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“Good evening, young master.”
The double doors parted open and the official celebration of Noct’s twenty-first birthday began. The people down below at the center hallway lingered about with their glittering wine glasses, their jewelry studded suits and dresses shining under dozens of chandeliers. Jolly laughter rose in the air as he was introduced to the formality and everyone lifted their hands to clap in greeting of him. Some patterned their applause against their wrists with ringed fingers twisted on the necks of their cups. It was time to mingle with the guests, where they would offer their congratulations for the twenty-one-year-old. Praise for him and his years of growth was guaranteed. He was now part of the remarkable milestone to positional power over Lucis Scents. A young man at the dawn of his life.
Noctis waved in thanks to the servants who nodded their heads to him all the way down the grand staircase. His oxfords tapped onto the smooth marble floor and strode over toward the grand, wide carpets – swallowed up by faces. Though this type of scenario was befitting for the Caelum family name, his descent into the crowd felt a little more unpleasant than he would have liked. The smile on him grew fake. He talked himself up in his mind: Just relax and they won’t even notice. The day’s almost over anyway.
This events for this day were planned in advance well over a month ago. Regis decided to hold this particularly proud festivity at home where Noctis could at least be in the comfort of his own home, which he was thankful for. This presented a few challenges though with invitations and private segregation of room access during that time and turned the relief of comfortability into tension quickly. For the first time in a while, his father was eager to take on the project, so it was more than just difficult to talk him out of getting carried away. Each time the matter was brought up, Noctis couldn’t figure out how to feel. Maybe some excitement was deserving but it didn’t seem to turn out to him the way he expected. Before Noctis knew it, Maylin had tailored a one-time-wear suit for the occasion and flowers were being selected by a colour theme.
More ordeal than party, Noctis made himself recognize the strive to make this night a fine one. Image as always was everything, but perhaps a little slip in attitude tonight was permissible. He considered a couple of times already that a freedom at home shouldn’t be so frowned upon since this was a celebration for him. His day, Regis called it.
“Twenty-one already?”
Noctis searched for the source of the voice directed at him. He was lucky to find his violin instructor. It was a little tough to tell what expression was hiding behind those closed lids of hers but that didn’t bother him since he took her words as genuine. Even she was adorned by the most beautiful ornaments and clothing he’d ever seen her wearing before. Dangling earrings, charms decorating her arms in gold, and a dress – slit at the thigh with a classy shape – accented by the shades of rose on her mouth. She was stunning; showing a side Noctis had never witnessed.
“The young master has grown so quickly.”
“Gentiana,” Noctis addressed her. His voice carved a path and the two approached one another. She had not yet helped herself to the complimentary drinks carried around on trays as it appeared. “Is everything going alright so far? You like the party, I mean?”
“I should be asking you this question, should I not?” she chuckled.
In her experience being one of his teachers, it wouldn’t be long before she’d find out the terrible time he was having so he did his best at giving her an optimistic response.
“Hey, I’m stuffed from that dinner and all the gifts everyone brought are waiting for me back in the chambers so I’m basically just on a stroll right now. I don’t usually get this much attention and it’s a pretty evening. Not really half bad actually.”
“Do you handle well with attention these days?” Gentiana’s features warped in confusion. That was a new one for her. Perhaps he overdid it.
“Er, not exactly.” His laughter came out raspy. “Tonight’s special. Maybe it’s unusual, but I’m alright. Trust me.”
“Very well. I’ll trust you to feel the same once you are reunited with your father as well. He is expecting you.”
Of course; how dull. Noct’s grumbled. “There’s always something to look forward to huh?”
“Shame your companions from Tenebrae could not attend.” Gentiana’s fluttering lashes caught Noct’s attention. The rare colour of her eyes aligned with him and he felt himself go motionless.
“Yeah, Ignis would have been as uptight as the night of the collaboration gala though I bet.” Small talk and jokes were a bit easier with her since she was familiar, compared to others here he didn’t even know. Regardless, Noct couldn’t place this odd air she was putting off. He was curious.
“You speak a likely truth. And the Nox Fleurets …yes. A shame.”
He tried, “Were you hoping to see Lady Lunafreya? Probably been too long since the two of you had a chat. I’m sorry about that.”
A few tender seconds passed without further conversation. He was beginning to wonder whether he should have said it at all. His view shifted around the room until Gentiana at last gave her voice back again.
