Work Text:
“I overhead Riko-chan saying you were cute.”
“Huh?! Really?"
Kazuki smiles as he hands you one of the pickles from his bag. He’s wearing his new shoes; Pink, purple, green and bright orange, and he's very proud of them ."What do you think of my shoe, Enta?" "Isn’t it cool Enta? " he kept saying, but you still can’t help but squint your eyes at it. "It’s very you." you would say, which is a fair assessment.
“Yeah...what do you think of her.”
“I don’t know...Kazuki...”
The sky is looking grey ish, but the forecast didn’t say anything about rain this week.
The wind keeps making the clouds slowly move, so sometimes the sun was there and sometimes not, and when it was it got right behind Kazuki, which made it suddenly difficult to see his face.
“She’ll be at that party this weekend. She said she wanted to...Kiss you.”
The sun doesn't let you see his face.
“Huh? Are you joking?”
“...Why would I, haha..? Anyway, we’ll come to the party, right? Me, you and Tooi?”
“Yeah...”
Out of nowhere there is a tug in your heart, beating in a weird, uncomfortable nostalgia.
“Kazuki...Hum..Do you remember that old dare from the soccer team?”
“Which one?”
“You-you know. That one.”
“The time they made you ask a stranger which year it was?”
“No!! You know...That one three years ago.”
“Oh! the kiss! Yeah, I remember. Why?
You keep up the casual tone, since it’s not like it matters.
“It was so stupid...Wasn’t it? I don’t know why i’m bringing it up. It was so stupid...”
“Huh. It’s kind of funny, isn’t it? I guess you were my first kiss.”
That doesn’t count at all...
You think, but end up not saying anything.
He puts his hand on your arm, still smiling, and says:
“Anyway, did you see Lionel Kappa’s last coke ad”
And he takes his phone and shows you just that, leaning on your shoulder.
---
Kazuki could be a little bit self absorbed.
You have known that for a while, but it is still an odd thought.
He still didn’t answer your text you sent YESTERDAY asking him where to meet for the party, which was annoying because you are sure he saw your question and then got distracted with something stupid. And now he wouldn't take your calls either...
You text Tooi again.
You: TOOI WHERE SHOULD WE MEET KAZUKI FOR THE PARTY
Tooi: idk he isnt answering. Why are you screaming?
You:its just caps lock you asshole. Its meant to convey intensity
You: (눈_눈)
Tooi:sure.
You roll your eyes.
Friends are supposed to love each other unconditionally, along with all of their flaws, and that's good because you are also flawed, as you know it too well...
You keep staring at the screen waiting for an answer.
"It’s kind of funny. Isn’t it? I guess you were my first kiss"
IT’S NOT FUNNY AT All WHAT A DUMBASS.
You close your phone because it doesn’t matter. He will answer when he can, and it’s not like you to obsess like you used to.
You are not in love anymore.
--------
Three hours later.
Kazuki: Oh sorry it took so long to answer haha. Haruka sent me a cat video and I forgot."
-
There’s a smell of alcohol around, but you didn’t drink. "Maybe next time" you say. What are you afraid of?
The music is loud though, and there’s too many people.
There’s too many people and you are sitting by her side because she asked you to, and you thought there was no reason not to; Even though you were with Kazuki and Tooi and you were all laughing at another cat video Haruka had sent and-
You cannot remember her name as she presses her lips to yours; And you let her because there is no reason not to let her. You just sit there doing nothing, and it feels like nothing; and she keeps doing it so your mind drifts to football; to a ball rolling on the floor, slowly. Rolling, rolling, rolling...
Until she seems to get bored and ask you something, but you don’t listen. The music's still too loud. As she turns the other way, you stand up and leave.
You pass by Kazuki stuffing his mouth with the free food and Tooi throwing a popcorn at his face, and seeing you their fun expressions fall.
"Enta?" Kazuki says" You look sick. What’s wrong? I thought that you..."
"I feel ill. I’m leaving."
And you keep walking. The air outside is cold, but it’s good that there’s no more music no more talking no more dancing no more-
Now to run home, because you want to; You want to be home and lay down, otherwise...
“Enta. Wait.”
It’s Tooi.
“We’ll walk you home.”
“Y-you dont have to.”
