should have named him debbie because that's more mysterious but debra is still absolutely beautiful

chillaryclinton: so are you gonna come down here or

pdarpakr: oh yeah i am

pdarpakr: where's your apartment

chillaryclinton: i live at 65th street

pdarpakr: wait that's a couple of blocks away from where i live

pdarpakr: okay ill be there in a minute or so

chillaryclinton: thanks owo

pdarpakr: anytime uwu
-

the revengers
members:
Bruce Banner (jollygreengiant)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)
Thor Odinson (thorpatrol)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Saturday, 6:34pm

chillaryclinton: guys peter parker is the best human on earth

titaniumalloyman: clint im pretty sure we all know this

capsicle: What did he do

chillaryclinton: nothing....

capsicle: Lies

brownrecluse: Clint has a zebra and peter tamed him

chillaryclinton: wait how did you know about the taming part

brownrecluse: I know all

chillaryclinton: fair enough

jollygreengiant: Wait don't you live in an apartment

chillaryclinton: an apartment which i own

capsicle: How do you own an apartment you're only 17

chillaryclinton: lets just say it involved a game of poker and the russian mafia

thorpatrol: You deeply scare all of us Clint

chillaryclinton: i know ive been told this multiple times

thorpatrol: Of course you have

titaniumalloyman: so what are you gonna do with the zebra now

chillaryclinton: idk i might keep it

thorpatrol: Couldn't you just give it to the zoo or something

jollygreengiant: Um I don't think the zoo has a zebra exhibit

thorpatrol: Well they should

chillaryclinton: yeah debra is my second child now right behind lucky

titaniumalloyman: wait you named her debra

chillaryclinton: dEBRA IS A DUDE

titaniumalloyman: and i oop

capsicle: Well I with you the best of luck with Debra

chillaryclinton: yeetus deletus

jollygreengiant: Okay then
-

we the assassins three
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)

Saturday, 7:01

chillaryclinton: okay so i said i was gonna keep debra but im actually gonna send it to tonys house anonymously

basicwhitebucky: who the hell is debra

brownrecluse: His zebra

basicwhitebucky: oh my fucking god

chillaryclinton: you guys are sneaky sneaks

chillaryclinton: can you guys help me get debra to his house

brownrecluse: Yeah

basicwhitebucky: yeah pranking tony is fun af

chillaryclinton: lets meet up at midnight

chillaryclinton: peter will be with me since debra only likes him apparantly

basicwhitebucky: thats hilarious tho

chillaryclinton: is it funny that i almost lost my hand

basicwhitebucky: yes

chillaryclinton: hhhhhhh okay im also gonna get wade to come too since he's a master at this shit too

brownrecluse: Tonight is a holy night in this Denny's

basicwhitebucky: indeed
-

the revengers
members:
Bruce Banner (jollygreengiant)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)
Thor Odinson (thorpatrol)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Sunday, 8:45am

titaniumalloyman: barton if i see you again this summer i will fucking murder you

chillaryclinton: and i oop

Chapter Text

bucky barnes' blonde bitches
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)

Sunday, 12:56pm

chillaryclinton: aight guys come to my place we are having a party for just the three of us

basicwhitebucky: why should i listen to you you dumbass

chillaryclinton: cuz u should

capsicle: Well I'm going

capsicle: Buck ur coming along with me

basicwhitebucky: ur gonna hafta drag my cold dead body from my bed

capsicle: Okay

basicwhitebucky: wait no

chillaryclinton: ill get my apartment ready

basicwhitebucky: im gonna fucking die aren't i

capsicle: . . .

capsicle: Maybe so

chillaryclinton: yOU READY TO FUCKIN DIE

basicwhitebucky: IM A BAD BITCH YOU CAN'T KILL ME

capsicle: Why is this so entertaining
-

thor is adopted not loki
members:
Bruce Banner (fisharefriendsnotfood)
Hela Odinson (antlerbitch)
Loki Odinson (lowkey)
Thor Odinson (thorpatrol)

