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“Yes, sir. He’s right this way if you will follow me.”
Regis took his steps carefully after the young nurse. He let his cane do half the walking as he knew its absence of support would not allow him to walk at all. He was surprised to even be on his feet. It must have been adrenaline pushing him forward. Through the panic, Regis already ensured his unconscious son had been seen to a bed where he was medically treated then bandaged and left to rest. Just as well, Mr. Scientia was met by Officer Amicitia who conversed with the boy before moving quickly back into action. That hysteria had finally faded down. Now the only end left to tighten was that of his brother, Ardyn.
The doctor’s assistant was taking him in the direction of the room where they kept his sibling for treatment of serious degrees. An open wound in his chest as Regis had heard. Although his brother absolutely infuriated him beyond his limits in this case, he caught himself experiencing a feeling for Ardyn he had not felt since the two of them were fresh into adulthood: worry.
It wasn’t long until the father was brought to the proper hospital door. It was in that moment he hesitated to take a breath. He thanked the gentleman for his help, awaited his departure, then glowered hard at the white wooden entrance as if it were transparent. Was it really going to take him this much courage to face the man? Regis gathered his thoughts. What was he going to say? Which parts of this ordeal had upset him the most and needed to be addressed right away? There were hundreds of things on his mind, not all of which could be rationally expressed.
There was no need to knock. Regis reached for the doorknob and let himself inside. Passing beyond the doorway and into the patient quarters, he found his brother sitting up in bed holding but a single cup in his hands. One nurse was standing to his side. Regis cleared his throat as both their eyes came over him.
“Would you excuse us please miss?”
The young lady refrained from checking Ardyn for any protests knowing the one at the door was in control of this situation. She bowed her head and curtsied her skirt before heading away immediately. The moment she was gone and the door gently swung closed again, an uncomfortable tension filled the space between them and the brothers broke eye contact. Ardyn returned his stare to the floor tiles past his cup.
For a while, Regis could only gawk at the bandages wrapped around Ardyn’s bare shoulders and back. He gulped. Shortly after he cleared his throat and staved away any antagonisms. He wanted to let his anger be known but not to instigate. There were many things he could begin with, but the first seemed obvious. “I got your letter.”
The older one softly chuckled. “Wonderful of you to make it in time for the bonfire too, old friend.”
“Stop this,” Regis snipped. His hand tightened around the curve of his cane while his jaw began grinding his teeth together. “I would prefer you not lie to me this time, Ardyn. It is one little request I ask of you after all these pitiful attempts to reach me.”
The taste of his anger could be felt through the bitter crack in his voice. Ardyn turned his head to witness him. The grip on his cup did not seem to lighten. In fact, it was growing harsher.
“Is this who you have become?”
Ardyn’s head fully turned to him. “What a peculiar question to ask of me.”
“It is a simple one,” he leant himself backwards against the door, “and I do not intend to leave until it is answered truthfully. I refuse to dance around our situation any longer. Even you should know the limits were broken the moment Noctis was brought into this.”
“Passionate I see. Yet still immature in your very own ways. He was involved the moment he was born. What would you call that? A victim of circumstance?”
“Mock me all you like, brother. It changes nothing.”
The wounded elder forced a grin. He closed his eyes after setting down his drink. It seemed he would not have the time to patiently sip away at it. If he had been less upset about all this then maybe he would have crossed one leg over the other while raising a brow and jeered with hateful jokes and twisted suggestions. But there was nowhere to hide. This was the confrontation of inevitability he had feared arriving. Now it was here.
“How right you are that nothing will change. You are just the same as father. It is a marvel you haven’t noticed yet.” His own voice was rather low toned. The sarcasm stripped from his statement – a tricky thing to discover when it came to him.
Regis looked down over him. He pulled air in through his nostrils. “If it wasn’t for me, father would have been rid of you a long time ago and you know it. If you seek such change, perhaps I should reconsider his suggestions may have been right.”
Suddenly, Ardyn thrust up quickly onto his feet. He completely faced Regis now and a true expression of fury manifested on his features.
“Careful,” Regis goaded. He hadn’t meant any wellbeing by his warning whatsoever. “We wouldn’t want you reopening those wounds, would we?” His pupils quickly glanced over the gauze covering his chest.
