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Bucky woke up to Steve tossing and turning in their bed, crying and mumbling something unintelligible. He quickly sat up and grabbed Steve’s hand, narrowly dodging the fist that came flying his way at the gesture.
“Steve. Steve!” Bucky said, putting his hands on the larger man’s shoulders and pressing him back down onto the bed.
Steve’s eyes shot open and he frantically shoved at Bucky, not fully aware yet.
“Stevie, hey, it’s me. It’s just me, babydoll. You’re okay, you’re safe.”
Steve slowly stopped struggling, blinking rapidly and finally registering where he was.
“B-Bucky?” he said, his voice impossibly small.
“Yeah, Stevie, it’s me,” he said, letting go of Steve’s shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug.
Steve curled up as small as he could in Bucky’s arms, somehow managing to get his head tucked under the other man’s chin. Bucky shifted Steve so that his chin was hooked over his shoulder, assuming that it’d be more comfortable for the man, but Steve just whimpered softly and tucked his head right back under Bucky’s chin, nosing into the crook of his neck.
“C’mon, Stevie,” he said with a laugh, “That can’t be comfortable.”
He tried to move Steve again, but this time he didn’t even budge. He let out a whine and pressed closer to Bucky, curling up as small as he possibly could.
“Stevie?” Bucky asked, concerned, “What’s wrong, doll?”
Steve shook his head,.
“C’mon, babydoll, you can tell me. It’s okay.”
“I- just-” Steve broke off, gulping. “I- I can’t-”
“Deep breaths, doll. You gotta remember to breathe.”
Steve took a deep breath before spitting out, “Imissbeingsmall.”
“What?” Bucky asked, Steve’s words having been to fast from him to process that early in the morning.
“I miss being small, being held. I can't fucking sleep, Bucky, because I need you to hold me.”
“Oh Stevie,” he said, moving a hand up to cup the back of Steve’s skull. “How long has it been since you slept properly?”
“Could never sleep when you were gone, even before,” he whispered. “I just- You left, then you were captured, then you were dead, then you weren't, and then you were back with me, but you were sleeping somewhere else, then I was holding you, and I could sleep a little, but it just wasn't the same.”
“Steve,” Bucky sighed.
“I know it’s stupid, it’s just- I miss being small. Fitting in your arms, being yours,” Steve mumbled.
“Stevie, babydoll, no,” Bucky said firmly, kissing his hair. “You’re still mine, no matter how big you are. You’ll always be my precious Stevie. And you do fit in my arms, doll. I’ve gotcha. Don’t just hold this stuff in. I wish you’d’ve told me.”
“I- I didn’t think you’d want to hold me anymore, I guess. You seemed happier after I started holding you in your sleep. Didn’t wanna mess it up, make you leave.”
Bucky’s heart broke, and he took a deep breath, refusing to let his newly-formed tears fall, not wanting to make Steve feel worse. “Baby, I thought you wanted to hold me, so I didn’t say anything. I’ll always want to hold you, Stevie. You just gotta ask.”
Bucky laid down, pulling Steve with him, allowing him to curl up against his chest, still hiding his face in his neck.
“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t Captain America,” Steve muttered out of the blue. “Everyone expects so much. I’ve gotta protect everyone, I have to lead. Nobody knows who Steve Rogers really is. The Avengers don’t even seem to realize that I’m the youngest one here, other than Peter and Wanda. They expect me to be perfect, not to mess up. They only know the Captain, not Steve Rogers. Sometimes I wish I could just be Steve Rogers again.”
“Steve, you’ve gotta talk to people about this stuff. Let go of that mask you’re always wearing, let them in.”
“I just- I don’t even know where to start.”
“They still call you Cap most of the time, right?” Steve nodded. “Well, next time they do, correct them to Steve. You aren’t just Captain America, doll. You’re also Steve Rogers. Show them that.”
“I- I’m not sure how to be me anymore, Bucky. I lived my whole life as a tiny, sickly person, and now all of a sudden I’m giant and strong and healthy, and everyone expects so much, they all think they know me even though almost all of their knowledge is based on war propaganda.”
“Steve, you’re still the same person I’ve known since I was a kid. The guy who stood up for everyone and fought people five times his size, the guy who went to every protest and every march on every topic, trying to make the world better one step at a time. You’re the guy who decked someone for speaking in support of the Nazi’s, even before you had the serum.All that serum did was give you a bigger vessel for your spitfire personality. It didn’t change who you are.”
“I know you’re right, but it’s just hard,” Steve whispered.
“I know. I know, Steve.”
Steve yawned loudly, letting more of his weight fall against Bucky.
“Alright,” Bucky said, running his fingers through Steve’s hair. “It’s time for you to go to sleep.”
Steve nodded, content to snuggle into Bucky’s arms.
“Sleep well, doll. I love you.”
“Love you too.”