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The ocean was huge. It stretched further than Bellamy could see.
It reminded him of space, of the Ark.
(Of course the Ark wasn't there anymore, it was down on earth.)
Their small group of 22 had been at the ocean for two weeks.
Two weeks of figuring out what was safe to eat, and how to set up tents, and how to keep everyone from not drowning.
It was beyond stressful. And Bellamy was glad Clarke was there to help him.
*
The food had been Clarke's biggest worry.
But once they arrived, it was clear food wouldn't be a problem. Seaweed, fish, clams, and crabs were all there and easily available.
Water was another issue. They couldn't drink the ocean water. But Miller had found a small fresh water stream close by.
(Bellamy was internally grateful that Miller had lived.)
They set up camp in between the ocean and the stream.
*
The weather was different, warmer, the air felt thick. Bellamy disliked it.
When Clarke had asked, he said it was because it made his hair curl insanely. Clarke had laughed loudly at that.
She had pushed some of the hair off his forehead and said, "I like it, it makes you look younger."
*
The swimming was another thing. None of them knew how to swim. But Clarke conviced Bellamy to learn with her. That way they could teach the others.
Bellamy had shed his shirt and taken off his shoes and socks.
Clarke took off her over shirt, leaving her in a undershirt. She also took of her shoes and socks.
They went in the water until it hit Clarke's waist. Clarke dunked her head under water, she started moving her arms underwater.
Bellamy watched her for a while before her blonde head popped up from the water.
"How do you know how to do that?" He asked confused. The Ark didn't have bathtubs. And they rarely went swimming back at the first camp.
She shrugged, "My dad used to watch the old Olympics. He loved the swimming."
Clarke began to float on her back for a few minutes.
She then stood and grabbed his hand.
"Come on, Bellamy, it's fun. I promise," she said as she tugged him in to deeper water.
She made him practice the arm motions for a while.
"Ok now you have to try floating," she told him.
She coaxed him on to his back. She placed one hand on the small of his back and the other between his shoulder blades. Her hands were warm and comforting. Then the support of her hands were gone.
He floated there on his own for a few minutes. He felt something bump him, and he looked out of the corner of his eye to see Clarke floating next to him.
He carefully moved his hand closer to hers, he threaded his fingers with hers. They floated there until they heard Monty yelling at them to come and eat.
*
He wasn't in love with Clarke, he just needed someone.
His mother was dead and Octavia was off with her grounder.
And Clarke must need someone too.
(Finn and Raven must have patched things up, because Bellamy has seen them share a tent.)
Clarke left her mother back at the first camp. Her dad was dead, Wells was dead.
They just needed someone.
*
And who cared that they shared a tent? Tents were a lot of work to make. And everyone else was sharing. Plus they needed their privacy to make decisions about the camp.
It didn't mean anything.
They slept in different beds.
He just needed Jasper to stop smirking at him every night.
*
Monty and Jasper made their first batch of moonshine two days later.
Clarke had sent the younger kids off to bed before she allowed anyone to drink.
The moonshine burned his throat as he downed his first cup.
By his third cup, he barely felt it.
Bellamy sat on the beach, he could hear the others behind him laughing.
He listened to waves breaking on the shore, Octavia would have loved the ocean.
She would probably never get out of it, if she was here.
Bellamy didn't hear Clarke approaching, in fact he didn't hear her until she sat on the sand next to him.
"What are you thinking about?" She asked.
He shrugged, "Nothing."
Clarke rolled her eyes, "It isn't nothing. It's Octavia, isn't it?"
He nodded.
Clarke sighed, "We'll find her, or she'll find us. It'll happen eventually."
"What about you, Princess? Why are you out here with me?" He asked. When Clarke was drunk, she tended to like being around people.
She shrugged, "I don't know, I didn't like thinking you were all alone out here."
Bellamy brushed sand off his pants, "Well, I am fine," he said as he moved to stand up.
Clarke suddenly climb into his lap, she straddled him. His eyes went wide, breathing got a bit hard.
"Do you remember that day in the dropship? The day you kissed me?" She asked softly.
He nodded.
"I think about that a lot. I think it's because we never talk about it," she said as her gaze went to his lips.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked.
Clarke shook her head, "No, I just wanna do it again."
With that she lowered her mouth to his.
Bellamy was pretty sure he stopped breathing all together.
