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Walking through the Byers’ nearly empty house is one of the most eerie experiences of Mike’s entire life.
He spent so much time here as a kid – sleepovers with the Party, hanging out after school to wait with Will for either Mrs. Byers or Jonathan to come home, running in through the back door after exploring the woods surrounding Hawkins. It’s weird to walk through the space that makes up so many memories only to find it empty.
Practically everything left in the Byers’ house is nothing but those memories now. The furniture is all loaded into the back of the uHaul, gaps filled with boxes labeled things like “Kitchen” and “Christmas ornaments” and, most distressingly, “El’s Things”.
To say that Mike is unhappy that El is moving away from Hawkins with Will and his family would be a massive understatement. In fact, the term “heartbroken” would be way more appropriate and no amount of understanding why it has to be this way makes it hurt any less.
It feels like the universe never wants to give Mike a break when it comes to his relationship with El. It feels like those 7 idyllic months from the night El literally walked back into his life through the Byers’ front door all the way until Hopper gave him that ultimatum right before everything went to shit were nothing more than an anomaly, a cruel tease of the life he really wants to have with her. Mike wants to eat lunch with El in the cafeteria at Hawkins High; he wants to hang out with her after school and do their homework together; he wants to take her to Homecoming and Prom and pick her up on dates once he gets his license and talk to her every night on the phone and not worry about racking up long-distance charges.
But Mike’s not going to get any of that.
Ok, he’ll take her to Prom. He doesn’t care how far he has to drive in order to do it, but Mike Wheeler is taking El Hopper to his or her senior prom (or both), come hell or high water.
But the rest of it? Those dreams are so out of reach, they might as well be in Outer Mongolia.
It’s not fair, Mike wants to shout, wants to cry out. And he immediately feels guilty for the thought. He’s not the one who lost the only good father figure he’s ever had. He’s not the one who’s moving to somewhere where he doesn’t know anyone or have any friends. He’s not the one who has to pick up and start over again despite still learning about how the world works.
No, if anyone has the right to scream and cry about the entire situation, it’s El.
It’s been a difficult 3 months for El – and for Mike, too, but his problems pale in comparison. They’d barely made it through the battle at the mall, barely reconciled after their first (and Mike’s going to make sure only) break-up when true worst of it started: Hopper’s death, the disappearance of El’s powers, El learning to live with the Byers, and then, finally, that El and the Byers were all moving out of Hawkins to Bloomington, a full two hours away.
It’s like once it started, the hits just kept coming and there’s been no time to breathe or adjust or cope. El’s borne the worst of it, having to grieve for Hopper while adjusting to yet another new living situation and then immediately having to turn around to prepare to leave the only town, the only friends, the only home she’s ever known.
And Mike’s been there by her side for all of it. From being a shoulder to cry on, to staying up all night talking about anything and everything as they hold onto each other, to trading soft kisses when she just wants to forget for a while.
Not everything’s gone completely smoothly, though. There are still lapses where neither of them know what to say, still awkward moments that have anxiety and embarrassment attempting to burn a hole through his stomach. There’s things they haven’t talked about yet, things Mike hasn’t pushed her to talk about yet. Instead, he’s letting her drive the pace of everything – it’s the least he can do for her, the least he can do for the girl he’s madly in love with.
And one of those things is that he still hasn’t told her that he loves her.
He told everyone else during that day at the cabin, the words slipping out without thought during a fit of desperation and passion, like it was something he knew deep down inside before he was fully aware of it. And the only time he tried to tell her to her face, they were interrupted just as Mike finally worked his way into spitting the words out.
Since then, though, there hasn’t been a good time – really, telling your girlfriend that you love her for the first time while she’s grieving over the death of her father is a real dick move. And, even with knowing that El’s moving in a handful of hours, that it’s going to be weeks until he sees her next, Mike doesn’t know if now’s a good time, either.
