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A Drake song is booming loudly through the big speaker in the living room, of course, Yoongi was on the aux-- maybe even Hoseok. It’s too loud for Jungkook to think correctly.
They’re all drunk, horribly drunk, and Jungkook is sure he’s the only one that isn’t close to face planting on the floor.
Jimin and Seokjin are currently watching animal videos on Youtube, they’re both close to tears. Taehyung is currently sharing a blunt with Namjoon and Hoseok, they’re all very cross-faded with eyes red and glossy. Yoongi’s head is on Jungkook’s lap, demanding to be pet. He doesn’t really have to say it but Jungkook just knows.
“Joon is gone,” Yoongi begins as they watch Namjoon take a hit and hold it in his throat for as long as he can before he starts coughing loudly. Taehyung and Hoseok laugh at his mistake, they know he’s inexperienced so they try teaching him.
“Yeah, we established that around the fifth shot and the third hit,” Jungkook says through a smile as he watches his boyfriend laugh at something Hoseok said. They’re all laughing, full belly laughs.
“You’re not drinking tonight?” Yoongi asks, turning his head to stare up at Jungkook.
Jungkook shrugs, “no, decided to take care of him,” he signals towards his boyfriend as they continue with the sharing of a blunt.
“He’s definitely gone,” Yoongi says again as he laughs, making fun of Namjoon trying his hardest to keep the smoke in his throat
Jungkook doesn’t say much but he smiles at the remark.
“He didn’t recognize me when I passed by to go to the restroom,” Jungkook comments through a chuckle.
“I can’t believe Joonie forgets things when he’s drunk. I should record him just so I can bully him for the rest of our lives,” Yoongi teases, he sits up from where he was and they sit by side as they watch the boys finish up the rest of the weed.
“Is it his third time getting cross-faded? Or fourth?”
“Fourth,” Jungkook replies, he had been keeping count. Namjoon doesn’t get high often but when he does, it’s as if the whole world stops and stares at him. At least Jungkook watches the way Namjoon seems to relax as the stress falls off his shoulders.
“Shits nice, you know?” Yoongi admits as he pats his knee and Jungkook just shrugs. He’s never tried but he knows that eventually, he will. He’s curious enough to try it at least a couple of times in his life.
“Seems nice,” Jungkook finally says as he watches Namjoon tip his head back to let out a booming laugh. It stirs something in Jungkook. Something almost light and fuzzy as he watches the love of his life get high.
“I’m gonna get another beer and check up on Jin and Jimin,” Yoongi pretends to grunt, really just going because he knows how affectionate the pair is when they’re drunk too. He might as well say he’s simply going to get pet.
Jungkook nods, showing him he understood and settles himself deeper in the couch. He looks at the boys one last time before he grabs his phone and unlocks it. He doesn’t do much, he scrolls down his timeline on twitter and watches for any funny tweets.
Jungkook is too invested in the video he had been watching that when a body throws himself across his lap, he yelps loudly. He throws his phone in the process and has to calm his nerves down.
It’s Namjoon. He sees that now as a pair of droopy, red eyes are staring back at him. Jungkook looks up to watch Taehyung and Hoseok cuddled up and watching a movie on the television.
“Have you seen Jungkook-ah?” Namjoon finally asks even though he’s been draped across Jungkook for a couple of seconds.
Jungkook should say that it’s him, that he’s Jungkook because this isn’t the first time Namjoon doesn’t recognize him but he is super curious and such a brat so can’t help himself but continue.
Jungkook shakes his head, “I haven’t, did you need something?” He asks.
Namjoon closes his eyes and hums out a yes, he stretches his hands out like some cat on the bed.
“Just wanted to tell him that I really love him,” Namjoon says so nonchalantly and so calmly that Jungkook almost misses it. Jungkook’s heart skips a beat, literally, he thinks.
“Okay, I can-” Jungkook tries answering but Namjoon isn’t quite done.
