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It had only been a couple of weeks since Dutch had allowed Kieran to walk freely with the rest of the gang. He was still shy and skittish— and it didn’t help that a lot of the other men pushed him around and snarled at him. Arthur was kinder by comparison, but you knew he still came off as short and angry. After seeing the way he treated Kieran, you were extremely thankful that Arthur was sweet on you. If that was what decently nice looked like for Arthur, you didn’t want to imagine what it would be like if he didn’t get on well with you. Still, he was courteous enough towards the newest gang member. You felt pity for him. You knew what it was like being the new man around and how hard it could be— especially with someone they didn’t trust all too well. That, paired with your kind nature, and you found yourself wandering over and chatting with him more often than anyone else. He knew quite a fair share about horses and even taught you a few things you hadn’t picked up on. Although shy, he was a real sweetheart and you grew to enjoy his presence. Chatting with him in the shade one particularly sweltering afternoon, you learned why Arthur was being so nice towards him.
“You did what? ”
He smiled coyly, “He ain’t told you? Figured he would. You two seem close.”
“We are,” you frowned, “But no, he ain’t told me.”
Kieran shrugged, “Weren’t a big thing. He was taken off guard so I shot the feller. Reckon it saved me from bein’ thrown out on my ass, though.”
“That’s why Dutch been trustin’ you more.”
He nodded silently. You felt your jaw lock with irritation. Arthur had almost been killed. Not that he wasn’t in danger all the time, but this seemed like a much closer call than usual. Your stomach churned with equal parts anger and dread at the thought of coming so close to losing him.
“Thanks, Kieran,” you mumbled as you stood up, eyes scanning camp for Arthur.
“H-Hey. You ain’t gon go tell him I told you that, are ya?”
“Don’t worry,” you called as you started walking away, “I won’t let him pester you about it.”
You found him sitting near the canyon ledge, back against a tree and staring off into the distance. He glanced over at you as you approached and gave a huff before looking back in front of him, sulking. You nudged his thigh with your boot playfully, “Hey, cowboy.”
He set his jaw, “Ya need something.”
You frowned, a little taken aback, “I gotta need somethin’? Maybe I just missed you.”
He didn’t acknowledge you, just moving to clench his jaw silently. You let out a sigh and sat down next to him. He had picked a spot that was decently far away from camp and secluded in a cluster of trees, which you were thankful for as you sat almost pressed flush against him. He tensed, but didn’t move to scoot away from you. You looked out in front of you and took in the view of the valley. It was gorgeous— you could stare at it all day, but you had other things on your mind.
“Alright, what’s got you in such a rotten mood?”
He chewed his lip stubbornly and looked down at the ground. You let out a soft sigh and let your head fall back against the tree, “You don’t gotta talk to me. But you know you always can, right?”
He shot a glance sideways at you, curiosity and stubbornness in his bright blue eyes. You leaned against him slightly, shoulders bumping one another.
“Kieran told me he kept that O'Driscoll from putting a bullet in you.”
He snorted, his voice bitter, “Kieran. ”
You narrowed your eyes, “What you got against him all of a sudden? He’s kind, Arthur. I was new here once, too. I know it ain’t the same, but—“
“Why don’t you go talk to Kieran if he’s so kind,” he snapped as he crossed his arms and leaned away from your touch.
Your eyebrows knitted together with confusion and then relaxed as you put the pieces together. You tried your best to hide your smirk, “Arthur, are you jealous ?”
He clenched his jaw again and refused to meet your gaze, “No.”
You smiled smugly, “You are.”
He finally looked at you with irritation, “I ain’t. ”
“Arthur, I know you like to be shut off with everyone else,” you touched his bicep lightly and softened your voice, “but I see right through it.”
He glared at you but didn’t move away. You let out another soft sigh, “I mean it when I say you can talk to me— you know that, right?”
You watched your words turn over in his mind as he looked away again. He kept his arms crossed over his chest, but his grip loosened and he relaxed a bit from his tense frustration. You reached over to rest your hand on his thigh comfortingly and he sighed heavily in response. He looked at you again, his eyes softer with exhaustion painting his features. You leaned forward to kiss his forehead gently.
“Talk to me,” you whispered.
“I just— I seen you with him and…” he sighed and looked down, “I don’t deserve you.”
“Why would you say a thing like that?”
He shrugged, chewing his lip, “I’m an old, ugly bastard, (Y/N). You should be with someone better than me.”
“Arthur,” you tilted his chin to meet his gaze, “From the moment I saw you I was sweet on you. There’s so many things I adore about you. We’d be here all day if I said every one of ‘em. I don’t want Kieran. I don’t want nobody else but you.”
He looked away, shaking his head. You took one of his hands in yours, thumbs brushing across his rough knuckles lovingly.
“Arthur, I don’t know what I woulda done if you got shot. I-if I lost you.”
You swallowed thickly as he looked at you again. You felt his fingers brush your cheek gently and you drew in a shaky breath.
“You ain’t gonna lose me, darlin’.”
“Promise me you’ll be more careful,” your voice was barely audible.
He nodded, “I promise.”
You relaxed a bit and smiled, “And promise me you’ll come talk to me when you get caught up in that head of yours again.”
He chuckled lightly, “Alright, alright.”