Realistically, he knows he’s going to have so many more opportunities to tell El that he loves her – when he visits for Thanksgiving, for example, or if El gets to come up Christmas like he’s hoping. And telling her now feels like it’ll just get wrapped up in the sadness of the day and the last thing Mike wants is for El to associate the first time he tells her he loves her with something sad.
Plus, Mike doesn’t know if he’ll be able to keep up the brave face he’s been so good at holding if he tells her he loves her and immediately has to watch her leave.
It’s been hard for him since El told him she was moving with Will and his family. He’s sad and angry, often at the same time, but he’s been trying to stay upbeat about it for El, who can barely handle it on top of everything else. But him being hopeful, at least outwardly, has helped her feel better about the whole thing, so he’ll keep doing it until it feels real.
So, maybe it’s best to just hold off for a bit. If there’s one thing Mike knows for sure, despite how much the situation of everything sucks, it’s that what he feels for El isn’t going anywhere. She’s it for him, now and forever. There will never be any other girl for him for as long as he lives. And he’s almost positive that El feels the same about him. Not even distance is going to be able to keep them apart for long and if he weathered not knowing if she was alive for 353 days, he can live with only being able to talk to her every day while she lives two hours away.
But that still doesn’t mean he doesn’t worry about her and, with that thought, Mike stops what he’s doing – packing up miscellaneous living room items – and goes off to find his wayward girlfriend and love of his life, just to make sure she’s ok.
Mike finds El in Will’s soon-to-be old room, hand outstretched as she reaches for something on the top shelf of the closet, trying to summon whatever it is with her powers. She strains, agony written on her face until she gives up with a frustrated gasp, chest heaving a bit for breath. It breaks Mike’s heart to see – this isn’t the first time she’s tried to use her powers in the last three months, and each time she tries and fails seems to be more frustrating than the last.
Even frustrated and pained as she is, though, El is still the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. She has her hair twisted and pulled back in a ponytail, and she’s wearing loose jeans with one of Hopper’s old flannels, sleeves rolled up and the ends of the shirt tied around her waist above a navy polo shirt and Mike’s heart races at the sight of her. She could be wearing a trash bag and he’d still think she was the most beautiful girl in the world – no, in the universe and no one else will ever outshine her in his eyes.
“They’ll come back,” Mike says, catching her attention. El looks over and Mike smiles as he starts to walk towards her to see what she was reaching for. “I know they will.” He peers into the closet and sees a teddy bear hiding in the back corner, just out of El’s reach. He’s never been more thankful for the recent growth spurt he’s had as he easily reaches into the closet and grabs the stuffed toy.
Mike turns and hands it to El and she clutches it close to her chest, looking up at him with a soft, shy smile that makes him feel like the most amazing guy in the world. “Thanks,” she says, just as soft, and his heart skips a beat. Even as sad as he is to know that she’s moving away, the sound of her voice never fails to send a thrill down his spine, an electric feeling that energizes him each and every time he experiences it.
“You packed your walkie, right?” It’s not the first time he’s asked this question, but he just needs to make sure.
El’s smile turns brighter, eyes lighting up, and she nods. “Yes.”
“Because you know that I’m going to steal Cerebro from Dustin and call you so much, you’re going to have to turn it off, right?” That earns him the most precious little giggle and Mike internally revels in the victory of being able to make her laugh and smile on what is turning out to be such a horrible day.
Her face falls a second later and Mike can tell that a thought occurs to her by the way curiosity lights in her eyes, but there’s an edge of concern that has him worried, has him rushing to want to do something, anything to soothe it away. “Did you ask your mom? About Thanksgiving?”
Oh, shoot, he hasn’t told her? He could have sworn…. “Yeah, yeah, I got the ok, I’ll be there,” Mike hurries to say. He tries not to think about how Thanksgiving will most likely be the next time he sees her after today, tries not to think about how that’s 6 weeks away. Suffice it to say, Mike fails miserably, if the lump in his chest is any indication.