“Want him to know that I love him how anyone fully loves,” he pauses to breathe out, “freely and completely,” he smiles lazily to himself, hugging himself in the process. “Love him how anyone learns to do anything they love, gradually and with so much meaning in each step," he finishes.
Namjoon is ranting at his point and Jungkook knows this because he loves this Namjoon. The tug between his eyebrows and the pout laid on his face say it all.
“I love Jungkook. I love him now more than ever and I know I’ll love him more tomorrow and the days to come.”
Jungkook has seen him like this. Has seen him like this countless of times- full of emotion and avidity. Jungkook feels like he’s fifteen all over again as he watches the boy with sunglasses too big for his face rap about life in that tiny little studio. Namjoon rapped like it really meant something, like whatever came out of his mouth mattered. His words sounded harsh, like sandpaper on wood, but his voice was something else-- something Jungkook couldn’t describe without feeling like his chest was about to cave in.
“I have him but I want him more again. He’s mine already but I still want him and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”
Jungkook remembers his brain grinding at an aching speed, after first seeing Namjoon and everything sort of clicking. Jungkook finally inserting the final puzzle piece to the puzzle he had been working on, Jungkook figuring out a math problem after hours of hitting a dead end, Jungkook cleaning his whole room and the sheer excitement when he was able to lay on his bed. Everything sort of connecting, as if he’d been searching for this for a while-- everything clicked and his brain sort of whispered finally.
“Love him so much, I don’t think I say it often,” Namjoon confesses through a pout.
He’s wrong, Jungkook thinks because he does. Namjoon doesn’t always say it but he shows it just the same.
“I’m sure you do,” Jungkook whispers out, careful not to disturb Namjoon. He doesn’t want to touch him and mess this moment up. He thinks now of butterflies and how they’re not meant to be disturbed or captured-- they belong to nature and no one else. Like watching a deer drink water and not wanting to move, not wanting to mess up their poised rhythm.
Jungkook watches him as if Namjoon is a hidden angel that has come out from hiding.
“Yeah maybe I do,” Namjoon smiles, “but I want to say it until it’s the last thing I ever say,” he finishes and it makes Jungkook giggle. What a sap this one. What a boyfriend, he has to say I love you in every way imaginable.
“I love his brain. Love how he’s so observant over things that normal people would never pick up on,” Namjoon opens his red eyes and looks up at the ceiling, “like when he got me the shirt I had been eyeing at the store and bought it for me when I had been busy. Or when he knows when my brain is overworking itself and tells me to take a walk with him.”
Jungkook smiles, remembering those small moments that they have lived through, he didn’t think Namjoon would catch all of that. He begins running his fingers through Namjoon’s hair.
“I love him because he remembers even the smallest details. He remembered when I told him that I liked sleeping on the left side of the bed, he remembered when I told him my favorite color changed from red to blue,” Namjoon sighs. Jungkook remembers, even now he does.
“I love his face,” Namjoon pouts and Jungkook lets out a laugh, “love his Bambi eyes,” Namjoon lets out a frustrated sigh, “love how big and shiny they are. Sometimes I overthink the future so he holds me and he looks at me and says “things will be okay”,” he pauses to think over his words, “I believe him. I really do believe him.”
Jungkook feels a tear coming down his face, he doesn’t wipe it away.
“I haven't told anyone but when I get sad I like to take long walks or ride my bike along the Han River to watch the night sky. It’s nice, I talk to the stars and the moon and they always listen,” Namjoon pauses again to breathe, “I think maybe-- maybe that’s why when I look at him, it calms me. His eyes look like a whole damn night sky, it’s ridiculous. I talk and the night sky listens-- he listens,” Namjoon finally says and Jungkook tries not to let out a sob as Namjoon compares his eyes to the night sky filled with stars.
“I love him so much it hurts,” He continues without looking at Jungkook, “hurts right here,” Namjoon places his hand on his chest, “hurts in a good way. Like when you get an A on your test and you feel accomplished, or when you finish a task on time and you feel relieved.”
