Chapter Text
Subject: Peter Parker
Date: 26/7/2023
Duration: 21 minutes
State your name for the record.
PP: Uh…sure. Do you mean my real name or my made up name? I guess you must’ve heard both of them by now. What with all the news coverage. That Daily Bugle report that’s been everywhere. But…this is just procedure, right? You’re just doing your job? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…let’s start over. I’m Peter. Peter Parker. Nice to…
And can you confirm your date of birth for me?
PP: It’s August 10th, 2002. But I should probably tell you…I’m sixteen. Seventeen next month. I would’ve been twenty-one if I hadn’t blipped. And now because I missed, like…a month of school, I have to start my junior year all over again and so I won’t even be a senior until I’m…
Brief answers will suffice at this stage.
PP: Okay, sorry. My bad. I tend to ramble when I’m nervous. I don’t know if I have the right to remain silent, but well…silences make me super uncomfortable, so…so that’ll probably make your job easier, right? I’ll be, like, really easy to interrogate. Yeah, I’ve got to work on that. Sorry…it’s nerves. And now I’m doing exactly what you told me not to…
Do you have a reason to be nervous?
PP: Well…yeah. But that’s not because I’m like…a bad guy or anything, sir. It’s just what with the whole being framed as a terrorist thing and my secret identity being outed to the entire world. It’s been stressful. And then last night…getting shot up with those tranq darts and brought here to this, um…facility. I just…I’ve had better weeks, you know.
Your parent’s names?
PP: My…oh okay. It’s Richard and Mary Parker. Or it was. They’re dead. They died when I was four. But you already know that, right? I mean, I’ve been, like, America’s Most Wanted these last few days. So I figure you've gotta know everything about me by now.
Your current legal guardian?
PP: You mean Aunt May? That is, May Parker. Is…is she okay? Please, I didn’t get the chance to see her before you…you know…shot me with those darts.
May Parker is safe in police custody.
PP: You’ve arrested May?! That’s crazy, man. Why would you even…?
Can you confirm or deny whether May Parker was complicit in your secret Spider-man identity and any of your unregulated superhuman activities?
PP: Are…are you asking if May knew about my powers? Because, I mean…yeah. But that’s not even her fault. I wasn’t even going to tell her at first. I didn’t want her to worry. But then I stupidly left my bedroom door open and she saw me in my suit and I couldn’t get her to believe it was for a costume party so I…I had to tell her everything. But she’s not like my accomplice or whatever. She’s just...my aunt. I live with her.
Did your aunt ever instruct you in how to use your powers?
PP: No, never! Well, I mean…I went to her fundraiser for the homeless. For all the people who were displaced by the Blip, you know? But I wasn’t even doing superhero stuff at the benefit. I was just there as a special guest. Kind of like a mascot. I was just trying to help out. That’s mostly what I do, sir. Just those friendly neighborhood…things.
Except for the times you took part in missions with the late Tony Stark?
PP: Right. Though technically, there was only ever the one mission. After that we both sort of mutually agreed that it’d be better if I stayed on the ground. And that was fine. That was all going great. Then I accidentally got beamed up into space and we had to fight Thanos on this whole other planet. But aside from that Mr Stark never actually asked me to…
We understand that Tony Stark recruited you for a combat situation with a number of fugitive war criminals who had refused to sign the Sokovia Accords.
PP: Well he…he didn’t put it in those terms exactly. It was just Cap and his team were going a little nuts, so Mr Stark wanted me to web them up so everyone could just like…chill out and talk things through. Because those guys, the Avengers…they’re all friends, you know? So it was a friendly fight. It was actually really awesome. I had the best time.
And how old were you when Tony Stark invited you to this…friendly fight as you call it?
PP: Uh…I don’t know if I should say. I don't want to get anyone in trouble. But then, you can do the math, right? I...I was fourteen. And I’d only had my powers for six months, but…but honestly? All those guys I met in Berlin? They were so nice to me. Even when they were beating me up, they weren’t hitting hard...most of the time. They all gave me helpful pointers and made me feel…
Mr Parker, are you aware that you must be at least eighteen years of age to serve in combat?
PP: Yeah, but…that’s just for the US army, right?
