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“All I’m asking is that you tell me if you’re going to be home late!”
Connor rolled his eyes. For twenty minutes now he and Evan had been arguing, all because Connor came home late and Evan was all freaked out over it.
“I don’t get what the big deal is, all I did was stay late at work!” He snapped.
“But I had no way of knowing that!” Evan was pacing around the room, his hands never staying in one place. First he’d be wringing his hands, then he’d be rubbing them on his pant leg, then they’d be flying around, gesticulating as he spoke. Connor, however, was sitting on the sofa, hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees and his head placed in his hands. He was tired, no, exhausted from the extra shift he took last minute. He and Evan weren’t exactly living comfortably and he thought it would be nice to have the extra cash. The one thing he had been looking forward to was coming home and going to bed with his boyfriend in his arms but instead he was greeted by a panicked and anxious Evan, demanding to know where he’d been and if he was alright. If he hadn’t been so tired, maybe it wouldn’t have turned into an argument but Connor was on edge and so was Evan. It didn’t mix well.
“You’re overreacting,” Connor told him, annoyance dripping off his tongue. “I was working, trying to make us some extra cash.”
“You’re not listening to me,” Evan said. He’d had tears welling up in his eyes with frustration ever since Connor had gotten home. “This isn’t about where you were, it’s about how I didn’t know where you were for hours when you were supposed to be home!”
“I’m sorry,” Connor snapped, shooting up from his seat, causing Evan to take a step back. “I didn’t realize I had to run every decision I made by you first!”
“You don’t!” Evan shouted back. “But I would appreciate it if you informed me of those decisions instead of leaving me here to sit and wonder! Your phone was off, for all I knew you could have been hurt or dead and I would have no way of knowing!”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Connor hissed. “If you have a problem with how I run my life then maybe I’ll just go so you don’t have to worry anymore!”
He stormed over to the front door, pulling his shoes on.
“Connor, stop,” Evan begged.
“I’ll come back when you’re ready to give me some damn breathing room,” Connor barked, grabbing his keys and pulling the front door open.
“Senior year!” Evan shouted, most definitely waking their neighbors. Connor froze in the doorway, but said nothing in response. “I know you remember what happened. I know you can’t forget it and neither can I.”
Still, Connor did not move or speak.
“Maybe I’m too clingy, maybe it annoys you that I always want to know where you are, but I can’t help it! Any time you miss a phone call, any time a text goes unread for too long, any time you don’t come home when you tell me you will my mind immediately goes back to that day.”
Connor could tell by the shakiness of his voice that he was crying. His own jaw had started to quiver, but he remained standing in the doorway.
“I’m going to Zoe’s,” he finally said, slamming the door shut behind him.
Connor stood outside the door of their shared apartment for a few seconds, half hoping Evan would come out after him but half knowing that that wasn’t Evan and that that’s exactly why he did leave.
He knew Evan had a point. He should have called, should have let him know he would be home late, and he should have said that from the very beginning. But he was tired, and he was stressed and that’s no excuse for reacting how he did to the situation, but despite working on it with his therapist and making some progress, Connor had yet to gain the amount of control over his emotions that he needed.
On the other side of the door, Evan hadn’t moved even a fraction of an inch. He stared at the door with tears falling down his face, trying to keep his breathing under control.
He knew Connor had a point. He shouldn’t have gotten so mad that it slipped his mind to call, shouldn’t have started yelling when all Connor wanted to do was get some rest and talk in the morning, and he should have listened to him from the very beginning. But he was panicked, and he was terrified about what could have possibly happened to him and that’s no excuse for reacting how he did, but despite working on it with his therapist and making some progress, Evan had yet to gain the amount of control over his anxiety that he needed.
Realizing this—a bit later than he wished he had—he started trying to talk himself down a little.
He’ll be back, he told himself. He just needs some time and a little bit of space. If he didn’t care anymore he wouldn’t have told you where he was going.
Patting his pockets in search of his phone, he looked around the room, spotting it on the end table nearby. He sent Zoe a quick text—or maybe not so quick as his hands were still shaking.
Hey Zo. Got in a fight with Connor, he stormed out and is coming over, let me know when he gets there so I know he’s safe
All he could do until then was sit on the couch and try and find something to do until then. Sleep was out of the question; there was no way he’d be able to get any rest knowing Connor was angry with him.
Connor didn’t have much luck sleeping either. He always knew Evan worried about him, and it was nice to know that he cared enough to worry, but he didn’t know he still thought about that first day of their senior year of high school. He would have felt guilty about the whole situation anyway, but hearing him say how terrified he is that it’ll happen again made Connor wish he could have done that night all over again.
“Have you called him yet?” Zoe asked, carrying two plates of eggs and toast to the table.
Connor shook his head.
“You should at least let him know you’re okay. He knows you got here safe and everything, but he needs to hear from you that everything’s going to be alright.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “Just not looking forward to how that conversation’s going to go.”
“The only way your relationship with Evan is going to work is if you talk shit out instead of putting it off for as long as you can. Bite the bullet, rip off the bandaid, get it over with so that neither of you have to suffer any longer,” Zoe told him, shoving a forkful of egg into her mouth. She had a point though. The sooner he just did it the sooner things could go back to normal. Of course, he couldn’t tell her she was right. He would never give her the satisfaction.