“Loving him is so easy,” Namjoon starts again, he’s slurring and it’s just so so adorable, Jungkook can’t seem to stop him. “Loving him is like a current in the sea, always changing but unending.”
Loving him comes easy, Jungkook thinks over Namjoon’s words and yeah, he can agree. Loving Namjoon has become apart of him-- making a home out his heart and trumping every negative thought.
“And he’s so good at everything, right?” Namjoon asks him, he looks a bit mad over something so simple.
Jungkook blushes until he feels the warmth on his toes, “yeah.”
“A golden boy,” Namjoon whispers out and he sounds so fond, “my golden boy,” Namjoon says in English and Jungkook catches what he says.
“I’ve decided to keep him forever, you know? I never want him to leave my side, he’s mine forever and even after that.”
“Hyung,” Jungkook whispers softly, a smile wanting to take over his face. He needs Namjoon to stop before he blushes so hard that he’ll stay red forever but he doesn’t have the heart to.
“My golden boy,” Namjoon says again in English, he’s smiling more to himself than to anyone else.
“I love him from season to season. From the beginning to the end of time. From the tip of my fingers to somewhere deep within my heart.” He looks and sounds pleased with himself. Waxing poems so easily and just for Jungkook to hear. For each other only.
“Sounds like a lot of work, don’t you think?” Jungkook huffs out as he laughs. He stares at Namjoon can practically hear Namjoon's brain grinding at a fast pace.
“Not enough. I want him in every way I’m able to have him. In every sense, in every world, in every season, and through all words made for both of us.”
Jungkook tries his hardest to the giggles that want to leave his mouth. He’s smiling down at Namjoon.
Namjoon stops for a few seconds, he seems to be thinking. Jungkook doesn’t say much until Namjoon finally speaks up again,
“You know I read a book once,” he says, “in English.”
Namjoon sighs as if he’s told this story countless times.
“The book had this beautiful quote, I can’t get it out of my head.” He stops and Jungkook takes that moment to speak up.
“What was the quote?” Jungkook asks because he’s too curious for his own good.
Namjoon takes his time before he finally answers, “love is not a feeling but an absolute,” he says slowly in English, seeming almost entranced by the quote already. Jungkook gets the first part but can’t seem to figure the second part of the sentence.
“Absolute?” He asks shyly in English, not wanting to be wrong or sound funny.
“Absolute,” He repeats after Jungkook, nodding.
“Like,” he starts in Korean again, “like we have all these books and all these movies showing us the different ways people love and fall in love, right?” Namjoon asks but isn’t really expecting an answer.
“We search for different ways to say I love you when we shouldn’t have to,” he’s pouting and Jungkook wants to kiss him senseless, “as a person who writes lyrics and poems, it sounds a bit funny as I say this because I have to play with words and sentences in order to convey what I feel and how I feel it,” he pauses, gathering his thoughts correctly, “but sometimes- sometimes the best way to say “I love you” is just by simply saying it.”
“Because love is not a feeling, it isn’t. It’s something that fills you up to the brink and even after you’ve withered away, it remains as an absolute-- ineradicable. Something relentless and gut-wrenching.”
Jungkook nods, loving the way Namjoon is so passionate and seems to get lost in his own words.
“Don’t beat around the bush, just say it as it is. That’s why I like that quote, love is not a feeling but an absolute,” he repeats it again, “which is why I’m looking for Jungkookie.”
He turns his head towards the hallway, hoping to find someone walking by.
“I just want to tell him I really love him without any hidden secret sentiments or without any riddles. I just want to say I fully love him. I love him so much.” Namjoon sits up as he begins to realize what he’s really saying.
“I’m in love with him and I want to tell him this because it’s the truth and because it needs to be said.” He looks determined to scream it out to the world, like a man on a mission. Except he’s drunk and he’s missing a shoe.
“You’ve thought about this?”
“About the quote? Only when I’m high,” Namjoon lets out a burp as he smiles, “about loving Jungkook? Always.”
Namjoon pauses to breathe.
