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Well, Lena knew she’d ruin it at some point. Here it was. Great job, Luthor. They’d been having a perfectly nice evening at Lena’s apartment, eating takeout and watching movies after work, per their usual. Kara had been a little late getting there, and was still wearing the button down navy blue shirt and light blue pants that she’d spent all day in. She’d mentioned her neck was bothering her at one point during dinner, and every time she turned to the left, she winced slightly. Then, just as they were beginning the second movie, Kara had absentmindedly begun kneading the muscle just to one side of her collar, and Lena heard herself say,
“Do you want me to massage that for you?”
She pressed her lips together and tried to mute the horror that was certainly written on her face. Friends do not give each other massages. Or did they? Lena was still trying to figure out the finer points of friendship, but no, she was pretty sure that this was an inappropriate question. She wasn’t even certain how the thought formulated, as her rational brain seemed completely unaware of it until the words were already out of her mouth. She was trying to figure out how to gracefully exit the apartment with their friendship still intact, when Kara shrugged and said,
“Sure, why not?”
Oh god! Now what? Now she had to actually put her hands on Kara’s skin. And act like a composed individual. Kara’s smooth, soft skin...running her hands over perfectly toned muscles, and—okay, this was not helping. Don’t think about her smooth skin. Just do the task at hand. Clinical precision. She’d taken a few classes in physical therapy back in the day. She could do this.
Kara, for her part, did not know exactly what was going on, in that it was pretty uncharacteristic for her friend to offer a massage. Kara also didn’t know why she was so super excited (no pun intended) about it. Okay, she knew, really, and it was because of her massive attraction to Lena. But, the massage offer didn’t mean said attraction was mutual. Lena had offered to massage her. Okay, so? Lena had offered to massage her, that was fine. That was no big deal. No one ever, at any time, had offered to massage her before, but, that didn’t mean anything. This was Lena Luthor, she was probably just...just...maybe she just had some cutting edge massage technique. But how sweet was it of her to offer anyway? To even notice that Kara’s neck was hurting? Well, okay, technically Kara had told her, but anyway, still sweet.
Lena moved her hands up slowly, and hovered over Kara’s shoulders for just a few seconds. She could feel Kara’s always tremendous body heat on her palms. She placed them down gently, and started massaging Kara’s muscles with her thumbs. No skin, this was okay. She could still feel the amazing muscles, but that was manageable. As the minutes passed, Lena began to relax, until she remembered it was Kara’s neck, not her shoulders, that was the problem, and therefore, she couldn’t keep avoiding skin. There was no reason a friend would have to avoid skin anyway, and she knew it. But her feelings went far beyond ‘friends,’ and she knew that too.
Lena slowly adjusted Kara’s collar, so her fingers could reach inside. Kara gasped, ever so slightly, which made Lena stop breathing, until she remembered it would be undignified and even more embarrassing to pass out right now. Maybe she gasped because her hands were cold or something. Damn, were her hands cold?
“Sorry, are my hands cold?”
“No, what? Oh, yeah...right, yeah...just a little. It’s fine. Sorry.” Cold hands. That’s why she gasped, sure. Made sense. Except that Lena’s hands weren’t remotely cold, but...details.
Oh god, cold hands, real attractive Lena, she thought. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to be attractive...she certainly would be thrilled if Kara was attracted to her, but she wasn’t trying to pull some seduction game here. She was just...being nice. This whole line of thinking was making her blush, and sweat. She hoped Kara wouldn’t turn around and see any part of this display.
“Sorry, do you want me to stop?”
“No! No...I mean, no, why?”
“Cold hands?”
If Kara could have covertly face palmed, she would have. This is why she couldn’t lie, she could never keep up with the story.
“Oh,” she laughed awkwardly, “right, your—yeah...no, they are warmed up now and it feels...um, it feels nice, what you’re doing. If you’re tired you can stop.”
“I’m not tired. I have strong fingers.” What? What the hell was that? Who says that?
Kara turned around, winced, blushed, and turned back. Their mutual awkwardness was making Lena think perhaps her romantic interest in Kara was not one sided.
Lena decided she should absolutely stop talking. The movie was on, it offered plenty of distraction and background noise. Talking could only lead to further mortification and/or hope. Neither of which was helpful.