So, in order not to dwell on the emotion that threatens to undo all the work he’s put into being brave for El, he just keeps talking. “And then I was thinking maybe you could come up here for Christmas. And Will, too.” El’s looking up at him expectantly, eyes wide, excitement growing in her gaze, and Mike can’t help himself: he starts rambling. “You can come before or after Christmas, whatever Mrs. Byers wants. But I was thinking Christmas Day could be super fun because we’d all have cool new presents to play with and, uh….”
It hits him, mid-babble, what he just said and, dammit, why can’t he ever sound at all smooth and confident when he talks to El? But when she looks at him like this, like he’s everything to her, like he can do no wrong, he just trips over his own tongue every time he tries to talk to her, it feels like. Just his luck, really – find the girl of his dreams who likes him back, but unable to stop sounding like a child to save his life. He breathes out a deprecating laugh – great job at sounding mature, Wheeler – and looks away, embarrassed. “Sorry, I – that made me sound like a 7-year old.”
“I – I like presents, too,” El says, looking up at him with an uncertain smile. God, how is it when he’s supposed to be the one comforting her, that she ends up comforting him instead? Seriously, he’s such an idiot….
“Yeah, cool. Yeah, I like presents, too,” Mike says, gesturing to himself, and, oh god, he’s just making this worse. This is going horribly. All he wanted to do was come and check on her, maybe make her feel better, and he’s exposing himself to be the world’s biggest fool. Seriously, just end him now, this is so embarrassing.
El takes pity on him – she always knows when to, it seems – and smiles up at him. “Cool,” she says before she starts to brush past him, to give him a moment stop being such a dork. He’s grateful for it, even as he feels his face fall in disappointment. Can’t even comfort your own girlfriend. God, what a loser, Mike thinks, eyes slipping shut as he shakes his head at himself.
But, before he can fall down into the pit of despair over how unbelievably bad he is at being a good boyfriend, El’s voice calls out to him from behind. “Mike?”
He takes a split-second to at least compose himself before he turns around. “Yeah?” he asks, trying to sound cool and somewhat confident, but it comes out a little breathless and he kinda wants to shoot himself.
El fidgets with the teddy bear she’s still holding in her arms and she looks just about as nervous as Mike feels on the inside. “Re-remember that day?” she starts, stuttering a bit. “At the cabin? You were talking to Max.”
There’s a lot that went on that day at the cabin and, at first, Mike’s not exactly sure what El’s asking about. “Um, I don’t think I follow.”
“You talked about your feelings,” El says, clarifying. “Your heart.”
Oh. Oh.
God, she’s talking about –
Fuck.
“O-oh, yeah, that! Man, that was so long ago.” Now it’s Mike’s turn to stutter as he reaches uncomfortably to scratch the back of his head. Shit, what does she know? What did she hear? God, how does he get himself out of this one? “Um, no, that was just heat of the moment stuff and we were arguing and, um, I don’t really remember… what did I say exactly?” This is a total lie, complete and utter deflection. He 100% remembers what he said that day – it’s etched in his memory in a way that he can never forget – because I love her and I can’t lose her again.
But if he can just get a hint of what she knows, of what she thinks she heard, then maybe he can explain or walk it back if needed. Because there must be a reason why she hasn’t said anything until now, when they’ve had so many chances to talk about this. He just needs to know so he can know how to apologize.
Shit, he wasn’t ready to confront this today. He wasn’t ready to have to talk about this before she left. No, he was going to have the time to prepare, to pick a good moment to revisit the entire subject of the fact that he loves her so she can be in a good place to say it back… if she wants to say it back.
(god he hopes that she does. he’s 95% certain that she does, but that 5% scares the crap out of him. what if he tells her he loves her and she doesn’t feel the same way? how’s he going to survive if his love is one-sided?)
“Mike?” The sound of El’s voice, breathless and calming at the same time, stops Mike in his mental tracks. The nervousness he’s feeling fades away almost entirely as he watches her walk back towards him. There’s a knowing look on her face that makes him… well, more than a little scared. He realizes, in this moment, that El, as she always has, has the power to make or break him. He has no idea which one she’s going to do and the thought seizes him up in something akin to terror.