Sunday, 1:01pm

fisharefriendsnotfood: Okay who did this

lowkey: who did what

fisharefriendsnotfood: Who the hell changed my fucking name

thorpatrol: Not me

fisharefriendsnotfood: I know bby I know you wouldn't do that

thorpatrol: :)

fisharefriendsnotfood: I just figured that loki or hela did it

antlerbitch: if i would have done it it would have been much more cruel

lowkey: oh same honestly

fisharefriendsnotfood: Well shit

fisharefriendsnotfood: Okay let me think about who it might be

lowkey: i bet you it's stark

thorpatrol: Why is that

lowkey: okay for starters he is smart as all fuck

lowkey: secondly he really does like to make pranks like that

antlerbitch: i thought that dude with the hearing aids did that

lowkey: well him and stark do it but stark is a whole lotta smarter

thorpatrol: "Whole lotta smarter"

antlerbitch: "whole lotta smarter"

fisharefriendsnotfood: "Whole lotta smarter"

lowkey: i have a knife and im not afraid to use it

antlerbitch: fucking try me hoe

lowkey: bet

fisharefriendsnotfood: Well now that I think about it tony would do something like this

fisharefriendsnotfood: Im gonna kill a man

lowkey: oo can I join

thorpatrol: Loki no

lowkey: loki yes

antlerbitch: and that my friends is a summary of Loki

fisharefriendsnotfood: But seriously im gonna kill tony

thorpatrol: Please for the love of god keep your name

fisharefriendsnotfood: Why should I

thorpatrol: Because its funny

fisharefriendsnotfood: It really isn't

thorpatrol: It is

fisharefriendsnotfood: Nah

lowkey: fuck of janet im not going to your fucking baby shower

antlerbitch: god this family is so chaotic i love it
-

vsco girls
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Sam Wilson (sammyclassicsonicfan)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)

Sunday, 2:56pm

chillaryclinton: HEY GUYS

basicwhitebucky: please, end this madness

capsicle: Sam please send help

sammyclassicsonicfan: Oh god what happened

chillaryclinton: nothing

basicwhitebucky: steve dragged me to clints house and now we're suffering

chillaryclinton: fuck off this place is great

capsicle: No

capsicle: No it is not

sammyclassicsonicfan: What are you guys doing over there anyways

capsicle: Clint is playing Hannah Montana songs over a speaker

sammyclassicsonicfan: H

basicwhitebucky: i wish he was joking

sammyclassicsonicfan: No fuck you I'm just going there for Steve

capsicle: Awwh thanks

basicwhitebucky: so i like how the song went from the best of both worlds and ilovefriday

chillaryclinton: hit or miss

chillaryclinton: i guess they never miss

chillaryclinton: h u h

capsicle: Someone please save me Clints t taste in music is unbearable

chillaryclinton: too late stevie boi

chillaryclinton: we didn't start the fire

chillaryclinton: it was always burning since the worlds been turning

sammyclassicsonicfan: Did you just-

basicwhitebucky: i remember the homestuck verison

sammyclassicsonicfan: Fuck off with that homestuck shit

basicwhitebucky: you can't fight the homestuck

sammyclassicsonicfan: nO-

capsicle: Sam join us we can suffer together

sammyclassicsonicfan: Nah

capsicle: That wasn't a question that was a threat

sammyclassicsonicfan: How was that a threat

capsicle: The threat is if you don't come over here I will yeet you into the sun

sammyclassicsonicfan: . . .

sammyclassicsonicfan: Fair point I'll be there in 15

capsicle: :)

basicwhitebucky: steve scares everyone but me

capsicle: Hey I'm gonna jump off the roof real quick

basicwhitebucky: sTEVE NO

capsicle: OwO

basicwhitebucky: ur a little shit

capsicle: I know

basicwhitebucky: "guys youre gonna love this song [plays that jellyfish rave song from spongebob]"

basicwhitebucky: -Clint

chillaryclinton: this is the hour version of it

capsicle: Abandon all hope ye who enter here

sammyclassicsonicfan: I'm scared

chillaryclinton: good

sammyclassicsonicfan: Okay I'm leaving now see you guys in about 8 minutes now

capsicle: Save me please

basicwhitebucky: clint is doing the orange justice on the counter now

capsicle: Why is this so fucking funny to me
-

science bros
members:
Bruce Banner (fisharefriendsnotfood)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