You leaned against his shoulder and grinned as he rested his head down on top of yours in response. You two sat in silence together for a bit before you spoke again.
“Arthur?”
“Hmm?”
“You- you know I love you, right?”
You went still against his chest, waiting anxiously for his response. What you said was true, but you didn’t want to scare him off. You did love Arthur. Loved him more than you’ve ever loved another person in your life. Especially after what he had just confessed to you, you needed him to know that. Needed him to understand that you were his and his alone.
His heart thudded loudly in his chest and when he was silent, you leaned back hesitantly to look at him. He wiped his eyes quickly and cleared his throat and you felt your stomach churn with worry.
“I’m sorry if that was too much,” You stammered, trying to fix what you said, “I-I just--”
Arthur cut you off with a kiss, one of his hands moving to cradle your face gently. He pulled away with surprise lighting up his face, “Don’t apologize, darlin’. I…. Well, I had pretty much given up on the thought of someone lovin’ me, ‘f I’m bein’ honest.”
You blinked a few times, processing what he said. Did he really think he was so unlovable? That the people around him didn’t care for him endlessly?
“Why wouldn’t I love you?”
He shrugged with a sad smile, looking away from you to gaze out over the canyon. The brim of his hat covered his eyes as he tilted his head down. His voice was tight when he spoke, “Wouldn’t be the first time.”
“Arthur, people do love you. I see it every day. Folks care about you and want you to be happy.”
“That,” he sighed frustratedly, “That ain’t what I meant.”
“Well then, what is it?”
He shook his head and let out a long sigh. Looking away from you, he grumbled, “‘S nothin’. Forget it.”
“It ain’t nothin’ if it’s got you worked up like this.”
“I ain’t worked up.”
“You’re a real stubborn bastard, you know that?”
He huffed in frustration and stood up, walking towards the edge of the canyon. His hands rested on his hips and you heard him let out a long sigh as he stopped a few yards away and let his head hang down tiredly.
“(Y/N),” His voice sounded pained, “Anyone who’s ever loved me, left in one way ‘r another.”
“Arthur—“
He turned back to face you, his eyes shining with sadness as he finally met your gaze. You felt your chest ache in response.
“I lost Eliza and Isaac. I asked Mary Linton to marry me— an’ she told me I weren’t good enough.”
He shrugged and let his arms fall at his side, “I’m a hopeless fool, (Y/N). Seems I can’t change it.”
You just looked at him desperately, trying to find the right words to say. He watched the sorrow rest heavily in your expression and his face twisted into a sudden scowl. His boots thudded hard against the ground as he walked back towards camp, sneering, “Don’t need yer fuckin’ pity, boy .”
“Arthur! Hey! ”
You scrambled to your feet and ran over to stand in front of him. He looked at you angrily as you blocked his path and crossed his arms defensively. His jaw clenched and unclenched with irritation and you frowned at him. Arthur had your whole heart, but you wanted to punch him right now.
“Ya can’t just keep shuttin’ me out, Arthur.”
He huffed, looking away, “Watch me.”
You moved a hand to rest lightly against his chest. Your palm landed over his heart, and you felt the strong beat speed up slightly at your touch. You smiled to yourself and watched his eyes soften despite the angry expression on his face.
“Listen to me,” you spoke softly, “I got no plans on leavin’ you, cowboy. I love spendin’ my days with you. I love your laugh. And your smile. Love your charm and your sarcasm. Love all the things you hate ‘bout yourself.”
His face had faded from irritation to endearment as you spoke and you felt his chest rise and fall rapidly under your fingertips. He looked down at the ground between you two as a light flush came across his face. You swallowed thickly and continued, words falling from your lips before you could even think about what you were saying.
“I-I wanna help you. Wanna care for you and love you when you don’t quite know how. Wanna patch you up when you do stupid shit and praise you when you don’t. I wanna sleep with you at my side and ride with you and-and— Christ , Arthur. I just want you to let me love you.”
You paused to catch your breath. Your chest was rising and falling rapidly and you felt your pulse pounding in your ears but you didn’t care because you were here with Arthur telling him the things you had wanted to tell him since the moment you looked at him. Your voice felt tight in your throat when you spoke again.
“I love you, Arthur. I-I just… I just love you .”
You realized your hand was white from gripping the loose fabric of his shirt. Like if you let go, you’d lose him. Hesitantly, you unclenched your fist and moved it to rest firmly where his neck met his shoulder. You gave a reassuring squeeze, and when Arthur didn’t look up, you whispered quietly, “You don’t gotta believe it or think ya deserve it. Just… Let me love you, Arthur. Trust me now and believe it later.”
There was a long silence before Arthur’s voice cracked, “Okay.”
He immediately cleared his throat and sniffled, wiping his nose with the back of his hand before looking up to meet your eyes. The corners of his eyes were wet and red with irritation but he smiled at you nonetheless. You moved your other hand to cradle his face, thumb stroking across the stubble on his cheek affectionately.
“We good?”
He chuckled softly, “Yeah, (Y/N). We’re good.”
You smiled and reached down for his left hand. Pressing your lips to his ring finger, you mumbled, “Love you, cowboy.”
He let out blissful sigh before pulling you into an embrace. He enveloped you in his strong arms and you sighed against him happily. You felt his lips press against your temple and his voice was so faint you almost didn’t hear him.
“I know.”