“...Eiko chan told us she saw you kissing a girl.”
"S-so?!"
And so what? You want to ask. What's with that look? Why does he look so concerned? What does he think? That you cannot kiss girls? You could like girls. There is no reason you cannot, there is no reason you couldn’t like kissing them, as far as Tooi knew, so-
Well you do look sick probably so he does have a reason to be concerned, right now, but-
"Guys!"
Kazuki suddenly walks out of the party, looking dumbfounded.
"Hey...Wait for me. Are we leaving, then?"
"...Yeah." Tooi replies.
"You look really pale, Enta..." Kazuki does look concerned; But then jokingly, with a smirk, adds :
"Was that kiss that bad?"
Your stomach turns and you really want to barf, turning turning turning.
You hate how awkward Tooi looks, and how Kazuki smirks and-
"Hahahhahaha!!!" Nothing else to do but laugh" Hhahaha. I’m just sick it was not bad. Not at all, I..I..."
"Enta...What happened?"
Why does he look concerned again, wasn’t he smirking just now?
"You are crying..."
"Ah-"
He awkwardly puts a hand on your shoulder, but you brush it away and keep walking.
"I-i d-dont know! I must be getting a c-cold!!! Eyes are weird sometimes they just do that!! Hahaha! Well let’s go..."
When you arrive at home, Tooi looks very intently as if he wants to say something, but you don’t give him the chance and run to your room, where you lay down, bury your head in a pillow and sob all night.
-
"...Enta..."
The sunlight is pretty warm through the empty classroom window.
Kazuki is asking something about last exam to a teacher, so the two of you are by yourselves that break, but Tooi looks more serious than usual, which makes you feel on guard.
"...I know that it's none of my business, but...Did you ever tell Kazuki how you felt?"
A shot of adrenalyne.
"Well I don’t like him anymore like that so what does it matter!!!??!"
"Nevermind. But he was very concerned for you after that party... He kept asking me if I knew if anything was wrong."
You stop to consider something, but forget what you were going to ask.
"Well. You don’t. Because it was nothing, really, and I’m cool now. Hey, did you see Lionel Kappa’s new coke ad?"
----
It smells of alcohol, because this time you took it and it was
A
Great
Decision.
People are so fun and it’s so good that there are so many people around to dance with you; You really do love all these people, they are so funny and fun and hummm- So that’s what it’s like to get drunk. It’s a little like being in a dream...Pretty nice...Yeah, pretty nice?
These strangers are FUN, specially one of the boys who's tall and has nice squinty eyes and keeps dancing besides you, mimicking your moves and getting closer.
It’s a little like being in a dream, really...Things moving in a different pace...The colors looking brighter...
And...And...
Kazuki...Tooi...where are they again?
And who are these people ? Why are you swinging your arms like that you must look so stupid and huhhhhhhh-
Where’s Tooi...Kazuki... It’s difficult to understand the words on the music and you keep stumbling around now, looking...Looking for them... Until you get to a bathroom, and now you are staring at your own reflection and wow, is that really you? The surroundings feel surreal and hazy and you stare at your own unfocused eyes. You look like a mess.
But a GOOD LOOKING mess, you think. Not bad. Not bad at all. Could be better, could be better but not bad at all.
And suddenly something like a strange inconclusive thought it feels you had before clicked, and you think to yourself, right then and there:
"I don’t want to kiss girls again."
You don’t have to try that again.
...It’s not as if you really ever thought you wanted to. Just that you were supposed to try.
Hum.
Is that all really not a dream...? Your reflection is still there, and then someone else comes in and you turn around.
Everything feels surreal so when this other boy that you don’t even know comes in you don’t blink.
Ah, you do know him. Or no-but you did just meet him. Right- you were just dancing with him, he was fun. One of the funny people, tall with squinty eyes. So you laugh and smile at him, because he was one of the fun kids that you were dancing with, and you are proud when he smiles back.
He says something that you don’t hear very well, and pull a strand of your hair behind your ear. He whispers, and now you hear it: " You're really cute."
This is a dream. All surroundings are spinning. Nothing is real , nothing is real; Your heart beats fast and he also smells of alcohol and you know nothing about him except that he isn’t real and just made you blush, so you lean in and kiss him.
And nothing is real so he kisses back.