So he watches, breathless and frozen, as she comes up to him, smooth as can be without any hesitation. He can’t move, can barely blink, as she reaches up for him, palm warm as it cups his cheek, her gaze soft and imploring. She gives him a small smile, one that sends a jolt straight to his heart, and Mike thinks he’s never loved her more even as he rooted in place, unable to look away or move or do anything. “I love you, too,” she says, her voice the most tender he’s ever heard.
And, before Mike can process at all what that means – did she–? wait, did i–? she said what–? – El pushes up onto her toes and captures his mouth with hers. Mike’s breath stutters in his chest, his eyes fluttering but not closing, at the feel of her lips against his, soft and smooth. He wants to reach for her, wants to grab on and hold her tight and never let go, but shock has turned him into a statue, and he can only stand there like an idiot.
El kisses him a few times, their lips parting and reconnecting with heart-pounding intensity and he barely has the presence of mind to kiss her back, before she pulls away. She offers him one last smile and then she’s turning, walking away from him with her head held high, like she’s feeling accomplished.
And, still, Mike’s stuck in place, unable to do anything more than stare at her as she walks away and the bombshell El dropped in his lap works its way through his brain.
She loves me? Like, actually loves me? A sudden thought makes itself known and Mike’s eyes widen, a gasp building in his throat. No wait, she said she loves me, too. Holy shit. Oh my god. Holy shit. She heard me that day in the cabin. She’s known this entire time. But, why didn’t she say anything? Why–?
Then it hits him, really hits him. For three months, El’s known that Mike loves her, has known and has said nothing, not even a hint. She’s held on to this until the very last day, probably been waiting for him to tell her directly so she could say it back. And now she has and Mike just let her walk away without saying it to her face.
Go after her! his brain screams at him. Go tell her you love her! It’s the least she deserves, you moron.
But it’s only after El disappears into the hallway that the thought manages to work its way to his limbs, before the urgency of it reanimates him.
The moment feeling moves back into his limbs, a whirlwind of emotion fills him: embarrassment that El overheard his passionate declaration and wasn’t there for him to say it to her directly; frustration that she’s known for so long and hasn’t so much as hinted at it; wistful regret over all the times he could have told her if he knew she already knew his feelings; but, most of all, sheer and utter happiness, overwhelming in the best way possible.
Because the girl he loves more than anything, the girl he’s going to love for the rest of his life? She loves him, too. Loves him like he loves her. And it’s almost more than he can bear, almost more than he can reasonably process. He knows now – no matter what happens with him and El, no matter how much time and distance there is between them, he will always love her, will always want to be with her.
And she feels the same way.
Mike chickened out once on trying to tell her that he loves her. He’s not going to make that mistake again. Not this time.
And so, with that thought, Mike does the only thing he can:
He goes after her.
“El, wait!”
El’s heart, already racing from the exhilarating shock of what she just did – oh my god, i actually told him – practically bursts its way out of her chest at the sound of Mike’s voice calling out to her from behind.
She wonders what he’s going to say to her, what he wants. Whatever it is, El’s pretty sure it’s not to tell he that he doesn’t love her anymore. That’s hard to believe given how amazing he’s been these past 3 months. Mike’s been there for everything and anything that she needs, completely and without complaint.
The fact that he loves her is written into everything that he does. Every time he holds her while a fresh wave of grief washes over her, every time he just sits and listens to her as she talks about everything that makes her angry or scared or how much she wishes she could change things, every time he kisses her when she asks him to and his mouth moves so, so sweetly against hers.
No, El can never question the fact that Mike loves her.
So why hasn’t he said it to her face?
El’s been waiting, waiting patiently these past few months for him to tell her what he’s already told all their friends. And, despite giving him the space she knows he needs – Mike may be many things, but confident with his words when he’s not sure what she’s going to say back to him is not one of them. She was hoping if she didn’t push, didn’t hint that she knew, he would have the courage to say it.
