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Abby Griffin was possibly the best and worst thing since the grounder fight.
Bellamy often found himself wondering if this was meant to be his punishment for all of his sins.
Someone up there must be having a laugh at him because the idea of spending the rest of his life with someone who was like Clarke but wasn't Clarke was the worst thing ever.
Her hair was too dark, her eyes the wrong color and she was two decades too old.
But she was a doctor and had the same fighting spirt as Clarke.
And for that alone, Bellamy could barely stand to be in her presence for long.
*
Finn, of course, was always happy to be in her company.
"It's nice to spend time with her. She knew Clarke better than the rest of us," he said one night when he and Bellamy were drinking.
Bellamy disagreed but never responded.
Ever since the fire, Bellamy and Finn were the only ones left of the 100.
When they came across the survivors of the Ark, Finn was happy to join them. Bellamy followed reluctantly, he knew he couldn't survive on his own.
And he knew Clarke would have wanted him to make the best decision for their people, even if it was just Finn.
*
Bellamy dreamed of her quite often. More than he dreamed of Octavia or his mother.
In his dreams, he is able to see her without the feelings of guilt and grief.
(In real life, almost every thought of her is paired with sadness and regret.)
It's always sunny. Her blonde hair always glows. Her eyes are bright and she is always so bright, warm, and alive.
*
Some nights he dreamed of the kiss.
It wasn't really a kiss, his lips brushing hers for barely a second. But he dreams he kisses her again and again.
And this time she kisses him back.
*
After the fight and the fire, he and Finn went back to camp.
They didn't find anyone.
But Finn found a trail.
*
The trail was hard to follow. Finn was only able to track it for a few miles before it disappered.
That night Bellamy got drunker than he had ever been. So drunk that he yelled at Abby fucking Griffin for sending her daughter here, for signing her own daughter's death warrent, for looking like her, for coming down to earth herself.
It took Finn plus two others to drag him away.
*
After that, Bellamy's dreams turned into nightmares.
He dreams of Clarke, bloody and broken, screaming at him, yelling at him to help her.
But he is always too far away.
He never reaches her in time.
*
Two weeks after he yelled at Abby and a month after the grounder fight, Abby Griffin herself came up to him.
He was keeping watch, he didn't sleep, he didn't like the dreams.
She asked him about the 100 and his sister.
She asked about what foods were safe to eat.
"What were you to my daughter?" She finally asked.
He scoffed, "I was her co-leader. I was her friend."
She stared at him, Bellamy didn't bother trying to hold the stare, he just wanted her to leave him alone.
"I think maybe the better question is what was my daughter to you?" She asked calmly.
Bellamy turned toward her, her face was calm, serene almost. Instead of answering her question he said, "Clarke was angry with you, she didn't trust you or the Ark anymore. We were going to go east, to the ocean before all of this happened. We were all going to live.
"Then why is my daughter dead?" Abby asked.
Bellamy couldn't form the words.
*
He didn't like thinking Clarke was dead.
She was always so alive, he couldn't imagine her lifeless. He couldn't imagine her blue eyes blank and glazed over.
He couldn't imagine a world without her, he didn't want to lead without her. Hell, he barely wanted to stay alive without her.
*
He thought about the weeks after the sorta kiss.
He never mentioned it. And neither did she.
Now he wished he did.
*
Finn came to him one morning.
"You loved her, didn't you?" He asked sadly.
Bellamy pushed past him and muttered, "I don't know what you are talking about."
He didn't love Clarke, he couldn't have.
Because if he did love her, he didn't know if he could live with himself.
*
Two long months after the grounder attack, she appears.
It's the middle of the night, Bellamy is keeping watch, the fire was getting low, and they used the last of the firewood. He kicked the next guard and montioned toward the fire before heading off deeper into the woods.
He walked a little into the woods, the moon was full and bright. It made everything glow.
Octavia would have liked that.
He began to collect firewood when he heard a twig snap somewhere in front of him.
His head snapped up. His hand automatically going for the knife he had.
He thought he was dreaming when he saw white figures start coming out of the trees.
He knew he was dreaming when he saw Clarke.
One of the figures yelled, "Bellamy!" Before the figure tackled him into the ground in, what was suppose to be, a hug.
"Get the hell off me, Jasper," he grumbled pushing the younger boy off him.
Jasper grinned, "Sorry, it isn't every day when someone comes back from the dead."
Bellamy pushed himself off the ground, "I could say the same," he said while looking at the rest of them.
There were only 20 of them. He saw Raven and Monty off to the left.
They all looked relatively healthy and fed.
He walked toward Clarke, "It isn't like you to be so quiet, Princess."
"Shut up," she said before throwing her arms around his neck.
He caught her around waist, she was warm and real. He brushed his lips on the top of her head.
"I thought you were dead," she whispered into his collarbone, "I thought I killed you."
"You gotta try a lot harder than that, Princess," he whispered back
*
Finn was shocked to see them all alive, but no one could be more shocked than Abby Griffin.
Clarke hugged Finn but didn't bother hugging her mother. Bellamy tried not to be too happy about that.
*
That night when Bellamy was on watch, Clarke came to him. She was wearing different clothes. Not the white ones she came in.
She told him about the Mountain Men, how they took Anya, and how they had technology. She also told him she thought there were more taken, but it looks like they had died on Mount Weather.
"I don't want to stay with the Ark," she said softly.
"Neither do I, but what choice do we have?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes.
"We go east, like we planned. We take what we can and we go," she said.
Bellamy looked at her, the camp fire making her glow. Her blonde hair was the cleanest he has seen since they landed. She looks determined and strong.
She looks like Abby. He used to think they looked nothing alike but now he sees that they have the same cheekbones and the same eye shape.
"You would leave your mother?" He said gently.
She nodded, "We have to, I don't trust her. She wants to colonize earth. We can't be a part of that. I won't let us be a part of that."
Bellamy nodded.
He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell that he could barely live without her. That he never wanted to leave her side again. That he needs her, he needs her so much it hurts. But he doesn't say it.
"Clarke, I missed you," he said in a almost loving tone of voice.
She smiled and leaned her head against his shoulder and said, "I missed you too,"
Tomorrow they would plan, they would tell the Ark survivors and Abby. They would tell the last 20 of the 100 tomorrow. But tonight, Bellamy refused to think about that. Tonight would be theirs.