For any armed forces. Were you given any form of parental consent to participate in this violent superhuman altercation?
PP: Um. I didn’t have parental consent as such. I mean, we told May it was an internship. But…I had Mr Stark. He always looked out for me on our missions. So I was never scared I might die or anything. I mean, there was that one time I did die, because of Thanos and those stones. And I know Mr Stark probably blamed himself for that, because…well, he said he would. But it was never his…
How would you describe your relationship with the late Tony Stark?
PP: Oh...oh man. Do I have to talk about Mr Stark right now? I just…I know it’s been months since he…but I still can’t even talk about him without getting upset. And like…crying. And I really don’t want to cry right now, sir. So could we please just…?
To be clear...are you refusing to answer this line of questioning?
PP: No, it’s not like that! I’m trying my best to, like…cooperate with you here. Because I’m not the bad guy and I’ve been framed and I just want to clear my name so...so I can go home. It’s not that I’m refusing your questions, I just…I just don’t feel comfortable talking to you like this, you know? This is just too weird for me…talking to you through this screen, I mean. Maybe if we were in the same room together, then it wouldn’t feel so…
I can hear you perfectly well through the screen.
PP: That’s not what I meant though, sir. I just…I feel like I’m in a zoo here. I mean, this isn’t like a normal people prison, right? This is the one of those, what do you call it…containment modules? Am I at some sort of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters right now? Is Mr Fury here?
It is police policy that all federal detention centers now come equipped with holding cells for suspects with…enhanced capabilities.
PP: Right. I get it. But I’m not going to, like…bust out of here or anything.
Mr Parker, we have it on record that you used your superior strength to break a lock in a county jailhouse in the Netherlands. Is this true?
PP: Err...yeah, I did do that. But only because my friends were in danger and I didn’t have time to wait and follow the proper procedures. I had to get to London to…to stop him. I didn’t mean any disrespect to you or your profession. I mean…I like the police. Seriously, I’m friends with all the beat cops in Queens. You guys do a really good job. Protecting and serving the community. I respect that. I’ve been trying to do the exact same thing. So…so I’m not going to break your screen, sir. I promise.
Could you break the screen if you wanted to?
PP: I…I don’t know. But I’m not even going to try.
So you wouldn’t characterize yourself as a teenage rebel then?
PP: Oh gosh, no. Honestly sir. I’ve never, like, even tried to buy a beer with a fake ID or anything. And I’ve never taken drugs apart from…well, those ones you shot me with. How long does it take for that stuff to wear off anyway? Cos I’m still feeling a little woozy even now...
It would be strictly against our regulations to interview any subject – particularly a minor – while they were under the influence of sedatives.
PP: Right, right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to suggest that…I’m just really tired, I guess. I don’t think I’ve slept since that Jameson report came out. Not really. I...I’ve got to be careful. I’m not thinking straight. But the point I was making is…I’m just a kid, sir. And I’m a good kid. A friendly neighborhood kid. I just want to prove that I…I'm not the bad guy. I'm not a criminal.
Mr Parker, if you’ve nothing wrong then why were you resisting arrest?
PP: I wasn’t resisting arrest! I was just…avoiding it a little.
We have eye-witness reports which state that you fled from downtown New York the moment the Daily Bugle report aired.
PP: Yeah because I was freaking out! My identity had just been outed to every person on the planet, sir. And I...I had wanted so badly to live a semi-normal life, you know? I wanted to graduate high school, to go to the Prom, to do the Academic Decathlon and now…now I don’t think I’ll get to do any of those things. Like, ever. Now I might just be stuck in this cell for God knows how long because of that doctored footage making me look like some crazy super-villain. So can you really blame me for wanting to hide? I never wanted anyone know what I am! Not even my aunt. Not my best friend. Not my girlfriend. I never wanted my powers to put them in danger.
Your powers...how was it that you first acquired these powers, Mr Parker?
PP: What? You mean, like…my origin story? Um, okay. It was…it was a school trip to this science exhibit. They were showing us these genetically enhanced bugs and stuff…and the spiders they had were really awesome. But apparently one had escaped from its container and was crawling around all over the lab. At some point it got under my shirt and it...it bit me.
You gained all your superhuman abilities…from a spider bite?