But now it’s her last day in Hawkins, the last time she’s going to see him for 6 weeks, and he still hasn’t said it back. And she couldn’t leave without letting him know she loved him, too.
So, El gathered up the courage, despite being unsure if Mike was ready to talk about this (and he clearly wasn’t from the awkward way he tried to tell her he couldn’t remember what he said and the only reason El let the lie go was because it was obvious he was nervous) and she told him. She finally told him.
El doesn’t blame him for standing there like a statue as she told him and then kissed him. But it feels so good to have said it and, if she knows Mike, he’ll say it back soon enough.
She just isn’t expecting him to immediately come after her.
It’s with a heart that’s threatening to leap up into her throat that El stops in the hallway and turns around just as Mike approaches her. The look on his face is so many things – nervous, shocked, but most of all happy – and he’s breathing like he’s just run from one end of town to the other.
The teddy bear in El’s arms feels like it’s miles away as she fidgets with her fingers, the stuffed bear resting in the curve of her elbow once more. “Yeah?” she asks. There’s a shaky quality to her voice that El wishes she could make stop, but she’s too nervous at what Mike might say to her to stop – is he going to tell her he loves her? or is he going to tell her it wasn’t the right time to say it? or something in between?
Mike stops, inches away from her, and a breathless smile crosses his face. Butterflies take off as warmth explodes in El’s chest at the sight. She’s always loved his smile, loves how exhilarated and boundless it is when he’s happy. She loves how his cheeks dimple, loves how it emphasizes the faint freckles that lay across his nose and cheekbones like stars in the night sky, loves how his eyes sparkle, loves how endlessly happy he looks.
Really, she just loves him.
It seems to hit Mike, with her looking up at him, waiting and expectant, that he actually has to say whatever it is he’s about to say, and the light in his eyes dims a bit, but he’s still looking at her with that expression of awe that’s almost always in his eyes whenever he stares down at her, like he can’t believe she’s real and with him. She wants to tell him, so bad, that there’s nowhere else she’d rather be, no one else she’d rather be with.
But Mike looks like he has something he wants to say and El’s going to let him say it.
“I just – I didn’t want to let you go without– ” Mike pauses, eyes squeezing shut for a brief moment as disappointment flashes across his face. El knows it’s disappointment in himself, but before she can do something, anything to help him feel better, to help him like he’s helped her so much over the past 3 months (or two years, but who’s counting?), Mike opens his eyes. He squares his shoulders, which only emphasizes how much taller he is than her now, and El thinks he’s never looked more determined for as long as she’s known him. “I just needed to tell you that I – that I– ” Another pause, just once more, one final bid for courage. “I love you.”
And, despite knowing that he does, despite having heard him all but yell it to everyone else 3 months ago, having Mike tell her that he loves her? Oh, nothing has ever felt this good. Her skin breaks out with goosebumps, every inch of her tingling and, despite the fact that she’s about to have to leave, that it’ll be weeks until she sees Mike again, El’s never been happier.
Because this boy – this beautiful, darling boy, who’s given her so much – he loves her. He loves her and she loves him and, in this moment, that’s all that matters.
“I should have told you weeks ago,” Mike says, continuing. “A-and I’m sorry, sorry that I couldn’t tell you earlier. I should have told you every day.”
“Mike….” El says, lifting the hand not holding the bear so she can place her palm on his chest, right above his rapidly beating heart. She wants to tell him that it’s ok, that she understands. But Mike’s not done, it seems.
“And I’m sorry the first time you heard me say it wasn’t even to you, that you had to hear it from a room away. But I won’t make that mistake again. I just – I love you. So much. And I-”
Tears well up in El’s eyes and she can’t handle this, can’t contain all the feelings that are coursing through her right now. “Mike,” she says, more insistent, hand sliding up from his chest to the side of his neck. The touch of her hand on his bare skin makes him jump, words stopping mid-sentence, mouth still hanging open. “Mike, it’s ok,” she says and the smile she gives him feels too watery, too filled with tears, but she can’t stop it. “You told me now, that’s what matters.”