fisharefriendsnotfood: Tony

titaniumalloyman: what

fisharefriendsnotfood: What the fuck did you do to my name

titaniumalloyman: what do you mean

fisharefriendsnotfood: mY FUCKING USERNAME ON HERE WHY DID YOU CHANGE IT

titaniumalloyman: i didn't change it

fisharefriendsnotfood: Shut up I'm outside your room I can hear you laughing

titaniumalloyman: okay how the hell did you get in

fisharefriendsnotfood: Jarvis let me in

titaniumalloyman: god fucking dammit

titaniumalloyman: well it was nice while it lasted

fisharefriendsnotfood: But seriously why did you do it

titaniumalloyman: well i was watching finding nemo again the other day and i thought, "hey, the sharks name is bruce. that's funny. i should change bruces name to the shark motto thing. that will be a great prank."

titaniumalloyman: so i did

titaniumalloyman: and here we are now

fisharefriendsnotfood: Well at least its a semi valid reason

titaniumalloyman: why semi

fisharefriendsnotfood: Well you shouldn't have done it in the first place

fisharefriendsnotfood: Just don't do it again please

titaniumalloyman: no promises

fisharefriendsnotfood: Well thats ultimately fair
-

Saturday, 3:15pm

sammyclassicsonicfan: Okay I'm here

basicwhitebucky: im dying over here sam please save us

sammyclassicsonicfan: No I'm only here to save Steve

sammyclassicsonicfan: You're screwed

basicwhitebucky: i fucking hate you

sammyclassicsonicfan: I love you too

capsicle: Ay Bucky is mine

basicwhitebucky: hol up what

sammyclassicsonicfan: Yeah what

capsicle: owo

chillaryclinton: sam get cho ass in here the party is just getting fuckin great

basicwhitebucky: no

basicwhitebucky: no it isnt

chillaryclinton: how dare you expose us like this

sammyclassicsonicfan: Okay I'm here

sammyclassicsonicfan: . . .

sammyclassicsonicfan: Never fucking mind then

chillaryclinton: wait why did you leave

sammyclassicsonicfan: Well maybe because you were t-posing on the kitchen counter to the Jellyfish Rave while Steve was dancing with your dog and Bucky just looked like he wanted to kill himself as he was sitting on top of the fridge

basicwhitebucky: this house is a fucking nightmare

chillaryclinton: that was very descriptive i love it

capsicle: I will go and retrieve the Sam

sammyclassicsonicfan: No you ain't

chillaryclinton: yeah he coming sammy boy

basicwhitebucky: why do i hear screaming

chillaryclinton: steve has caught a wild sam

chillaryclinton: it is quite feisty

sammyclassicsonicfan: FUDKHLEPJSIS

basicwhitebucky: if you are asking for help im just gonna observe this from the fridge so

chillaryclinton: this party is fucking lit

basicwhitebucky: why is watching steve drag sam back to the room while the jellyfish rave is blaring from the speakers so fucking funny

chillaryclinton: because it is

basicwhitebucky: fair
-

get help ya bitch
members:
Loki Odinson (lowkey)
Thor Odinson (thorpatrol)

Saturday, 3:03pm

lowkey: wait bruces screen name is a reference to finding nemo right

thorpatrol: Yes

thorpatrol: Oh god what are you gonna do

lowkey: so everytime bruce gets mad at someone we just need to chant, "shark bait ooh hah hah"

thorpatrol: Oh my god its perfect

lowkey: ya see there is more to me than just stabbing

thorpatrol: But stabbing is like 87% of your personality

lowkey: oh true

lowkey: but i can also be a genius

thorpatrol: Sometimes

lowkey: you dare defy the great and powerful loki

thorpatrol: Yes

lowkey: okay that's fair
-

starbucks
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)

Saturday, 6:46pm

basicwhitebucky: will we ever escape this hellhole

capsicle: Likely not

basicwhitebucky: fuck

Chapter Text

the revengers
members:
Bruce Banner (fisharefriendsnotfood)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)
Thor Odinson (thorpatrol)
Tony Stark (titaniumalloyman)