First it sucks. Then it doesn’t. He is sloppy and you don’t know what you are doing, but you are pressed against the wall and it feels nice, even though nothing is real, so you press harder against him to make it a little bit more real, and he grabs your waist and your neck and then it’s real it’s real it’s TOO real you can’t breath you can’t breathe ah!
When you stop he stops too, and you hear him ask if you are okay.
You try to signal yes with you head, shivering, and he smiles, pats your head and tells you he’s going to find his friends. His voice echoes and echoes and echoes-
Your hands are shaking, Your feet are shaking. You grab your phone on your pocket but you can barely make out the tiny words on it, blurring and blurring, so you fall to the floor and sit there. It’s fine. It’s all fine, that all felt okay so you should just stop shaking and be happy.
You are kind of happy...maybe... In the weirdest way.
“Enta!”
Enta? That’s you name...and that voice...
“Tooi...”
“We were looking for you everywhere .You drank too much.”
He gets down to your level, and you feel giddy. There is a lot that you want to tell Tooi and you’ll never get another opportunity like this, so you do the obvious thing and tell him to come closer, to whisper in his ear:
“Tooi...I just kissedd a boyy.”
“That’s...that’s good?”
“Tooi...” You say as if it’s very funny.” I don't euven knowww his nameee...”
“There’s nothing wrong about that...people do that kind of stuff all the time...I think.”
“Tooii...Tooi!"
You rest your head in his shoulder, and the cloth in his hoodie is so warm and smells so gooood that you almost feel like taking a nap.
"...I misssedd ya sooooo much beforee...Yyou are sso... “
...You are almost yawning, but then you have a thought.
“Tooiii, I-“
...What was that thought again?
“I remember noww. You were the one paerfson whoo knew when...’en...-
Your voice cracks.
“When I lovfed ‘im...”
“...Then I... I i loved hhim so mU,ch.i...I lovfed him so muhch... I was craaaazy and i loved him I lov’d hhimmm. NSO MUCH. I was ckrazy...
Tooi seems to stiff, but doesn’t move.
“...You were not crazy...”
“I WAS!! Tooi!! Annn,d to keep bein' frends withm him... It was so hardd... Getting over ‘im while ssseeinggg himmm eeeeveryday, som'days i saw 'im as a golden sunn and ssomedays i’d see ‘im as stuped ssssstupid Kkazuki....And I have aaaall thes mmemories from THOS’ feelingss and even now ssometimes I...
“ SSometimes I...I still... Nnno... Ddid I teell you that... I loveddd him then sooo mmmuch but NOT ‘NYMOREEE ...Nnow I...I ddddont know aaaanything ‘nymoree haha ...I-I...hum im ccrying ag-gainnn right? What an idiotttt.
Tooi awkwardly tries to pat your back.
“Enta, we should get you somewhere you can drink some water...you are...”
His shoulder and the nape of his neck feel so comfortable and warm, you could just stretch over in them forever. Nothing is real, again, so you kiss his neck.
“Enta...”
You come out of his shoulder and look at his stupid face. His eyelashes are very, very pretty, and his freckles...
“Tooi...Tooi...You’re so stuuuuuuupid."
So you lean in, hold into his back and kiss him in the lips.
His lips are very...ugnn nice. But he isn’t moving...He isn’t moving so you stop and.-
“Enta...you are drunk.” He says, his face red-
Then a distant, distant sound of.
“Uhm.”
You stand up automatically, then lose balance and fall pretty much on Tooi’s lap.
That “Uhm” came from someone by the door. Thar person opens their mouth, then closes it again. Then opens it. Closes it.
Scratches his head.
“You know I’m just going to uhm... Yeah...” Kazuki says.
He turns around and leaves.
“K-k-Kazuki!”
You suddenly feel your stomach turn and your throat burn and the next moment you realize that you just vomited on Tooi, and in the next
You wake up next morning , blink once, blink twice and WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.
And why the FUCK is your head EXPLODING and you feel like you might vomit any moment what the fuck WHY is that bird outside singing so loudly it hurts your ear and oh god is that Tooi sleeping in the futon next to yours-
You JUMP, putting your hands over your mouth so you don’t SCREAM and run to the living room where-
“Good morning sleepy head! Made you your first hangover juice!! I’m so proud of my baby!"