“I’m gonna say it to you every day,” Mike says, blurting the words out in a low hush. His gaze dances across her face, like he’s trying to memorize everything about her. “I promise.”
“And I’ll always say it back,” El says, sniffing a bit. “If I don’t say it first.”
That pulls a laugh out of him, one that El echoes, and if their laughter sits on that thin line between laughing and crying, then neither of them so much as mention it. Mike’s face grows somber, serious in a way that takes her breath away, and El knows that she couldn’t look away in this moment to save her life. “I love you,” he says, quiet and intimate. It’s like now that he’s said it, he can’t stop and El’s heart skips a beat every time she hears those three, little words.
“I love you, too,” she says. “Always.” She smiles up at him, feeling happy and sad and hopeful all at the same time. She never wants to leave his side and it hurts, more than she has words for, that she has to. But she knows, more than anything, that she and Mike will always have each other. It doesn’t matter how far away she is, how much time might exist between them. She will always love him. And she knows he feels the same about her. She’s going to be with him for the rest of her life. And the rest of it?
Well, that’s just background noise.
“Mike?” she asks, his name spoken like a prayer, like it’s the only word she ever needs.
Mike’s forehead furrows, a line drawn between his eyebrows, as he looks down at her, lips twisting in a concerned frown. “Yeah, El?” Her heart skips a beat at the sound of his voice saying her name, the name he gave her all those months ago, the name she gladly accepted because he gave her a choice and she’d never had one of those before. And, if she has it her way, one day her name will be entirely given to her by him. One day, her name is going to be ‘El Wheeler’ and nothing, nothing is going to get in her way of that dream.
But that’s something for a different day. Right now, El has something more pressing she wants from him. “Kiss me?” she asks, her gaze dropping briefly down to his lips before she looks back up into his eyes.
The concern bleeds from Mike’s face, leaving a bittersweet but beautiful happiness in its place (they don’t have much time left and it’s not fair but they will always take what they can get with each other. always). He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t need to, as he pulls her even closer, hands on her hips, and leans over so he can capture her mouth with his.
The teddy bear in El’s arm drops to the ground as she reaches up for him with both hands, her arms wrapping around his neck as she presses up into the kiss. Mike kisses her like he never wants to stop, like it’s the only thing his lips were meant to do.
Mike’s mouth is both soft and firm against hers, their kiss so rich it makes El feel like she’s going to melt, like she’s just going to float away as her stomach swoops dizzingly beneath her racing heart.
Oh, how she hates that she’s not going to get to do this everyday, that it’s going to be weeks between kisses like this, kisses that make her heart flutter and her skin tingle and her blood start to heat up in her veins.
There’s a phrase Joyce told her a few days ago, when El was feeling low and sad about moving and it was too late to call Mike, so she had to settle for Joyce’s quiet comfort at 1 in the morning. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” is what Joyce told her when El was practically in tears at the thought of being separated from Mike. And, if that’s true, then El is going to love Mike more than anyone’s ever loved someone in the entire world. She’s going to love him forever and ever and no amount of time or distance is going to change that.
El knows this isn’t going to be easy. Both of them are going to have to work to stay together, make a conscious effort to stay in touch and see each other. But she’ll do it – she’ll do anything for Mike and she knows he feels the same about her. He’s proven that time and time again. So, though it won’t be easy, El knows she and Mike will make it. Anything else is just not possible. No, her and Mike are meant to be and nothing will ever convince her otherwise.
But El doesn’t want to think about any of that right now. She doesn’t want to think about how much she’s going to miss Mike, doesn’t want to think about the distance that’s going to separate them and the fact that she can’t even use the Void to see him like the last time they were kept apart. She doesn’t want to think about how, in a few short hours, she’s going to have to let this, let him go and leave this all behind for who knows how long.
No, in this moment, all El wants is to trade soft, deep kisses with the boy she’s madly in love with and who loves her just as much in return – the boy who’s her best friend, her heart… her home, the only one she ever wants or needs.
And, for now, it’s enough.
It’s enough.