Chapter Text
Kat’s POV
I have a roof over my head, I have water to drink, I have oxygen in my lungs, I have a steady income, I have everything I need to survive on earth. That’s just it, I’m merely surviving. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing that sets my soul on fire, no reason for my heart to keep beating. I guess you could say I feel like a waste of space, like if someone else had the breath in my lungs they could do much more than I ever would.
Which is why I have decided to kill myself.
Now before you judge me, this decision did not come easily to me. This is years in the making. And don’t get me wrong, there has been good times, but I can count them on my one hand; the rest has just been a constant struggle to find hope in the fact that tomorrow is better then the day before. My tomorrows just got worse. If I could illustrate it through Greek mythology I would say that if I was Sisyphus the boulder would continually run over me when it neared the top of the hill. Every day of my life.
But before I actually do the deed, I want two things: 1) a Banana Milkshake and 2) Fesenjoon and I want it from one specific place. I know it sounds mundane but you have not tasted it so…
The place’s name is Noor, it’s a little Iranian restaurant I discovered when I was roaming the streets of New York on a Friday night looking for a bite to eat and the art on the window display was so captivating that I had no choice but to enter. Although they did not serve any alcohol; not even a lite Rosè, the quality of their cuisine was enough to cancel out that major factor.
Ever since that night I’ve come here every Friday night since and its been one of the few things that created joy from within me, if not the only thing. I know, it even sounds depressing thinking about the fact that a food place is the only joy in my life; but it’s the truth and my truth is depressing.
As oppose to the other nights I’ve been here, I’m here on a Saturday night. Nothing special about it, only the fact that this is suppose to be my last supper. (All the pun intended)
“Hi, my name is Sutton and I’ll be your waiter this evening. Do you know what you’re gonna get or do you need a few more minutes?” Her smile is so contagious, I immediately know that she’s one of those people that makes the whole room brighter just by their presence.
“Hi Sutton. No, that won’t be necessary I know exactly what I’m gonna get.”
“Mhm, you’ve been here before? I’ve never seen you before and I there is no way wouldn’t remember those chubby cheeks.” I don’t know whether to be flattered or insulted but I’m deciding to go with the first option seeing as this is my last day on earth after all, gotta make the best out of everything.
“Yeah, I come here pretty regularly. I usually come Friday night.”
“Now that makes sense, I don’t work Friday nights.” I decide just to nod. What? What else am I suppose to do? “Anyway… What can I get you tonight?”
“I’ll just have the fesenjoon and a banana milkshake, please.” I don’t know what happened because the next thing I see is Sutton bursting out into a tiny fit of laughter.“I know, I know. The combination sounds weird but it works for me.” Trying to convince her that I’m not as weird as I am, if she only knew it was my favourite meal she might hyperventilate.
“Although I must admit the combination is…eccentric, it’s not the reason I’m laughing.” I don’t verbally answer, I just raise my eyebrow seeking for an answer.
“It’s the banana milkshake. No one ever orders it. We just keep it there as an inside joke.”
“Oh, okay. We’ll I guess I’m no one then.” This causes her to smile. “Don’t be such a downer and maybe I’ll even tell you the joke.” Before I knew would tell me she’d me I had no interest in knowing but now I needed to know.
“Deal.” I say with the biggest smile I could muster. This kinda made me wish I had a Sutton in my life coz this was the biggest genuine smile I’ve smiled in a long time.
“Fine. But first I have to put in this weird order.” And with that she’s off but she turns around to wink at me.
Believe it or not, this was one the longest conversation I’ve had in years with an actual human being; with the exception of my colleagues, but they don’t count because they basically get paid to interact with me. I have no friends, the only interaction beside the odd here and there small talks I have with cashiers and baristas are with my parents every Wednesday 7pm sharp, they both have type A personalities.
I write for an online magazine, for those of you who wanted to know. Which means I can do most of my work from home, in isolation; just the way I like it. Or so I tell myself.
As I’m sitting in my booth minding my own business and scrolling through my phone I hear the entrance chimes and I look up to see who it is, not because I cared but because it’s what I’ve always done; it’s what most people like me do. We observe everything and not because we want to but because it’s in our nature. However, through all my years of observation I have always been able to look away but by some unforeseeable reason I couldn’t look away this time. It was like the person before me put me in a trance.
I literally could not look away.
The person had on a raven black hijab wrapped in an intricate style, a black leather jacket, black ripped jeans and a pair of Doc Martins, but I couldn’t see her face… she probably has a lot of eye-liner on.
She must know the people who owns the place or maybe she works here because as soon as she enters the restaurant she goes straight pass the register and straight into the kitchen.
If you asked me what it was about her that stood out, I wouldn’t be able to give you a direct answer. I guess it could be her demeanor, maybe her aura or if I was high I would say it was her spirit that made it impossible to look away from her. I don’t know, okay.
I guess now is a good time to say that I’ve never really conformed to ancient society norms of physical and sexual attraction. I like what I like… that’s it. No labels. No boxes.
I have to get over this feeling so when she’s out of sight I go back to mindlessly scrolling through my Twitter account that is mostly filled with gay twitter tweets. Currently it’s filled with Meghan Rapinoe, a girl named Robin from Stranger Things and Juliantina overload tweets; but the content changes everyday, it just gets gayer and gayer.
“Here you go. Fesenjoon and a banana milkshake.” I guess I was so deep into the lesbian twitter rabbit hole that I didn’t even notice Sutton approaching my booth with my order.
“Thank you.”
“Mhm, that reminds me. I never got your name.”
“Kat.”
“Well it’s my pleasure, Kat.” She says with that smile of hers, but I could see that there was something one her mind, something she wanted to ask or say to me.
“Kat, can I ask you something completely random?” See, my observation skills never…rarely false me.
“Sure, why not.” To be frank, I would do anything to keep our interaction going on. I missed this. Actually liking interacting with people.
“Well… I told my friend; who also happens to own this place about your order and they’d like to meet you.” Whoa, whoa, whoa. I did not sign up for this. I just wanted to eat my favourite meal before I kill myself.
I guess Sutton could see that I actually had to think about it. “You don’t have to say yes you know, no is also an option.” I knew that, but I don’t think people ever say no to her, how could they with her personality?
So instead, “No, it’s fine. I’ll meet him.” comes out of my mouth.
“Okay, cool. Well you dig in and I’ll be back with Her in few.”
Her? Okay. No big deal.