“I’m saying it as it is and how it should be said,” Namjoon confesses with soft eyes, staring back up at the ceiling.
“I’m sure he knows this already but saying it again won’t hurt,” Jungkook comments with a playful grin on his face.
“That’s why I’m looking for him, want to tell him this,” Namjoon rubs at his eyes and Jungkook can already tell he’s tired by the way his slurring gets worse and his eyes get heavier and heavier. Jungkook isn’t surprised though, high Namjoon always gets sleepy.
“How about you wait here while I go look for him?” Jungkook offers lightly.
“Will you please do that?” Namjoon asks as he leans back on the big couch, not really paying attention anymore.
Jungkook nods and waits for Namjoon to close his eyes before he walks away towards the room that Yoongi had walked into. He immediately spots Yoongi, Jimin, and Seokjin talking on the bed. Yoongi lifts his head as he watches him walk in.
“Back so soon?” Yoongi asks as Jungkook sits at the edge of the bed.
“Yeah, I told him I’d go search for Jungkook in the other room so,” Jungkook shrugs with a small smile.
“Did he get all deep on you?” Yoongi asks, moving over and offering a spot for Jungkook to squeeze into. Jungkook gladly accepts, sitting up and cuddling between Seokjin and Yoongi as Jimin busies himself on the phone.
“You don’t fit,” Seokjin mutters even as he drapes an arm across him, holding him closer.
“Define deep?” Jungkook chuckles, loving how he’s being cuddled by his hyungs after hearing a love confession that deserves awards. He doesn't think he deserves any of it.
“'The loving Jungkook is easy' rant?” Yoongi asks with a small smile. He knows because he’s been there, every single time.
“Or was it the love is an absolute quote?” Seokjin asks, adding to the conversation.
Jungkook looks at both of them quizzically. Namjoon has talked about this? To other people?
“He’s talked about this?”
“About the quote? Only when he’s high,” Yoongi says through a chuckle.
“About loving you?” Seokjin starts,
“Always,” Jimin finishes from beside Seokjin, making them all laugh in the process. It doesn’t make Jungkook blush, it doesn’t.
“He’s red,” Seokjin pokes as he tells Yoongi, he lets out a loud laugh and that only makes Jungkook blush deeper.
“What can we say, Jungkook is a man in love,” Yoongi says as he teases him further.
“Just be lucky this is the first time you hear him rant about you,” Jimin says as he makes a look a disgust but it looks more like a look of fond.
“Yeah, I’m sure I’ve been there every time he decides to go on some damn Jungkook field trip.”
“How am I barely finding out about this?” Jungkook asks because he has every right to. Because sure they share the most intimate moments between each other-- and Jungkook loves every second, but he's never heard this before. It knocks him off his feet.
“Oh my gosh, did you cry, Kookie?” Seokjin ignores his question as he eyes his tear-stained cheeks.
“No,” Jungkook says, too quickly, and it makes the rest of them break out into a fit of laughter.
“It was the absolute quote wasn’t it?”
“I don’t kiss and tell,” Jungkook remarks as he sticks his tongue out.
“I don’t it works like that,” Jimin reasons with their maknae on English phrases and their context. Jungkook decides to ignore him for now.
“He’s sleeping right now but that was,” Jungkook doesn’t know what to say because he doesn’t think he’s ever been in this position before, “something.”
“Define something?” Seokjin asks carefully with the full intention of receiving an answer.
“Good.” Overwhelming, great, scary, so good. Jungkook doesn’t say any of that.
“Yeah?” Yoongi asks, watching him as well. They are all watching him and maybe that’s why his cheeks haven’t lost their red pigment.
Jungkook nods, not wanting to look like a fool in front of them-- even though he has before-- as he explains how it can’t possibly get better than Namjoon.
It can’t. It shouldn’t.
“He loves you.”
It sounds like a promise more than some small comment made by Yoongi or a stare thrown by Seokjin.
Jungkook nods again because he can’t simply talk about this without breaking out into loud sobs.