Tuesday, 5:34pm

capsicle: gu yS BAILEY FELL ASLEEP ON ME WHAT DO I DO

chillaryclinton: DONT YOU FUCKING EVEN THINK ABOUT MOVING

chillaryclinton: YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE DOGGO AND YOU MUSNT HARM THE DOGGO IN RETURN

titaniumalloyman: just throw her

chillaryclinton: nO

brownrecluse: Steve I will steal your dog and take her to my house

brownrecluse: Make sure to leave all of your windows and doors unlocked so I don't have to kick open your door again

titaniumalloyman: "again"

thorpatrol: I wish I had a dog

fisharefriendsnotfood: ill get you a dog

brownrecluse: No I'll steal Steve's dog for you

capsicle: No thanks

titaniumalloyman: ill buy all of you guys corgis on god

fisharefriendsnotfood: i thought you didn't believe in god

titaniumalloyman: shhhhh

thorpatrol: This is a one time exception for beliefs, Bruce

chillaryclinton: i will kermit mass genocide if someone steals lucky

titaniumalloyman: i guess you wouldn't be too…

titaniumalloyman: lucky if that happened

chillaryclinton removed titaniumalloyman from the chat

chillaryclinton: it was for the best

capsicle added titaniumalloyman into the chat

titaniumalloyman: sUP FUCKERS

capsicle: Clint you can't just remove people because of a simple joke they made

chillaryclinton: yes i can

chillaryclinton: this is america, steve, and i have the ability to do what I want

fisharefriendsnotfood: i mean the freedom of speech is technically invalid

brownrecluse: Apparently you can't kill people because its "illegal"

titaniumalloyman: you can kill people in yellowstone national park

brownrecluse: Ah, yes

thorpatrol: I leave for five minutes and this is what happens

fisharefriendsnotfood: this is why we cant be trusted anywhere

chillaryclinton: i just broke my nose on the ceiling

fisharefriendsnotfood: my point still stands

brownrecluse: Clint do you need to go to the hospital

chillaryclinton: no i can just set it backmysmwoshsj

brownrecluse: I'll be right over

chillaryclinton: nOIOIOO

capsicle: Well today's been interesting

titaniumalloyman: indeed

-

we the assassins three
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)

Tuesday, 7:01pm

brownrecluse: Guess who's at the hospital because of a stupid mistake a certain someone made?

brownrecluse: [blondedumbass83.png]

brownrecluse: This fucking moron

basicwhitebucky: oh god that's bad

basicwhitebucky: what did he do this time

brownrecluse: He hit his nose on the ceiling and he broke his nose

basicwhitebucky: again?

brownrecluse: Sadly, yes

basicwhitebucky: smh

brownrecluse: He tried to set it back on the way there

basicwhitebucky: jesus chrysler

brownrecluse: Okay they took his x ray and his nose is definitely broken

brownrecluse: He's gonna have to have surgery on it but that'll be in a few months

basicwhitebucky: i guarantee you that he'll break something else in that time span

brownrecluse: You don't even have to say that for me to believe it

basicwhitebucky: how's he holding up

brownrecluse: Well we're currently heading back to my car and clint will not stop saying "grapefruits are bullshit" and I have no clue what to do at this point

basicwhitebucky: grapefruits are bullshit tho

brownrecluse: I'm not even gonna try to ask what that means

basicwhitebucky: dont

brownrecluse: Okay I need to drive now. Clint is not sane enough to text right now just so you know

basicwhitebucky: umm isn't he always not sane

brownrecluse: True

brownrecluse: I'll stop by your house to drop off Clint because I cannot deal with him tonight. I got shit to do

basicwhitebucky: like what

brownrecluse: Im gonna hang out with Wanda, Carol, Valkyrie, and Kate

basicwhitebucky: that isnt a valid reason???

brownrecluse: Fuck off it is

basicwhitebucky: hnnn okay

basicwhitebucky: you're lucky that clint is one of my close friends

chillaryclinton: hELENLO BITCHAS

basicwhitebucky: oh dear sweet jesus christ what did i do to deserve this

chillaryclinton: jeh3jsjwjHEHE

basicwhitebucky: so clint how are you

chillaryclinton: imm in pAin HAHA

basicwhitebucky: nat fucking floor it

brownrecluse: I'm already here

basicwhitebucky: how many red lights did you pass

brownrecluse: Idk I stopped counting at like 8

basicwhitebucky: eh fair

basicwhitebucky: wait what was that noise

brownrecluse: Clint ran into the door

brownrecluse: Nose first

basicwhitebucky: okay im gonna pick him up now

brownrecluse: Aight

brownrecluse: Thanks for taking care of him for me

basicwhitebucky: anytime broseph

brownrecluse: :))
-

we're definitely not straight
members:
Carol Danvers (caroldamnvers)
Kate Bishop (thebesthawkeye)
Natasha Romanoff (brownrecluse)
Valkyrie Brunnhilde (queenofassgard)
Wanda Maximoff (wandayouwaitingfor)