“Forgive me, young master. Childhood can often feel farther away than it really is.”
That was an interesting thing to say. Noctis leant closer so he could lower his voice and still be heard by her. This was a topic he didn’t mind exploring if he wasn’t harming her in some way. Best not to let others overhear. “You know, there’s nothing wrong with missing someone who matters to you. No matter how much time has passed. Next time, you might say hello to her on your own.” It’s not wise to tell his tutor what to do. Gentiana had a certain ice about her. Her emotions were rather on the cooler side, and whatever else there was, was cold. Yet in any case, he considered his advice carefully in the hopes that it might lift any spells hanging over her. “Y-You’ll be surprised how better off it feels to get that kind of stuff off your chest. And Luna is easy to approach. I’ll push to get her here for the next party so it’s easier on you, maybe. If you’d like.”
Noctis knew all about caring for someone over a distance. His circumstances were far from being identical to hers however, and he couldn’t justify why he’d jumped so fast to try and soothe her about it. He got the feeling somehow that she understood his intentions. Next thing he knew, the woman’s features were softening. His words reached her and turned that thoughtful frown into the beginning of a grin. It astonished him when her hands lifted and cupped his cheeks on either side in a loving cradle.
“Perhaps it is time that I am able to do as you suggest. You are right, Noctis. I believe you are becoming wiser every year.”
“Oh?” What a shock. That actually worked? Once the warmth of her palms had vanished, he ran a few fingers over his face. “I’m glad you think so…”
“Yes. You should go to Regis, now. It is not often I see the young master being with him as his son.”
Her words stuck straight to his heart. Thankfully so. It may have been the first time he managed to reach her in a way quite like this. She meant well obviously; unlike some, he thought. So, Noctis let his guard down long enough to embrace the woman and turned shades as he felt the silky-smooth texture of her dress against him. Pulling backward, he ordered his feet not to get tripped up. It would make his nervous self look pretty darn bad right about now. From over his shoulder as he went onward, Noctis swore he could hear Gentiana sighing a breath of relief. Curious.
He made his way to where he might find his father through the visitors as they celebrated in his name. The man was bound to be somewhere in this house keeping ears with big names and bragging about his son’s journey into adulthood. He could roll his eyes about it now. And Regis was sure to offer him strong to drinks tonight.
Noctis was no sober heir. Plenty dinners at the manor offered tastes of the occasional table wines – all of which were unappealing to him in every aspect – so he at least had the experience of knowing what alcohol was about. Even their effects on him were strange despite the chemical itself working well in recipes for their perfume. In this way, it was not uncommon to have that knowledge. In this case, drinking it would have to be a game of pretend as Regis wouldn’t know Noct already drank in earnest once before. That sort of revelation wouldn’t go over well. He couldn’t tell his father what happened the night he slept over with Ignis after running from home. He didn’t dare reveal the efforts of the same man who served as model to their brand. The one who offered brandy and embraces whilst discussing the ethics of romance. Those were pleasant memories to reflect on while searching, yet meant to remain only in his head. That was a secret to stay between himself and the man of mature drinking preferences.
The beverage itself was indeed suitable for loosening up both body and mouth freely.
Meanwhile, Noctis peeked past the railing on the top floor viewing downwards. Below, the mayor was making chatter with photographers accompanied by their journalists. Noctis had only seen these figureheads a few number of times, usually in gatherings for public affairs. They must have been thrilled to cover the party. It had the house in a stir. Their servants worked ceaselessly to please them, going back and forth with their trays and curtsies.
Between faces, it was an intimidating sight. Being born into their world, it didn’t make sense he didn’t feel like one of them. Rhythms of playing music spun pleasant emotions throughout the rooms like stirring a pot of soup and yet Noctis never thought himself an ingredient that belonged in this mix. He feared with every eye contact that his expression wasn’t true enough. That his back wasn’t straight, his favored bolo tie was too crooked, his enthusiasm was lacking. Maybe he hadn’t convinced anyone he was having a good time. The image of an ungrateful heir was a difficult thing to prevent them from perceiving in the aftermath. How would he know whether they already did?