PP: Yeah. That's why...the name. Pretty crazy, right? And the next day I started to notice all these…changes. How my senses were all heightened. How I was stronger and um…sticky all of a sudden. And so I went back to the lab trying to find that spider. I wanted to, like…take samples and run some tests, you know? But one of the scientists there, she told me that after the spider had been caught and they...they had to kill it. Something about high levels of radioactivity in its blood and venom. They said it was too dangerous to keep.
So dangerous that the spider needed to be exterminated you mean?
PP: I…I know that sounded bad the way I phrased it. Like, now you’re probably thinking now that I’m dangerous too. Like I’m some sort of...sick mutant or whatever. You’re thinking that I’ve gone nuts and I really did try to kill a bunch of people. But I...I didn’t! I wouldn’t ever! I never wanted to hurt anybody. Not even…
…not even Quentin Beck? Did Mr Beck die at your hands, Peter?
PP: No! That wasn’t my…Beck was the one who was controlling those drones! He was the one who launched the attack on London, not me! I was trying to stop him. To get E.D.I.T.H. back from him. After that I would’ve just webbed him up so Beck could go to jail, same as all the other bad guys I’ve caught. But he…he must’ve taken a hit when he was getting the drones to fire at me. I didn’t do it, sir, I swear I…
These drones…they're a feature of ‘this weaponized Stark tech’ that Quentin Beck spoke of in his final moments?
PP: Yeah, but…you’re talking like you believe him. Like you believe what Beck said in that video. Please tell me you don’t believe him?!
Mr Parker…where is this E.D.I.T.H. device now?
PP: It…it’s safe.
It's safe where exactly?
PP: I’m sorry. I can’t tell you that, sir.
Are you refusing to cooperate?
PP: Please, you don’t understand. Mr Stark, he trusted me to take responsibility for his invention. Me and nobody else. And I already screwed up once, okay? I gave E.D.I.T.H. away to Beck and he almost killed my friends. I can’t risk that happening again. So I can’t tell you where it is. Whatever you do to me...I just can’t.
Do you think it was wise of the late Tony Stark to leave a teenager in charge of such a dangerous piece of surveillance equipment and weaponry?
PP: ...probably not. But you see…I might be all that’s left of the Avengers, sir. That’s how it feels anyway. So I’ve got to do right by Tony. Even if he was wrong. Even if he was a complete mess. I would still be dust right now if he hadn’t brought me back. So I owe him. I can’t let him down again.
Do you accept that – in light of recent allegations – your refusal to hand E.D.I.T.H. over to the proper authorities could be perceived as a threat to global security?
PP: I know and I’m sorry, I just...I can’t tell you. I mean, what…if this is all another trick? What if Beck isn’t really dead, huh? What if this is one of his illusions and he's trying to make me stupidly give up information. I…I can’t fall for that again. So I’m sorry if you’re real, sir. I'm sorry if you’re just a good cop trying to do your job. But I can’t tell. I just can’t take the risk. I know that I would never use Mr Stark’s tech to hurt people. Not even Brad. But I can’t be certain about anyone else. Not anymore.
Peter, would you say the public’s demand for a new Iron Man has put you under a considerable amount of…duress?
PP: Look, are you trying to put words in my mouth here?! What do you want me to say? That I was just some poor gullible kid from Queens who worshiped Tony Stark? And now he’s dead and I think he died because of me, so I’m losing my mind trying to somehow live up to him. Because yeah…that’s how it feels a lot of the time. But I would still never attack a city over it. You believe that, don’t you? Does anyone who saw that video even realize that I’m not the bad guy?
I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to say whether…
PP: Just say that you believe me! Please!!
…Mr Parker! I must insist that you…
PP: I...I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to get upset. I didn’t mean to…punch your screen. Don’t worry. It’s not broken. Well, it’s a little cracked. I didn’t mean to…honest, I…
Subject is growing increasingly hostile and choosing to withhold evidence...
PP: No, no please! Don’t leave me. What...what about a phone call? Can someone please call Happy Hogan for me? I should probably…I need to ask for lawyer, right? Sir please, I’m just a kid. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do in this situation. What should I do?
Interview is terminated. Calling security.