Your sister then proceeds to pat your head as if this was an ordinary morning AND IT'S REALLY NOT.
“But don’t do it again!" She lightly smacks you.
“Otone!!! What is going on!”
“Huh? You dont remember anything? Aw, just like me the first time i drank that much! Remember to always drink a lot of water between your alcohol!
You do remember stuff.
Lots of stuff. You think? Was that- was that real?
“You really don’t remember when you got here?” She smirks "Swimming through life catching success, in the case of love it's ok to believe? ♪”
“I WAS SINGING?”
“Yeah, it was cute!” She looks a bit more sympathetic. “Then you cried.”
“I DIDN’T.”
“It's fine! I didn’t hear anything embarassing! To be fair you were mumbling so it was hard do understand, haha... Tooi-kun took good care of you, though. You could barely walk...It seemed fair to offer him a bath since you vomited on him and stuff, and it was late so I offered him to stay. Anyway, take your hangover drink! That should teach you to watch yourself next time.”
You down it in one go and it's as terrible as it looks but not as terrible as it feels when you can’t stop going through every detail you remember from last night. And Tooi is going to wake up any moment and what IS HE GOING TO SAY THIS IS SO AWKWARD. Why!!!! WHYYYYYY-
"WHY DID i HAVE TO GO AND KISS TOOI!!!!"
You scream but only on your head.
And- and and KAZUKI did he see it? Did he see it? WHERE’S YOUR PHONE, YOU NEED YOUR PHONE, is it in your room? But if you go you could go wake up Tooi and AAAAAA-
You could either run away or slip in very quietly to take your phone back , and you wouldn’t get very far with that stupid headache. So with your feet tapping as lightly as you can, step by step; Step by step, you come in and-
Tooi looks so peaceful sleeping with your pajamas. Wait. WITH YOUR PAJamas? Otone gave him one of your pajamas. Oh cool , cool. Thats fine. He does looks kind of pretty in it and STOP THINKING THAT.
Ok, there is your phone. Next to Tooi. Why is it there? Ok whatever. Carefully, very very carefully you take it, and unlock it and- No new message. None whatsoever, actually, the only new thing was THE MESSAGES YOU SENT KAZUKI LAST NIGht and oh god you have no memories of this.
You: Qere afe uou
You: Kszyku dpf ypy Str tTGat?
You: FO YOY Ht MW??,,,
You: PKEAV DNT GAtE ne"
You: ┐(´д`)┌
You: GOTRa gO tPOI WOMT ket NE TEXT"
Oh, okay you have no idea what you meant by any of that, and Kazuki probably won’t either, so it’s fine? Just drunk bullshit. It’s probably fine, BUT HE STILL SAW THAT KISS- Maybe you should ask him if he did? No you should totally not do that haha ha ha. Maybe something else later just to gauge his reaction, like, "hey dude what's up with homework yo?". Casual.
...You still remember Kazuki's face last night because it was so shocking. He looked...Weird?
Maybe...Maybe Kazuki does likes Tooi...like you suspected once.
“Hey.”
Tooi has his eyes open.
“GOOD MORNING.”
You almost scream. Why, why are you like that.
“...Are you ok?"”
"YEAH. ARE YOU?"
"...Yeah. I’m not the one who had like, two bottles of sake.”
“It was SO not that much! And I can handle my alcohol!!! I even woke up before you, see?"
“...Right.”
Silence.
You want to hide under the carpet.
“So-“
“T-Thanks for helping me out last night.”
“No problem. I...sometimes helped my brother out when he. Drank too much.”
Oh no.
“He could usually handle his alcohol though.” Tooi shrugs.
“Oh, I... Brought you back bad memories..."
“That’s not it at all. I just meant I have experience..."
“...I see.”
......
........
..........
This is unbearable.
“So lis-“
“SORRY!” You SCREAM.
“..It’s fine.”
"IM SO SORRY I-"
“It’s really fine.”
“Right! I was drunk. I didn't do anything wrong. As i never do- Obviously.”
He rolls his eyes and smiles.
“...So you got your phone again.”
“Y-yeah!”
“I had to take it from you last night. Sorry.”
“...Understandable.”
“...Did you hear from Kazuki?”
"No."
