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Gon watches as the sun rises into the sky again. He kicks his blankets over his legs and snaps his phone shut.
Gon flips his phone back open with his thumb. He doesn’t bother looking at the screen as he snaps it shut again. The snapping of the plastic is loud and bounces off the walls of his room. It’s a jarring sound against the quiet hum of the morning.
Outside, life on the island stirs in the morning light. Gon turns toward the wall. A warm square of orange creeps onto the floor from the edge of his bed. The borders are fuzzy against the shadows of his room.
He wonders if he should or shouldn’t. He flips his phone open. And then shut. And then open again. This time, he’s sitting up. Gon navigates into his contacts and pulls up Ging’s number.
Barely two rings in, Ging picks up on the other line. “It’s really early where you are. What’s going on?”
“I couldn’t fall asleep.”
Ging hums into the phone. He sounds like he just woke up. “Okay. Is something bothering you?”
“Yeah…” Gon slumps down into his bed onto his back. He twists the edge of a pillowcase between his fingers. “I can’t stop thinking about Killua.”
Ging breathes in deeply and exhales. On the other end, Gon hears sheets rustling. “Gon, I told you once already. Feeling bad about it isn’t going to change anything that’s already been said and done. You need to figure things out for yourself as you are now. Killua is doing the same. You have to let him.”
Gon looks towards the window. “It’s not that I want to change anything,” he starts, “...not anymore. Actually, I’m calling you for a different reason…” Gon says, and rolls over. “I changed. My feelings changed.”
Ging hums again, understanding. “Okay. How so?”
“I still miss him, and I still feel awful, but this is different,” Gon says, looking up towards the ceiling over his shoulder. “It’s like the way I think about him has changed. It’s so sudden, and I can’t get it out of my head. I…”
Gon laughs to himself about the rest of his thought.
Ging clears his throat, nudging Gon to continue.
“… I think it’s a crush,” Gon finishes, sinking further into his pillows. “That’s the easiest way to put it. Yeah… haha.”
Ging nods, briefly forgetting the gesture won’t be heard over the phone. “Right,” Ging says in its place.
“Killua… he would hate to hear me say it, but I knew he felt this way about me too, once. I didn’t feel the same way about him, but I didn’t mind it. I was just happy that he liked me, no matter how.”
Ging laughs and rubs his eyes. “You know, I figured that was the case. It seems you liked to tease him for it,” he concludes, smiling playfully. “That was pretty mean of you, huh?”
“I know,” Gon says, his voice soft and low. He sits back up. “I thought it was funny, but this isn’t fun at all. And he definitely doesn’t feel that way about me anymore. Even if he did, I’d still feel bad about it…” Gon pauses, “I want to call him all the time but he doesn’t want to hear from me, I don’t think. I feel like I can’t stop thinking about him until I do. And after we talk, the feeling is back again. I feel like I can’t leave him alone, even when we haven’t spoken in weeks. It’s driving me crazy. I want to tell him,” Gon trails off before catching his voice again. “I wish-”
“Gon, listen to me. No matter how you feel, one thing is going to stay the same. You have to respect his boundaries. You owe that to him. You know that. You’ve said it. That’s why you’re apart in the first place. Just because you’ve been alone, and realized something is different about how you feel, doesn’t mean anything actually changed.”
“I get that already. But in the meantime, what do I do?”
“In this case… you should think long and hard about what those feelings mean and where they’re coming from, for your own sake.”
Gon doesn’t say anything.
“You just need to be patient. That’s all.”
Gon still doesn’t say anything.
“You don’t want to make things any worse than they already are . Right?”
“Right,” Gon replies, snapped back to the conversation.
Ging sighs. “Be nice to yourself. These things… they just happen, you know? You have to let them, but you also have to make the right choices about them. You can’t screw that part up.”
“Yeah,” Gon tacks on.
Ging looks at the floor. “Have I lost you?”
“No, I’m just thinking about it.”
“Then you’re doing the right thing,” Ging affirms, picking his head up. “Don’t worry about it too much, not yet anyway. You have a lot of time to figure this out.”
“I’ve already been thinking about it a lot,” Gon admits. “I just can’t figure out what the next step is. After I’m done waiting.”
“You don’t have to. How could you? You aren’t even there yet. You can’t just be alone with your feelings for a bit?”
Gon laughs under his breath. “I guess I’m not very good at that.”
“No kidding,” Ging says and sighs again, rubbing the back of his head. “But you’ll do alright. I believe you’ll make the choice that makes the most sense for yourself and for Killua. Just be patient. It will make sense. Give it time. Nothing else is going to help.”
“Okay. I’ll try that.” Gon scoots up to the frame of the window and rests against it, the hazy orange catching on his forearms.
“Good. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later. Don’t get hasty!” Ging throws in before he hangs up.
Gon leaves his phone open to his side until the screen light turns off on its own. His eyes follow the slow roll of the waves off in the distance.
I can wait.
So wait for me too.
Pariston springs up onto an elbow, beaming. “You should start an advice column, Ging!”
“Shut up,” Ging says, his heart only half in it. It’s way too early for this bullshit. He tosses his phone into bed, not caring whether it hits Pariston or bounces onto the floor. “I’m aware of the irony.”
Pariston laughs and absentmindedly pulls on his bottom lip. “So Gon has a crush on that little Zoldyck kid? How cute!”
“I’m definitely not gossiping about this with you,” Ging says as he pulls a shirt on from the floor. It’s a button down, definitely not his.
“You aren’t worried about it?” Pariston says, flat. Fake concern is for everything else.
"That Zoldyck kid,” Ging air quotes, “has done more for him than you could ever dream of, Paris.” Ging tosses a pair of khakis behind him too.
“Amazing…!” Pariston says, muffled by pants on his face. “I surely can’t imagine, considering I go to great lengths all the time for those I care for.”
Ging shakes his head and leaves the room. Tripping into the pants his face caught, Pariston gets out of bed and follows him. He’s still blabbing, Ging’s ignoring him.
“So, when are you going to tell Gon he doesn’t actually have a mother? Maybe it’ll make him feel better, to know all about your first love?”
The belt to the khakis is still loosely undone, so Ging reaches back and yanks it out of the loops. Hard. “Don’t act jealous.”
“OW!” Pariston yelps, holding his ass and rocking left to right. “Poor kid. You’re SO incredibly mean!”
Ging wordlessly motions the belt to his side, signalling his turn. Pariston picks up the pace and rounds the corner into the bunker stairwell.