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Yukako wanted to be anyone but herself.
Her parents were never around to praise her, to even raise her. But they had always taught her manners. Etiquette. The importance of 'a proper image', as her mother would say, combing long black hair into twin tail braids. 'Chin up, toes down, Yukako'. 'Yukako, no running' or "Yukako, no playing at the table'. 'Yukako, women do not play in the mud'. 'Yukako, women don't spill their drinks on themselves'. Whenever her parents were around, they were critiquing her every move. It was drilled into her head that she needed to be perfect in every sense.
Maybe that was why perfection was so boring to her, so revolting and unattractive. Maybe that was what infatuated her about the flaws of others. Yukako saw the way her peers would run in the streets, scraping knees and tearing clothes. She would see the mud on their faces and they hair tangled from hours of play on end. The disgust in her mother's voice was evident whenever she viewed these scenes. But Yukako would see the smile adjourned on their faces, the endless laughter that poured from the streets of Morioh into her too quiet, too empty house.
Yukako started lashing out more and more as she grew into adolescence. Anger problems, her parents would justify. The child therapist they hired did little to end Yukako's bad behavior. Throwing books and stomping her feet, screaming when she didn't get her way. Yukako would paint the walls every color of the rainbow, long winding streams or orange and violet and green that would run from the kitchen to her room. She would throw food every which direction and see where it would stick, before quickly moving to cover everything else. Yukako didn't want to be perfect anymore, she didn't want to live in the same four walls she had known her whole life. She didn't care about the family image. She didn't care what her parents thought. She wanted to be free. She wanted to be there with the other children. To scrape and bleed and feel something other than prime and proper. She got her wish. As she grew more reckless, her parents were out of the house more. Business trips and meetings and conferences. They soon became too preoccupied with work to pour more attention than was necessary into Yukako.
By the time Yukako was 12 and came home from school with a bloody nose from starting a fight with three 15-year-old boys, they didn't even bat an eye. So, Yukako got to scrape her knees. She climbed trees and got bruises. She grew a sharp tongue and a mean face. She let everything go at once. Every little improper action held in for 12 years came pouring out with the even more unlimited freedom she was given. And her parents? Not even so much as a plead to stop.
For some reason, that made Yukako even angrier.
By the time she was 16, in the first year of high school and with a newly acquired stand, Yukako had fully converted herself into the exact opposite of what her parents had wanted. She was never exactly rude to classmates unless they were mean first. But her hardened exterior was enough to make even the nicest of her classmates avoid her as is, and her teachers weren't exactly thrilled to talk to her either. With the permanent bitch face she trained herself into, she wasn't expecting anything else. But there was always a pit in her stomach. Yukako never felt satisfied with herself. Whenever she looked in the mirror, she still felt wrong.
Maybe that was when she began to critique herself. A way to achieve what she so desperately wanted. Whatever that was, to begin with. When she was a child, it had been simple to her. Now she wasn't so sure. Everything she had wanted for herself came true.
And now she wanted nothing.
Maybe this was why she became so infatuated with Koichi, with all his nervous ticks and bad habits. His kinder approach and more friendly exterior. It was the exact opposite of who she was. Koichi was everything she needed. She took a quick interest in him.
Okay, well maybe her interest became an obsession. And maybe she had kidnapped Koichi to make him better. But there were only a few things she wanted to change. To make him better than he was before. Maybe some tweaking here and there. Some small corrections to be made.
It wasn't till after Koichi told her off did she realize how much she had sounded like her parents.
Since when did she turn into her parents?
Was she becoming more like them every day?
She didn't want that.
She really didn't want that.
"You're thinking really hard over there, huh?" A finger rubbed at the crinkled skin between her stressed drawn eyebrows.
Yukako shook her head a bit, the finger disappearing as she did so. Rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands, she forced a tight smile. "I apologize. I found myself lost in thought."
"You're telling me!" Koichi snorted. He always did a little when he laughed. The shorter of the two leaned forward, sliding the textbook into his lap. when he moved, some flashcards crumbled under Koichi's weight. "No offense, but I thought I lost you for a second. Not that I would blame you. Europe during the era of colonization isn't exactly interesting. It is, in fact, quite literal. Spoilers; They colonized. A lot."
