Chapter Text
“Listen up ladies!!!! We’ve got a real important mission this week! A real avenger!!” Jonathan trilled from the passenger seat.
“Is it Thor? Please say it’s Thor.” Antoni popped his head in the space where the center console was.
“Noooo it’s gotta be Banner, with that ruffled professor look. Mm yes daddy.” Karamo said from the driver’s side back seat.
“Will I have to even do anything this week? Don’t they all live in the tower?” Bobby asked from behind the steering wheel.
“If you would all shut up, I would tell you more!” JVN said with no real malice.
“And
I’m
the drama queen.” Tan stage whispered.
“Now, everyone knows Hawkeye as an Avenger but this week we’re gonna get to know the man behind the bow, Clint Barton.” Jonathan pressed play on the iPad.
“Why? I don’t think he needs it.” A man greasy dark hair and a metal arm was sitting on a stool with several empty stools around him.
“Oh my god that’s Bucky Barnes!” Karamo interrupted, only to be shushed.
“Well you’re a bit biased, Terminator. Your boyfriend’s gonna be on Queer Eye, suck it up.” Tony Stark appeared on screen and sat in a stool.
The rest of the Avengers and honorary Avengers trickled in and took their seats. Finally a young dark-haired woman with a bandaid on her face came on and sat in the very middle.
“Hi fab five! I’m Kate and these are the Avengers. And we wanna nominate Clint Barton AKA Hawkeye for Queer Eye.” All of those seated cheered, even Bucky albeit half-heartedly.
The camera faded out to a shot of an apartment building and cut away to the unmistakably sheepish face of Clint Barton.
“Uh hi? I’m Clint or Hawkeye I guess.” He scratched behind his head, causing the fab five to make noises of appreciation for the biceps that were on display. “This is my apartment complex.” He gestured around. “I uh. Won it in a poker game against the Russian mafia.”
“What?” sounded out around the car before the men fell into disarray.
“Did he just say he-”
“He has an apartment complex?”
“Ok but those arms henny.”
The clip finished up with Kate and Black Widow talking to the camera and telling them how much they thought Clint deserved this, as his oldest partner and apprentice.
“Ok wow.” Karamo said when the screen faded out. “This is a lot to do.”
“There’s a black-tie gala in a week for the anniversary of the Battle of New York. Let’s take this hero and make him super!” JVN said and they all cheered.
“Oh my god we’re going to Avengers tower.” Bobby said as the rest of them continued to yell.
~~
“Today’s the big day babe. You ready?” Bucky handed Clint a cup of coffee where his boyfriend was perched on the kitchen island.
“I guess. I’m not too worried, you saw that they keep in mind what you want.”
Bucky nodded, they had all had a binge party of all the available seasons the past few nights. Clint was a little nervous but mostly just glad that he could do something that would vastly improve Avengers PR. He liked feeling useful.
“I’ll still be your disaster, just a little neater around the edges.” Clint kissed Bucky’s forehead.
“Agent Barton, I do believe your guests are here. They are en route currently.” JARVIS interrupted their quiet moment, sounding as amused as was possible for an AI.
“I’ll go-” Bucky pulled back, only to have Clint’s legs wrap around him and pull him back in.
“Please don’t? Stay? And you know the rest of the team’s gonna be here in a second.”
“Ok. And yeah, the others are almost all around the corner.”
The elevator doors pinged open and the common kitchen area was immediately filled with the boisterous energy of the five men. They tore Bucky away from Clint and immediately started fawning over both of them. Jonathan was petting Bucky’s hair while Antoni was poking around in the massive communal fridge. Karamo and Tan were stroking Clint’s arms appreciatively while Bobby just looked around awe-struck.
“You can all come out now!” Clint called when he started to feel a bit overwhelmed by the attention.
The rest of the Avengers came bursting through a few of the doors to the side rooms. Both the fab five and the team wanted photos with the other, so after a bit of shuffling, JARVIS took one large group photo and automatically sent it to all of their phones.
“That’s only a little creepy.” Bobby said, looking at the ceiling.
“I assure you Mr Berk, I am not creepy. I only assist when asked or when someone is in harm’s way.” JARVIS said, sounding a little miffed.
“Right. Well, Clint can we see your area?”
“Yeah. My floor’s the highest residential so hope you don’t get a nosebleed.”
Clint herded the fab five into the elevator, Bucky sneaking in after. He grabbed Clint’s hand and squeezed with a grin.
“How long have you guys been together? And are you gonna be mad if we shamelessly thirst over your boyfriend all week, Bucky?” Antoni asked.
