Work Text:
luke: guys ash and i have something to tell you
calum: is it that one of you have a daddy kink or
michael: is it that one of you guys are pregnant
calum: is it that you guys have the herps ay
luke: gUYS NO
calum: why is ash silent then
michael: got something to hide ay ashy
ashton: i literally just joined this conversation ok i lost my phone
luke: guys can we be serious for like 1 second?
michael: or 5?
calum: did you just
ashton: he just
michael: i just
ashton: we should have known they wouldn't be serious for longer than a second, no not even a second lil shits we know this band
luke: true true
calum: damn boys just spit it out if its that you guys are fucking we know you guys aren't that silent
ashton: god dmanint no well yes but no
michael: are you guys exclusive or just fwb
luke: omfg
ashton: jesus the thing we wanted to tell you is that luke and i have been dating for 4 months and we're just now telling you because you dipshits wpuld fucking write it in the sky and we wanted to keep it to ourselves
calum: I KNEW IT I SHIPPED LASHTON SINCE ASHTON JOINED THE BAND OK YES YES YES THE SHIP HAS SAILED AY THIS VOYAGE TO BRAZIL
luke: so you support us?
ashton: i think this means that he wants to be the one to marry us if we get married
luke: "if" you mean "when"
michael: sorry i just accidentally broke a table because you guys would be cute if it weren't you guys and malum is number 1
calum: did anyone just cry at what luke just texted
ashton: we're sitting 3 feet away from you cal you didn't cry and mikey you actually did not break a table
michael: oh well you're a genious now aren't you
luke: my baby's a genius :)
michael: ew
calum: they're cute and now they're kissing ok
michael: hey cal
calum: wha
michael: let's make malum a thing ok
calum: why ew no
michael: ecu me
michael: we're the superior ship
michael: and i know you want all this
calum: what
michael: i know you like me i feel the sexual tension
calum: ... no mike no ok
michael: you want the $5 foot long ay
calum: miCHEASDL GOERDON CLIFFPSDRD
luke: im pretty sure 80% of our fans ship lashton
michael: guess whose back?
michael: you?
michael: JESUS STOP IGNORING ME