So, Lena continued her massage, enjoying Kara’s little moans and other sounds of appreciation, but trying (failing) not to read too much into them. Everything was peaceful and happy, until Lena ruined it again. She’d been trying to really do her due diligence in working Kara’s sore neck situation, and slipping her fingers under Kara’s collar just wasn’t effective. The shirt was in the way, limiting her movements, because Kara had it buttoned almost right up to the top, for some reason. Lena figured that if she could just unbutton one more button, she’d be able to do a much better job. Kara seemed extremely comfortable with her and with what they were doing, so she assumed it would be fine. She briefly thought it might be overstepping, but apparently the endorphins released from all this physical contact dulled that instinct. Plus, it was just one button, and Kara’s shirt would still be buttoned up pretty high, beyond decent. No harm in asking, anyway.
Lena scooted just slightly closer, and reached her hands around Kara, touching the button in question.
“I think I could do a better job if I could loosen your shirt a bit. Could I just undo this butto—“
Kara leapt up, yelling “No!” and clutching her fist to her chest, looking panicked. Lena leapt up right after her, hands held up in front of her, nearly ready to cry at offending her best friend so much.
“Kara, I’m so sorry, so sorry! I didn’t mean to do anything to make you uncomfortable. I really...I thought it would be okay because it wasn’t...it...” anything Lena thought to say sounded stupid. It wasn’t that low? It wasn’t really revealing? Who cares? It was obviously too much for Kara. “I was wrong to ask, I can’t believe I could be so stupid, and...I, maybe I should just go and give you some space.”
By this point, Kara’s panic had subsided and she’d caught up with what Lena was saying. And that Lena was grabbing her coat, about to leave her own apartment. She’d completely, but understandably, misinterpreted why Kara had gotten upset.
Kara raced over to her and gently grabbed her wrist.
“Lena, no, I’m so sorry, that wasn’t what—“
“You have nothing to apologize for! That was all my fault. I...I just thought you were comfortable with what I was doing and...I just read too much into the situation.” Lena wasn’t even sure what that meant. Had she been thinking of something more? Or course. Of course she had. She was giving a massage to a woman she had a massive crush on. How could she have thought this would turn out okay? “Anyway, I just thought I would ask. I completely respect that you don’t want that, but, I wasn’t trying...I...don’t know.” Lame finish, Luthor.
Kara’s mind was buzzing. One minute she’d been enjoying the most wonderful massage, the next she was terrified of being revealed as Supergirl, followed quickly by guilt that Lena thought she’d made her uncomfortable, and now just confused over whatever Lena’s attempted explanation was. Read too much into the situation? Wasn’t trying to what? Was Lena hitting on her? No, she was almost sure that wasn’t the case, just wishful thinking. Lena looked mortified, and borderline devastated. What happened to their simple movie night?
Kara slid her hand down into Lena’s, and looked into her eyes.
“Lena, I swear, I wasn’t uncomfortable...not about, the button anyway,” she felt stupid, “I trust you, I liked what you were doing, and you weren’t asking me to...do anything--” she waved her free hand around aimlessly in the air, “uncomfortable.” She paused, “ I already said that word, didn’t I? I just mean, it wasn’t, I don’t care if you see my shirt unbuttoned if I’m wearing nothing underneath.” Kara then realized what she’d said, and turned bright red. “I mean, down to that button you were talking about! Not, I didn’t mean...like, naked” Kara barely whispered that last part, and covered her eyes with her hand. “It’s not about modesty, I mean.” There. Modesty. That was the word.
Oh my god, she was adorable, thought Lena, who was starting to feel less awful as Kara muddled through some explanation that let Lena know she was missing something, and it wasn’t as bad as she originally thought. What could be going---oh, oh my god, her suit. Of course! She wore her suit under her clothes sometimes. She hadn’t come with any bags, now that Lena thought about it, so she must be wearing her suit underneath her clothes, and she didn’t want Lena to see it. Lena could kick herself for not thinking of this earlier. Some genius.
“Oh Kara, I’m sorry. You don’t have to explain. Do you just want to go back and watch the movie? Just cuddled under the blanket like we usually do?” Lena had the feeling that was also not really something friends did, but again, not sure. Kara had initiated it way back when, and Lena generally followed her lead on friendship boundaries.
“No. Um...I mean, maybe in a minute.” Kara’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. It was time. It was time to tell Lena. She took both of Lena’s hands in hers, and pressed them to her pounding heart. “It’s just that...I’ve been keeping something from you.”
Lena raised her eyebrows in surprise. Holy shit, was she going to tell her?
