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It has been quite a while since the apocalypse that wasn't, and Crowley has half- moved into the bookshop with Aziraphale. Well, he still has his flat (because the majority of his plants just wouldn't fit into Aziraphale's shop without turning it into, quote Aziraphale, 'a moist jungle harmful to all of my fragile books!'), but he barely ever goes there anymore, only checking on his plants from time to time or, if he feels claustrophobic in the small bookstore, taking Aziraphale with him to read in the big living room of his flat while he tends to the plants- a lot quieter than when the angel isn't around of course.
Either way, he and Aziraphale are barely apart- after centuries, millenia of getting used to each other but never being allowed to really stick around, they don't see much reason to separate now- especially after Aziraphale kissed Crowley one night.
So when Aziraphale comes back to the shop from a quick trip to the convenience store two blocks away and finds the shop abandoned, no note, nothing from Crowley telling him where he has gone, he freezes.
Has hell got him?
Or, possibly worse, heaven?
Hasting to the telephone, he dials Crowley's number.
Oh, please pick up, you silly demon, please-
There's a clattering noise like the phone falling down, a moment of silence, but then Crowley answers: "What isssss ith, angel?"
"Oh, Crowley? Are you alright? I was so worried when I saw you weren't here! Could you leave a note perhaps next time when you go check on your plants so I don't think you are in trouble- you are not in trouble, are you?" relieved to hear Crowley's voice, Aziraphale starts to ramble.
"Everythhhing isssss fine" Crowley hisses, and then the call disconnects.
Aziraphale stares down at the telephone in his hand, dumbstruck. It has been ages since Crowley acted so coldly towards him...
No, this can't be right. He has to go check and see for himself whether everything is alright with the demon.
Crowley, meanwhile, is miserable.
There he has it, he can't even properly handle a phone in this form!
Hands, he wants his hands back, and his legs pretty please... Ugh.
Because yes, at the moment, Crowley is very much a serpent, and not just some internal character traits. Nope. He's a snake, and he hates it.
Well. Maybe not completely so. He likes slithering around, actually, and even more so laying in a sunny spot and having the sunrays warm up his scales. He likes scaring people with his forked tongue. He likes how cool this form looks.
But he hates that he doesn't have a choice!
He used to change into the serpent form all the time during the first few millenia, liking how being a shapeshifter made him even more unpredictable. So it wasn't until 1000AC that he noticed: when he doesn't change into this form so frequently, his body decides the shape for himself.
The terrified screams of the people still rang in his ears to this day. He hadn't meant to scare them that badly, heaven be-
Ugh. So yes, Crowley is the serpent damned to crawl on earth for all eternity.
Fun times.
And Aziraphale can definitely never find out about this. Because while it is undeniably a cool form, it is not very pretty or sexy or in any way something one wants to look like while in a relationship with a very beautiful man-shaped creature.
In retrospect, given how much time he spent with the angel lately, it was really no wonder the serpentine form was forced onto him now.
And Aziraphale... Either the angel would be terrified, finally realise that Crowley is an actual demon with a form fitting to it and leave him, or even worse, he'd show him pity and ask him to come back to the bookshop once he manages to switch back to his human form.
Crowley is not sure he would survive such mortification.