Work Text:
after; when all is said and done - when the final curtain has been drawn and happy ever after is on the horizon, you realise. it's not a secret that he drew you in from the beginning. but once you’re there, you start to think back of all the ways he did. how he did. how he lived in the back of your mind ever since you saw him and how he nestled in there when you didn’t even see him for weeks.
the ways he makes you feel seen. the ways he makes you feel loved.
--
running away is one of your specialties. the running in itself was never wrong; it was always running towards a safe space. a space you could breathe. where you could be on your own and nobody could see you. if you had to choose a superpower, you’d go for invisibility. that way no one could see.
not that it was needed. you weren’t seen often. you weren’t seen at all .
the only one was laura. running in itself was never wrong. the away was. eventually, she always found you; high up in the tree in the forest behind your childhood home, stuck there because you felt afraid of coming down. she made you feel safe.
laura was always someone who saw you .
--
in all honesty, the first time matteo looked at you, you were a little weirded out. you preferred looking down - not making eye contact. if you saw no one, they couldn’t see you right? but once or twice you looked up. it’s how you got to know leonie, and that boy in your maths class you asked you for your homework.
on your way to geography you pass him, and you feel his eyes on you so you engage. and you keep walking and walking, but he’s still looking. and all you can think is why.
why me.
but then matteo pops up in the unlikeliest places and he keeps on looking. and you realise that the only reason you felt weird when he looked at you is because no one looks at you the way he does. he doesn’t even notice it but he drowns in you. matteo isn’t the most verbal person but you find that he doesn’t have to be.
he looks at you with tears of relief in his eyes when you tell him you don’t have a girlfriend. when you try to make a joke during your first date, telling him that i’m here! - he stares at you like it’s all enough for him. even in the hardest conversation; in one you feel internal screams that he should stop you from leaving - you still see his eyes light up when you tell him how you feel about him.
in the end, he sees you. he finds you. he brings you back.
--
from the beginning, it’s not only about being seen. matteo lets you in too. you often wondered how someone in matteo’s situation can be so open with their feelings. it frightened you a little in the beginning; how bare matteo is with his eyes - how they show everything he feels and how he allows you to see it.
you can’t leave him after you see him retreat into his bedroom. but while you make a poor excuse about why you’re still there, he lets you see. he’s honest with you; he’s feeling like shit, he’s feeling awful about flirting with you when you have a supposed girlfriend. and the relief he shows and his eyes. oh. all you can dream of the next week is of his eyes, and his nose touching yours and the feeling of his lips.
after everything, matteo tells you about his parents. about his fear of being alone; and you have difficulties understanding him on that matter. you’ve always been alone. in some ways you’ve always felt alone. it’s something you’ve gotten used to. had to be used to.
he makes you rethink everything you thought you knew. he screams if he has to but the regret is immediate. matteo being so open wants you to be open too.
the trust he places in you wants you to trust him too. he tells you about his mother and the church choir. in the morning he absentmindedly sings softly while he’s making breakfast. once, he tells you he’s never felt more understood than when he is with you.
his love overwhelms you.
--
it doesn’t take long to know that matteo is a tactile person. the jokes he made about holding hands when you first got to know him were his way of telling you - i want to hold hands with you. i think our fingers would fit.
but as is the case with all of his love; it’s rather unconventional. you’re unsure how it happens but his hand covers yours, sliding his fingers in between yours. a protective shell. you chuckle, reminding him of the first time you talked, expecting him to push you away in fake distaste or embarrassment. but he doesn’t. he pulls you close and presses a kiss to your temple. nah, it’s good.
unconventionality extends itself to pushing your face away but trying to pull you back by your shirt. it extends to lovingly kicking your shins; fighting you in his bed; flipping you the finger; jokingly pushing you of the bench you are spending the night on. it’s weird to others. but to you this makes it all feel real. like you exist. you must exist because you’re feeling his hands, his fingers, his legs between yours, the soles of your feet touching his.
matteo wants to touch you in all the ways he can.
he is exhausted sometimes. drained. in those moments, matteo’s head always finds its place on your shoulder. without words, you feel him asking you - can you give me a little more love today?
you don’t think a time will come that your shoulder, your lap, your arms won’t be free for him.
and in return, matteo revers you. in the night, he pulls you close, winds his arms around you like roots. strong, unbreakable roots. it keeps you together sometimes; it keeps you steady. it keeps you here. it’s not restricting. it feels like home. and every other morning, you wake up with your faces towards each other, breathing the same air. you feel you can still breathe with him.
your eyes are closed but his fingers run through your hair. you slowly wake up. after all these months. after everything. he wakes you up with a hey you and twirling fingers in your hair. and then, the first thing you see - oh. his eyes.
you don’t wish for invisibility anymore. you
want
matteo to see.