“None of my wounds have healed, Regis. Not from the past or any point in time. How typical of you to go sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. Are you worried over the trouble I’ll cause?”
The pair scowled at one another, locked in an alignment of irritation. Regis, with low lids and a disappointed glare. Ardyn with scorn, humiliation brimming in his eyes. Ardyn sat himself back down steadily and with an ever present strain onto the edge of his cot. The cushion gave way under his weight and the motion of his tied deep violet hair slid off his shoulder. Like a scolded child, he anchored his chin and remained soundless.
“I specifically… remember… telling you this could not happen again.” More mute space flooded the spaces of the room. Whether or not Ardyn wanted to say anything remained to be seen. If he did, he was being awfully quite about it. Regis went on. “I will not tolerate anymore of your errors. Were those not my exact words?” He hesitated. No need to let the anger completely consume him. Though it was looking easy to let himself become livid. “Why are you not answering me? What is the purpose? Your arrogance has certainly captivated my attention. If you wanted to bloody talk, I am here now. You should speak the hell up.”
Ardyn proceeded to sigh. It was a short one, living briefly. Now it was his turn to question what he was thinking. He reached out for his cup to take another drink perhaps only for the sake of having something to do with his hands. It made him anxious. “What would you wish me to say? Perhaps you’re seeking another script. Some fabricated… fictitious dialogue to sooth your own uncertainties. Casting me to the shadows yet again, Reggie? Don’t be a fool. You’d come unglued if our secrets were ever spoken aloud again… I know you would.”
Ardyn sent his eyes up toward the tender rays coming in through the window before him. Today was a surprisingly bright one for an Insomnian winter. The sun was the only saving grace from the cold. This afternoon to him was just the same as all the others; mundane and dreary, even with the golden glow piercing past snow clouds. This daylight didn’t mean much. The revelation of that glimmering radiance would not justify the lock and chains wrapped around their mysteries. Both of them knew so. Ardyn could feel it in the air as his younger brother left post guarding the door and came to rest his shoulder against the nearer wall instead. Apparently, he was too annoyed to stand in place and too proud to pitch a fight. But very clearly, he was fuming.
Finally, Ardyn smirked. “It stays in the family correct? Those were your ‘exact words’ I do believe.”
“What are you going on about?”
“Simply that it is no harm if Noctis knows. He is family afterall.”
Regis shot his eyes back to him in surprise. “No...”
“You’ll have to be more specific about what you mean with your denial, dear brother. I’m afraid these idiotic tendencies of mine make it nearly impossible to act like a proper man anymore. I haven’t forgotten the insult.”
“You are speaking rubbish,” he said in disdain. “Noctis was not to be included in any of your shenanigans. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. There was an order to be followed, dammit. Now look what you’ve done.”
Ardyn placed his free hand to the safe side of his chest, feigning disbelief. “What I’ve done? Why… I hadn’t a clue you cared for such a thing. At least your offspring cared enough to hear what had not been heard since his birth and took it rather well. Better than I did. I was impressed by his resistance to throw a temper tantrum being corrected of whom the rightful company lord was meant to be.”
“Please. I have attempted to reconcile you but I’m afraid the gloves are coming off. You brought harm upon my son. My child. I have been walking on glass with you for years. If ever there had been a problem, you were meant to report to me and not to involve him. Are you taking me seriously right now? We lost our home because of you. Where we lived and grew as children...” Regis began stressing his words. Pressuring his relative with emphasis on each sentence matter-of-factly. “All of our memories… The family records and… irreplaceable heirlooms promised to the proceeding lineage have gone up in smoke. The officers were barely lucky to have recovered your sorry hide.”
“You continue to cover up all our ugly matters with such pretty little words. Do you enjoy decorating my dismay by upholding that title passed down to you? I thought you didn’t want to dance anymore.”
Regis dared to take a step closer towards him. Then it was Ardyn who held him back with vocals meant to still him. “Do you plan to hit me?” he whispered. The younger brother abruptly halted his shoes. “I would love to hear your coverup plan for this one. I’ve accomplished enough of what I set out to do. You are right indeed; the damage has been done. You yourself are ‘barely lucky’ I let either of those boys live at all.”
The reaction of unfiltered rage upon Regis’ face drew Ardyn into false laughter. Neither were amused. What was this game they were playing?