"It's supposed to be more nuanced than that, darling. I think you are not giving the content of the coursework enough credit."
A tiny snort again. "Okay, sure, but how detailed can it be when it can be summarized in four words?"
Yukako turned on her side with her own short chuckle, nowhere it's normal volume nor enthusiasm. If Koichi noticed, he didn't say anything. She propped her own head up with her hand, attempting to be comfortable and failing completely when she shivered when a strong gust of wind tickled her skin. Well, not strong. Maybe just a gust. Had it gotten colder? Was that just her?
"Sorry, it's chillier than I thought it would be tonight." Koichi murmured, and Yukako allowed herself to feel at least a little less anxious. It wasn't quite summer yet, as there were 2 weeks of school till finals. But it had been warm enough earlier and they had the windows opened in Yukako's room when they got home. It had just cooled down. That's all.
"No, it's alright. I can just grab a blanket. My legs are only cold." Yukako propped herself up to grab one of the wool ones laid at the bottom of her bed. Pinkish with little white bears. It was entirely too cutesy for her style. But she loved that blanket a little too much. More than she was willing to admit.
"Is it alright if we share?" Koichi asked, and his fingers gently tapped against the hardcover of the textbook in hand. She pursed her lips slightly, her mind still swimming in pools of thought. Yukako didn't feel like cuddling. Or kissing. Or doing anything but crying and pitying herself. Not that she would do that now in front of Koichi.
She wasn't that melodramatic.
"I mean, only if you're comfortable..."
He could sense her own hesitation. Of course he could. Koichi was unfortunately observant. "No, I don't mind!" Yukako tried to sound casual, but her fingers clasped the fabric of the blanket perhaps a bit too tight. Koichi's eyes flicked down to her hands before giving her a tiny smile, nowhere near it's usual brightness.
Shit. He was definitely on to her.
It took some rearranging and some clearing of the godly amount of flashcards scattered across the bed (Yukako cursed her teacher for making a final seem so strenuous). But soon they were comfortable, Yukako's head in Koichi's lap, the textbook laying on his legs to allow both to read. Of course, as comfortable as they could be. Yukako found herself tensed up, not letting any part of her relax as she rested. Similarly, she could feel Koichi's finger, usually flowy and willing to comb and play with her hair, stiff and unmoving. It all felt horribly awkward. Yukako couldn't help but blame herself.
After another hour or so of taking turns reading, the couple found themselves laying in silence. Small chirps from the sleepless grasshoppers of Morioh slid through the windowsill. Koichi's fingers had slipped out of Yukako's hair to shut and tuck the book away before he repositioned himself into the pillows on her bed. The finger came back, and this time they did move. But even that felt mechanical and fake as they tried to untangle knots in her wild hair.
"Try to relax." Koichi murmured. She could sense he was trying, too. That fact only made her tenser.
"I really am relaxed."
"That's a lie and we both know it."
Yukako could only hum for a curt reply. She doesn't know how long they laid there, lost in the not-quite-but-almost-silence. Her mind was elsewhere. It replayed childhood memories. Both good and bad. It made her feel heavy, melancholic and regretful. What could she have done differently? How could it have turn out differently? But also the same? How could she be better? Questions and more questions. Yukako could feel a migraine coming on. She finally let herself drop as soon she felt drained, sleepy, leaning more into Koichi's lap and maybe, finally relaxing a little.
"Yukako?" Came the tiny question. "You still awake."
She didn't respond.
She felt her boyfriend shift a bit, careful to not jostle her. And then she heard the gentle tap and shutter noise of a camera. Did he just take a photo of her? She didn't even realize he had his camera. Regardless, she recognized the printing that came after. The telltale sound of a polaroid. It was all horribly romantic. The kind of romantic that would have made Josuke and Okuyasu gag. Well, she wasn't too sure. Yukako had seen both of their reactions when they watched Titanic together after renting it. Okuyasu was definitely a sap for the lovey-dovey routine. and Josuke had cried like a baby at the end. Even if they had stuck to the whole platonic bromance act in public after they started dating, Yukako bet both Josuke and Okuyasu were real romantics when no one was around. Though, she wasn't 100% sure where was the line of 'awwww!' and 'UGGGHHH!' in those two.