Tooi's face is so puzzling that you are suddenly SURE that He probably...He probably likes Kazuki too as you suspected once. And then you went and ruined that for the two of them, Which was absurd, as you didn’t like Tooi like that and you were OVER Kazuki so which business did you have in all of that?
Stop you are going into full conspiracy theories , stop thinking, stop thinking right NOW.
And breathe.
“Hum Tooi. Since you are here... I recorded last night’s game, so hey- do you want to watch that?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
-------
You:Did kazuki say anything to you yet?
Tooi: no
You: (ಠ⌣ಠ)
You:WHY DOES HE ALWAYS DO THAT
Tooi: It’s only been this weekend, we’ll see him at school tomorrow.
You:Hum yeah. I’m just...idk he looked upset
Tooi: ...idk
------
Kazuki misses school on monday, and that somehow makes you so mad that you go knock on his door.
Did Kazuki really think he would just disappear on you? Why would he JUST-
-And you just really need to gauge his reaction, this is making you go insane. You could barely focus on class and you spent all break complaining about Kazuki to Tooi, which was probably annoying Tooi too, and that thought makes you even more anxious now.
But Kazuki was so annoying that he wouldn’t even LET them know what he thought of the fact that he saw them kiss and instead just....
Kazuk'ed them.
Not like it matters that much, you are probably just. Exaggerating.
Breath. Breath.
When you ring the bell, you try really hard not to push all your anger into the sound, and tap it only once, casually-
And then Kazuki opens the door.
You didn’t expect him to do it.
There’s something weird for a moment about his expression, but after seeing you he keeps a smile plastered on his face.
All your anger deflates at once, and suddenly you are afraid that you will become just as timid and scared as you felt when-
“Oh, Enta. Hi.”
“I-i brought your homework!”
“...Thanks! Do you want to come in? Have some water?”
“S-some water would be good!”
You follow him and sit down, and you hate how awkward and small and meek you suddenly feel, and Kazuki still has that stupid smile plastered on his face, with his eyebrows going up and down.
“...So -So why did you miss school today.”
“I felt sick in the morning. But I'm better now.”
“I see...so hum...I just wanted to...A-about that night-“
“We don’t have to talk about that!”
“Oh...ok. I-i just wanted to...”
"Enta, shit, i think that I'm starting to have a headache again....I’m sorry I... I guess I'm sick after all!”
...
....
........
“OH COME ON KAZUKII! YOU ARE THE WORST LIAR!!”
“B-But it's true!”
“YOU DONT GET TO GHOST US LIKE THAT AGAIN!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW Anxious it makes me feel?????? At least answer my texts!!! KAZUKIIII!!!”
“...I’m just....”
He scratches his head.
“Sorry. You are right. I didn’t think you would mind...”
“WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT????”
Kazuki looks genuinely surprised and you understand nothing and oh god you need to stop screaming.
“I’m sorry...I need to process...Some things. And I’ve been trying to not take so long too answer, but sometimes it’s hard to believe that it makes a difference..To other people..." He drops the saddest "haha..." "..And hum...Just for today could we not talk about that?”
“...Yeah...”
It’s not like you never wanted to avoid a topic as well.
Not like you never lied, intentionally or not, to not talk about something.
You could also really be...
“I’m sorry too...For screaming.”
“You were right though...”
...
.......
"And for worrying the two of you. Before."
"It's fine too...I'm just glad you seem okay now..."
............
...................
"...And you know how much we care for you, of course it makes a difference..."
"Yeah. I know..."
.........................
................................
“Nyan-“
“Is that Nyantaro by the window?”
You look at him in the eyes, and the two of you burst out laughing.
-----
You: i talked to kazuki today.
Tooi:how did it go?
You: ╭( ･ㅂ･)و
You: he said he needed to process things and apologized for the ghosting.
You: Sorry i kept annoying you about it before.
You: Sorry in general.
You: (ｰ ｰ;)
Tooi: So kazuki isnt a "stupid selfish lionel kappa wannabe" anymore.
You: I WAS JUST MAD THAT WAS AWFUL i shouldnt say these things
Tooi: Youll just go back to talking shit about me then?
You: yeah go to hell fucking asshole
Tooi: ouch.
you:( ･ω･)っ≡つ
------
You arrive at school five minutes later, and Kazuki is there right besides Tooi, so you sit behind them.