Tuesday, 7:53pm

brownrecluse: Hey guys sorry for taking so long. I had to take Clint to the hospital cuz he broke his nose on his ceiling somehow. I just dropped him off at Bucky's house

queenofassgard: Eh its fine

caroldamnvers: how did he even break his nose on the ceiling

brownrecluse: I have no fucking clue

thebesthawkeye: eh its clint

thebesthawkeye: he has his ways

wandayouwaitingfor: Nat get your ass over here please :)

brownrecluse: I'm trYING OKAY

wandayouwaitingfor: I said please

caroldamnvers: well this is entertaining

queenofassgard: Very much so indeed
-

starbucks
members:
Bucky Barnes (basicwhitebucky)
Steve Rogers (capsicle)

Tuesday 9:21pm

basicwhitebucky: stevieeee

capsicle: What do you want

basicwhitebucky: bold of you to assume that i want anything from you

capsicle: Are you sure about that

basicwhitebucky: yep

capsicle: Really now

basicwhitebucky: yEp

capsicle: I sense bullshit

basicwhitebucky: : )

capsicle: B u c k

basicwhitebucky: okay fiNe

capsicle: Haha

basicwhitebucky: so you know that clint broke his nose right

capsicle: Yeah he broke it on his ceiling

basicwhitebucky: well nat took him to the hospital and after that she, for some reason, dropped him off at my house

capsicle: Why did she do that

basicwhitebucky: cuz she's going out with carol, valkyrie, wanda, and kate

capsicle: Sounds festive

basicwhitebucky: well anyways i need you to come over here like right now

capsicle: Why should I do that

basicwhitebucky: well for starters clint is on top of my fridge at the current moment screeching "I WANT CHICKEN NUGGIES"

basicwhitebucky: and earlier he grabbed Alpine and said "look at this fluffy chicken"

capsicle: Sounds like a personal problem to me

basicwhitebucky: ur a punk you punk

capsicle: You're a jerk you jerk

basicwhitebucky: but please come over here im begging you :(

capsicle: Okay fine

basicwhitebucky: yayy

capsicle: I'm gonna regret this aren't I

basicwhitebucky: very much so

capsicle: Uggghhhh

capsicle: You're lucky you're my best friend

basicwhitebucky: i certainly am

Chapter Text

Untitled Chat
members:
Clint Barton (chillaryclinton)

Wednesday, 8:45 am

chillaryclinton has added titaniumalloyman, capsicle, brownrecluse, thorpatrol, fisharefriendsnotfood, basicwhitebucky, sammyclassicsonicfan, lowkey, pdarpakr, mercwithamouth, wandayouwaitingfor, fastasfricc, caroldamnvers, thebesthawkeye, and antlerbitch to the chat

chillaryclinton has changed the name of the chat to bounce gang

chillaryclinton: its not the sled gang anymore

brownrecluse: This chat actually scares me

fisharefriendsnotfood: there are 16 people in this chat of course it scares you

pdarpakr: i don't know who like half of these people are but that's fine i guess

basicwhitewhite: who the fuck are like… half of these people clint

chillaryclinton: well first of all thebesthawkeye is kate bishop, who just happened to be one of my best friends

thebesthawkeye: and i am the best

chillaryclinton: suuuree

thebesthawkeye: >:(

chillaryclinton: :)