“So, what are you still doing here? You’ve got a drunk boyfriend that literally cannot sleep without you in the living room.” It’s supposed to sound mean and intimidating but Seokjin is smiling as he says it so Jungkook smiles back as tears swell in his eyes. He nods a couple times, understanding.
“I love you all,” Jungkook tells them with deep sincerity and he hopes they catch it.
He steps out of the room and walks back to the living room. Namjoon is still where he left him and Jungkook gets a thrumming in his heart as he steps closer. Yeah, he’s got it bad.
At first, Jungkook simply sits beside his boyfriend. He picks up his fingers and runs them through soft hair and stares at Namjoon until he’s sure the memory of him is inked and tattooed to the back of his brain. Until he’s sure that when he closes his eyes he’ll see flashes of Namjoon and even after he has disappeared, the image of Namjoon will still be there. Forever.
Namjoon hums in his sleep as he stirs and blinks his big eyes open. The quick nap must have helped somehow since he recognizes Jungkook in a heartbeat.
“Missed you,” Namjoon half slurs. Jungkook doesn’t know if it’s from waking up or being tipsy. Namjoon looks cute, nonetheless. He reaches his hand out for Jungkook to take and Jungkook quickly grabs it. Inebriated Namjoon loving nothing more than a warm body near him, holding him, and Jungkook wanting nothing more than to be that person-- always.
“I’m here now,” Jungkook assures him. Never leaving you, he wants to say.
“Good,” Namjoon mumbles out through a tired smile, he brings Jungkook’s hand to his lips and presses a light kiss to his skin. It tingles even after Namjoon pulls away.
And Jungkook doesn’t do much but think about how fate has a funny way of working.
Jungkook is meant to be right here, right at this second, besides the love of his life. He thinks about the circumstances and thinks about every action that has brought him up to this moment. Fate works mysteriously, yes, but Jungkook likes to think that it’s on his side. He likes to think that fate gave him the opportunity to choose this path by helping him find Namjoon right when he needed to. Fate works mysteriously, that he can agree on, but fate is also helping him, guiding him home. To Namjoon all those years ago.
“Tired, very tired,” Namjoon croaks out through a dry mouth and Jungkook looks down at him.
“Yeah, I’m sure you are, you dork.”
Namjoon whines in response and Jungkook feels like time stops in its tracks. He loves Namjoon like this. Loves how comfortable and how carefree Namjoon is when it’s just them. When the stress leaves his eyes and the stiffness he carries disappears into the air. And as Namjoon whines his way through a conversation, Jungkook is sure this world was made just for him, only for him. Nothing else matters as he lays with his boyfriend.
“Can we sleep now?” Namjoon asks as he cuddles further into the couch but doesn’t release Jungkook’s hand.
“Right here? You don’t want to sleep at home?” Jungkook asks him dramatically because it flusters Namjoon more than it should and because Jungkook is a brat. It works out.
“Yes, right here,” he yawns, “with you.”
“How about I carry you to the car?” Jungkook offers as he rests a hand on Namjoon’s lap, squeezing it on instinct.
“My strong boy, my best boy,” Namjoon says, he doesn’t answer his question, he only makes his cute comments that Jungkook can’t help but blush at.
“So, do you want to stay here or go home?” Jungkook asks again even as his cheeks still remain red and blushed.
“Here,” Namjoon is able to slur out and luckily Jungkook is able to hear him.
“Okay, I’ll go tell Yoongi we’re staying in the guest room. I’ll be right back, baby,” Jungkook explains and Namjoon reluctantly lets go of his hand with a pout.
“Be right back.”
Jungkook leaves again towards Yoongi’s room and finds Seokjin and Jimin fast asleep as they’re cuddled up in bed. Yoongi is in the corner on his phone, wearing his Shooky pajamas. Well half of them, at least. His top is Shooky while his pajama pants are Tata. Jungkook smiles.