What he said before really confirms everything. Kazuki likes Tooi, but didn’t realize it until now. And judging by the fond look on his eyes everytime Kazuki accidently smears ink over his notebook, Tooi liked him too. They would be cute together, of course but...
...Would...Wouldn't they spend more time together and... In these cases isn't the third friend like, a....-
STOP WRITING FIC IN YOUR HEAD, god, how much are you assuming? Assuming that your two best friends like boys just because you do, now, that’s just wishful thinking. You feel your cheeks and ears start to burn.
You manage to pay no attention to class, and when it’s over Kazuki turns around, eying both you and Tooi, takes a deep breath and smiling, says:
“So i did a lot of processing.”
“Uuh. Good?”
“And I’m sorry I got confused, but I get it now. And I’m really happy for the two of you!”
Wha-
“IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, REALLY!”
“Enta was not himself that night.” Tooi says, very calmly. “That’s what he means.”
“YES. It’s not like that, I mean, what I wanted to say before, is that I was REALLY drunk, and Tooi was helping me out - and also it was not Tooi’s fault it’s not like he wanted it at all HAHAHA he must have HATED IT anyway. Right Tooi? Right? So what I mean to say is that I was drunk and IT’S OK IF YOU LIKE EACHOTHER.”
You put your hands over your mouth FUCK YOU SAID IT.
“I DONT LIKE TOOI!”
Kazuki says, suddenly red as pepper.
“...Enta..” Tooi says. “I can’t believe I have to say it...You are the one he likes.”
“I DONT LIKE ENTA.”
Kazuki screams again, and you mumble-
“WHAT. Why-why would you think that he-“
“Wait.” Kazuki says.” He puts his hands on his temples as if mentally making a very difficult calculation. “Wait a second I’ll be back i just need to be alone real quick-“
He stands up and goes to the door.
"What."
You look at Tooi and Tooi looks at you. The two of you are also red. Everyone is red. What is going on.
“...Is he coming back?”
“Dunno.”
“Huh...”
...
“I...didn't hate it.” He says.
“What?”
“...Nevermind.”
...
Now it’s your time to make that difficult mental maths on your head. Didn't...hate it...You had just said that he had probably...
Your heart stops
And now Kazuki's back too.
“OK!” He says. “So I did a little more of thinking and hum-“
He adds the next part very silently:
“...I want to see something. So if you want to...Can i...Huh...Try kissing the two of you?”
Your whole body freezes.
“I mean the two of you tried it and i was thinking that...”
Tooi looks at you and then back at Kazuki and then at you and then back at Kazuki.
“...Kazuki...are you mocking me?” That’s all you can say.
“What?! Of course not!”
“B-b-be-because you must know that I used to...U-used to...R-really R-REALLY like you, so if you say things like that to amuse yourself... It’ll really hurt me.”
“What?!”
“I shouldnt be here.” Tooi says and then tries to stand up, but you grab his arm.
“NO.”
You don't even think about it. You just don’t want him to leave.
“It's not...It was not to amuse myself. Enta...Tooi...haha...” He sighs tragically “ I keep messing up... I’m the one who shouldn’t be here...”
“YOU ARE ALL SO STUPID STOP SAYING THAT.”
“What i meant to say was that huh. What i was thinking about... Was that i also...Hum. This is difficult to say...Did you really like me Enta?”
“Y-yeah...it was embarrassing.”
“I don’t think it’s embarassing at all...Enta...Tooi..."
He takes a deep breath, and continues.
"Even if I don't have a chance... I might also really, really... No i definitely do... Really really like you? Or...huh- love?”
“B-both of us? "
“...Yeah.”
"WAIT I’LL BE BACK."
Running to the door, you feel that that’s it. That’s when you wake up, so you punch a wall REALLY hard and OUCH OUCH OUCH-
You feel your feet trembling again.
Your heart is about to come out of your mouth. You can’t breathe you can’t breath and YOU LIKE TOOI AND KAZUKI TOO.
How could you not see that before! FUCK they are so STUPID. You hadn't understood because it didn’t feel quite like the first time you were in love, and it's because it was different; You were different, they were different, everything was different, maybe, but in a way still much the same? FUCK FUCK-
BREATHE. BREATHE.