Just as he was praying for another familiar face to save his patience from snapping, Noctis found himself in the unfortunate tangle of paths with his uncle. He heard prior to the party that Regis prohibited him from ‘causing a scene.’ It was a very specific conversation Noctis remembered when Regis swore consequences for his older brother should his warning go unheeded. The odd scene was uncomfortable then, but now (seeing Ardyn stumble in his every step) he couldn’t help but gawk. What would they say to each other while Ardyn was in a condition like that?
Noct prepared to say anything in defense of whatever drama the man was cooking up for fun. He gathered a breath, but Ardyn hobbled straight past him without so much as a glance.
“What the-?”
Noct stopped there between the pillars and gaped at the backside of his elder. He watched Ardyn take two glasses off the tray of a servant with their back turned and took sips from one after the other. Now there was a real alcoholic. Noct couldn’t think of it when a different so-and-so encountered him for a cozy discussion. That’s what he got for standing still.
Time slipped further and further away, draining evening into nightfall. Noctis held verbal topics with many in a row. Though the banter felt like a lure to entertainment at some degree, a few folks shocked him with genuinely nice things to say. He was met by encouragement from men and women of all ages acquainted Regis and the company, believing Noctis worthy of prosperity. There were instances he was actually glad for them and gave his thanks. Moving onto the next and the next however left him exhausted.
All in all, it’s nice, I guess. But is this really a birthday party?
More than one gentleman hailed Noctis with the offer for a glass. They were fair enough to inform him what they carried, insisting he indulge for the experience. To each, he declined. Not yet. If he were to dare drinking around anyone, it wouldn’t be around all these strangers. He didn’t even like the idea of Ignis witnessing the kind of mess he might turn into if-
“Specs?” Noct skid on his heels and took a step back. Had he seen him there just now?
Noctis slicked his fingers through the gel in his hair. Ignis hadn’t been invited to this event despite his consideration to give it a shot. Several situations dashed the hopes that he would. It was the right call going by his gut. Ignis shouldn’t around all this hustle and bustle. At least he was sparing him the lesser parts of this night.
“It would have been cool if you were though, wouldn’t it…” Noctis whispered to nowhere. No one picked up on it. He should know better than to pretend someone would care to hear.
He picked up his pace while checking here and there just in case. No, Ignis didn’t walk out of the kitchen carrying samples of his pastries in an unexpected surprise for him. And no, he didn’t come dressed in his best to mingle bearing the scent of Argutia, flavor of grape on the plump of his lips, ready to make comments that uplift him.
Some hour over later, Noctis finally found his dad and boy he was ready to get rid of the formalities. He wanted to shed his coat and just be the two of them for a while. They would probably have a heart-to-heart once getting away where he’d ask Noctis to try his choice of alcohol; a man’s drink with all legal right to indulge it. It didn’t strike quite as attractive with Ardyn waltzing about drinking enough of the stuff to swish like a barrel. The appeal of remotely getting himself to that state of intoxication was worse than being caged by all those powdered noses and high-wigs but experimenting with his father’s tales of familial wit wasn’t meant to happen the way he wanted either, Noct gathered. He caught Regis at the front of a huddle. Mouths were running and the clanking of cups made symphonies. The disappointment only elevated when Noctis approached them. With his parent looking so content, it would be rude to pull him away for privacy.
“Noctis!” Regis welcomed him. “There’s my son. Wonderful of you to join us at last!”
“‘At last.’ It’s me.” he opened his arms as invitation to an embrace. For some reason, his temperament got thrown off by the faces of onlookers who did nothing to fix the decline of his mood.
Noctis gave a methodical handshake to each of them. He maintained his posture as not to lead on that his spirit was dropping. Yet another boring conversation ensued then transformed into a dreadful drag on time.
By the time his circuits were frying, Regis was able to hand over a promised rich, vintage brew, reserved specially for this very day.
“You’d been dying to hand this over, haven’t you?” Noct smirked and took the fragile crystal glass to hand. He spun it a bit the way he’d seen the others do. Part of your plans, he internalized. He was trying not to act as bitter as this beverage smelled. Looking down into the cup, he puzzled over what exactly he was holding.
“You know I have, absolutely. This is the very same brand my father and I shared when I turned twenty-one.”
“How many years ago was that?” he took a bold risk making the quip but it loosened the knots around his heart when the lot of them laughed along. Noctis didn’t get what all the hype was about. His nostrils flared as he took a deeper whiff of the fluid. “And what about Uncle? Did he drink with granddad for his first too?”