thebesthawkeye: owo

chillaryclinton: uwu

thebesthawkeye: uwo

thebesthawkeye: owu

basicwhitebucky: blease stop speaking in hieroglyphics

pdarpakr: they're speaking in minecraft enchantment

chillaryclinton: you think that's Minecraft enchantment

chillaryclinton: t̶̛̛̝̭͕͎̝͉͑̉̒͐͆̃͋͛͜͜h̷̺͚̱͓̐̑͐́̓̐͜͝͝į̶͈͇̺̼̞͔͈̬̲̆̈̈̈́̑̈͒͐̏ṡ̵̞̆̍̿͒̏̚ ̶̼̤̰̰̤͑̌̑͒́͘͝ͅi̷̢͓̘̪̫̟̘̙͋̋̓͗̓͗̄͐́͘s̸̟̭̩̬̾͠ͅ ̸͓̎̃̈͜m̶̡͚̫͈̳͉͈͚̮͇̂͒̓̒͂̌͝î̸̺͚̹̞͉͓̬̥̯̄͆̋͆͂͋̚͝͝n̸̦̖̐̐͘͠ę̸̛̝͕̜̙͓̞̦̗̅̓̄̈́͂̆͘͠ͅc̸̼̤̯̑̌̐̑̌̑̊̿̆r̶̟̰̥͆͒͌̈́a̴̦̅͐̄͒̊̑͛͑̚͝f̵̠̏̉͋͛̐͝t̶͚͔̆̏̽ ̵͕̝͇̼͉̬̝͌̊e̵̳̭͇̭̦͚̟̔͛̋̈ṋ̴̡̡̽̿̂̓̾̉̇̚c̸̢̢͙͓̜̬̪̠̱͒̉̅̈́͜͠ḫ̵̰͍͖͕͈͚̂͗̀̔̒̾̀a̵̡̺̣̫̖͎̟͌̐̌̊̾̿̏͘n̴̛̛͚̜̯̩̜̱̿̆t̶̻̹͈͈̜̮̗̅̔͝m̷̧̺̭̙̯̞̣͈̼̅̄ͅę̷̮̥̯̣̦͇͐͋̈́̄̈́͘̚n̶̹̲͕̤̅͂̐̒̚ť̴̨͕̗̬͚͉̹̓̚ͅ

pdarpakr: h-how did you do that

capsicle: What is this chat and why are there so many people I'm scared

chillaryclinton: ;)

titaniumalloyman: barton just tell us why this chat is here

chillaryclinton: soooooooooo since school is coming back soon I decided to plan a trip toooo [drumroll] a trampoline park!

lowkey: tRampolineS fuck yeah

thorpatrol: Loki don't you dare even think about killing anyone there

lowkey: no promises

caroldamnvers: Who are you people

queenofassgard: yeah who are you guys

wandayouwaitingfor: I'm scared

fastasfricc: honestly?? same

chillaryclinton: gUYS SAY HI TO MY CHILDREN THEIR NAMES ARE WANDA AND PIETRO AND THEYRE ALSO TWINS

chillaryclinton: also say hi to carol and valkyrie

pdarpakr: hello!

brownrecluse: Sup babes

capsicle: Nice to meet you I guess

basicwhitebucky: Clint: SAY HI TO THESE LOSERS I FOUND ON THE STREET

basicwhitebucky: Clint: oh and here are some cool ass lesbians as well ig idk

fisharefriendsnotfood: my phone's about to blow up

chillaryclinton: im king explosion murder :)

thebesthawkeye: and im lord explosion murder :)

chillaryclinton: stop trying to be better than me

thebesthawkeye: how am i doing that??

chillaryclinton: im the only explosion murderer

thebesthawkeye: we all know the true explosion murderer

basicwhitebucky: umm,, i don't?

chillaryclinton: you don't know anything so stfu

basicwhitebucky: wow rude

lowkey: katuski bakugo is lord explosion murder

lowkey: he's from my hero academia

lowkey: that's for you uneducated lads who dont watch anime

chillaryclinton: ^^^^^

sammyclassicsonicfan: I love anime

sammyclassicsonicfan: Hentai too

capsicle: bITCH WHAT

sammyclassicsonicfan: Haha jk,,

sammyclassicsonicfan: U n l e s s ?