Thinking of those two made her relax a tiny amount more, and for that she was grateful. Maybe, if she was lucky, she could just drift to sleep and sleep away the nerves and lingering thoughts. She would feel better in the morning. That's how it usually happened.
"You're so perfect."
Yukako almost had slammed their heads together when she snapped up, sleepiness immediately expelled.
"Woooah! Yukako is everything-"
"Why would you say that?" Yukako was whispering at first.
"What?"
"Don't say that!" This time it came out as yell.
Koichi flinched back this time, but his face drew down into a frown. "Okay, sorry for complimenting you?" He bit back a little, snappy at the end of his words. It was enough for Yukako to feel bad for a moment.
"You should be...!" It came weaker this time.
"Was it the photo?" Koichi cooled down a bit with his question as well. "If it's the photo I can scrap it."
"No, it wasn't the photo." Yukako rubbed her eyes, feeling the migraine flare up a tad.
"Oh...well then sorry to sound dense but-"
"The perfect thing!" Yukako finally burst out. Her hair spiked up for a moment before she released a shaky breath and it dropped. "Please don't call me that."
There was a beat of silence.
"Are you fucking serious?"
Yukako eyes widened in shock. "What did you jus-."
"That's the problem here?" Koichi seemed to be reeling. "The 'perfect thing'?"
"Yes!" Yukako was exasperated.
There was a beat of silence.
Then Koichi started laughing hysterically. Jack at the end of The Shining level of hysteria.
Yukako was too shocked to do anything but just stare at him. But, soon as the seconds turned to minutes, Yukako felt white-hot embarrassment curl in her stomach.
"Why are you laughing at me? Am I a joke to you?"
Koichi probably was not expecting that, judging based of how he stopped mid snort and his eyes widened. A deer in the headlights. "What?"
Yukako felt her cheeks flush. "Am I some sort of joke to you Koichi? Is that it?" Her anger flared again and her voice grew louder.
"You're not a joke!"
"Then why are you laughing?" Love Deluxe activated. Thick, black stands of hair went straight out and soon her tangling hair looked more like a spider web.
"Yukako-"
"Tell me it was at least a joke. Please tell me it is. It would be better. Please, I can't stand this Koichi! You have truly-"
Two hands practically slapped her cheeks as Koichi stared at her, eyes unwavering and scrunched together. His palms felt unbearably hot and Yukako tried to squirm away, But Koichi held on, demanding her attention.
'Yukako, you are the most beautiful, kindest, sweetest...I could literally go on forever."
"Koichi-" She tried her hardest to be threatening but her voice broke halfway through his name, and she couldn't help but think she sounded pathetic.
"No, listen Yukako! I think you are amazing. Your stand is crazy amazing. Your intelligence and athleticism are amazing! Everything about you I can't help but find amazing!"
"I am flawed!" Love Deluxe dropped and so did her hair.
"Sure there are some flaws you have! Everyone has flaws, no one can not have them. And there have been some mistakes you have made-"
"If you are referring to locking you in my house and kidnapping you, I believe many people consider that a complete deal breaker-"
"Yukako, please shut up." Koichi moved a finger to her lips and Yukako went crossed eye staring at it. She imagined it looked funny, her angry scrunched up eyes crossed. "Yukako no one is truly 'perfect' perfect. No one ever could be. But you, Yukako, with your curly hair and moles and anger issues and cute smile are perfect. I don't care what you think is true or if you don't believe me but it's true, Yukako. Whenever I see you, I think of lucky I am to have you now. In this perfect moment. On this perfect night-"
"It's a little chilly tonight-"
"On your perfect bed-"
"It's got a little too many pillows-"
"Yukako please you are beautiful and you deserve to know that." Koichi finished and he moved to wipe tears from her cheeks- wait was she crying?
Yukako let out a bubbly sob. Oh no, she was definitely crying.
Koichi moved her head to his shoulder, but she still pushed against his chest. "I mean it, Yukako. You're so perfect the way you are. You're perfect for me."