Suddenly, his father’s cheer dulled. “Now that I think, I cannot recall. It would be interesting to ask him that story,” Here comes the scowl- yep, I was right, “but I regret to warn that my brother has had plenty tonight and may not fancy an account of the past. Your Uncle is well off, Noctis. Let yourself enjoy the rest of your night.”
His son raised an eyebrow. He gave up his chase to pin the spotlight on anyone besides himself. It would have been diverting but for the moment he might as well amuse their curiosity.
So, being an adult meant it was alright to drink this suspicious liquid serving as temptation to addiction? Noct grimaced as he sat the lip of the cup against his mouth and took a sample. Instantly, the walls of his mouth were slammed with the waves of its flavor. This seemed different from what Ignis shared back at the Libra those nights ago. This taste was extremely intense.
“Ugh! I can’t believe people actually like this stuff.”
His father groused out in sarcasm. He might have been anticipating this type of reaction. “Oh really, is that how you feel? You don’t like it?” He rested a hand on his hip.
“Dad, I can’t be the only one. This is terrible!” Noctis exclaimed. His cheeks flared up into a blush. He was disgusted with the drink! The fact this could exist as a consumable was a joke. He couldn’t fathom how the hell Ardyn stomached such a putrid thing. Straight black coffee would be better – no milk, no sugar.
It was a moment before Regis could coherently retort without giggling. “It’s alright, son. It’s more of an acquired taste.”
“Acquired is not the word I’d use to describe it.” His gave a slight shiver as a tingle sank in his stomach. His body held onto the aftertaste and his senses lightened by the second. These fumes were toxic. What if he’d gotten a bad glass?
“This brew has been fermenting for a while. The taste is natural, and so are the effects,” he winked. “Did you know some alcohols are even used in a few of the dishes you eat here at home? In restaurants as well.”
“The only way someone could drink this is if they couldn’t taste it at all.”
Regis beamed at his child. “Fret not. Why don’t you join us and we’ll make our way to the gallery? Noctis has chosen an excellent selection of artistic pieces from his projects to display for tonight. They will be worth admiring. Come, Noctis.”
One final chain reaction of positivity floated around them and their guests.
His brain was slipping again as he trailed the people beside his father in silence. That was it? Getting another chance to be with his father alone had little luck of happening anytime soon. Each time he fell behind everybody, his shoes squeaked to catch him up only to discover how unnecessary his presence really was in the grand scheme.
Regis proceeded touring into the atelier where some of his precious artwork was waiting to be viewed. Treasures in frames. Portraits of wonder and images that captured reality and emotion.
Noctis eventually stuck to the rear. Nobody turned around.
Dizzy eyed, Noct gazed to the bottom of his glass and realized it was empty. He’d done fine in finishing what he was given regardless of hating it. Nasty stuff. Every inch of him felt odd since those final drops slid down his tongue. What had it done to his temperature? Noct was warmer than he was earlier. He retreated to wander the halls and eventually went so far as to hand off his overcoat to a houseworker while skipping toward solitude.
There were notably fewer traces of activity in the manor in his way. He ambled in a crooked path, daydreaming to keep himself company. More of those revolting drinks found their way into his grasp. Two, to three and four emptied into him. He was certain at the end of the drinking that he couldn’t contain his giggles long enough to gain permission for another.
The heir began lifting his lips in a grin. It just formed there not needing any reason. Though, there was at least one…
Ignis wasn’t here, yet for the third time, he entered right into Noct’s imagination. He wrapped him up in a whirlwind of fantasies. Noctis wished he would run into him somewhere in his home, ask to steal him away and abscond to the stars. They’d joke about the alcohol, since Ignis probably had the experience being those two years older than him. “I could have warned you,” he’d say, and hide with him where no one would bother the things they would do that no one else deserved to see.
Wouldn’t it be great if he were here afterall? Inviting Ignis wouldn’t have been a mistake then. Gentiana was right in calling it a shame; that prospect to find closeness went right to waste, and on a golden night of Noct’s youth they’d never get back to share together. In that way, he wouldn’t have been alone yearning for someone to really talk to and be heard by. Ignis’ attention was a silver lining on more than one instance.
