Chapter Text
"Happy New Year!" Ashton screamed in Michael's ear. Michael turned and glared at him, frustrated.
"Ashton, it's three in the afternoon!"
"On January first," Ashton said, grinning from ear to ear. He was wearing a party hat and he pulled some confetti out of nowhere and showered it on Michael's head. Michael scowled at the glitter stars and paper.
"Let him be, Ash," Luke said, smiling, and Michael relaxed a bit, scooting closer to Luke on the couch. Calum was asleep on Ashton's other side, magically enough.
Not for long, though, Michael thought as Ashton got bored and slapped Calum in the face. Calum, however, barely moved.
"Calum! Michael's burning your favorite bass!" Ashton shouted. Calum flew off the couch but Michael figured it was more surprise than him actually believing Ashton.
"You're covered in glitter," Luke giggled to Michael as Calum tackled Ashton to the floor. Michael pouted and Luke brushed the glitter off of his shoulder. He moved his hand up and wiped some off of his nose and Michael grinned at him like an idiot.
Stop it, he told himself as Luke brushed off his hair. He suddenly felt disgusted with himself and he turned away to watch Ashton and Calum, but Luke snuggled into his side, determined in be in close contact with him.
"So," Calum said, plopping onto the couch, "Ashton and I have an idea."
Ashton sat on his lap and Luke waggled his eyebrows at the pair. Michael raised one of his own as Ashton actually blushed.
"What's this idea?" Michael asked, clearing his throat.
"We thought it would be fun if, starting this month, we picked someone in the band and wrote a long letter to them once a month until next year, when we would give them all of the letters."
"What would be the point of that?" Michael asked, trying to ignore Luke nuzzling into his neck with his nose.
"We tell each other a lot of funny things we think, but not really the serious things," Calum explained. Michael didn't ask why he was explaining it to the back of Ashton's head. "We could get insight on each other's lives even more."
"And," Ashton said, "it would be fun to look back on a month's time and sum it up."
Luke pulled away from Michael's neck. "I wanna do it!" He said, and Michael sighed because that meant that he'd be doing it too.
"Okay, who're you two writing to?" He asked.
"Calum!" Ashton shouted at the same time Calum said "Ashton!"
"Guess it's you and me," Luke beamed at Michael.
"Yeah," Michael smiled weakly, "I guess so."
Great.
_______
January-
Hey. I guess I should just be up front about this, so here goes: I don't plan to live past the end of this year. I suppose you already know that, though, since you won't get this until then. It's hard to say why when there's really a mash up of things: the fact that I really don't belong in this band but leaving would break my heart, the fact that I'm just a worthless freak anyway, and the fact that I have the world's biggest, most embarrassing crush on you.
Seriously. I embarrass myself whenever you're around. I don't know how you've put up with me so long. I can't really compare to you three in talent, looks, or personality. Or intelligence.
This letter is so illogical. And this idea was fucking stupid. You're going to hate me so much by the time I'm gone.
Fucking Cashton.
With love,
Michael
_______
January-
People tell me I'm good with words but I've started this letter a million times and not gotten anywhere, and so I'm determined to make this the final copy.
Anyway, I've got something to tell you and I seriously have no idea if you'll like or hate it (or me for that matter) so here goes: I like you. A lot. And not like a friend, if you hadn't figured that out yet. I just find you so funny, and smart, and attractive, and you're so talented with music. Seriously. I'm sorry if that upsets you, but I can't help it.
There. Out comes my deepest, darkest secret. My hands are shaking just writing this even though I know you won't read it for a year. Now that I've decided that I want you to know, a year seems so long to wait for you to actually find out.
I hope this isn't awkward.
love,
Luke
P.S. I hope you do ;)