“You just don’t want me to spend the night on your couch again,” he said.
“I really don’t. So suck it up and call your boyfriend, and next time don’t be such a dumbass.”
“Love you too,” he said sarcastically, getting up and heading to the living room to grab his phone.
He sighed seeing all the missed texts. Things like “I hope you’re okay” and “I’m sorry I bothered you” displayed on his screen, a weight starting to form in his stomach as he realized the messages got progressively more sloppy and unintelligible. Seeing the text he had from Jared confirmed his suspicions.
Sorry I got your boyfriend drunk
Figures. Of course Evan would call Jared and of course Jared would opt for alcohol instead of actual comfort and advice.
All he had left was a single voicemail from Evan. He closed his eyes, mentally preparing himself, and held the phone up to his ear.
“Hey,” he heard the slurred voice of his boyfriend say. “I’m sorry Connie… You were right, I was- I was just overreacting. I do that a lot, huh? React overly… I don’t- I don’t mean to it just happens… it just happens…”
Connor’s breathing grew shaky as Evan went silent for a moment, his own barely audible breathing sounding heavy.
“It’s really late right now, like- like four in the morning so I guess you’re asleep, aren’t you? Unless you can’t sleep like me. I can’t sleep. Not without you.”
A lump started forming in Connor’s throat. He did have a hard time falling asleep without Evan. If it weren’t for the fact that he had already been tired when he arrived home and how drained he felt from arguing he was sure he wouldn’t have gotten any sleep at all.
“You’re really comfy. Really- you’re really cold too but it feels nice under all the blankets. I miss you…” Evan’s voice cracked as he let out an abrupt sob. “I’m sorry Connor. I’m so sorry. I don’t like fighting with you, I don’t like the yelling, I don’t like when you leave like that. Please, just come home. I need you to come home.”
He faintly heard a door open Jared’s voice in the background, mumbling about how Evan was “so fucking wasted” before the message came to an end.
Connor stood clutching his phone in his hand, taking a minute to recollect himself. He brushed away the few tears that had started trickling down his cheeks.
“Do you need me to drive you?”
He turned around to see Zoe standing behind him, concern etched into her face with her pursed lips and raised eyebrows.
“No I uh,” he cleared his throat, “I’m good… thanks.”
She nodded slowly.
“If you need anything-”
“I know,” he cut her off. Not maliciously, but he needed to get back to Evan. He needed to go home, and any time he spent not there felt like time he was wasting. “Thank you Zoe. Really.”
“It’s what I’m here for,” she told him. “Now go get your man.”
When Evan woke up after a night of tears and boxed wine it was in his bed, where he definitely had not fallen asleep. Beside him on the bedside table was a glass of water and some aspirin. Jared must have left that there for him, he thought. From the smell of fresh coffee wafting in from the kitchen he must not have left yet.
Evan drank his water, nearly downing the whole glass in one go, and forced himself out of bed, shivering from the cold morning air.
He walked out of the room with his head low, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and grimacing at the sunlight coming through the window. The only things on his mind were Connor and breakfast.
He wasn’t expecting to see both when he looked up.
“You’re awake,” Connor stated simply.
Evan was at a loss for words, staring at his boyfriend with a blank look on his face. He didn’t think Connor would be back so soon, that mixed with his groggy morning-brain left him dumbfounded and speechless.
Connor took a deep breath, not sure what to think of his boyfriend’s reaction to him being there.
“I uh… I stopped on my way home to pick up some food.” He gestured to the plate of pancakes he’d heated up. “I ate at Zoe’s but I figured you’d still be sleeping when I got home.”
Home. It was silly, but it warmed Evan’s heart a little to have confirmation that Connor still thought of their shared place as ‘home.’
“Thanks,” he mumbled, sitting down at the counter to eat his food.
All was silent for the first few minutes besides the occasional scrape of Evan’s fork against his plate while Connor stood by the sink, picking at his nailpolish.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said, the quiet too much for him to bear. Evan looked up at him with a mouthful of pancake, eyebrows cinched in confusion. He shook his head as he swallowed his food.
“Why are you apologizing?” Evan asked. “I’m the one who freaked out on you, I should be the one saying he’s sorry. I should’ve let it go until you were ready to talk.”
“And I should have let you know I was okay,” Connor said softly. “There’s not one wrong person in this situation Evan, we both screwed up. We both made mistakes. It’s bound to happen sometimes so let’s just… let’s not argue about this, okay?”
Evan nodded.
“Okay. I’m sorry I let things get out of control like that, but I forgive you for not telling me you were going to be late.”
“And I forgive you for pushing me when I didn’t want to talk about it.”
Evan bit his lip. “So we’re okay?”
“Yeah,” Connor nodded, “we’re great.”
Evan hopped off his stool and made his way around the counter to put his arms around Connor’s neck, pulling him down into a hug. Connor’s hands snaked around his waist as he squeezed him back, burying his face into Evan’s neck.
“We’ll do better next time,” Evan muttered. “Next time we have an issue we’ll both be reasonable.”
“Deal.”