It was a good day; he couldn’t complain about it. It just didn’t turn out. Talk wasn’t as lively and there was no one to escape with. There was nowhere to elope, and no man in spectacles to go with.
But regardless of all this disenchantment, Noctis opened his arms wide and did a little spin with his feet. Didn’t seem there were any wandering eyes, so what was the harm? He had a secret no one else knew about. He was in love and didn’t have to tell a soul. There was someone waiting for him in the lower ring who longed his return to tell of the party, he was sure.
He drifted towards the south of the home in a gleeful one-two-three dance. In due course, he was finally beside himself – no butlers, nurses, or nosy pests– in the arms of an invisible figure. He pictured their collars hot and synchronized pulses in elevation. Noctis bit his lip at a blissfully fictitious set of hands on him. They guided him a lesson to remind where to move. He could feel wistful breath crawling down his neck, Ignis hanging over his shoulder, sending him into surges of joy. This time, he was sure he wouldn’t step incorrectly, or even worry about the coordination. Leadership didn’t matter.
How had he turned so serendipitous out of nowhere? Was this what drinks were capable of doing? Doubtful he could get away with having another ‘accidental kiss’ and yet the prayer of trying again swelled him up. There was suddenly no room for sadness with a goal like that on mind.
“What’s wrong with me?” He hid his smiling face behind two sweaty palms. He couldn’t blame this all on Ignis. It wasn’t very fair. It must be the wine. “So, this is why Ardyn always acts like an idiot.” He hadn’t a clue how he tolerated anything about these cursed drinks, but the effects were agreeably worth it.
Noctis wound up on the verge of a lit balcony facing the outskirts of the royal Caelum garden. The view was remarkable and charming, unrelatedly to having a blank space at his side. He acknowledged to have taken it for granted far too often. He fancied how the flowers pirouetted in the cool breeze made like ballerinas in wake of remnants from the ballroom’s music carried throughout the leafs. Noct’s clothes felt tight on him. His hair clung to his flesh and his eyes were growing lidded. His legs were in a state of friction and numbness all at once. Such a peculiar way to be.
He leant on the railing and gandered at all of the twinkling stars hovering up there in the sky, so carelessly and natural. Just the way they were meant to be. A galaxy of jewels gazed back at him, and somewhere out there beneath the very same blanket of diamonds was the one he adored.
Noctis stretched his fingers toward the moon liberated of worry for whomever might see. The wind caressed his skin. “A toast to you, my friend,” he said fondly. “Sorry I didn’t say anything… Guess I was too much of a coward.”
He wished he could go back and make a sublime request for Ignis to be his for the night that couldn’t possibly be rejected. He’d have plead if he had to. How different things could be if they never had to separate. There would be a hand to hold, and a lime pair of eyes to be lost in, always.
“Do you miss me? Because I miss you.”
The halls of the house began to echo the keys of a piano. What melancholic timing, but the pattern was nice and Noctis widened his grin at the sound, humming what he recognized to be his father’s playing. Imagine that.
From down below, a path of stones led to the entrance of floral bushes and rich wood gazebos. There, Ardyn’s lone drunken shadow crept into solitude greatly less welcomed. He grumbled at himself over matters unbeknownst to anyone, angrily slinging the scarf around his neck away – for the umpteenth time. It happened by chance that he spotted an unmistakable sight. Ardyn landed his blurry glare upon that of his nephew leaning there on the balcony of the higher floor, reaching out at the universe beyond. Now what on Eos was that boy doing so high and with mirth so bold? The man combated his intoxicated sway to stare up at him and the world just out of his reach.
“This would have been better if you were with me.”
The men were both pondering unattainable things… one more unaware than the other. Ardyn hadn’t quite overheard what the future successor was saying up there, but his pupils shrank in captivation when Noctis sent a kiss from his fingertips towards heaven.
Later into moonlight, Noctis swore that pleasant love-struck aura had followed him into bed. He hadn’t remembered how he made it to where the mattress enveloped him, but the party was over and the guests seemed satisfied so all was well enough in the end. There was a smile on Noct’s mouth refusing to vanish. The pillows weren’t big enough to take the place of another person and that admittedly retold him of how lonely sleep could be. But nothing stopped him from pretending that there was another heart beating right against his ear, and soul in yearning inside, just as he yearned for them in return.
Because of Ignis – absent though he was – Noctis drifted into a slumber that felt much less lonely.