He placed his hands on her waist, meaning to lift her off him, but all he did was pull her tighter against him.
He bit down on her bottom lip and her mouth opened for him.
It didn't matter that they were both drunk and lonely. Kissing Clarke made him forget all of his problems. It didn't matter that he was a 23 year old leader of a bunch of criminals. It didn't matter that he had lost his mother and his sister. Nothing mattered, expect Clarke.
*
They didn't talk about that kiss either.
The days after their second kiss seemed to be filled with avoiding each other.
Bellamy wished Octavia was here. She would know what to say to him. She would give him advice about Clarke, whether he wanted it or not.
He forgets that she isn't there sometimes. On the days where the sun shines bright and the ocean sparkles, he looks to his side, expecting Octavia to be there.
She isn't. And it hurts so bad he can't breath.
He looks for Clarke then. Even if he only a flash of blonde hair, breathing becomes easier.
*
Bellamy starts spending time with Finn again.
The reason is purely selfish, he wants to know what is going on with between Finn and Clarke. It seemed like whatever they had was over, but he needed to make sure. And since he is avoiding Clarke, Finn seemed like the obvious choice.
He decided to just ask right out. But fucking Finn beats him to it.
"What's going on with you and Clarke?" Finn asked as they shucked clams.
Bellamy doesn't really have a answer. He could tell Finn that they kissed two times. But somehow that felt wrong, like he was betraying her, somehow taking away something from it.
So he just shrugged and said nonchalantly, "Nothing,"
Finn sighed, "Figured that you don't care"
"And you do?" He snapped.
"Care about Clarke? Yeah I do care. She doesn't care about me. Not like that anymore. But she cares about you, even though she should know better," Finn said almost angrily.
Finn took a deep breath and said slightly calmer, "She even told me to go back to Raven. That Raven loves me more than she ever could."
Bellamy could see Clarke saying that. But he can't see Clarke caring about him anymore than she cares about Jasper or Monty.
"Why do you care about me and Clarke?" Bellamy finally asked.
Finn looked him square in the eyes, "Because I loved her. And now, I think, she loves you. Or at least she is on her way to that. I think she started to when we had that grounder fight at the first camp. She mourned you while she was at Mount Weather."
Bellamy looked at his feet and asked quietly, "How do you know that?"
"She told me. Well, she told Raven that she couldn't stop thinking about how she left you out there alone. And she told Monty when they escaped that someone should miss you, and remember you, because Octavia was gone and didn't know what happened," Finn said.
Bellamy stayed silent. He couldn't imagine Clarke mourning him. Guilt and regret, yes. But sadness and loss, never.
He almost wished he could have seen that.
*
He finds Clarke on the beach that night.
She is lying on her back, her eyes on the black, clear, sky above them.
He sat next to her.
He took a few deep breaths before saying, "I think we need to talk Clarke."
She doesn't move when she answered, "About what?"
"You know about what," he said annoyed.
"I know but I want to hear you say it," she responded calmly.
He sighed, "Fine, I want to talk about the kiss."
Clarke sat up, she pushed her blonde hair over onto one shoulder. She looked at him expectantly.
"I-, fuck, Clarke, I am no good at this. But it's happening. I need to say it and you need to hear it, ok?" He said.
She nodded.
"I need you, but not just in a co-leader way. In like a I-couldn't-breath-when-I-thought-you-were-dead way. And I don't know what I would do without you,"
He paused for second before he continued,
"It's taken me a while to figure this out. I know I first kissed you back at the first camp but, that wasn't even a tenth of what I feel now. I don't know what this is called, I don't know what you want me to be. But all I am saying is that I am not going anywhere. I will never, ever, leave your side again. I am here, until the bitter end, when we either starve to death, are killed by grounders, or die of exposure, I am with you."
He looked away from her, he felt her eyes burning into his head.
She brushed his hair off his forehead, and lightly kissed his cheek.
"We won't die of starvation. And I have plans to build a more stable and protective camp. I have been talking to Raven about it," she said.
He threaded their fingers, "Really, Princess? Going behind my back? You know I hate this weather," he said, smiling slightly.
She laughed, "I knew you would veto the idea. I was trying to see if we could build a whole building without you noticing."
He laughed, in what felt like the first time since they landed on earth.
They sat like that for a while, their hands together and their legs touching.
He felt happy and comfortable. The sand was warm and Clarke's hand was soft.
It felt like home.