Bucky groaned as Clint started talking. “Well we first met in Milan-”
“I was brainwashed!”
“He avoided me forever when he first came to the tower-”
“I thought you were hot and I didn’t know if it was still illegal to be gay!”
“Eventually he kissed me after beating my own high score in the shooting range.”
“Truly a romance for the ages.” Bucky finished with a grin as they stepped into Clint-and his- apartment. “And no, I don’t blame ya for thirsting over this guy.”
“Antoni did you ask an assassin if we could hit on his boyfriend?” Bobby asked as he stepped into their living space.
“Former. Former assassin.” Bucky said with a wink.
Karamo sighed a bit. “Can I just be up front? Bucky your war pictures in my history books were very uh...informative to young me.”
“Same.” Antoni admitted sheepishly.
“Ok I don’t feel bad now.” Tan joined.
Bucky just laughed and tilted his head towards Clint. “Well it gives you something in common with this mook.”
Clint just shrugged and led them through his apartment. It had been mostly furnished by Pepper with his own tastes in mind. The sofa was long and squashy, there was a record player and TV propped against the wall. A jumble of his and Bucky’s weapons were on the other side of the living room. There were generally arrows strewn everywhere.
“Oh. My.”
The fab five all stopped dead when they came to his bedroom. Tony had engineered a king bed to be lofted about 10 feet in the air, nowhere even close to the ceiling. There were a series of pegs on the wall next to it rather than a ladder. Below that there was a dresser and various piles of clothing on the floor.
“What if you’re drunk? How do you get up?” Jonathan looked at the pegs skeptically.
“Bucky can’t get drunk. He carries me up if he has to.”
“Romance is alive, people!” Tan said from where he was digging in Clint’s dresser. “Why do you have so much purple?”
He shrugged again. “It’s a nice color. Oh no-” He buried his face in his hands as Tan pulled out a spandex unitard.
“Um?” Tan held it up to his body. “This is the gayest thing I’ve ever seen and I’m married to a man.”
“It’s my outfit from the circus.”
“Oh my god I wanna try it on!” Antoni grabbed at it.
“No me!” Jonathan made a swipe.
“No you have to go do your job!”
“Oh right.” JVN swept Clint into the bathroom. “Clint baby. My beautiful bird. What is your usual morning routine?”
“Uh. I usually wake up, brush and floss all that. Uh and wash my face?”
“Oh great! What facewash do you use?”
“Uh water?” Clint said, to which Jonathan’s hopeful face fell. “I just wash it to check the healing on most of my injuries mostly.”
Jonathan just inhaled deeply. “We’ll work on it. Now, your shower. I’m pleasantly surprised by these natural shampoos and washes!”
Clint at least had the sense to look sheepish. “Those are all Bucky’s…”
“Clinty baby! You mean to tell me the man from the 40s has a better hair care routine than you?”
At that moment Clint was saved from his shame by the whooping outside. Antoni was parading around in his old circus costume while the others heckled at him. Bucky was leaning against their refrigerator drinking a protein smoothie with a grin. He caught Clint’s eye and smiled more. They were having fun.
“So, I’m not sure I have much that needs done this week. Clearly some organization but is there anything else that needs fixed?” Bobby looked around.
Clint opened his mouth and closed it again, as if trying to choose his words carefully. “If you wouldn’t mind…” Bobby nodded at him. “The apartment complex I own? Some of the non-essential repairs and upgrades have fallen by the wayside? I don’t stay there much, but Katie-kate acts as the super.”
“Oh that’s great! Of course! Should we go over there now?”
----
They arrived at the Bed-Stuy apartment complex and were greeted by Kate. She was overjoyed to meet the fab five and quickly gave them a list of all of the various tennant requests she had gotten recently. While Clint took a few of the others on a building tour to assess the needs of tenants, Karamo sat down with Kate.
“So. Clint is like your mentor?”
“Yeah, I guess. He’s more like my big brother or cool uncle. I got to know him a little after the Battle of New York.”
“What do you think he really needs this week?”
“I think he needs to see himself the way I do, and how Bucky does, and how most of the other Avengers see him at least on a good day.”
“He has confidence issues?”
“He’s an unenhanced human on a team with demigods and supersoldiers shooting a bow and arrow.”
Karamo laughed. “Ok, I see your point.” He paused a bit. “How do you like Bucky and him together?”
“Oh they’re perfect for each other.” Kate said with a grin. “They’re both stupid in love with the other. They double date with me and America sometimes.”
“Ok. Thanks for sitting down with me Kate. Let’s find the other guys and get this thing started!”