“Hyung, we’ve decided to crash here, is that fine?” Jungkook asks as he eyes the mixed and matched pajamas on Jimin and Seokjin as well.
“Was expecting you too, so yeah that’s fine, Kook,” Yoongi notes as he spares one look at Jungkook. He looks like a parent getting ready for bed and that makes Jungkook slightly chuckle.
“Namjoonie- hyung is too tired to move so I think I’m going to carry him to the bedroom like my dad would carry me,” Jungkook says and it makes Yoongi bark out a laugh.
“You into that?”
“Goodbye and goodnight, hyung.”
Jungkook’s cheeks are blushed again but that’s because they seem to work against him.
He heads back to the living room to find that Namjoon has removed his one shoe and has shimmied his way out of his jacket.
“You ready for bed?” Jungkook asks him as he gently pats Namjoon’s shoulder. Namjoon hums and lifts his hands up as an indication for Jungkook to carry him.
Jungkook throws his head back to laugh, “you jerk,” he says but he listens, grabbing Namjoon from his thighs and letting his other hand rest on Namjoon’s back.
“C’mon, you big baby,” Jungkook comments as he walks towards the guest room.
Namjoon hums in approval, “your baby, yes,” he says and it does something in Jungkook’s stomach. A somersault or maybe some butterflies. Jungkook doesn’t have time to pinpoint it so he saves it for later.
“You’re so light, hyung.”
“Absolutely not. I’m heavy, so heavy,” Namjoon dramatically explains and he looks goofy and Jungkook has no idea how he’s able to fall in love all over again after small moments like this but here he is.
“You’re more like a noodle,” Jungkook teases again and he earns a pinch to his ribs. He yelps loudly and laughs right afterward. His grip on Namjoon doesn't falter.
“This isn’t how you talk to someone who’s intoxicated and high,” Namjoon whines again and his stomach does that thing again. Maybe it’s butterflies doing somersaults in his stomach, that seems more like what’s happening.
“You’re right, how can I be this rude,” Jungkook sighs as he indulges Namjoon.
He finally gets to the room and somehow manages to open it while his six-foot boyfriend rests in his arms.
“I would offer to help you but I have this strong, sexy boyfriend who can do this already. He even likes to work out more than he likes to kiss me.”
And at this point, Namjoon is just drunk and dramatic so it makes Jungkook cackle. He loves him, loves all of him.
“What a bad boyfriend,” Jungkook comments back, setting Namjoon gently on the bed and stepping back.
“Did you remove your contacts, already?” Jungkook asks before Namjoon can continue spewing false comments.
Namjoon nods, “took them off at home and my glasses are on the kitchen counter,” he assures him and Jungkook nods.
“Not so bad actually, I think I might love him,” Namjoon gets back into it, he whispers out like it’s a hidden secret that no one can know about. Like if he just didn’t go on a thirty-minute rant about Jungkook and his eyes.
“Is that so? Even if he works out more than he kisses you?”
“We all have our flaws,” Namjoon teases through heavy eyes and Jungkook giggles at his silliness. He opens his mouth to talk again.
“I might keep him forever.”
“That seems kind of long, don’t you think?”
“Not long enough.”
They both lay down on the bed, Jungkook on the right side as Namjoon takes the left.
Jungkook feels small and not in a bad way, not in the I feel insignificant kind of way, but in the kind of small that radiates safety. How he can literally be anywhere in life and fate brought him here, right here next to this warm loving boy that can’t seem to let go of his arm as he nuzzles further into his neck.
He seems apart of the night sky, he thinks now, getting lost somewhere beneath the stars as he dances along with the moon. He feels small compared to the boy next to him, who seems to carry something similar to the sun in his smile, but he can’t seem to care. Namjoon chose him and now he’s never letting go.
“I love you,” Jungkook promises. No hidden sentiments and with no riddles or metaphors. Like it’s supposed to be. Like it’s meant to be said. He means it.
He thinks he can spend the rest of his life saying those three same words until fate decides what’s next for them. And fate seems to be on his side.