“Calm yourself,” he teased with amusement. “Noctis is fine. That was all you cared about in the end, wasn’t it? Yes, he’s quite alive and… mostly well. Merely carrying a cold as I’ve heard.”
“Who told you that? No one was given the rights.”
“Is that really important? Or does it simply destroy you to know all control has been lost? Oh that must be a terrible feeling. Do tell me all about it. At least that is one thing I could give that you never did.”
“I can’t fathom you, Ardyn...” Regis lamented. Worn and exhausted, he collapsed into the closest seat at the corner of the room and held his temple in the dip of his palm. This conversation had exceeded tiring levels. It was just another unwanted clash adding to the stress sinking over his head. Speaking with him like this had been harder than ever living under the same roof. Never knowing how to approach one another.
Ardyn’s eyes followed Regis’ cane as he moved to place it beside the chair. He opened himself up to murmur. “What a burden… Must be hard carrying that thing wherever you go.”
“Is that meant to offend me?”
His brother stalled. “By no means. Truly…” his tone crept into sorrow. He couldn’t hide his glance down to the custom golden brace holding Regis’ kneecap. It was harrowing watching his relative – his once endearing companion – succumb to the results of that fateful accident so long ago. He held his breath while considering it. Regis had been gravely hurt by the incident as well and Ardyn couldn’t quite seem to let it go even if there was nothing that could have been done about it. “You never believe any of my apologies.”
“…Casting judgement on me for my lack of trust in you is not a fault you may place.”
His declaration was a vicious one. One that held water but could still be viewed from both directions. It was an endless sea between them it seemed. Constantly. Either man throwing stones from their opposing sides. The rocks were only left to sink and leave nothing to be solved. At a rate like this, nothing ever would. They may have been enemies afterall. That was such a terrible reality to pretend to be content with. Could there be such a thing worse than that? The two shared a father and mother. They shared a home. Their business. Their lives. That had not changed… but that was then. This was now. The tides had turned in those decades. This wasn’t the same sea anymore. Once they had been close enough to float through all the plights of the world as a team. Now, they had practically been swept under, drowning, and still they were casting their stones of judgement.
“What happened to us?” Ardyn asked. His question sounded oddly genuine. It gained consideration from his company. “Twenty years ago, I would have happily answered that you were the one I trusted most in this world. Now… we can’t even stand each other. I find myself wondering how it is possible we could play as children… and grow into disgust like this. Have I ruined our relationship that much?”
By the time Ardyn glimpsed to his brother’s face, he could see how he was struggling in a search for the right response. Always proficient he was. Calculating appropriately. He wet his lips with discomfort. “I have… done my best to…”
“Put up with me.”
“This is not what I was going to say.”
“You put up with Gillian.”
With a scoff, Regis shut his eyes and slouched. It taxed his patience how Ardyn could so effortlessly jump back on his childish remarks. “Ardyn, I’m begging you. This constant reflection on the past is getting us nowhere.”
“Precisely. That is why I said goodbye. I expected you to understand how that would change me-” something in his mouth stopped behind his lips. “It must have been a selfish thought of mine. The past is all I have. I am still aching over all you had wished to forget. It was all that… remained of me. I lost the love of my life, my future, my senses… while every ounce of your focus drained away from me and into new matters.”
“I had a child. Would you have expected me not to cherish him? I was still there alongside you as I promised I would be... trying to work things out. We still share many of the rights that-”
“We shared nothing, Regis. Open your eyes. You stole everything from me.” Ardyn’s jaw angled in the opposite direction where his face could not be seen. He inhaled sluggishly while biting down over his bottom lip until it began to sting. He could not let his quivering be heard now. Desperation would only worsen the outcome of this failure. He may have been forced to face these consequences but that didn’t mean he had to look him in the eye. It hurt far too much.
It took some time before anything else was said. “Brother.” The lingering quiet spared neither from impending anguish. “I don’t deny that your…” he picked his next choice of phrase cautiously. It upset Ardyn for him to treat it so professionally. Maybe it was time Regis dropped his neat attitude and behave freely with him again like he once had. “Ahh, your- mmm, intimate partner was very close to you…”
“He was my lover. You can say that outloud. Unless you’re still worried father will overhear it.”