chillaryclinton has changed sammyclassicsonicfan's name to samthehentaiman

titaniumalloyman: im fumnken w h e ezing

basicwhitebucky: clint you clever ass bastard

mercwithamouth: dID SOMEONE SAY HENTAI

samthehentaiman: Not me

chillaryclinton: bitch you fucking liar

pdarpakr: I'm scared who is this

mercwithamouth: god

capsicle: If he's god then im honest to god terrified for my own safety

mercwithamouth: good

wandayouwaitingfor: Clint I have a question for you

chillaryclinton: yea

wandayouwaitingfor: How the hell did you afford tickets for all of us

chillaryclinton: lets not worry about that

mercwithamouth: wait tickets to what

basicwhitebucky: don't say it don't say it

chillaryclinton: a trampoline park

basicwhitebucky: dammit

mercwithamouth: oOO CAN I COME

chillaryclinton: bro everyone in this chat is going

mercwithamouth: FUCK YEAH

brownrecluse: Why the hell would you invite wade out of all people

chillaryclinton: he's helped me in the past so I might as well treat him with a trampoline park

brownrecluse: And what has he helped you out with

chillaryclinton: that is classified information, ma'am

capsicle: That concerns me

basicwhitebucky: me too man

basicwhitebucky: me too

titaniumalloyman: guys please calm down im trying to watch spongebob

lowkey: felt that honestly

lowkey: wait which episode

titaniumalloyman: the episode where spongebob adopts the seahorse and names her mystery

lowkey: ah yes

chillaryclinton: weesnaw

pdarpakr has changed the name of the chat to the weesnaw bunch

titaniumalloyman: pETER NO

pdarpakr: PETER Y E S

samthehentaiman: nO POMEGRANATES

samthehentaiman: NO

samthehentaiman: NO

samthehentaiman: NO

samthehentaiman: NO

samthehentaiman: N O

samthehentaiman: N O

samthehentaiman: N O

samthehentaiman: N O P O M E G R A N E T S

chillaryclinton: so what you're trying to say is no pomegranets

samthehentaiman: Yes you absolute dumbass

antlerbitch: Thor and Loki keep on telling me to look at my phone and I honestly regret looking at those 100+ messages I have gotten in the past hour

thorpatrol: You're joining us on the trampoline park trip right?

antlerbitch: No

antlerbitch has removed themselves from the chat

lowkey: well shit

fastasfricc: This goddamn chat let me just say..

fastasfricc: Is the most interesting chat I've ever been in

wandayouwaitingfor: I second that

chillaryclinton: mE AND KATE ARE ARGUING RN AND SHE WONT ADMIT THAT BAKUGO IS HOT AS ALL FUCK

chillaryclinton: SOMEONE ELSE OUT HER ON HER BULLSHIT

thebesthawkeye: nO HE ISNT TODOROKI IS HOTTER

chillaryclinton: YOU WANNA FUCKING FIGHT

thebesthawkeye: YEAH SURE WHERE AT

chillaryclinton: THE DARK ALLEY BESIDE MY APARTMENT

thebesthawkeye: OKAY

chillaryclinton: LETS FUCKING GET IT

lowkey: in a figurative way todoroki is hotter and cooler than bakugo

lowkey: ya know

lowkey: cuz of his quirk

basicwhitebucky: i was really pissed at first but then i started to laugh because that joke is lame

basicwhitebucky: but for real bakugo is fine

basicwhitebucky: todoroki is too its just that he's more of a pretty boy than bakugo

caroldamnvers: I'm honestly so scared

samthehentaiman: Why

caroldamnvers: I came back to you guys yelling about the levels of hotness of some chinese cartoon characters that i don't care about

titaniumalloyman: i don't even know how to respond to this just look at it

pdarpakr: cHINESE CARTOON CHARACTERS

capsicle: Carol you have made history today as a new inside joke has been made

caroldamnvers: What have I done

titaniumalloyman: god's work

caroldamnvers: I-

chillaryclinton: okay who's ready for the park

brownrecluse: Wait aren't you supposed to be fighting kate rn

chillaryclinton: oh yeah we did

chillaryclinton: i won

thebesthawkeye: actually i pulled up to the alleyway, decked him in the jaw, and he admitted to defeat

chillaryclinton: how fucking dare you expose me like this

chillaryclinton: but anyways you guys ready

basicwhitebucky: im not jesus chrysler clint give me some time

chillaryclinton: okay but were going there in an hour

basicwhitebucky: okay boomer

chillaryclinton: im not b AKU G O

basicwhitebucky: why do i even try anymore