You can’t breathe.
And...fuck is that water in your eyes you cannot cry now, not now...
“Enta!”
Kazuki and Tooi are by the door, and you run to them and JUMP in a hug, putting your arms in both of their shoulder, still sobbing.
“I LOVE YOU GUYS!!”
In a circle, you cling to them, with your head down, trying very hard to stop weeping.
“...I...I do too...Kazuki...Enta...”
Kazuki and you simultaneously throw yourselves on him, holding tightly on each of his arms.
"I didn't think this could ever happen..." He says quietly.
You bury your face in Tooi’s shoulder, feeling your tears wet his shirt, embarrassingly.
“Tooi!!! TOOI!!! “
“I...i...Tooi...Enta...I-“
Kazuki’s voice cracks and you notice he had started weeping too.
You go to cling to Kazuki’s shoulder, and he looks at you and dries one of your tears. There are butterflies out of control in your stomach.
“Kazuki...K-kazuki, I...”
And then you suddenly think "WHY NOT" and put your hands on his cheeks, like you saw in some romance movie, and you are about to lean in, but you suddenly freeze. Can you really do this?
But Kazuki closes the distance, with a hesitant hand in your waist, like...Like a chivalrous gentleman and...And...
HE SUCKS AT KISSING, so you take the lead and show him. Not like you are great but huh much better than him if you say so yourself. But does that matter? Your heart is taking leaps from beginning to end, and his hand caresses your back, awkwardly, and it's very... Nice...He plants a smooch to the corner of your mouth and in response, you lovingly kiss his cheek, and then stop and just look at him in the eyes. His warm eyes, and his cute eyebrows.You never thought you'd feel like you are allowed to stare at him so directly, and now he's staring back, tenderly, and your heart is full of sun, and... You are an idiot, so you start to sob again, and you turn to Tooi.
You bury again your face in Tooi's chest, and hug him tightly. This time it’s definitely real. You look up and he is so aghast that you hold his hand and kiss it. Wait- Was that stupid? That was probably stupid. But he is blushing so much, and it makes you feel bolder.. His thick lashes and freckles...
You grab him by his collar and kiss him again. It’s so different...Kissing people...When you are sober...
He’s stiff but slowly softens, placing a hand on your hair, and Oh...That's not bad at all...
And then Tooi drops his head on your shoulder.
“Ah...”
You put a hand on his back and he looks so vulnerable there that your heart...
That your heart...
You take a quick glance at Kazuki who seems to be having the same though, and you silently bond over how adorable he looks right now.
“Ah!” Kazuki suddenly says as if a light flickered in his head. “Does that mean that kiss was not a dare from the soccer team?”
Tooi turns to look at him.
"God Kazuki." He says" You are such a dumbass"
“Buuuut. - he answers in a singy songy way "You still said you like me!”
Kazuki leans in to kiss Toii, and you are afraid of what might happen because they don’t share your KISSING EXPERTISE-
And it is as awkward as you thought it would be, but it’s fine because you would still teach them-
The three of you then look at one another, and you feel your ears burn again. Everyone is red.
“So- “ Kazuki says “Haruka sent me a new cat video that you guys need to see.”
-------
The three of you watch the video, and then some more, leaning on each other; Everyone is still very red, and your feet are still trembling a bit, and you are still tearing up a little bit every 5 minutes or so.
---
You heard that you are supposed to love your friends unconditionally, with all of their flaws. Which is good, because you are flawed as well, as you know very well.
...And you are lucky, too lucky, because you really do love them a lot... A LOT- and you cannot stop smiling for the rest of the day. It’s stupid...So stupid...
It's a cloudy day, not sunny at all, even though the forecast didn't say anything about it. But it's still warm, somehow, with gentle faded lights coming in through all the windows. You wonder if it would rain.
That thought suddenly makes you irrationally scared, for some reason, so you shiver; But they are holding your hands, and you are so happy that you try not to tear up. But you still tear up anyway, and they laugh tenderly at you, while you smack their heads for being insensitive. Even if it rains then, does it matter? It's warm inside, and it SO STUPID. THEY ARE SO STUPID, YOU ARE ALSO STUPID, EVERYTHING IS STUPID.
You really are in love.