Yukako's arm felt limp but she still pushed and pushed and pushed-
"Yukako I love the perfect, non-perfect, perfect you."
It was so cheesy and so stupid and so 90's romantic movie cliched.
It was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Yukako let herself grab the front of Koichi's t-shirt and let everything out. She was not a pretty cryer. She never understood how anyone could be. Every time she cried, she could feel it in her stomach, her chest, her throat. Tiny little pits of shame and embarrassment that made her gasp and sob and hiccup. Her breath would come out raspy and forced, and she would always feel tired and gross after. This time was no different, grasping the front of Koichi's shirt and she sobbed into his shoulder with ugly hitches. She felt like a child, crying and throwing a tantrum. But she reasoned it was better than holding it in.
Correction, she knew it would be better than holding it in.
It took a while to calm down. By the time she let go and sat back to allow herself normal, controlled breaths, it was 11:34.
"I apologize, it's past your curfew." Her voice was hoarse.
"Seriously, Yukako? I am 100% not worried about that right now." Was the matter-of-fact reply.
"But-"
"You're worth it, Yukako. Worth every minute of my time." He let out a cheesy smile then and pointed to his shoulder. "You and your perfect snot." His t-shirt had a wet spot that clung to his skin, right where she had been crying moments ago.
It was so gross.
The sight of it made Yukako laugh very hard. A good, needed laugh. One she wasn't sure she was fully capable of having after all that till it came exploding from her lips. Yukako wiped her nose and eyes with a tissue, still laughing even as she tried to hold it in, before unceremoniously tossing it in the direction of the waste bin. She missed, but she wasn't too concerned about it right now. Right now, it was her turn to cup Koichi's cheek. Their lips brushed and Yukako let her forehead rest on Koichi's.
"I apologize for being so dramatic." Yukako murmured.
A chuckle. "It's alright, Yukako. Please stop apologizing I swear..."
"Thank you, then. For letting me know that. Whatever that was." Yukako murmured humorously. Koichi gave her a shrug and she just shook her head, smiling a little again. She leaned forward the rest of the distant, letting their lips come together fully. They held it, letting Yukako slip her fingers behind Koichi's neck as his tangled in her hair once more. They remained like that briefly, before Yukako broke away to lay down. Koichi cocked an eyebrow at her. Yukako shrugged.
"I am tired." Came the flat reasoning.
"Yeah, I can imagine. You cried for a good 50 minutes."
"Was it really that long? That is a new personal best."
Koichi snorted. The real, genuine kind.
"You should call to inform your mother you are alright." Yukako reached for her phone on her bedside table but Koichi moved his own hand to hold the phone down.
"Yeah, I would, but my guess is she is already asleep, and I don't want to wake her. As long as I can sneak in without my sister ratting me out, I should be alright."
"If you insist..."
"It'll be fine." Koichi gave her a peck on the nose. "I'll have Echoes help me."
Yukako hummed and shut her eyes, briefly considering she hadn't even seen Echoes in a while. She felt the bed dip before bouncing up again as Koichi got off the bed. Some shuffling before she heard a content sigh.
"The photo looks great. You look serene. Maybe a tiny bit angry but serene."
"I'll look tomorrow." Yukako murmured. She wasn't sure she could open her eyes again if she tried.
"Right, I'll bring it to school." A pause of consideration. "Don't worry, I won't let Oku and JoJo see it. Don't want them to vomit and complain all lunch."
Yukako chuckled.
"I mean those two like to act so high and mighty and so above everything romance, but I have seen suspicious little red marks all over Jojo's neck. And guess what? They're hickies, I just know it. We don't even make it that obscene! If anything we should be puking everywh-"
"Koichi, please shut the light off when you go." Yukako felt a twinge of guilt for cutting him off, but she was just so tired and it was already late. She couldn't bring herself to care too much.
"Right, sorry, goodnight." Another brush of lips on her forehead. She turned her head enough to catch his chin.
"Goodnight."
There was the creaking of floorboards and a gentle click as the room grew dark. Before he closed the door, however, Koichi's voice floated in one last time.
"Yukako, you're perfect." The door clicked shut
This time she smiled to her pillow and let that thought comfort her to sleep.