“I just, it’s really hard to tell you, because I think you’re going to be really mad at me, and, you’re my best friend, and—“ Kara broke off, and began pacing, twisting her hands together. “But I’m going to tell you, because you deserve to know. And it’s not that I didn’t trust you, and haven’t wanted to tell you! I just wanted to protect you.”
Lena nodded, and held her hand out for Kara to take again, which she did, coming to a stop. Her eyes were downcast, and she was starting to resemble a sad puppy.
“I don’t know how to tell you. It’s kind of a big secret.”
Lena decided to put her out of her misery. “Kara, I know.”
Kara’s eyes immediately went to hers. “What do you mean, you know?”
“I know.” Lena looked softly at Kara’s eyes, trying to convey all the love, er...friendship, she felt. Friendship love. That’s a thing. Whatever, Lena, it’s not about you and your repressed feelings right now! “I know, Kara, and it doesn’t change anything.”
“You know what?” Kara was both terrified and elated, but most of all didn’t want to think they were talking about the same thing and then have them not be talking about the same thing after all.
Lena smiled and whispered, “I know about your second job. I know that you were scared I would see your suit, because you’re wearing it under your shirt right now.” Kara’s eyes widened and filled with tears, as Lena continued. “I know you’re Supergirl.”
Kara just stared. Lena started to wonder if she’d made the wrong choice by telling her she already knew. What was Kara thinking now?
“If you knew that, why did you ask me to unbutton my shirt?” she blurted out, throwing her hands up in the air.
Lena wasn’t sure if she was actually mad or just flustered, but quickly explained. “I didn’t realize you were wearing it initially! Only just now, or, a few minutes ago! I never would have asked if I’d thought about it.”
“Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense then. But...” she walked a few feet away, then came back and stood right in front of Lena again, “so you know? You knew.” Kara paused to consider the enormity of this, and ask her most pressing questions. “Are you mad? Why didn’t you tell me you knew? How long have you known? Are you mad? I don’t understand. How did you know and not tell me?”
Lena smiled softly again, “Oh Kara, of course I’m not mad. I’m sorry you ever thought you had to worry about that. I didn’t tell you I knew because it wasn’t my secret to tell. It’s your identity, not my chance to show off my detective skills. I do wish you’d felt like you were able to tell me earlier—“
“I was trying to protect you! It puts people in danger when I tell them!” She felt her breathing pick up with fear that Lena didn’t understand, and was hurt.
“I get it, and thank you for worrying about me.” Lena laughed dryly and said, “you know people are always trying to kill me anyway, it can’t be that much more dangerous.”
Kara laughed, but also teared up, “Don’t joke about that. I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to you. You’re so, so important to me.”
“I know that too, and I’ve never felt that from anyone before.” Now Lena was tearing up, and had to work hard to keep from tossing out some sarcastic comment to deflect from the significance of the moment. “Believe me, I feel the same.”
By this point, they were just staring at each other, watery eyed and smiling.
Kara cleared her throat. “Do you want to see? My suit, I mean?” She realized that to anyone else it may have sounded like a ridiculous thing to say, but Kara knew Lena would understand the meaning behind it. Letting someone watch her physically transform from Kara Danvers into Supergirl was an act of tremendous vulnerability.
Lena did understand, and correspondingly, her palms began to sweat and she was pretty sure her heart stopped beating briefly. She was a little worried that her voice wouldn’t work, so she just nodded.
Kara slowly pulled her shirt out from where it was snugly tucked, then removed her belt. She slipped out of her pants. Lena tried to keep her composure, and Kara was well aware of the effect she was having. As much as she wanted to share this part of herself with Lena, and that was the primary purpose of this act, she wasn’t above being a little seductive in the meantime. Her little smirk let Lena know they were on the same page.
But when the time came to reveal the crest of the House of El, it felt serious again. Kara’s hands shook as she unbuttoned her shirt, and slowly pushed it off of her shoulders until it fell softly on the floor. She stood, feeling exposed but safe, as Lena walked toward her and put her hand on Kara’s cheek.
“You’re amazing,” she said.
“Pshaw,” Kara replied, blushing and looking down.
Lena swore she fell even more in love with her right at that moment, if that was even possible.
“I’m serious Kara. Not only do you run around rescuing people and saving the world, sometimes quite literally, but you have a huge heart, and this...innate goodness that seems hard to come by in most people, at least in my experience. Plus, you manage to work as a fabulous reporter, and keep your identity a secret. I imagine that weighs on you every day, but you handle it.”