Regis rolled his eyes. “Alright. Fine then. Your lover was good to you. I understand that… but you couldn’t just leave the company to run off with him like you wanted. That was the issue at the time. How was I to know the Anosmia would prevent you from having a future with your servant? I never wanted those nightmares to be yours. I wanted you to be happy! …Yet here we are. Those conditions were out of my hands. I…”
The father wavered his hand back for his cane. This had been much harder than he expected. Ardyn created so many difficulties in this massacre of a situation yet he had not expected sympathy to play a part. Not again. Regis stood back on his feet. He needed to leave. Reencountering the troubles of their youth had truly saddened him. It made sense how fear and loneliness could push a man to do senseless things such as desiring the breakdown of a company. Rivalry and heaviness after Aulea’s funeral as well as the cancellation of Ardyn’s business ownership bade no favors. It was true the two were once an inseparable duo. Not every tale had a happy ending.
“I am sorry.”
Regis bat his eyes. He had intended on speaking his own word of apology, yet it was the opposite one who spoke it first. It surprised him. It was no complex or contemptuous maze of repentance. Just a plain apology. Spoken so easily? He cast his gaze on the back of his brother’s head.
“Ardyn…”
Folding ever shamefully over his own lap, Ardyn hung his head between his knees. Perhaps he was trembling. It could have been the way he itched against the bandages covering the dozens of stitches over his heart or by some off chance, he was searching himself for words he had not yet found reason to speak until now. “You’re going to leave soon... I surmise that you still cannot stomach me. I know I have further damaged your regards of me, ruined the estate beyond recovery and brought trauma to your son all because of the choices I’ve made. They cannot be taken back, nor corrected, nor fixed. Just like before… yet again must you salvage my mistakes. I cannot properly run the company on my own. Neither can I execute any plausible means to put you under. It would seem… I am no good in either place, or at anything… so I won’t apologize to anyone but you. I am Regis… I am sorry.”
The door ahead of Regis did indeed look pleasing at this point. He could leave it at that. Not even bother to tell him his sorries were worth little more than utter rudeness to him but it would be a lie. The words stained his conscience as he stood there debating what to do. How, he asked himself over and over, was he to make everything trapped within him clear? Should he just open his mouth and say how he feels? To be honest as Ardyn had been. Was he capable of something like that; speaking from the heart?
He took in a brave puff of air. “Look. I have always sympathized with your conditions, and as your friend I have always been with you. You were braver than I in our youth and I looked up to you for that. Had we fought together instead then perhaps things would have been different. But they aren’t. They are like this: You attacked your nephew. You ruthlessly damaged his relationship with Mr. Scientia whom you violently injured… and frankly I believe you deserved even more punishment than what was given to you. I cannot trust you again. I simply can’t. I won’t ask you to forgive me for what happens to you now. I am finished making excuses.”
More silence ensued. A detail in Regis’ speech caught Ardyn’s notice. Curiously he peeked to him from over his shoulder. “You… knew of the boys’ relations?”
“I’ve known of them. Yes. I gave Noctis my blessing.”
“Hmph…” Despite the metaphorical stab he could feel driving new blades into his body, he somehow mustered up a half-laugh. “You haven’t sounded that candid in years.”
“We are both very different. Even with Gil gone and the Anosmia quieted, neither of us seem to be the same. I have not been the best man I could be at times. I admit that. Justifying the fire, Noctis’ hypothermia and Ignis’ loss of eyesight is impossible. That blasted piece of paper you left behind has brought us all together… this is not the way I would have wanted that to happen. Perhaps that blade touched your heart and taught you a lesson. If it hadn’t, I fear nothing will.”
There was still so much more that could be said. Regis could have gone on about how he regretted to recognize his brother’s signs of hostility sooner. Those inner thoughts never showed themselves. If he had not stormed out of the room right then and there, who knows how it would have finished? In tears… or in fists.
Ardyn could have spoken too. They could have talked longer though the result would have still left them in suppression. That unavoidable conflict was the truth of what they had really become. It didn’t need to be asked. Regardless of his dissatisfaction to leave matters that way, Ardyn sat there squinting spitefully at the sun for shining on him. He didn’t want to be seen by anyone or anything once Regis was gone. The room stayed the way it was: with only him inside.
Some hours would go by before he could lay himself down to rest again. By then, Ardyn’s stitches were hurting more than before. He sneered in doubt but questioned all the same whether it was truly his heart suffering the worst of his pains.