“Well, not always easily, but I try. It helps to have really good friends.” There were hours of conversation to be had about Kara’s experience trying to hold herself together while essentially dealing with three different identities. But Kara didn’t really want to get into it all tonight. She wanted to just appreciate being seen as her true self. Lena was still looking at her, in a way that, she had to admit, could really only be described as lovingly. Her hand had drifted from Kara’s check to her shoulder, and she was lightly running it over the neckline of her suit, before sliding it down Kara’s arm, and taking her hand.
“I never realized how soft it was. Guess being in death defying situations distracted me from noticing the material.”
“No doubt. It’s soft, and really comfy, you know, gotta be able to do my moves!” Kara jumped into an exaggerated fighting pose.
“But of course, love” Lena replied, and briefly panicked before deciding she would just let that slip go, and not try to back out of it. Kara could draw whatever conclusions she’d like.
Kara smiled at her, then entwined their fingers, and led her back to the couch.
“Thank you for telling me,” said Lena sincerely, and they sat down, definitely closer together than friends would.
Kara chuckled, “Well, I didn’t actually tell you, but—“
“You would have eventually. Maybe I should have let you, but I just wanted you to know that there really was nothing you could tell me that would change how I feel about you.”
“And how is that, exactly?” Kara blushed and bit her lip, but felt they’d turned a corner about fifteen minutes ago, and there was no going back now.
Lena’s mouth went dry, but she pulled herself together and said teasingly, “Are you sure you want to know? Don’t you think we’ve already had enough big reveals for the evening? I don’t want to steal your thunder or anything.”
Kara laughed her dorky laugh and leaned toward her, “Oh, please! My big reveal is that I’m Supergirl. I don’t think it’s even possible for you to steal my thunder.”
“I think I’m in love with you.”
Kara coughed, and muttered, “Well, that’s a pretty good attempt at stealing my thunder.” She cleared her throat, and said, more loudly, “Really?” Eloquent, Kara, poets dream of your way with words.
Lena pressed her lips together to suppress a laugh, whether from nerves or Kara’s reaction, she wasn’t sure. “Quite sure.”
“Oh.”
Kara’s brevity was starting to make Lena nervous, for the third time that night, that she’d ruined their friendship. But, instead of running or becoming defensive, she decided she would stick with vulnerable authenticity. Those years of therapy were paying off. Potentially.
“Listen, Kara, if you don’t feel the same, if...” She would not cry, “you aren’t interested in me at all, I’m...I will still be here as your friend, and respect that boundary while being the most steadfast you’ve ever had.”
“No...what...no, oh my gosh Lena, no! That’s not what I—I feel the s--I mean...what do you mean you think you’re in love with me?” she tilted her head down and raised her eyebrows as she made eye contact with Lena. “What is there to question?” she asked teasingly, smiling as if she was entirely confident about the strength of Lena’s feelings.
“Haha, okay, okay,” Lena said, holding up her palms, then whispering, “I’m totally and completely in love with you, Kara. I just, ahem, didn’t want to come on too strong.”
Kara felt blood rush to her cheeks, as her breath came out in a rush before she composed herself (ish) again. “Ah well, in that case, mission accomplished, Luthor. You’ve been extremely subtle all evening.”
They had moved even closer to each other on the couch now, and Lena was playing with Kara’s hair, which had come out of its bun sometime after she’d appeared in her suit.
“Subtlety might not actually be my strength.”
“Good, because I don’t always get it.”
“Mmm, well, to that point, you haven’t actually said how you feel about me.”
“Oh!” Kara’s eyes widened, “I love you! Sorry! Of course, I love you.” She glanced down briefly at their joined hands, and then said more softly, “I love you, Lena Luthor.”
Lena’s heart swelled as every cliché she’d ever heard suddenly seemed reasoned and true. Kara loved her. She could have anyone in the world, and she chose her. She couldn’t think of anything more to add, so she simply asked, “May I kiss you?”
“Um, yes!”
Lena moved in slowly for a brief but thoroughly enjoyable kiss.
“Best movie night ever!” said Kara, and leaned in again, before suddenly stopping and pulling back to look at Lena curiously. “Wait, you never answered me, how long have you known that I was Supergirl?”
Lena laughed, “Well, I suspected it shortly after I met you, because I spent a lot of time thinking about your face, and noticed a resemblance. But, the clincher was when you told me you flew to my office on a bus.”
Kara scrunched her face, “Ohhh, yeah! That was so bad. I never slip up like that! Something about you must have been distracting.”
“So it would seem...” she said, smiling as she leaned in for another kiss.